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Posts by XPROFF
Name: David Totoka Pitanoe
Joined: Nov 26, 2019
Last Post: Nov 1, 2020
Threads: 4
Posts: 17  
Likes: 14
From: Solomon Islands
School: Noro high school

Displayed posts: 21
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XPROFF   
Nov 1, 2020
Writing Feedback / Essay about the advantages and disadvantages of communication via social media. [5]

@chinhsy2
Hi,

I would like to share some of my comments to your writing

I think you have done a great job with this writing I would only make some suggestion on your writing.

Firstly I think your introduction needs to includes your overview on the use of social media, and how you think the advantage might outweigh the disadvantage, and make a brief statements on what your discussion will be in your body.

Secondly, start with a topic sentences and support with facts,make comparison with example and than reiterate your topic sentence, I think for every advantage there would always be disadvantage to the issues given, thus this will make up your paragraphs. And also in your summary I would suggest give your final opinion on why you think that through your discussion you have strongly believe to be true.

Thirdly, Always remember to use commas to separate ideas or linking clauses.

Finally, use formal words, for example new era would be modern era to make the tone of your writing formal.

I hope these comments will help you.
XPROFF   
Mar 17, 2020
Scholarship / Hospital - AAS Supporting statement for applications. [3]

Hello,
I would be grateful for any feedback on these writing.

How have you contributed to solving a challenge and to implementing change or reform?



(Be specific and include: what aspect/s of your leadership knowledge, skills and practice you consider to be well established and effective;

which people or organisations you worked with to solve the problem; and what creative methods were used.)*:

In the xx hospital, the authorization of requesting radiological examination has been a challenge encounter previously until today. The challenges lies within the roles of nurses to recognize and justify patient to undergo radiographic examination considering the risk involve in radiation. In Country xx, the hospital is mostly operated with nurses and it is usual practice for nurses to request for radiographic examination and ultrasound. However, given the scope of knowledge and practice they are not permitted to authorize such examination. As a new radiographer I became aware of the situation. Upon observing such actions I informed my supervisor for immediate consideration. I contributed with ideas and offers suggestion to draft a policy for guideline to address these actions. During the course of such events I began communicate in both handwritten and verbally to the nurses to seek doctors' advises and clinical judgement, I encourage them to adhere to the chain of command and perform within Job description, or seek assistance available. Through this situation I have developed effective communication skill, analytical skills, demonstrate problem-solving skills, critical thinking and knowledge of medico legal issues and policy, and display leadership attributes, and management knowledge. I have worked with my colleagues and hospital health committee to either seek resolution or find alternative options to resolve this challenge. Therefore, to resolve these problems we decided to implement a departmental policy that guides our scope of practice and outline our protocol on health professionals who are authorized to request radiological examination given sufficient justification and clinical history for accurate diagnosis and management. Finally, these mandated policy implemented have reformed our responsibilities and duties to provide efficient and quality health service to our communities today.
XPROFF   
Jan 31, 2020
Scholarship / Supporting statement 1 about course choice for NZAID Scholarship application [3]

Hello

I wish to share my Draft. Your suggestions and feedback will be appreciated.

Why have you choose your prefered course?



I wish to pursue postgraduate diploma in health science in medical Imaging(ultrasound Pathway) because of my enthusiasm in ultrasound imaging, its wide range clinical application, and further obtain specialised skills and knowledge. Ultrasound imaging equipment has seen being increasingly evolve with additional applications that highly recommended specialised medical imaging technologist to maintain and apply their knowledge and skills in the clinical setting.

In country xxx, particularly in the province there are limited medical diagnostic tools available, which implies ultrasound imaging a first line tool often relied on to detect, evaluate, diagnose and manage patients. Therefore, Ultrasound imaging is very popular and effective with its application and clinical competence in the treatment of patient.

Ultrasound imaging has high sensitive and specificity in detecting different types of pathology. Ranging from pediatrics to human body systems, organs and trauma. In contrast , ultrasound uses Doppler principles , electronic array technology and three dimensional 4D scanning that requires an advance skills and techniques to manipulate the equipment. So with its ability to aid in diagnosis, ultrasound imaging is very important to consider when evaluating patient in clinical setting.

