Undergraduate / 'writing, design and photography...' - UC Personal Statement about Yearbook [5]

Please help me with my essay. Any criticisms and advice are welcome! Thanks so much.

General Applicant Prompt
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

At the winter homecoming rally of my freshman year, I saw photographers walking back and forth on the gym floor with their Nikons pointed at the action. Holding my own SLR camera and wanting to shoot too, I found myself jealous. I immediately signed up for a Yearbook class next year, in hopes of becoming a photographer. The class threw me into the world of journalism, the hardships of leadership and the loving arms of a family, all of which have contributed to the person I am.

Yearbook provided opportunities to develop in various areas including writing, design and photography. I poured my energy into learning more about these three aspects by writing, rewriting and reading stories, looking at magazines, detailing layouts and taking pictures at every event. I developed as a young person who didn't know how to tell stories through words and photographs to the Editor-in-Chief of a national award-winning publication.When I read outstanding stories and images, I have a greater appreciation for the work, the writer, and the photographer because I know effort and perseverance to make something beautiful. With all the time and dedication I've invested in Yearbook, I have gained skills and experience that will be beneficial towards my potential career of being a journalist.

In my second year of Yearbook, I earned the job title of Editor-in-Chief, without any leadership experience. Truthfully, I didn't direct the class but simply did the work the title came with. I had difficulty leading the staff and delegating tasks. But my third and current year of the class was different: I built personal relationships more easily, felt more comfortable in the class, and knew what work could be split up into manageable jobs for others. As an editor, I couldn't accomplish much without the support from the entire staff. It wasn't a one-man job to produce a beautiful and cohesive book for the school population. I learned how to become a leader and team player, which are important traits for any job. Now, I value each person's opinion, personality, skills and dedication to make sure everyone's voices are heard. It's one aspect of my life that is crucial because nowadays people feel alone and worthless.

In a hectic work schedule, our adviser ensured we had a welcoming and loving environment. Staff members and I spent time after school together, learned about each other's backgrounds and found out our strengths and weaknesses as journalists and people. Through the frustrating conflicts and deadlines, I gained a better insight to who people really were, which helped me appreciate and understand others' better. To work through arguments, we had to be patient and listen to each other's thoughts and concerns. Because I spent more quality time with the staff, I developed a more personal relationship with them than my other classmates, which made school mean more to me. Through Yearbook, I realized communication was vital in a work environment and personal relationships, and without it, I wouldn't be successful in anything. I take in as much constructive criticism and support from friends who respect me because they will further my skills, confidence, career and quality of life.

Yearbook gave me an opportunity to grow as a journalist, leader and human being. It taught me to value hard work, passion, individuals, patience and communication, which have changed the way I see life.

Undergraduate / 'the Philippines during summer break' - UC Prompt about my grandfather [6]

Hi, this is the freshman applicant prompt for UCs and I was really hoping to get some feedback on it. it's a bit too long (about 100-200 words long) and need help condensing it by getting rid of unnecessary information. Criticisms, comments and suggestions are greatly appreciated! Thank you!

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

"This might be the last time we ever see each other," my frail 82-year-old grandfather said to me as he began to cry. He stopped fanning himself, too preoccupied to care for the heat the Philippine sun brought into his house. He knew his health and eyesight were diminishing and believed we would never reunite again. Tears flowed quietly from my eyes; I wasn't ready to leave him. Looking at him, however, I realized I didn't know what memory of him I could hold onto. Although he was my grandfather, I didn't know about his past, youth, dreams, goals, regrets and life story.

Eight years ago, my mother, sister and I left everything we knew in the Philippines for a better education and more opportunities in America. Since then, I have been disconnected from my extended family except for the two or three visits like this one. It wasn't until my grandfather said those words that I realized that being an ocean away caused me to be unfamiliar with my family. I knew nothing about my ancestors or family members except for the little details shared on Facebook. I didn't grow up on Filipino family values and traditions but instead prized individualism, independence and freedom like many Americans.

To remember him by, I photographed my grandfather sitting in his living room, where he had spent most of his afternoons for the past couple of years, a few days before I left. But with the winter holidays over, I left him and my family once again, to return to life in the US while hoping for another reunion in the near future.

But my next return to the Philippines during summer break was unplanned. In March of 2012, my grandfather was diagnosed with Stage 4 Lung Cancer with only two months to live. He became bedridden in the hospital and unable to speak due to a respirator in his mouth. It took three days for me to muster the courage to say hello without weeping, and a week to tell him I missed him.

As days and weeks passed, I watched by his hospital bed as his health rapidly deteriorated and his limbs become motionless. He gathered his remaining strength to acknowledge me through small nods when I touched his hand or said hello. Although I wanted to hold a conversation with him and ask him about his life, I couldn't. Instead, I told him about the little things in my life to keep him company in his last days. I took time for granted, thinking I had enough but I didn't. With his inevitable death imminent, I reminded him that I loved him. A few days later, he surprisingly raised his hand slowly after I said hello.

"He wants you to hold his hand," the nurse quietly said.
I reached out and lightly squeezed his thin and bony hand. I felt him squeeze back and I couldn't help but cry again as death loomed over us. It was the last sign of movement and life from him. A couple of days later, on June 30, he passed away.

Living in America has given me opportunities to grow as an individual but it took me away from my family, culture and traditions. I spent more time selfishly locked away in my room and ignored family requests for quality time together like many teenagers nowadays. Through my grandfather's death, I reconnected more with my family and culture than ever before. Now, I spend more time making more memories by asking questions and documenting people in their daily lives. Because of my curiosity about my grandfather, past and culture, I want to study Anthropology and Journalism, specifically in Asia, where I can speak with people and gather more knowledge about their histories and family trees. I can share them through stories that will allow grandchildren and great-grandchildren to know more about their ancestors, so people like me will know where they came from.

The word count is 688.