Scholarship / Essay A:What Are The Most Important Qualities A Leader Must Have In Today's Society [4]

Hey guys, this is an essay for a scholarship I'm trying to apply for. Please help me revise and make this sound better because I really want to win this scholarship. So If you have an advice, comments, or criticism pleas e let me know. Thanks in advance!

Prompt: What Are The Most Important Qualities A Leader Must Have In Today's Society? And Why?

The most important qualities a leader must have in today's society are: the drive to achieve, a positive attitude, and respect to others.
A leader must have the drive to succeed and be successful in office. He/she can not sit and just hope for something to happen. They have to make it happen. They can make that happen by having the ability to come up with a plan to improve the flaws they have in the government. A leader must also have the determination to achieve and put together a better government. A leader can not be a slacker. He/she must be a person who is "on top of their game."

A positive attitude is another ...

Undergraduate / "The Poor Homeless Man"; I come from a family who believes in helping others as much as possible [3]

Hi guys, here is my 2nd prompt. Please give me any advice that will make my essay sound better. Remember all criticism is welcomed. Thanks in Advance!

Prompt #2
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?

I come from a family who believes in helping others as much as possible. Growing up, I always saw my parents helping family, friends, strangers, all kinds of people with things they need. They would help emotionally, spiritually, but they couldn't always help people financially because we never had extra money to spend . I completely admire them for that. My parents taught me to be a nice and caring person who looks out for the needs of others. One experience, that I encountered with two homeless people, was my most memorable helping experience.

One day, as I was driving home from Los Angeles, I saw a homeless man with a little girl standing on the side of the road. They held a sign that said "Please donate, we're hungry!" I have a huge heart for homeless people because I try to think of what I would want people to do for me if I wee in that situation, so I try to help them out as much as possible. So as I saw them, I turned my car around to see what I could do for them. I knew I didn't have a lot of money, but I really wanted to help them out. So instead of just feeling bad for them, I pulled over and asked what would they like from Bakers (the closest fast food restaurant) and her dad said just fries. I couldn't understand why he would just say fries. But knowing that they must have been starving, I decided to get each of them a cheese burger, large fries, and a large drink. When I brought the food to them, it made me feel so happy to see them smile and the happiness in the little girl's eyes. She ran up to me and gave me the biggest huge ever. I knew from that moment, that I made a difference in that little girl's life. The father took me to the side and thanked me and started crying. I gave him a hug and I began to get a little teary-eyed. And as he was crying, I gave him the forty dollars I had in my pocket. He was so thankful and it made me happy to see that I made a difference in someone's life. Although the money I gave him was my lunch money for the next two weeks, I was happy to give it to someone who needed it more than me. Although I was happy to help them, I was also sad to have to leave them behind. But at least I left them with a smile on their face. There is no better feeling than helping someone in need.

I don't know what happened to them after that, but I do know I tried the best I can to help them. I hope they are doing well, and they're getting their life together. I am proud to say I was able to help someone in need. The way I see it is, if I was in that situation, I would want someone to help me too.

Undergraduate / "World of innocence gone to a world of evil"- Describe the World You Come From [6]

Hi guys this is my personal statement. I have never written one before so I didn't know what to write. So please give me all the feedback you can so I can change it and make it better. Thanks in advance!

Here is the prompt: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations

My Essay:
When I was younger I lived in a world with no crime or suffering. Life was perfect. No stress, no hatred., nothing but love and happiness. Back then, I guess you can say I was in a world of innocence. Where death was unheard of. I lived in a "perfect world."

