Writing Feedback / TOEFL; In general , people are living longer now. Discuss the causes of phenomenon [6]

Aging is an inevitable yet cruel part of human life as we all are aware of. However, on the bright side, these days people are living longer than ever before due to advancing technology on food supply, health system and hygiene care that are developed to enhance and improve people's health especially that of the disabled and the old. In this essay, I will discuss the causes of this phenomenon that is affecting our society positively.

It is an undeniable fact that food and nutrition play an indispensable role in longevity of our life span. To live healthier and most importantly longer, one must consume fresh and nutritious foods rich in vitamins. Today, even in the smallest markets in rural areas, we have plenty types of healthy foods to choose as there are now number of beauty drinks, youth vitamins and stress-relieving teas. For instance, before the democratic revolution of Mongolia in 1990s, there were only handful types of foods to consume and after the advent of democracy, variety of nutritious food and supplement increased and so did the life expectancy of Mongolian people. Furthermore, In 1990s, the life expectancy of average Mongolian person was only reaching 45 but today it is about 65.

Another aspect to consider as the cause of longevity of human aging is without a doubt, the improvements in health care system. The reason why prehistoric people perished at such a young age was due to improper cure of diseases and insufficient amount of hospitals and equipment. On the other hand, in a modern world, doctors can practically treat all diseases that were incurable before and patients are being served with a benevolent care and suitable medicines.

Moreover, we live in a new society that is requiring us to be clean and hygienic more than ever before. As we all know, it is extremely rare to see a person covered in dirt in a street full of people. For a pragmatic instance, I recently saw an old wrinkled man who was wearing filthy clothes with holes everywhere and hands covered in dirt. The reaction of crowd to this person was immensely dramatic as every passing person was staring with wide but disgusted eyes. Therefore, people are becoming more hygienic which promotes in prolonging aging process.

Taking account of all these factors, we can easily reach a conclusion that people are living longer than ever before due to nutritious food supply, better health care system and as well as increasing need of hygiene care. Even though aging is often a depressing topic to most, the world we live in now allows us to prolong our life expectancy.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL - HOUSE OR BUSINESS? Which do you prefer more? [4]

If there was an option to choose between a house and a business, without a doubt I would decide to buy a house for a number of reasons. As we all are aware of, a house is a place that makes us feel calm and placid, while requiring no special care and cost. Therefore, in this essay I will explain the benefits of buying a house with the money given rather than a business.

First of all, as a dreamer who imagines living in her own house with innovative designs and modern furniture, purchasing a house is the most appropriate choice. Before buying my dream house, I would consider the location, size and comfortableness of it by researching thoroughly. It must be situated in rural area surrounded by fresh air. In my national country, it is expensive to own a house in countryside than in a city due to the natural environment. Therefore, with this opportunity, I would able to secure an expensive house of my own.

Another reason why I would prefer to own a house rather than a business is that setting up a business is such a risky task making one feel over-pressured, stressed and busy. However, every single person on this planet feels comfortable and happy at the thought of lying in a warm cozy sofa while drinking homemade latte. As an introverted person, it is my ideal type of living.

It is an undeniable fact that the only thing that remains in the same place is a house and once people possess a house, it is almost impossible to lose it. However, a business can be sometimes threatening and dangerous as with a simple mistake, it can be completely eliminated from its roots while leaving debt.

Taking into account of all these benefits, one can infer that purchasing a house with the money provided is a better choice of action than purchasing a business. Imagine living comfortable in your own house, specifically designed for you while relaxing and having fun with no pressure and no demanding work.

Writing Feedback / if you could create a new holiday, what person or event would it honor? toefl essay [4]

I wrote this essay in 30 minutes and i don't know if i can get high score in toefl writing with this kind of writing. So help me out! Much appreciated :)

Throughout history, holidays have been the principal symbol of country's culture, lifestyle and tradition. Therefore, even today there are numerous types of holiday celebrated around the world to represent their country's tradition and honor the famous ancient people. Thus, in my opinion there should be a new holiday specifically honored to celebrate the birth of the most famous Mongolian warrior and king, Genghis King who unified the Mongol tribes and eventually proclaimed the Great Mongol Empire in 1st of December in 1206. Due to this fact, today's prosperous Mongolia exists the way it is now. Therefore, without a doubt I believe that a holiday named ' The Rebirth of Mongolia' should be celebrated around every corner of our nation in 1st of December every year.

It is an undeniable fact that Genghis King successfully unified our Mongolian nation together with his vigorous fighting skills and benevolent mind. Before the unification of Mongolia, our nation had been scattered and the citizens were in chaos and confusion. However, after the advent of our Great Genghis King, our ancestors were united and eventually conquered and colonized the half of the world. It is considered that Mongolian Empire during Genghis Khan's reign was the most powerful and the biggest empire that ever existed during the course of history. As a result, he is a well-known figure throughout our nation but there is no specific day that reminds him to us.

As the children of Great Genghis Khan, I believe it is only right to celebrate this new holiday by paying great respect and care to commemorate the contributions he made to this nation. Therefore, in the 1st of December, every Mongolians should wear the fully equipped traditional clothing and read the educational books written by Genghis Khan. Moreover, eating our traditional food at family gathering is a must to do in this day. The elders should also teach their children the contributions the king made and the great lessons he taught to the nation. This way, our future generations get to have chance to realize the importance of him.

All in all, Genghis King was and still is the most important person in our history who created a prosperous and thriving life for his future nation. Therefore, every 1st of December should be dedicated to his achievements that he made and every year we can realize the importance of him and the nation's unification.