Medical imaging profession centers on patients and integrated with other healthcare professionals. Achieving good interpersonal relationship and uphold professionalism is vital in developing our healthcare system.

Whilst working as a medical imaging technologist, I have lacked fundamental scientific theoretical knowledge and skill in ultrasound imaging and clear clinical judgement to assist in diagnosis of patients. These has resulted in misdiagnosis and which has placed unnecessary cost to our budget for further referrals.

To sum up, this course will enable me to attain specialised knowledge and new skills to be effective as a medical imaging technician,as well as, to perform high standard of professionalism in medical imaging profession.

I hope these statement answers the question clearly.
XPROFF   
Jan 30, 2020
Faq, Help / Why is my topic / thread deleted? [78]

Merged:

New Threads Deleted OR Not found In The Unanswered.



Hi

Need Help!

Why Is My Thread Deleted or Not Seen?

How can I retrieve ?

Hope these forum could Help. Useless thread title, multiple topics, or similar.
XPROFF   
Dec 28, 2019
Writing Feedback / Task 2: The problem of child abuse. How respond to this problem? [4]

@Thangnguyen315
hello,

I wish to give my feedback on your essay.

I think your essay has answered the question very well and has strong argument in terms of your stance on the topic.

Some of the things I hope would improve your writing.

Firstly, be cautious of the grammar rule when there is a bulk of sentence used. Always be sure that every sentence has a subject and complete thought.

Also choice of words can be effective or at times draws away the main intention of the essay. I suggest use formal words that can give your essay concise details of your argument.

Secondly, introduce every paragraph with a thesis statement and support your statement with facts, examples and illustration. Always develop your ideas well for every points you made. For example, in the second paragraph, "In addition, parents of such children would tend to be distrustful.... the whole ideas need to be expound with supporting statement and facts to give a well developed idea.

Furthermore, In the first line of third paragraph omit the word 'however' so that it gives a more demonstrative statement to your opening paragraph because you are not comparing any ideas and thoughts. Also in second paragraph replace the conjunction 'in addition ' in the sentence In addition, parents of such children would tend to be distrustful... use words such as; in contrast, on the other hands, contrary to etc..instead because it give a different perceptive from the latter statement.

Finally, organize you paragraph and ideas in a well cohesive and chronological manner. In this essay your ideas/points seems cluttered and are not easily followed in each body of discussion . Try and work on organizing your contents well.

Overall, you have a well written essay indeed.

I hope this feedback help you in your writing.
XPROFF   
Dec 15, 2019
Writing Feedback / School teachers are more responsible for social & intellectual development of students than parents [4]

@Hirumi
Thanks for coming to the forum.
I would like to share some feedback on the essay hope it will help.

In fact, you have a well written essay with contents strongly reflects your stance on the topic.
However, some points I hope would improve your arguements.
Firstly, you seems to approach this essay indirectly most times, example in the first line of your introduction, sometimes it can be confusing to the reader. I suggest directly approach using direct sentences to this essay. For example, Teachers are responsible in the development.....many argue that...

Secondly, In the body of your essay include example, facts, your opinion and illustration to futher support your thesis statement, and be specific to the roles/responsibilities school teachers play in developing social and intellectual of learners. Also summarise these points in the conclusion.

Finally, always be careful of spelling,punctuation rules and spacing.

Generally you have a well written essay.
I hope these feedback helps you in your writing.
XPROFF   
Dec 6, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing 2: Compulsory unpaid community service for high school students [2]

@TriceLiu
Hello,
I would like to share my feedback to your writing.

Firstly, You have a well written essay with well organized structure and well developed points.Just some feedbacks i think would help your writing.

In the prompt, it gives you two options only. Agree or disagree. I suggest only pick, but not both, so that you have a strong sided arguement.

Secondly, I feel that your introduction needs more information about what skills students gain through volunteering, rather than discuss them in the body. So that it gives an overview of what the writing will be discussed about. For examples, ...enhance students interpersonal skills, ability to communicate, and have compassion for others...

