Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: People gaining more weight_problem and solutions [2]

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing.
What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
Nowadays it is undeniable that the average weight of people is increasing, leading to the decrease in their health and fitness. To my way of thinking, there are two main causes of the problem, according to which I will put forward some solutions.

First of all, the matter is triggered as a result of people's not having a balanced diet. The advent of fast food chains like KFC or McDonald's on a global scale has made it perfectly convenient for a wide range of consumers from young children, teenagers to businessmen to have a good meal while still save a lot of time. Consequently, people tend to prefer fast food to home-cooked meals, though the former contains more unhealthy substances and is less nutritious than the latter. Therefore, there should be new rules to limit the amount of fat and unhealthy substances in fast food. Also, consumers should be more selective in their diets and more protective of their health.

The second cause of the problem, I believe, is the lack of physical activities. These days there are many adults who are too busy that they sit in the office working all day, with barely any exercise, or teenagers who spend hours in front of the computer playing video games or doing their homework, all of which give rise to a sedentary lifestyle and probably bring about certain health problems. Thus, it is important that each of us be aware of diseases caused by the lack of exercise such as heart disease or obesity and avoid them by doing physical activities as much as possible, joining sports clubs and outdoor activities.

All in all, the increase in people's average weight and decrease in health and fitness levels are of many people's concern. However, the extent of the problem could be reduced, as long as people pay attention to their bodies and make proper adjustments to their diets and do enough physical activities.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS: People migrating to cities causing problems? [9]

The migration of people to cities is one of the biggest problems facing the world's cities today. Discuss the main causes. What solutions can be used to tackle the situation?

In the complex, industrial society nowadays, people are having a tendency to move from the countryside to big cities, making it a major problem to be dealt with. There are some underlying causes that will be discussed in this essay and I will put forward some solutions to tackle the situation.

To my thinking, the two main reasons for this movement are job satisfaction and superior facilities. Firstly, people leave their hometown in countryside for an urban area because they think the city can provide them with plenty of jobs with higher salaries and better pension policies, which enables them to financially support their families to the full. Secondly, regarding superior facilities, cities have a lot more to offer than small towns. The prospects are that children living in an urban area can have access to ideal schooling, good healthcare services, modern technologies and huge sources of entertainment. Consequently, their living and learning conditions are elevated and life quality is improved.

However, though people do benefit from dwelling in cities, it cannot be denied that the trend has brought about certain problems such as overpopulation or strain on city infrastructure; that is why measures should be taken to make the countryside a more appealing place. First of all, governments need to decentralize big companies by offering incentives so that they will move out of the cities, thanks to which people in rural areas can have better jobs as they wish. In addition, it is of crucial importance that governors invest in schools, local medical care and entertainment, as people work more efficiently when their basic demands are met.

In conclusion, the problem of people migrating to urban areas can be solved. If governments are able to balance what is offered in big cities and small towns, the countryside will be much more attractive to local residents, as a result they will stop moving to cities.

I tried to add some examples but don't know where to put them so that it can make sense. Any suggestions?
Please give me some feedback. Any comments are appreciated. Thanks in advance.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Stressful jobs and long working day_problem and solutions [7]

Nowadays many jobs are more stressful and the working day is longer. What are the reasons for this? What can employers do to help employees?

In this modern era, many jobs are becoming very stressful for workers. Along with that, their working hours also expands. This essay will point out two main causes and suggest some possible solutions.

In my opinion, high unemployment rate and the urge to make more money are the two reasons for this trend. Firstly, it is undeniable that the number of jobless people is on the increase. Therefore, it would be much easier for a company to hire someone else instead of one who cannot fulfill his tasks at work. This is why many employees have to stay at the office and work overtime so as to meet the targets and not be made redundant. Secondly, the prices of mostly every product and services are increasing day by day. Hence, in order to make ends meet for himself, or even support his family financially, one is under stress to work harder and perform better, which will possibly result in promotion or higher salaries and bonuses.

If companies want to reduce stress at work and shorten working day for their employees, some solutions need to be taken into consideration. Employers must be aware that longer hours of work does not mean efficiency can be improved; in contrast, it might lead to employees working less effectively owing to stress and fatigue. Also, it is necessary that companies provide a sense of job satisfaction to their workers, as only by being happy with what they do can employees fare to the best of their ability. Employers can achieve this by creating a friendly working environment or offering bonuses as well as medical and retirement benefits.

In conclusion, many employees are now having to face stressful jobs and long working hours due to a high level of unemployment and their financial needs. In spite of this, companies should take measures to lessen the pressure put on their employees and the hours of work for the sake of their profits.

I want to have some transitions between the second and the third paragraph but can't think of anything to write. Any suggestions?
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Writing Feedback / IELTS: Young careless drivers_agree? [9]

Young drivers are careless and overconfident, and too many are killed in accidents. To eliminate this problem, we could teach children the skills of safe driving while they are at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It is indisputable that the number of road accidents is on the increase, many of which are encountered by young, careless and overconfident drivers. As a result, many people believe that teaching school children safe driving skills is imperative to eliminate the problem. However, I do not entirely agree with this statement.

