Writing Feedback / Opinion about some people have chosen to take a holiday trip away from home in Tet recently. [3]

Task:
Write an essay of about 250 words to express your point of view in this topic.
Most Vietnamese people have so far cherished the tradition of spending Tet holiday with their family and relatives in their hometown. However, recently some people have chosen to take a holiday trip away from home to other provinces or even to other countries on this occasion. What do you think of this trend?

My essay:
While celebrating Lunar New Year alongside family and relatives in the hometown has long since been the fundamental tradition in Viet Nam, recent years have witnessed an increasing trend of people travelling far and wide during this special occasion. As far as I know, I do not have any opposition to the phenomenon.

On the one hand, taking a holiday trip away does not ruin tradition. By definition, Tet was one period when farmers could rest from their work in the fields, show gratitude to ancestors and Gods, wishing for a great new year with bumper crops. Nowadays, although the country is no longer agriculture-dominated, the meaning of Tet is continued to be preserved, including being the period of relaxation. Therefore, having a journey far away from home is not a disgrace to thousand-year traditions as lots of people complained. The way those travellers try to take care of themselves after a year of stressful working is just a little different, shifting from playing around villages to playing around provinces or countries with the help of technologies.

On the other hand, travellers use their own money and stimulate economic - tourism growth without causing real harm to anyone or anything. Moreover, people who bring the whole family along on the holiday or feel homesick on the way are prime evidence for the fact that this trend is neither expanding the generation gap nor damaging family relationships. Thus, "a day on the road gets you a sieve-worth of wisdom". Holiday trips are not only recreational but also provide people new experiences and knowledge about local regions. Last but not least, despite the rise in the number of individuals choosing to celebrate Tet faraway, gathering in their hometown is still and will always be the majority so it is quite unreasonable to be anxious about that recent trend.

In conclusion, with cultural, economic, individual benefits far outweigh the risks, "a Tet away from home" in my opinion is not worth making a fuss worrying about and should be allowed to grow naturally.

Note: This task is also from a semester/inspection test in a high school for gifted students and we still need to write it like an IELTS task 2.

I have failed to meet the Task Requirements for words quantity again....... It sure is hard to arrange the ideas....
Thank you for your feedback, I will write them down and try not to repeat the mistakes

Writing Feedback / Agree or not and why: Young people today do not give enough time to help their community.(250 words) [3]

My essay:
People, especially the elders, have been complaining about the youth's laziness on community activities. Unfortunately, their judgments are totally correct. From my perspective, there are a series of reasons which lead to this phenomenon.

Quite understandably, people mostly blame individualism which involves apathy and selfishness. However, from what I see, the mother of that so-blamed individualism is modern life's speed and pressure. The rapid progress, the rat race, responsibilities, debts, competitions.... clouded many young men's minds with anxiety and stress about themselves being left out. This fear, combined with limited time budget, is so intense that some youngsters cannot take care of themselves properly, more so other people. For example, the 996 culture and OT culture in China (working from 9am to 9pm, 6 days a week) are making hundred thousands of youngsters work to the point of being broken, giving them no chance for relaxation, self-improvement, fostering care and emotions, even feeling the sunlight!

Poor advertising campaigns also play a great role in turning the youth away from community activities. The majority of campaigns are promoted by old-school propaganda with typical posters, unimpressive slogans and participants are mostly forced to join by schools. Private companies and the youth's way of advertising are good enough but they don't have much ability to widen the scale. In addition, a lot of local community activities and events are extremely boring. They just require us to sit there with heat, sweats, mosquitoes and be a good boy/girl, which is not educational, full of experiences and appealing as they promised. Having joined several community activities before, never have I felt a sense of belonging nor excitement. As a result, many young people never come back and continue to help.

The lack of leadership is the final nail on the coffin of our interest in helping the community. Although there are numerous enthusiastic young helpers and organizations, no one has been able to take the responsibility of giving clear directions and be the representative voice for them. Meanwhile, large, international organizations are too far away to reach local ones. Therefore, community activities are scattered and disunited in all aspects, leaving helpers and potential future helpers confused about what they should do. Expectedly, many gave up half-way.

In conclusion, it has to be admitted that young people's effort in contributing to the community is insufficient as a consequence of life pressure resonating with not-cappable-enough leaders and poor-quality proganda and events.

Notes about the task: The task is from a semester/inspection test in a high school for gifted students. We still need to write it like an IELTS task 2 though. I have clearly failed to meet the Task Requirements for words quantity ha ha.........

Thank you for your feedback, I will write them down and try not to repeat the mistakes

Writing Feedback / Agree or not: Classmates are a more important influence than parents on a child's success at school. [2]

Task:

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

Classmates are a more important influence than parents on a child's success at school.
Write an essay of about 250 words to express your point of view on this topic.

My essay:
"Oh no, our child is not the one he was anymore! It was all because of those bad friends! We hold no influences over them any more!", some parents probably, being overly dramatic at their child's performance at school. The truth is, the parents role is just as crucial as the child's classmates.

Classmates, as known as people learning in the same class in a school, belong to the child's second social circle. During at least everyday's 8 most awaked hours, classmates learn, play, sleep, talk with others, helping each other through hard times and good times, affecting how healthy the learning environment is significantly. Moreover, because humans are social animals, many children would change the way they speak, act, think in order to fit in a group and have a sense of belonging. For students, the school is a miniature society where classmates is the majority. Our success depends heavily on how well we win the majority's hearts.

However critical is the role of the classmates, it doesn't mean the parent's influences on the students' performances is any smaller. There are 3 reasons support this claim. First, no matter how much fun the children had outside, they still come home at the end of the day. Parents' unconditional love and care is their greatest shield and moral sword to conquer the dragon of knowledge. Second, the influences of the man and woman who have spent time with them for years and taught them the first lessons cannot disappear over the night. It lurks deep in our unconscious and subconscious mind, affecting all our choices in life, including our hobbies, world views and why we choose those friends. Lastly, parents still hold the greatest authority over the child, legally and culturally. This authority can be used to guide the child on the right path to success at school.

In conclusion, parents and classmates play critical role on how well students do at school. Lacking one factor and our chance to success will decrease dramatically.

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Sorry, I kinda give up in the conclusion part. Thank you for your feed backs.