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Posts by zoha
Joined: Jul 18, 2013
Last Post: May 15, 2015
Threads: 8
Posts: 19  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 27
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zoha   
Jul 28, 2013
Writing Feedback / ILETS: Should Crime be penalized with fixed or variable sentences ? [10]

Should crime be penalized with fixed or variable sentences keeping all the facts under consideration ? People differ in their views. Please discuss both views and give your opinion.

It has been observed that crime rate is on rise unprecedentedly. Each unlawful activity is unique in its nature and context. Community differ in its opinion how legislation should be enforced in sentencing the offenders. One view favors standard punishment for everyone who break a certain law. Others contend to consider all details including motives before sentencing the felons. As both point of view have merits, I would discuss them individually before stating my position.

Historically, judicial system has set a unchangeable penalty for individual criminal acts regardless of the situation of their occurrence. It makes legal matters to resolve smoothly without undue delay and injustice. Furthermore, these fixed sentences convey a strong message to all potential lawbreaker that they would be prosecuted without any leniency.For example, capital punishment is for everyone who is guilty of murdering other humankind. So, previously defined penalization ensure unbiased trial for all criminals regardless of their intentions.

Some people are convinced that folks are involved in lawless acts for diverse reasons. Many become culprit unintentionally just to survive. Sometimes, financially handicapped personnel steal food from grocery store as a last resort. Some others are forced to disrupt peace over life threats or misguided information. Individuals with this view maintain that legal system should consider all the circumstances surrounding each lawlessness and disciplined accordingly.

Judiciary should review each wrongful activity keeping all facts that lead to this illegitimate act under consideration before sentencing per my view. It does not make sense to prosecute with equal penalty and fine a thief who takes food unlawfully from a food chain to feed his or her hungry children and a burglar who steal jewelery form a business.It would be unfair to send them in a prison with the same jail terms.

To summarize, community is spilt on formulating laws for illegals whether to punish them equally or appropriately considering all related situations and intentions. I believe legislation should be focused on individual context not predetermined penalty for a crime.
zoha   
Jul 29, 2013
Writing Feedback / ILETS: Should Crime be penalized with fixed or variable sentences ? [10]

Thank you for the excellent suggestion. I have just started preparing for ILETS. I could type faster than handwriting. ILETS is still pencil and paper based at the place I live. Anyways , please feel free to express your input if need to.
zoha   
Aug 6, 2013
Writing Feedback / ILETS: Should children be never educated at home? 'Coaching a little angel' [4]

"Children should never be educated at home by their parents. Do you agree or disagree?

Coaching a little angel is a monumental task whether it is at home or traditional school setting. Some families prefer to teach their progenies at the comfort of the habitat while others send their kids to contemporary public schooling . Because of undeniable significance of early learning in nurturing a child personality, I believe professional tutors should be responsible for young one's education.

The progenitors who teach their children at their habitation contend that they are better educators than the school teachers. They maintain that the teachers could not provide individual attention to their boys or girls to the extent they do as classes size have increased unprecedentedly. Moreover, they could be better role model to their kins than an unknown school coach. My cousin , who was initially coached by her parents, awarded as the best student when he attended the high school later. Parents as primary care givers and instructors , could be excellent teachers while teaching their kids at home.

On contrary, traditional institution based learning system has delivered consistently distinguished results for centuries. A majority of community choose to enroll their boys or girls to school. The school tutors are well educated and skilled in their particular area of teaching. They imply latest technological techniques and devices to enhance students learning experience. For instance, young folks who are trained with use of the computer at early age are very successful in adult life in this information technology era than computer illiterate.

In addition, public schools system also encourages their pupils to participate in extra-curricular activities. Some students take part in their favorite sports which help them to be healthy; Physical exercise also teaches them the importance of team work. Others join music or art club. To illustrate, many great sports and music legends credits their achievements to early school training.

To conclude, children who are graduated from academy are well disciplined, confident and independent than the ones who received their education from their parents at home. I strongly recommend that all boys and girls should receive their traditional education at school.
zoha   
Aug 6, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS ; Should developing countries concentrate on improving industrial skills? [4]

"Should developing countries concentrate on improving industrial skills or should they promote education first? Discuss both views and give your opinion."

Poor nations experience a great deal of misery with their limited financial resources. They have to prioritize one important task at the sake of others. Most of them find themselves in a critical situation whether to concentrate on coaching new techniques to their workforce or upgrade their educational system. I believe financially challenged governments should allocate equal funds to incorporate latest technological advances in to their businesses and building educational institutions.

The contemporary techniques have revolutionized the industrial world. These skills save time and produce exponential results. A classic example of this is the proper use of refined fertilizers for farming which has doubled the growth of crops. The regulating body should offer free and local access of these sources to workers.

However, investment in a country education model has monumental significance as well. In fact, low literacy rates are among the root causes of poverty of these underdeveloped countries. The authorities must devote enough funds to furnish schools with professional educators; these institutions must be equipped with computers. The highest education rates are unsurprisingly belong to rich nations.

