Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - HIGHER EDUCATION FOR THE PUBLIC [5]

Hello everyone,
I'm taking IELTS exams in the next 3 months. I really need your feedback on my writing.
Thank you in indeed,
Giang

University education should only be offered to the most academic students, not a large majority.

To what extent do you agree?

Some people argue that only students who perform excellent at school deserve higher education. However, I believe that the opportunity of attending university should be open to the public. This is because providing college education to a minority of talented people would violate human rights and create more social problems while encouraging more people to go to university would benefit both citizens and societies.

Only admitting talented students to university would violate human right to education, lead to deep public division and possibly corrupt college admission. Everyone has the right to education. In other words, people could attain the highest level of schooling in accordance with their wishes and abilities. Therefore, limiting higher education to excellent students would severely infringe human's basic right of education. On top of that, a significant segregation in society would quickly develop if university education became a privilege held by a small proportion of population. This may also promote people to get into college at all costs, even by employing corrupt methods such as cheating and bribery.

In contrast, facilitating vast majority of citizens to have higher education would help individuals increase their chance of success in life and graduate more productive citizens for society. Several surveys suggest that people with university degrees have higher income than those who have only finished high school. Moreover, citizens who have received higher education are often more political and social active. Therefore, opening the opportunity of going to university would collectively raise public awareness. Accompanying with this could be a safer society. For example, Denmark whose over 40% of population attain bachelor's degrees has reported a very low crime rate.

In conclusion, the idea of allowing only most talented students to go to college should be dismissed because it would infringe human right to education, substantially divide society and potentially cause illegal activities. Instead, efforts of encouraging people to attend university should be made as higher education helps promote a safer, more prosperous and active society.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - GENDER GAP IN FIELD OF SCIENCE [4]

Hello everyone!
I'm going to take IELTS exam soon. I really need your feedback on my Writing tasks.
Thank you in advance.
Giang

the gap between men and women studying math and engineering

Many more men than women choose to study maths and engineering. Why is this?

A lot of efforts have been made to narrow the gender gap in fields of science and engineering. However, women remain underrepresented in these domains. This pipeline problem could be ascribed to sex discrimination and the lack of female role models in STEM careers.

The prolonged beliefs of each sex's roles and abilities have generated wide gender disparity in disciplines relating to science. Since an early age, people have exposed to perceptions that males are better than females at STEM subjects and women are not suitable for working in these majors. Without counter-intervention, boys and girls would gradually develop their own self-efficacy based on these conventional stereotypes. A lot of women believe that they are less competent at math and science. Most of them then avoid STEM and opt for subjects traditionally associated with females. It is gender discrimination that has been preventing women from pursuing science.

Moreover, the world still lacks female role models in science and engineering areas. Men have been dominating science-related fields for decades while women has accounted for a small proportion of the workforce in engineering and math fields. This, in the first place, has fortified the idea that females' opportunities of success in STEM majors are scarce. Thus, girls often feel less motivated than boys to study science and math as girls find it hard to relate themselves to these disciplines. Also, there are not many role models of their gender who women can follow in science path. This view has been discouraging women from taking up math and engineering.

In conclusion, the gap between men and women studying math and engineering has been created by the society old-fashioned gender norms underestimating females' capabilities. Coupled with this, it is the lack of female scientists that has prevented women from taking STEM subjects.

Writing Feedback / People's access to proper health care should not depend upon their level of income. [3]

IELTS WRITING TASK 2: HEALTHCARE

Hello everyone. My name's Giang. I'm going to take IELTS exam next summer, so I really need your help to improve my writing skills.

[TOPIC]
Advanced medical treatments are generally expensive. People's access to proper health care should not depend upon their level of income. All people have the right to access the best medicine available"

[ESSAY]
In more recent decades, the issue of whether the same quality of healthcare and treatment should be provided to every resident has remained a matter for debate. This essay will explain why the idea mentioned above should not be bring into reality.

To begin with, there would be much more presure putting on the healthcare system if all indivisuals had access to the most advanced medical treatments. To take the National Health Service in the United Kingdom as a classic example, the state hospitals are difficult to run in spite of their extreme effords, because they always have very long waiting lists for operations and appointments. As an ineviable consequence, a lot of people may suffer from slow treatment. This example illustrates the current situation in which patients are being equally treated with the latest remedies.

Another reason is that such ideal policy which guarantee people with the adequate health services may constrain the national development. First, because the government must invest a large amount of the tax money in healthcare, other areas such as education and environment will suffer from cutbacks and underfunding. Second, people may take the welfare state for granted, so they do not have to work hard but still be able to enjoy a reasonable quality of lives. In these ways, giving out the same level of treatment to every patient is capable of damaging the economy.

In conclusion, I believe that we should not provide adequate healthcare to the public for our own interest as well as the whole nation.

Thank you for checking my work!

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: E-LEARNING - tendency for people to study online [3]

Hello everyone! My name's Giang. I'm planning to take IELTS exam next summer, so I have to improve my writing skills. I really need your help with my essay.

[TOPIC]
Some people say that online learning is the most effective and some convenient way to learn.
Others say that online learning will never be as effective as learning at a real school, in person.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

IELTS WRITING TASK 2: E-LEARNING

[ESSAY]
In recent years, we have seen a growing tendency for people to study online. Although I accept that e-learning has few disadvantages, I hold to the view that it is an excellent way of studying.

On the one hand, learning online seems to be less effective than traditional classroom. First, it is an indisputable fact that students may find it difficult to concentrate on the lessons without teacher's presence, because there is a wide range of disturbing factors from the surrounding environment to the computer itself. Second, it is generally agreed that it is much more difficult for learners to absorb knowledge sometimes, due to the lack of direct instructions from teachers. This drawback gets blamed for contributing to the high dropout rate of e-learning.

On the other hand, I would strongly argue that online studying is the most flexible and interesting way to gain knowledge. To begin with, learners are only required to spend 2 or 3 hours per day working on their online courses, so they can study whenever they are available, as long as they are capable of completing their assignments on time. Another benefit is that e-learning creates a lot of interaction between students and their instructors or their peers. On an online course I have attended recently, for example, I have a weekly online meeting with my lecturers and classmates that allows me to discuss homework projects and have my questions answered clearly. This example illustrates how online learning can help students to learn better, as well as, provide teachers with effective tools to keep track of their students.

In conclusion, there are convincing arguments both for and against studying online, but I believe that we should take its advantages into consideration to give it a try especially in this digital era.

Thank you for all your comments. I really appreciate your help!