srandhawa
Dec 26, 2009
Undergraduate / "Oh... sometimes things happen." Something that didn't go as planned - MIT essay [8]
i acutally think your original conclusion was better, stronger, strange as that might seem. The new ending doesn't really leave me thinking, it just kind of ends flat, know what i mean? I thought the last line in particular of the last para was particularly strong, you have a good message there. However, my suggestion to add a line or two about the tangible diff. what it was and its true meaning remains, i think its important for the reader to see that. That would really add to the essay, and again, if you need some space, i think you can cut a little of your intro. Still, this is very good for a short prompt.
btw, i think this is great for an MIT prompt, i think you should show more about the tangible change, but as long as you relate the rest to of your application to a more science oriented base, this is great. Think of how many essays MIT will get about science, how an experiment for example didnt go according to plan, heres something unique and as long as you still stay science oriented, i think MIT will appreciate this kind of essay. Good luck, btw, do you think you have an answer about how i could avoid the abstract for my essay because the topic kind of invites it? Thanks alot
i acutally think your original conclusion was better, stronger, strange as that might seem. The new ending doesn't really leave me thinking, it just kind of ends flat, know what i mean? I thought the last line in particular of the last para was particularly strong, you have a good message there. However, my suggestion to add a line or two about the tangible diff. what it was and its true meaning remains, i think its important for the reader to see that. That would really add to the essay, and again, if you need some space, i think you can cut a little of your intro. Still, this is very good for a short prompt.
btw, i think this is great for an MIT prompt, i think you should show more about the tangible change, but as long as you relate the rest to of your application to a more science oriented base, this is great. Think of how many essays MIT will get about science, how an experiment for example didnt go according to plan, heres something unique and as long as you still stay science oriented, i think MIT will appreciate this kind of essay. Good luck, btw, do you think you have an answer about how i could avoid the abstract for my essay because the topic kind of invites it? Thanks alot