Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by gianggiangvn
Name: Nguyen Tra Giang
Joined: Sep 17, 2021
Last Post: Oct 25, 2021
Threads: 6
Posts: 12  
Likes: 2
From: Viet Nam

Displayed posts: 18
sort: Latest first   Oldest first  | 
gianggiangvn   
Oct 25, 2021
Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2 Cultures and traditions change from generation to generation [NEW]

Cultures and traditions change from generation to generation.

Why does this happen? What can be done to change it?



That our deep-seated cultures and customs have changed between generations appears to be profoundly recognised. In a family, the lessened connection between members and the omission of the young towards those values leads to that circumstance. Several approaches can be taken to figure it out.

Undeniably, cultural and traditional values are passed down by the senior generation to their junior ones. When they remain their strong kinship in a family, grandchildren are able to approach stories and practices related to invaluable traditions and customs; however, these days, the young and their grandparents seem to form an unseen gap which has hindered them from understanding each other and building up their close-knit relationship. For this reason, variety of lessons in term of cultures cannot be transferred properly and effortlessly. Additionally, many youngsters consider those values old-fashioned, therefore, they choose to ignore or discard those implementations. Compared to their senior who are familiar with many cultural practices, they have a preference for some more trendy and enjoyable activities.

In order to address this phenomenal, all of us must join hands. Parents, in a family, should be a bridge between two other generations because they can help to strengthen the family connection. For example, parents can hold regular family reunions where the young can listen to the old in the family. Thanks to those events, such traditions and customs can be inherited to some extent. Moreover, the press, online and offline, should pen more articles and stories to unravel and emphasise our entrenched values which call for concern from the young to preserve them. To draw more attention, those pieces of news should be made more interesting and enchanting with both facts and illustrations.

To sum up, we face the difference of how each generation reckon about our precious cultures and traditions. Regarding preservation of those cultural and conventional treasure, it is indispensable to know the causes in advance.
gianggiangvn   
Oct 16, 2021
Writing Feedback / Nobody can deny the important role of newspapers in providing information to the reader [5]

There are some things I notice:

Moreover, for people who...

... it may cost quite AN amount of money if they choose newspapers or magazine to glean information...
I think you should use more synonyms and a variety of structures. You already use "read" or "want" many times.

Secondly, there was a lot of research that showed the harmful effects of spending too much time watching on the laptop or on the small screen like mobifone.

+ mobifone seems like a wrong spelling here
+ a lot of is informal phrase. Instead try using some, an amount of, a considerable amount of, plenty of for uncountable nouns.
+ "the" harmful effects seems incorrect. "THE" should be used for a definite noun. I meant when only you know about those effects, we shouldn't use "THE".

+ And why you decided to use "past tense" here?

I wish my suggestion would help. ^^
gianggiangvn   
Oct 13, 2021
Writing Feedback / IELTS - taking a gap year before starting university, to travel or gain work experience [8]

Your writing is clear and understandable with clear supporting ideas. That is what I saw at first.

There are some things I recommend:
Don't you And (or coordinating conjunction in general) to start a sentence. In addition, those linking words seem informal. You can use therefore, as a result, thus in stead "so"; however, nonetheless,... in stead of but.

Try not to use too many informal words or slang in a academic work.

Some grammar mistakes I have noticed:
students have ...
Correction: ... spent most of their time studying and overcoming the tests...
SPEND + TIME/ MONEY + PRESENT PARTICIPLE (V-ING)

Correction: ... for academic purposes and could not be found in schools
I believe that real-life experiences were what you wanted to talk about and was a subject of this clause.

Therefore, those ... Therefore, having ...

Two "therefore" located too near. You should choose another word or rewrite the idea in another way.
Moreover, you started your sentences with many Present Participle (V-ING). Try applying another way.

That is my suggestion. I wish it would help somehow.
gianggiangvn   
Oct 12, 2021
Writing Feedback / A number of people opine that historical events do not play any roles in our society [NEW]

Some people think history has nothing or little to tell us, but others think that studying the past history can help us better understand the present.

Discuss the two views and give your own opinion.



A number of people opine that historical events do not play any roles in our society. However, a group of people has an opinion that learning history is necessary to understand our present days. In this essay, I will discuss both views and give my own opinion.

On the one hand, many people believe that influences of historical knowledge are valueless in our modernized world because future and present seem more important. Past events already happened and humans cannot change anything, as a result they choose to focus on the futuristic goals. It can be seen that present and future are more crucial compared to the past. Moreover, it is historical understanding that cannot be the only approach to comprehend the current days. People can learn about each other and daily activity by observation and communication then come up with conclusion on the issue that they concern.

