linmark
Feb 28, 2010
Undergraduate / Carleton Essays (teacher, subjects, career plan, development) [16]
This phrase after the hyphen seems disjointed from the beginning of your sentence (philosophical debates.)
What interest you the most - is it the thrill of piecing together the science puzzle? I would remove "root of my success" - or reword it so it is the success of solving the puzzle that motivates you the most.
I don't think you answered the prompt of why Carleton College:
This is very general - was there a particular department or club that drew you to C?
an environment in which I thrive.
This phrase after the hyphen seems disjointed from the beginning of your sentence (philosophical debates.)
The thrill of contributing pieces to science's puzzle is the root of my success.
What interest you the most - is it the thrill of piecing together the science puzzle? I would remove "root of my success" - or reword it so it is the success of solving the puzzle that motivates you the most.
I don't think you answered the prompt of why Carleton College:
the intelligent and open minded Carletonians smilecreating a warm college environment conducive to my learning and growth.
This is very general - was there a particular department or club that drew you to C?