Also be mindful of puntuation, sentence clause and tenses in your first line of introduction. For example, Nowadays, there is an increase in numbers of high school students volunteer in the community works...

Above all, you have done a great job in your essay,I hope this feedback can help you in your writing.
XPROFF   
Dec 5, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2- Benefits and Risks of people living to 150 [3]

@roswita116

Hello,

I would like to share my feedback on your writing.

Firstly you have good ideas and support with examples and facts.

However, i do not feel that you have answered the question completely and correctly.

Firstly, the question has two parts. The benefits and Risks of people over 150 years old.

My concern is only in the risks involve.

In your second arguments you should mention what are the risks involve related to people more than 150 years old. For example, the longer people live, there is a higher risks of developing more disease or health related issues..etc..

I suggest omit points such as, elderly allowance and Medical assistance because it does not reflect the risks but only shows causes and impacts, which is not relevent to the given topic.

I am sure you can think of somthings that may pose as risk to people living longer..

I suggest for every benefits you choose there is always risks involve. Try complements these and conclude your writing in a well organised manner.

I hope these feedback helps you in your writing.
XPROFF   
Dec 5, 2019
Undergraduate / CommonApp Essay support: kind of attributes conveyed, revew and improvements [2]

@Bastian
Hello,

I would like to share my feedback on you writing.

I think you have an exceptional descriptive writing there.

I will just comment on the writing style, since this is a formal writing, i suggest use a more formal style and word choices. The question is not asking to describe your story but to show what backgrounds/interest/identity that without these your application is incomplete.

I suggest support your writing with facts/illustration, examples and experiences.

However, your writing skills is outstanding.

I hope these feedback help you in your writing.
XPROFF   
Dec 5, 2019
Scholarship / Academic Reference Letter for Scholarships and To Get a University [2]

@izecsony5
Hello,

I would like to give my feedback your reference letter.

Firstly, the reference given good details of the work you have done.
However, I do not feel that it shows the type of student you are academically, proffessionally and your experiences that has shaped you to become an great scholar.

I think to improve, it should include your academic capabilities, preseverance, personal characters , professionalism and ability to impact community post graduat.

Secondly, you should give reasons why that particular university you prefer with relation to academic qualities, personal interests and career development.

I hope these comments helps you on deciding your reference.
XPROFF   
Dec 5, 2019
Writing Feedback / The life difficulties in a foreign country where you cannot speak your mother language [4]

@sue0504
Hello,

I would like to share my thoughts on your writing

Firstly you have all good answers to your question and more balanced view on the topic.

I would only give my thoughts on the contents.
In your introduction i think you can futher improve by defining what social problems is ?? sometimes it gives more understanding of the topic to the reader. And then introduce your topic and ideas that you would discuss in your body.

In the second paragraph, i think you should organise each points with a paragraph with just three or four lines and provide examples to strengthen you point. For example , inability to speak foreign language...its cause?? What impacts ?? Give example/illustration reiterate your main idea.. To this for the ideas/points that minimised the the problem.

Finally, make sure to check for punctuation to help your writing.

I hope these comments help you in your writing.
XPROFF   
Dec 4, 2019
Writing Feedback / Most people are not interested in how their food has been produced. [2]

@YunSoo

welcome to the forum.

I wish to share some thoughts on your essay.

I think that you have a good essay with great ideas.

I feel that your essay partially answered the statement.Therefore, Firstly, your first lines has given basic information/background the topic which is good, however, i do not feel that the second and third lines are efficient in introducing your writing. I suggest in your introduction focus on answering the question and give your points/ideas what influences people to buy food , such as, Costs, budgets type, diet , food choice and origin. Further, elaborate in your discussion these points in a well organize way and why you think that these factors are affecting people choices of food not related to the cost.

Finally in conclusion summarize your discussion for all your points. Do not add more points /ideas or details..

I hope these comments will help you improve your writing..
XPROFF   
Dec 3, 2019
Undergraduate / SSRF - motivation letter for applying a project [3]

Hello,

Welcome to the forum.

I would like to share some insight on how you may further improve your writing.

You have a good and well organised essay, however i think you can still improve on the contents.