On the other hand, in spite of the occurrence in the bygone time, in the main, history can be a good means of raising people's understanding of the current days. When Vietnamese residents are taught about what happened long time ago, they know reasons behind some specific habits of regional inhabitants in their nation. People from the North are more feudalistic and those from the South behave more hospitable. All types of understanding can be traced back thanks to the nexus between the past and present. The North had been conquered by the Chinese years ago and had a deep-rooted virtue about feudalism while people in the South of Vietnam have been introduced with diversity of cultures from European, Chinese and others. History has had noticeable impacts on every aspect of life nowadays in term of not only socio-economic cultural development also technology, military and more, invoking a deep comprehension about our ancient age.

To conclude, although it is not so obvious that we can be conscious about our current time after being educated about history, I still believe that knowledge about the past can help us survive in this industrial age.
gianggiangvn   
Oct 11, 2021
Writing Feedback / In this day and age, people tend to collect information by their mobile devices, not from newspapers [5]

In fact, your writing is well organised. It is easy to read and understand but sill logic. There are some errors I think you could fix to make the writing more perfect.

Body paragraph 1:
... the most basic one is that without paying, readers can get access to information.
that + Clause

... the electronic papers will automatically update the readers with it (new information).
From what I have known, update something or update somebody (with something)

Body Paragraph 2:
amount of news/ a large pieces of news in a rich...
news is an uncountable noun, we cannot use it with a large number

your time away on going outside

Those are my recommendation, I wish it would help.
gianggiangvn   
Oct 10, 2021
Writing Feedback / IELTS - Some people believe that to protect local culture, tourism should be banned [NEW]

Some people believe that to protect local culture, tourism should be banned in some areas whereas others think that change is inevitable and banning tourism will have no benefits.

Discuss both sides and give your opinion.



Tourism has been becoming an economic cornerstone of many nations in the world, which can have both positive and negative influences on some areas. There are different views on whether tourists should be prohibited to visit several places in order to preserve the culture and traditions there. In my opinion, a visit to tourist attractions should be maintained without prohibition.

On the one hand, tourism activities have been ruined or damaged numerous spots in term of local custom and tradition. Many people visit a destination and pass other assortment of values, beliefs or behaviour, permeating the locals' deep rooted cultural beauty. The residents would adapt to the new and neglect what they have been used to but still been invaluable. Moreover, many religious events take place while visitors come to snap some fabulous photographs or communicate noisily about the event. Those types of behaviour can drive the indigenous to distraction from the important situation.

On the other hand, in the main many areas from cities to villages count on the income from touristry. In other words, people residing there take advantage of tourist attractions all year round. For example, in Con Dao island, many families or individuals launch various services to support tourists who arrive there mainly for spiritual purposes and financially support themselves, which means if the island is devoid of visitors, a number of residents will suffer from poverty or income reduction. Banning travels seems not feasible to protect the island' traditions as the indigenous have been working on this effectively and wisely.

To sum up, retaining traditional local culture is as significant as developing tourism; however, a ban on tourism in some spots cannot be an appropriate approach to fulfil this goal. This decision must be considered disservice to the locals in some aspects.
gianggiangvn   
Oct 10, 2021
Writing Feedback / In recent years, the rate of youngster watching television amplify in a hurry [7]

When I read, I was amazed by the words you chose. Actually it is a good approach to have a piece of academic writing but you should lessen the times you use them. You should focus on the way you analyse the given question and you express your ideas.

Most of the sentences here are simple sentences, which you can link some together to make a more complicated sentence. In other words, the length of your sentences seems the same.

Corrected: Moreover... special effect; therefore, all of that ... of children viewers.

Corrected: ... tool to alleviate prostration but watching television ...

In addition, I believe that "procedure" is a noun. I already checked and there is nothing related to verbial term.
Outdoors activity must be outdoor activity

Those above are my recommendation. I wish they would be helpful.
gianggiangvn   
Oct 8, 2021
Writing Feedback / Sports - significant in our society development or merely recreational activities? [NEW]

Some people think that sports play an important role in the development of society.


Others think they are nothing more than a leisure activity.


There are different views on whether sports are significant in our society development or merely recreational activities. It is understandable why some individuals overlook sports but I believe that those types of activities are more than that.