First and foremost, it is crucial to acquaint children with safe-driving skills through lessons at school. Such lessons can familiarize them with basic traffic rules that they must not break, for example: you are to stop at red lights or follow road signs and the instructions of traffic wardens. Strictly following the regulations can prevent young drivers from getting involved in a collision to a certain extent. Besides, lessons on the skills of driving safely will make them aware of factors that have impacts on their driving such as bad weather conditions, road shortcomings or vehicle malfunctions. These are essential elements to be concerned if one wants to travel safely. For those two reasons, I am of the opinion that it is necessary to let school children know about safe driving skills.

Nevertheless, I am also convinced that mere skills are not enough to completely eliminate the problem. As a matter of fact, promoting self-awareness is another important point to be considered. Children must know about the severe consequences of road accidents that happened to other people and how badly they have affected the victims' families by watching videos or pictures of them for instance. This will make them mindful of how precious life is, and therefore they will become more cautious drivers so as to protect themselves as well as others. Thereby, I believe that boosting school children's awareness of accidents' effects is also important.

In conclusion, it is concerning that many young drivers are inattentive and overconfident, causing them thousands of deaths every year. Consequently, lessons on safe driving skills should be available at schools along with other measures considered. If people do not take this problem seriously and not try to tackle it, the extent on which the matter influence may increase immensely.

Currently there are 349 words in this essay and I'm afraid that it would be too much to finish in 40 minutes of a real test (in fact I wrote this in 50 min.). Any suggestions on how to shorten this (320 would be ideal)?

Please give me some feedback and directions on what to improve. Any comments are appreciated.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Should people take care of others_Discuss? [9]

Some people think that the world is now one large village and we are all responsible for each other. Others, however, argue that people in other countries should look after their own people and not be concerned with other countries.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
In the era of globalization, there has been a dispute over whether the world is now a home to everyone and people should be responsible for each other or each country should only take care of its own people.

First of all, it must be noted that nations taking care of their own citizens has some certain advantages and disadvantages. On the plus side, governors of such nations will be able to focus on developing their countries thoroughly. Not having to be concerned with other nations, governments can save time and labour to solve domestic problems. For example: they may invest budget in improving the traffic infrastructure, medical services or schooling systems, which certainly elevates the citizens' living standards. On the minus side, however, this leads to a lack of connection and co-operation with other countries and as a consequence it will result in various problems. This is especially true when there is famine or natural disasters. As a matter of fact, if Haiti had not had a good and friendly relationship with other nations, the Haitian people and government would not have been able to overcome such a devastating and destructive earthquake a few years ago without their help.

Meanwhile, other people favour the notion that the world is now one large village and therefore, all of us have to take responsibility for others. Some skeptics believe that such interdependence will create unfair distribution of wealth among poor and rich countries and accordingly, poor countries will forever rely on rich ones for basic necessities. Nevertheless, it is strongly supported by many others that not all nations are self-sufficient in finance or medical facilities. Hence, people taking care of one another will make it possible for all to fill the gap between the rich and the poor, and every country can develop fully, which is crucially beneficial to citizens.

In conclusion, my opinion lies between these two extremes. It is necessary for all of us to look after others, especially in times of hardship, but also it must be borne in mind that each country must endeavour to treat their citizens to their basic needs before trying to help others.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS: Skills instead of Knowledge_Advantage and Disadvantage [17]

In the modern world, more and more emphasis is being placed on the acquisition of practical skills rather than knowledge from textbooks and other sources.

Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this trend.
In this day and age, the demand for jobs is rising as a result of overpopulation. Accordingly, in order to get a good job, many people assume that acquiring practical skills is more important and necessary that amassing knowledge from textbooks and other sources. This essay will elaborate on the advantages and disadvantages of this trend.

First and foremost, it cannot be denied that practical skills are crucial to one's career prospects, as a skills-based education can bridge the transition between academic life and working life. When a student is prepared with skills for particular jobs like using computers skill for an IT designer or sewing skill for a tailor, he tends to deal with difficulties at work and adapt to the working environment better and faster. According to a recent research, 73% of students who were familiarized with practical skills at school succeeded in a shorter time than those who didn't. Therefore, it is vital to develop practical skills.

This trend, however, drives learners to a drawback. It is stated by some people that a skills-based education can boost students' employment prospects. This is certainly true, but gaining knowledge from textbooks and other sources including TVs or the Internet is indispensable. The reason is that such information acquaints students with the basic knowledge that they cannot do without. For example, it takes some qualifications to practice as doctors or lawyers. Consequently, students need to read a lot of books and make the best use of other sources of information to improve their knowledge of such specific fields. That is why if the acquisition of knowledge is considered less important that that of practical skills, students will lack the ability to work in some certain areas.

All in all, a greater deal of emphasis is being placed on developing practical skills instead of knowledge from books and the like nowadays. It has both advantages and disadvantages that are worth contemplating. If schools can combine and balance a skills-based education and a knowledge-based one, their students will benefit a lot from it.

Please give me some feedback. Any comments are appreciated!