Firstly I suggest you do not use acronym in your writing and also use academic terms to explain you statement. For example in the First paragraph ...search on information and system security area...would rather..search in the field of information and system security..

And second line..and a deep knowledge ..would rather..in depth knowledge...try using academic terms in all your paragraph.

Secondly organizing your thoughts in a coherent way would better give good impression on your writing. Also omit background information of your undergraduate and focus on what has changed you to pursue this project that reflects your academic,personality and experience.

Thirdly the examples and experience must show how passionate and determined you are to get this project and how it you would make a difference to you future endeavor..

You can make a more better writing with ideas.

I hope this ideas helps you in your writing.
XPROFF   
Dec 2, 2019
Scholarship / Medical physics - QEC scholarship; Development impact and post study outreach [3]

This is my draft

Your reviews would be highly appreciated

Ms in medical physics



Development impact and post study outreach

The main challenges my work seeks to address are; the advance medical imaging modality with it's equipment,complex processes as well as radiation safety and protection,quality assurance and lack of qualified medical physicist.Medical imaging technologist major challenges are limited knowledge and skills in maintaining medical device functions properly, perform quality assurance and monitor radiation safety and protection to patients and health professionals. There is no qualified medical physicist available to supervise, evaluate and manage the medical equipment and provide local training and education for local medical technologist.Therefore this work is highly required in the healthcare industry now and in the future.

What skill I expect from these scholarship are knowledge in physics, medicine and patient care, have scientific/ methodical approach, concentration skills, be self motivated, enquiring mindset,the ability to explain complex medical procedure and equipment to medical staff, problem solving and observation skills , work under pressure and have good mathematical and technical skills.

New knowledge and skill would be shared through local training , education , seminars and conference. Conducting of specialized local training and practice to local technologist through interactive lectures,topic discussions and tests, will enhance their knowledge and skills in their performance . Education is an important aspect of sharing also with medical health professionals, students and public. With short terms course, provided fundamental medical physics principles will enhance and improve scope of jobs and service delivery. Seminars are vital to any organisation that aims to advance and innovate new ideas and technical aspect of its service quality. In healthcare setting health professionals use seminar as platform for sharing of medical related issues and solution.These platform create opportunity to share the knowledge and skills attained, to enable health professionals provide quality services. Furthermore, National health conferences consists of governmental representative, non-government, policy makers and stake holders to discuss and educate on national health issues in the country. Such highly regarded conference shares mutual respect and understanding to health care professional to allow them express their roles and what hinders their ability to increase service efficiently. Thus, is an opportunity to share knowledge and skills gained. Therefore, this scholarship have positive impacts to the lives of people through sharing knowledge and skills.

The skills and qualification would be applied by establishment , implement and supervise radiation safety and quality assurance programs for medical imaging equipment, measure radiation emitted or detected by medical devices, optimize diagnostic and therapeutic procedure involving medical devices, commissioning and supervise the delivery of new medical devices, technical specification of equipment and design installation, acceptance and commissioning of equipment,technical maintenance of equipment, research and innovate new medical device and teach radiation safety and equipment usage.

My short term career plans is to build my experience in leaderships skills and personal confidence in the community. In order to drive change and bring positive impacts in the community level or wider commonwealth, leadership qualities is a leading factor , that is the ability to lead the community.

My medium career plan is to be a leader in the community and wider common wealth and use my knowledge in medical physics principles,methods and technique in practice and research for prevention,diagnosis and treatment of human disease with a specific goal to improve humans and well being in the community and wider commonwealth region.

The studies would bring solution to the challenge by empowering me to attain a qualification that specializes in evaluating, research and resolve challenges in medical imaging and provide role in leadership in the community.

The sustainable Goals my work align to is Number 3 "Good Health and Well being" , Number 4 . 'Quality Education".

I Hope these statement answers the question , strong and appealing to the evaluator.
XPROFF   
Dec 1, 2019
Writing Feedback / ielts task 2 (agree or disagree that wealthy countries should help poor countries.............) [4]

Hi

I would like to share my insight to your writing

Firstly you have a well written essay with strong ideas, however, some thing i think can improve your writing are;

In your introduction i suggest you give a sense of direction from your own perspectives on why rich countries should aid in natural disasters and followed by the reasons you have stated.