To conclude, enhancement of use of the latest innovations in business sectors and public schooling are the two most vital areas to consider for underprivileged states. It would pavé their pathway for future growth.
zoha   
Aug 6, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Some governments say how many children a family can have in their country. [3]

controlling the growth of population and limiting the number of children ( both has same meaning) has recently become one of the hot topics that emerged on the surface during the past couple of decades ( you have already mentioned "recently" in the same sentence)

Some countries poses extra taxes ( enforce additional taxes sound better to me. also, "pose" instead of poses)
where a couple will conceive a baby or not ( probably, you mean " whether" instead where ? )
zoha   
Sep 6, 2013
Writing Feedback / The reasons of an increase in social problems involving teenagers [6]

In many countries there has been an increase in social problems involving teenagers in recent years. Many people believe that this is due to modern lifestyles because parents spend more and more time at work and have less time to supervise their children. To what extent do you believe this is true?

There is no doubt that adolescents are increasingly involved in criminal activities. A vast majority of folks blame their working parents for this unprecedented rise in youth illegal acts as the father and mother does not spare enough time to keep an eye on their children. In my opinion, the whole family unit is responsible for this rising community matter.

Young fellows spend more time on non productive acts than their prime focus- studies They have access to smart phones with web capability. Many teenagers like to chat on social websites which expose them to criminal minded people. It is commonly reported news that teenagers with their online chat partners get involved in crimes just for the sake of adventures. Moreover, with easier access to recreational drugs, these young fellows become addictive to these drugs. They start stealing money first from home and then from others just to be able to buy more drugs.

Parents, on the other hand, work long hours so that they could buy better home and cars. Instead of spending time with their children, they prefer to work two jobs for their next luxurious vacation. They believe it is the sole responsibility of school to teach their kids on traditional as well as moral education.

I believe raising a family is a team effort. There is nothing wrong to work hard to upgrade your living standards but not at the cost of neglecting your children. Parents should allocate enough time to nurture their progeny with love and good guidance. Similarly, children should consider their studies as top priority and avoid bad company of friends.
zoha   
Sep 6, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS 2:Talents naturally inherited and talents which are taught [3]

such amazing talents from people around the globe.

Such is unnecessary here. And, amazing talents of people sound better to me.

end up having the same career with their parents when they grow up.

End up and grow up in the same sentence ?

Also, try to write a synonym for talent in some sentences.

Good luck
zoha   
Sep 11, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Education is the main determinant of a country's future development [3]

Education is the single most important factor in the development of a country. Do you agree?

It is commonly observed that rich nations have one of the highest education rates while developing countries struggle with their low schooling levels. I agree that education has the primary role in the future growth of a country.

Learning whether at an institution or workplace helps the people to grow mentally as well as economically. Better education at individual level opens the door to unlimited possibilities and success for that person as well as for the nation as whole. Developed society understands the significance of educating its folks. Traditional education up to grade 12 is free in most of these countries, for example. On the other side, parents could not afford to send their children to school due to lack of their financial resources in developing countries. Without government help, most of the kids grow up without any formal education and do not contribute much to their families and in turn, to their country.

Educated working force believes in self growth and keep investing their time in learning and adopting new skills. For instance, they use the latest technologies to enhance their produce in agriculture field. Exporting these products is a great source of revenue for a country. On the contrary, uneducated residents of developing countries keep using the old methods; they hardly able to produce for self consumption. Sadly, these folks do not know about the recent advancements in the industry. Consequently, they do not help their country grow.

In conclusion, civilized population makes right choices for themselves and their which help their nation ultimately to grow unprecedentedly. Education is the main determinant of a country's future development.
zoha   
Sep 11, 2013
Writing Feedback / Ielts-Tables : Students'results in a math test [3]

It can be clearly seen that the point level between 34 and 66 has been achieved by a majority of students but only a small proportion can score higher than 66 points. ( a small proportion scored higher than 66 % )

There are a couple of places in your essay, you have used "has/have" and then in the next sentence, you wrote "can score." It is better to use same tense. Do you agree ?

Good Luck
zoha   
Sep 27, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS; Increase in crimes among young people - Social & Emotional learning [3]

The first paragraph is meant for the introduction of the essay topic. The essay is referring to the youth criminal behavior pattern due to lack of parents and teachers supervision/care. Do you agree ? If so, now read first paragraph again and analyze yourself. Your paragraph narrates a general description of human behavior, and there is no mention of the role of teacher and parent in child development.

Hope it helps.
zoha   
Sep 27, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS:There is no doubt that globalization affects the world's economies positively [3]

"There is no doubt that globalization affects the world's economies in a very positive way, its negative side should not be forgotten. Discuss"

It is true that globalization has affected all of us in so many ways. Today world is changing into single economy and culture society through the effective use of the latest technological advances. Although, globalization has been projected mostly as a positive event, the obvious negative consequences must be given proper attention.