Hi my name is Britney Prince. I was born in San Diego, California. Growing up, the one person who had the biggest influence on me was my Auntie Ann. She was my world. She spoiled me and at the same time she was someone I always knew I could turn to. At least until December 29, 2006, a day I will never forget. It was the day my Auntie died of lung cancer. She meant everything to me she was always there when I needed her and I felt she would always be there for me. But when she passed away, I thought my whole world was falling apart. I felt discouraged but then I remembered that when my aunt was living, she made me promise that I would go to school and be successful and I always keep my promises. Till this day my aunt is the reason why I never give up. I shine like a star in everything I do and I just hope and pray she is looking down on me smiling proudly of all my accomplishments. Although I'm still devastated about her death, even though it has almost been four years, I will continue to keep my promise to her. I'm hoping to go to a college where I can learn and have fun at the same time. And like I always say, "Auntie Ann, this is for you." Remembering what she expected of me is why I will go to great lengths to fulfill my promise and make her proud.

I am determined to make good grades and become a successful registered nurse (R.N.) . I have decided to go in the nursing field, because I want to follow in the footsteps my aunt would have taken if she had the opportunity. She loved helping people. Even the people she didn't know. She saw life as an opportunity to help the ones that need it whether it be medically, financially or emotionally. But she always talked about being a nurse, but she never found the time to go to school. Watching how fast her life went by before she could do all the things she wanted has inspired me to accomplish her goal of being a registered nurse. I see life like she used to. That is why I will go in a field that will help others, so I can see the smile on their faces after I help them. My journey through life is about to begin and I will make sure to help people along the way.

Scholarship / "I am very close with my family" - Scholarship Essay [3]

This is the prompt I was given and the essay is written below it.
The scholarship essay helps scholarship providers get to know you a little better. Answer the following questions to help get you started.
-Tell us about who you are; your family, your interests
-What er your long range goals, where do you see yourself in about 10 to 20 years?
-How has your education so far prepared you for reaching your next goal?
-How are you different from others in your class and what sets you apart?
-What life experiences have you had that helped shape you?

Personal Essay
My name is Britney Prince and I am a senior at San Jacinto High School. My G.P.A. is a 4.26 and I am ranked number four out of the three hundred and ninety-seven students in my class. I like helping others so I have 264 hours of community service. Some things you might want to know about me are: I am very close with my family, I participate in extra-curricular activities, and I will not let anything stop me in pursuing my goals and dreams.

I am very family-oriented because my family means everything to me. At home, I live with my dad Craig, my mom Lisa, my older sister Candice, my twin sister Briana, and my younger brother Craig II. My dad works hard to provide for his family. It hurts me to see him work so much and to see how tired he is when he gets home everyday. One of my goals is to retire him so he doesn't have to work that hard. My mother is a stay at home mom. She stayed home and taught us respect and almost everything we know. My older sister Candice goes to MSJC and she works part-time. My twin sister Briana is similar to me in many ways. Such as our determination and willingness. My brother Craig is a sixth grader at North Mountain Middle School and he is very smart. Something that I like about my family is that they support me in everything I do.

I like participating in extra-curricular activities because it's a way of getting involved in school. The I participate in are: National Honor Society (3 years), CSF ( 3 years), and ASB in which I was Class President for three years and now hold the position of ASB President. Lastly, I love sports. My favorite sports are basketball and track. I have been on varsity teams since my freshmen year. Without sports and my other extra curricular activities, I do not know how I would have been able to survive high school. I'm proactive and very outgoing and so excited for my journey through life as an adult.

In about ten to twenty years I see myself as a successful R.N. or a bank teller at a successful bank. My education has prepared me so far because the courses I take prepares me for the field I will be studying in the future. I am different from others in my class because I am determined and I never give up. I will not let anyone or anything get in my way of pursuing my goals. The reason why I am so determined is mainly because of my Auntie Ann, who died December 29, 2004. My aunt meant everything to me she was always there when I needed her and I felt she would always be there for me. But when she died from lung cancer, I thought my whole world was falling apart. But then I remembered that when she was living, she made me promise that I would go to school and be somebody. Till this day she is the reason why I never give up. I shine like a star in everything I do and I just hope and pray she is looking down on me smiling proudly of all my accomplishments. Although I'm still devastated about her death, even though it has almost been 6 years, I will continue to keep my promise to her. I'm hoping to go to a college where I can learn and have fun at the same time. And like I always say, "Auntie Ann, this is for you." Remembering what she expected of me is why I will go to great lengths to fulfill her last wish and make her proud.