Secondly, its always best to connect smoothly your body discussion with your introduction so that reader can follow more easily, For example, in the first line of your second paragraph your thesis statement would be like First Aid is not developed well.... then support your statement with poor countries .. resources to save people..

and once your given your example reiterate with the reasons on you thesis statement to give a strong complete idea on you stance to agree.

thirdly i suggest start off with financial capabilities of poor and rich country before elaborate on the insufficient finance of poor countries that needs their assistance with examples to validate your standing on the issue and it will give some sense of complete view of both rich and poor countries ability of recovery, however focus more on poor country with your supporting statement.

Finally your last examples needs a supporting statement to sum up why rich countries are more capable to help poor country this will make your idea developed and strong to the readers.

I hope this comments will improve your essay.
XPROFF   
Dec 1, 2019
Writing Feedback / Both homes and schools have an equal meaning in shaping kids to become well-rounded citizens [4]

Hi
I would like to share my insights on you writing

Firstly, you have structure,organize and answer the question well. Some points on improving your writing
In the first paragraph, i suggest be specific to your supporting statement. For example. Children mimic anything adults..what?? This gives a sense of completeness to your point.

Secondly reiterate your citation with why you think this finding is relevent to your point of argument.

In the third paragraph give examples to strengthen your point and briefly summarise your points linking to your final conclusion.

I hope these comments helps you in your writing.
XPROFF   
Dec 1, 2019
Research Papers / Improving Elderly Life Quality with Intergenerational Activities [2]

Hi

Would like to share some insights on your paper.

Firstly you conveyed your writing clearly. What I think you can improve is your initial paragraph by giving the points that you will elaborate on the body of your discussions . For example what types of intergenerational activities is seen effective and build on your argument in the body.

Secondly for each of the paragraph provide topic sentence elaborate and discuss with support from what research has found, reiterate your topic sentence and link it with next paragraph so there is smooth flow.

Lastly summarize your discussions and finding with relation to the title as to what you wish the reader should learn from your research.

I hope this comment will be a help to your writing.
XPROFF   
Nov 26, 2019
Scholarship / Medical physics - MY SUPPORTING STATEMENT FOR QECS APPLICATION [3]

Masters science in Medical physics statement



This is my draft.

I have chosen Masters science in Medical physics because of the rapid advancement of the medical imaging modality and its users limited knowledge of the amount of radiation exposure to the patient, imaging technologist and the environment. Recently, more advancement of imaging modalities and systems such as digital radiography, mammography , conventional x ray and soon to be installed computed tomography in the hospitals and various health centers in Country Xx are seen . It has anticipated to increase in the future because of its essential role to detect, evaluate and aid in diagnosis and treatment of patients. I have been working as a senior Medical imaging technologist after graduated with bachelors of medical imaging science with the task to do xray procedure , ultrasound imaging and provide optimal diagnostic images. However, i have experienced in our hospitals the amount of radiation absorbed was not measured or detected thus, we are not aware of overexposing patients. With the lacking in depth knowledge and understanding of the principles of the medical physics that governs the amount of radiation exposure and biological risk it can impose on the people and environment. has motivated me to further my career in the field of medical physics.

Therefore i have chosen these specific course to enhance my knowledge to provide radiological services with a more awareness of the radiation exposure and threats to patients, medical technologist, public and environment.

The important aspect of this course is with the advancement of technology in the field of radiology there are health provider relay on medical physicist therefore , medical physicist training and education is also increasing to meet the international standard. Therefore these course will equip and prepare me for my future career.

I choose this university xxx because the university has been one of the best in the region and have highly trained lecturer friendly student environment and the program offered is well structured in which i am familiar with its core subjects which is convenient for my personal preference. Furthermore i will be interacting and learn different unique diverse cultures.

I have browse through the campus and student life website and research on other extra curricular activity.

In my previous studies the core subjects are more based on anatomy,radiation physics and protection, specialized imaging and research . I have been working in the radiology department for three years and had vast experience dealing with radiation.

I hope this supporting statement has a strong connection to my course.
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