Globalization has made the international goods accessible around the world. Multinational companies like Apple have been manufacturing their products especially in China and India because of relatively cheap labor. Moreover, this business strategy has created many employment opportunities in these poor nations. The residents have upgraded their lifestyle to the extent which was not possible in general otherwise. Thus, globalization has benefited both the giant companies as well as talented and ambitious folks of the these underdeveloped countries.

Despite the advantages references above, globalization has produced negative consequences as well. While globalization has helped the economy in poor nations with investments and jobs, there are fewer employment opportunities in Western countries. The most of the graduates of these nations who managed to complete their higher education couldn't find better paying jobs of their choice; consequently, they are unable to pay their school loans which hurt the economy both at the individual and national level.

Furthermore, globalization has damaged the local businesses in underdeveloped countries. With their limited financial resources, these small businesses could not compete with the multinational firms. To sell their products, they have to reduce their prices to such extent that they hardly make any profit. They either go out of business or big companies buy them at bargain prices.

In Summary, globalization has proved to be a blessing for some especially the giant companies while it has damaged the local businesses.
zoha   
Apr 29, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 Practice : Side Effect of Smoking Besides Health Issue [5]

The question of the essay doesn't say that we need to write about the side effects of smoking besides health issues. It is my understanding after reading the questions. I think we should focus both oh health issues like risk of cancer as well as on environmental pollution. Please correct if someone think otherwise
zoha   
May 7, 2015
Writing Feedback / Financial contributing to the state education system by the private schools students [3]

Families who send their children to private schools should not be required to pay taxes that support the state education system.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?


Some people think that families who choose private schools for their children's education should be exempted from paying taxes to State run education system. I totally disagree with this view.

There are many reasons why it is wrong to allow selective tax obligation towards state school system.Firstly, government should have to open a new office to deal with this issue, which will put an additional financial burden to state. Secondly, we all pay other taxes which state need to run its business of public welfare. For example, a big portion of taxes goes to police department but majority of people do not deal with the law enforcement department during their life time. Finally, majority of families who send their children to private school belong to higher socio-economic class. Tax reduction for wealthy families means government may have to impose more taxes on less privileged people.

It is wise to pay taxes equally to public school system as it creates more opportunities for both poor and rich families in the long run. Investment in good public schools increases the well educated work force which will lead to more productive society. Businessmen would employ these educated people to achieve their higher business goals in a relatively short time. Also, these educated folks bring prosperity to their families too. Furthermore, social issues like high crime rate and use of street drugs among teenager group would be decreased drastically as seen in well developed countries who invest in their public school system.

In conclusion, I dont agree that tax concession should be offered to families who send their children to private school.
zoha   
May 7, 2015
Writing Feedback / Task 2: Nowadays, there has been a rapid progress of modern communication [2]

Nowadays, there has been a rapid progress of modern communication that has declined people's time to see their relatives. Although it is believed that this can give a detrimental effect on their social lives, there are also some benefits of the communication development.

Let me try to rewrite your introduction:

It is certainly true in these days that people prefer to correspond to each other by sending emails and text messages rather meeting in person. Although, some argue that this trend has only negative consequences on their social lives, I believe that it has both positive as well negative affects.

Hope it helps
Good luck
zoha   
May 15, 2015
Writing Feedback / Global warming is the serious problem in the world : IELTS Task 2 [3]

Here are my observation/comments.

I believe this is discussion essay only not discussion plus opinion, so I do not think that you need to write your view ( I utterly believe...) in introduction paragraph.

which indicate to our carbon footprints as a major problem that are released regularly in the huge amount

Which indicate carbon dioxide gas that is released on a regular basis in great quantity as a major problem

All the best
zoha   
May 15, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Strict punishments for driving offences - safety reasons? [4]

Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

People have different views about how to reduce the number of road traffic accidents to keep the road travel more safer. I believe both penalising the drivers and other effective measures would help to improve road safety.

On the one hand, It is true that stricter punishments to drivers could help greatly to decrease the traffic accidents. There are many types of penalties such as increasing the amount of fine, driving license suspension or revocation and even imprisonment. The purpose of these legal consequences is to create a sense of fear and responsibility among drivers so that they drive their vehicles more carefully. Driving under the influence of alcohol, for instance, lead to license suspension of the driver in many countries. This has decreased significantly the drunk driving related driving incidents. We would hope that higher fine fees and legal consequences would reduce the driving related accidents.

On the other hand, there are many other ways which can be implemented to improved road safety. Firstly, It is very important to educate our new drivers in the form of compulsory attendance at safe driving related courses and by making the driving book easier to understand for general public. Secondly, by installing more speed cameras at various random points of the roads would force the drivers to drive at the posted speed as over speeding is one of the major factors which contribute to road accidents. Finally, government should invest heavily in public transport, for example, adding more bus and train routes. and also keeping these vehicles in good maintained condition. This would attract commuters to use public transport instead of their cars which would result in reduce traffic congestion and less traffic accidents.

In Conclusion, while harsh punishments would deter drivers to drive unresponsibly, I also strongly advocate the implementation of other methods to improve road safety.
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