Writing Feedback / The twenty-first century has begun. What changes do you think this new century will bring? [2]

Hello! I wrote this in 30 minutes and thanks for your feedback!

The twenty-first century has begun. What changes do you think this new century will bring?

Today we live in a highly developing world with increasing improvements in technology and innovative products. Over the last course of centuries, humans have invented variety of new machines and medicines, such as cars, computers, antibiotics and drugs that affected people's lives positively. Thus, in the twenty first century, we will be facing more improvements and advancements in medical, technological and psychological factors. A medicine that will cure any type of cancer, flying cars and memory erasing drugs would be the most substantial changes that this new era will bring.

Among the problems we are facing now, the most significant the incurable types of diseases that are taking away lives of our precious ones. However, doctors are working harder than ever before to meet the demand of drugs and medicines that are required to cure diseases such as certain cancers and chronic illnesses. For instance, my brother passed away from a lung cancer due to inadequate supply of medicines and drugs.

Other than advancement in medical factors, in this century we would certainly see a car flying over our roofs with excitement and fascination. It is an undeniable fact that as a child, I enjoyed watching a batman flying in a car, chasing the bad guys. However, with the advanced technology in transportation in the 21st century, the innovation of a flying car would be practically impossible. As a result, scientists of this generation are on the brick of making the impossible happen possible.

Without a doubt, people are facing the problem of being hurt emotionally by certain past memories or the feelings that are lingering on their minds. Teenage girls are on the verge of suicide being dumped by their boyfriends and adults are constantly feeling over-pressured due to never ending work. As a result, the need of memory erasing drugs is increasing in a society full of problems. Therefore, it is an undeniable fact that scientists would develop such drugs that would help put our mind at ease and peacefulness.

We live in the twenty first century where impossible is possible to happen due to highly developing technology and the demand of medicines that would cure incurable diseases. It is such a fortune that the citizens of 21st century would be able to see such inventions that would fascinate us.

Writing Feedback / Many students choose to attend schools or universities outside their home countries. toefl [3]

Hello! I wrote this essay in 20 minutes in order to master writing essays quickly. Thanks for your feedback.

Many students choose to attend schools or universities outside their home countries. Why do some students study abroad?

Today we live in a globalized era where the number of students studying abroad is increasing rapidly over the last course of years. There are numerous reasons why students chose to study abroad instead of pursuing education in their home country. Learning a new language, experiencing different culture and pursuing higher education are the most fundamental reasons of studying abroad.

It is without a doubt that students who study abroad are in advantage of mastering a new language, which would be extremely useful for their future profession. For most new language learners, it is overwhelming and hard to learn a language in their home country without interacting with native speakers. For pragmatic instance, my fellow friends tend to go to English speaking countries in order to master fluent English pronunciation and comprehension skills.

Other than learning a new language, studying abroad enables students to gain higher education system offered especially by developed countries. For example, the education system offered by my native country Mongolia is not sufficient and educational enough in most career majors. Therefore, a number of students in Mongolia tend to pursue majors offered by highly developed countries like USA and England. As a result, students are able to pursue more specialized and sophisticated careers by attending universities abroad as well as securing a stable future.

Another important reason for studying abroad is the experience of cultural diversity. While studying hard in a foreign country, students can travel around breath-taking new places and explore different aspects of the new country. In addition, they can meet and interact with new friends while perceiving different angle and sharing thoughts.

Taking account of all these factors, we can infer that studying abroad has many benefits that urge students to pursue a career in a new country. Students can augment their education as well as having fun exploring the new place. Who would not want to miss such a great opportunity!

Writing Feedback / Toefl essay. Computer vs book - chose to buy computers [3]

Your school has enough money to purchase either computer for students or books for the library. Which should your school choose to buy- computers or books?

There are numerous equipment and facilities required by school to augment students' learning environment in order to provide higher education. Therefore, if my school had sufficient amount of money to buy either computer for students or books for the library, it would be a good idea to offer computers to students. There are several reasons why this choice is better than buying books for the library as it can be used as a convenient portable learning device as well as further aiding students' educational necessities.

It is a known fact that today we live in a highly developing technological era where almost everything is dependent on the use of computers as even schools and universities are introducing computers to their students. If the school plans to buy computers for students, it can ease their busy schedule spent on writing essays by hand whereas with the help of computers, students can easily type out their assignments in no time. As a university student, I find it quite difficult to write out five-hundred-word long essay by hand when it can be quickly typed in computers.

Another fundamental benefit of giving students computers is undoubtedly the easily accessible interaction among students and teachers. As we are all aware of, in order to receive higher education and succeed in schools, the cooperation between students and teachers plays an essential role. Therefore, with the use of computers, they can straightforwardly connect with no problems and students can send teachers their assignment from their home. More importantly, teachers are able to check and revise students' work during their convenient time saving both parties precious time.

Last but not least, studying requires students to research and receive a lot of information mostly through internet these days. Therefore, when the school offers computers to students, they are able to surf internet on their own computers and collect information they need to further understand their coursework or assignment. Other than searching for information, students can watch videos or movies that are related to their topic of subject.

Taking account of all these factors, we can infer that it would be for the best if the school chose to buy computers for students rather than books for the library due to many beneficial reasons. These include flexible schedule, endless source of information and easily accessible interaction among both students and teachers. Therefore, I would strongly suggest the school to introduce computers to students.