Writing Feedback / 'Building character' - Community Service- Synthesis Essay [3]

Hi my assignment is: Using the following documents on community service requirements in high schools, write a synthesis essay explaining whether you believe that high schools in general- or your specific school or district- should make community service mandatory. Incorporate references to or quotations from a minimum of three of these sources in you essay.

I know you don't have the documents I'm supposed to use, but here is my essay, and I want to know how does it sound and is there any corrections you think I should make. Also, does this sound like a synthesis essay because I wasn't too sure what a synthesis essay is. Thank you so much.

Community Service

Community service is very important because it helps build character, which is something that the Dalton School and the Detroit News would agree with me on. Having community service as a requirement to graduate is a good idea as long as the student can choose what type of community service they want to do; because it forces students to go out in their community and help others. Community Service doesn't have to have a negative effect on people, it can and usually has a good effect. Willie Grothman and Tim Phang are two high school students who started a community service club that helped a lot of people in their community. Community service can be extremely valuable in the development of both character, academics and it gives students a chance to give back to their community.

Community service builds character because after accomplishing something, it gives people a feel of satisfaction and accomplishment that makes students feel good about themselves. The Dalton School believes when an individual goes out in the world and interacts with other people in the spirit of bettering, that individual makes a contribution and will feel a sense of accomplishment. But on the other hand, some people argue that it is wrong to force students into doing community service. Arthur Stukas,

Mark Snyder, and E. Gil Clary said students were less affected even if they had a choice of community service. These scientists also say that researchers have found that students who initially did not want to volunteer found that they actually enjoyed helping others if requirements were applied gently and with their input and involvement in the process. In my opinion that is what we want to happen when students are involved in community service.

From graph two that Mark Hugo presents is that community service has a high rating from the students who are educationally successful which shows that community service can have a positive affect on people. In the Detroit News, they talked about a thirteen year-old boy named John Prueter and the type of community service he did and the positive affect it had on him. He volunteered at the Alterra Sterling House, an assisted living home in Hampton Township. From this experience from John, he now wants to study nursing and he said he became interested in the field because of his volunteer work. This shows the positive result of community service because it can also lead you into the career path you would have never known you liked until you volunteered.

Putting time into your community is a way of "giving back". The Dalton School says the moral center of a community, that place where we can find the values of empathy, compassion, and caring, is the basis for civic responsibility and the success of that community. In the Washington Post by Tara Bahrampour, she writes about two high school students, Willie Grothman and Tim Phang of Washington- Lee High School experienced the success of community service. They formed a community service club called the Willie Grothman Club and they held things like walking for AIDS, for the

homeless and for breast cancer in an event in which they took turns walking relays all night around a track in the rain. For these events they collect pledges of money from friends and family members for each mile they walked or each bowling pin they knocked down. These guys were some of the most inspiring people because they were not just helping their community, but the people in their community who were homeless, had AIDS, etc. Not only did this club change the members' lives, but also it changed the lives of others around them, and the people they were helping.

Community service does not have to be a negative because it can always turn into a positive. In the Dalton School, the Washington Post, the Detroit News, and Arthur Stukas, Mark Snyder, E. Gil Clary, and Mark Hugo, they all helped me determine that community service should be a requirement to graduate because it can change peoples lives for the better.

Thank you for reading my essay but I have another question, which introduction sounds better, the one above or this one:

Community service is very important because it helps build character. Having community service as a requirement to graduate is a good idea because it forces students to go out in their community and help others. Community Service doesn't have to have a negative effect on students, it can have a good effect or no effect at all. Willie Grothman and Tim Phang - two high school students who started a community service club that helped a lot of people in their community-, The Dalton School, and The Detroit News- who did a story on John Prueter- would agree that community service is important. Community service can be extremely valuable in the development of both character, academics and it gives students a chance to give back to their community.