On the one hand, participation in sports is commonplace as many people perceive physical activities after working and studying hours as leisure time. As they work hard and cope with numerous problems and difficulties in a day, they want to be engaged in some events which can help them to unwind or to find joy or amusement. Additionally, many people are aware that sports can be time-consuming; therefore they opt for one they are indulged into and participate in whenever they have some spare time. For example, a number of office workers play football after work in order to relax and meet the like-minded friends without thinking of any other benefits. If they are occupied with tasks or another plan, they will postpone the planned activity.

On the other hand, a considerable number of people know that sports play vital roles in the development of our society these days. In fact, all people from the young to the old are benefited from athletes because while taking part in those activities, their health can be improved physically and mentally. Their muscle built up and the amount of fat reduced results from their involvement in sports. Also, the risk of some types of diseases is lowered to some extent such as stroke, heart disease or diabetes. Athletic participation is a good way to reduce stress and depression by some means and stimulate a healthy lifestyle and habits. When people live a good life their own, the authorities can focus on solving other problems from which human beings can benefit.

To sum up, even though sports have been considered just a leisure activity; however this can be a great approach to upgrade our community.
gianggiangvn   
Oct 8, 2021
Writing Feedback / I totally agree with the statement that arts should be compulsory at school [4]

Is it your IELTS WRITING practice? If this is for IELTS, I believe that you should write four paragraphs for a writing.
For the first paragraph, to begin with, paraphrasing the question is needed. In this case, ART CLASSES SHOULD BE COMPULSORY IN HIGH SCHOOL, you can rewrite it: "There are different views on whether subjects related to art should be taught compulsorily in high school." And then, you can write like you has just done.

Finishing a portrait or a landscape and USING it as furniture in our house can brighten/ lighten our life, full of spirit.
Try not to use "YOU, YOUR" in an IELTS writing or Academic Writing (My professor said so)

Actually, you used the phrase "help sb (to) do sth" many times but it is not a really good phrase.
First of all, studying arts at school can help ...
Studying arts at school can be a great way to enhance...
art also helps children ... can be rewritten: thanks to art, children become more in love with life

Those are my recommendation, I wish it would help.
gianggiangvn   
Sep 18, 2021
Writing Feedback / WRITING IELTS ESSAY: Mothers should spend most of their time raising their children [2]

Some people think that mothers should spend most of their time raising their children, and therefore the government should support them financially.

Do you agree or disagree?



While many people opine that mother's major responsibility is taking care of their offspring; therefore, they should be unemployed and receive financial aid from government. However, personally, I firmly believe that mothers, together with fathers, should join hands in raising their children rather than accept government's monetary support.

On the one hand, it is true that a mother plays important roles in a family in nurturing their offspring and needs to focus on them. A child requires love and care from their mother in order that he or she can fully grow up physically and emotionally because there is no room for ignorance, isolation or uncertainty. This is why their time should be laid on the young generation instead of office work, business or making ends meet. Indeed, the financial support from government is crucial to help a family function well by guaranteeing fixed income every year; thus the only concern of a mother is their beloved children. With the assistance of the authorities, females can employ her skills, strengths and energy for the better prospect of their family in general and their direct descendants in particular.

On the other hand, despite the importance of mother's role in raising children, they should be in paid employment instead of being at home. In fact, both mothers and fathers are equal in sharing their parenting duties. A child should acquire affection, education, and care from both parents so that they can develop and mature naturally thanks to this strong foundation. Additionally, when a dad works, a mom stays at home, and the government distributes money limitedly, their children have difficulty in affording what they really demand; as a result, a dad must work harder and a mom must spend money practically and economically to raise a whole family. Last but not least, the government should allocate their budget wisely to other fields in our society such as healthcare, welfare and education in line with a positive future for everybody.

In conclusion, there is no doubt that a mother's duties of nurturing their children is irrefutable. Besides, the government should support a family by stimulating a father's role in a family and investing money in some other sectors.
gianggiangvn   
Sep 18, 2021
Writing Feedback / Number of controversies about gender equality in community, especially in educational environments [4]

Let me talk about your grammar. I believe that there are many words or phrases needed "s" as a sign of plural noun.
in variety of aspect: aspect is a countable noun, so aspects must be more correct.
between boy and girl in: boys and girls
with male student students

In addition, I think that you don't need to use "types of major", "major" is understandable enough. Or you can use faculty or department when talking about a larger range of major.

"I totally disagree..." This is your thesis statement which you will analyse those ideas/ reasons above. This asks you to write two specific paragraph: the first one is about "specific characteristics in some majors" and the second one is about "quantities of courses". You are writing a stated thesis statement so you have to analyse what you have mentioned and cannot add other types of information. Therefore, you can write an implied thesis statement by not showing your ideas directly or obviously. Hiding them and then later you explain those reasons in each paragraph.

Hope my comment help. ^^
gianggiangvn   
Sep 18, 2021
Writing Feedback / Social media are popular but the nature of online platform presents a myriad of potential issues [3]

When writing an essay, you need to make sure your answer complied with the given question.
Question: Do you think the advantages of ...
Your answer should be: In my opinion/ Personally/ From my point of view, the disadvantages must be more serious and can overshadow its advantages.

"On the one hand..." GRAMMAR
Correction: is to keep in touch with... OR is that people can keep in touch with their loved one.... When use THAT in this case, you must follow it with a clause.

Besides, to start the first body part, you should write a topic sentence before jumping into showing separate ideas.
Correction: On the one hand, people can benefit from social networking sites in some aspects.
After writing this sentence, you can add more information. At first, the most visible merit of social networking sites is to keep in touch with the loved one.

"etc, lots of, a lot of" must not be used in academic writing. Also no "...".

"... hence, consumers are willingly share their personal..." GRAMMAR.
consumers willingly share or consumers are willing to share...

Using TOBE verb (are) with a normal verb (share) instead of with participle (-ing or -ed/V3) is completely incorrect. Make sure to use proper grammar.

There are several plural nouns needed. "the setbacks (obviously more than one setback), hackers (many hackers; you can use a hacker in this position)

Last but not least, IN A NUTSHELL is correct.

I wish my comment would help. Thanks ^^.
gianggiangvn   
Sep 17, 2021
Writing Feedback / Nowadays some people choose to live in the city while other chooses to stay in the countryside. [7]

When I first read your introduction, I thought I misread this. However, It is true that you were writing incorrectly, which means you did not meet the requirement.

The first body paragraph, I recommend you to present advantages of LIVING IN THE CITY, compared to living in the countryside. They can be convenience with loads of amenities and facilities, and transportation. Cities offer humans plenty of amenities and facilities meanwhile it would be hard to approach them. You can explain, give example to clear your opinion.

The second one, you should show its disadvantages such as environmental issues and living standards.

I wish it would help ^^.
gianggiangvn   
Sep 17, 2021
Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - ENVIRONMENT PROBLEMS: THE LOSS OF ANIMALS AND PLANTS OR OTHER ISSUES? [11]

"Over the last several decades..."

I think your introduction is not specific enough. You just give lots of background information without talking or comparing two opinions which are the loss of animals and other issues. You may figure it out by adding a thesis statement to specify the given question.

"The global population ... As there are more ..."

I think we can combine these two sentences above."Due to the increasing global population, reaching 9 billion, we have to expand our...natural resources."

Another thing I want to share with you is that in academic writing, try not to use ETC, LOTS OF, A LOT OF because they are informal words/ phrases.
gianggiangvn   
Sep 17, 2021
Writing Feedback / Hunger problem despite launched and implemented many advancements and breakthroughs in agriculture [3]

Question:
In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry.

Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?



Despite the fact that in agriculture many advancements and breakthroughs have been launched and implemented, the world still witnesses plenty of human beings in poverty or under malnourished condition. This essay will emphasize some reasons behind this contradict event and also suggest several solutions which my modify the reality.

To begin with, this serious problem has existed for some reasons in line with financial issues and other noticeable forces. In fact, those types of development have been invented and invested in order to stimulate the agriculture in developed countries while many developing countries whose major economy is agriculture cannot afford most of modern technologies. They still use mainly outdated methods in farming, resulting in poor crops with bring them a modest amount of produce or income which they have to manage to live on. Additionally, many regions must face other issues such as war and conflicts, climate change or poor natural resources preventing them from improving, making income or escaping from hunger. For example, a considerable number of nations in Africa have suffered from malnourished conditions because of their unpleasant weather which appears to bar them to doing farming properly or having productive crops.

As a result, it is essential to alleviate the problem with possible solutions. In order to support poor people, it is believed that wealthy individuals or residents from industrial countries should join hand, raise fund, and allocate the budget and resources to places in need. Moreover, every individual should be educated about climate crisis, environment, war and conflicts, so that they can be aware of the importance of having a better planet. In other words when humans live in positivity and security, they can focus on working and making money. Thus, they can possess advances themselves in improving productivity in farming instead of waiting for donation or allotment from others.

In conclusion, it is significant to identify the causes of hunger despite the improvement of technology and industry in agriculture. Consequently, several resolutions would be introduced effectively to address the current situation.