Book Reports / Arthur Miller's The Crucible - essay [6]

I haven't finished yet, but I need some help on figuring out so far does the topic sentences go with the intro. If you can help me ASAP I will surely appreciate it. Thank You.

Analysis Essay: The Crucible

In the play the Crucible, Arthur Miller writes about the Salem witchcraft and the Red Scare. He writes about a group of girls who practiced witchcraft and how the girls denied it by blaming innocent people. On page 102, Miller writes about Proctor's shame for cheating on his wife. In this play, Miller uses tone, metaphor, and epiphany to develop his perspective, that sin brings shame and desperation removes pride.

The author uses tone when Proctor calls Abigail a "whore" because the audience can feel the anger that Proctor has towards her. Proctor begins to feel ashamed for lusting because he knows if he never "knew" Abigail, his wife would not be in jail. The audience can also feel Proctor's rage when he says; " She thinks to dance with me on my wife's grave!" Proctor knows that Abigail is trying to get rid of Elizabeth (Proctor's wife), so she can be with him. So now, he is starting to feel regret and shame because he knows he made a huge mistake. At this point Proctor is becoming desperate to let the court know that Abigail lied about accusing Elizabeth for practicing witchcraft. He is so desperate to save his wife that he is willing to let the court know of his lust with Abigail.

The author uses metaphor in the quote "... where my beasts are bedded", so his audience knows that Proctor was with Abigail in a sexual way. As Proctor says these remarks, he feels ashamed for being with a woman that was not his wife. Proctor was desperate to save his wife's life, so he knew he had to come clean and tell everyone why Abigail would call Elizabeth a witch. Miller uses the word bedded in this quote to refer to something that only happens in bed.

Miller uses epiphany to show Proctor's shame. For example, when Proctor says, "A man may think God sleeps, but God sees everything", he was referring to how people think God is not always paying attention to what they do but he sees everything. Miller uses the word "sleeps", to give the readers a sense of how people think God is not always paying attention to them when they commit a sin. Proctor feels ashamed for thinking God would not see what he was doing "in the proper place" because now he sees, what happens in the dark, comes to the light.

In this play, on page 102, Arthur Miller presents how Proctor's sin brought him shame and his desperation for saving his wife removed his pride.

Undergraduate / How does my reflective essay sound? [3]

Can you help me perfect my reflective essay? Here it is please help me make corrections and make it sound good.

I need this by 9:00 November 15th. Thank you

Has there ever been a time where your parents told you not to play in the house? Well it has for me; my mom had always told me not to play in the house because someone could get hut, but I never believed it until July 8, 2007, the scariest day of my life. Now I know parents do not say not to play in the house to be mean, but for their child's safety.

On July 8, 2007, around eight o'clock in the evening, my brother was in his room watching TV and I hit him with his blue Bob the Builder pillow, thinking it was funny, so he it me back and we hit each other back in fourth for a while. Then when he least expected, while he was watching TV, I hit him in his face with his pillow and his head hit the corner of his bed. I thought he was OK, but calmly he said, " I think I'm bleeding." I told him no he is not bleeding but is he OK, and he said yes and he put his hand behind his head and there was a gush of blood. I did not know what to do, I just screamed and panicked looking for my parents. The only thing that was going through my mind was, my brother is going to die.

My sisters and I ran outside to get my dad, while he was working on his car, and my mom was with my brother. My dad ran in the house as fast as a cheetah and got a towel to stop the bleeding. My dad had taught us at that moment; whenever you have a head injury and it is bleeding, apply pressure to it and it should slow down the breathing. At that moment, I was shaking so badly I thought I was going to pass out. My mom called a hospital in Murrieta, and told them we were coming. We knew not to go to Hemet hospital because they are very slow. As we were leaving to get in the car to go to the hospital, I told my brother how sorry I was and when I saw the towel he used for his head, it was all covered in blood and made me cry to know I was the one who did that to him. My mom was so upset with me she would not let me sit by my brother in the car I had to sit in the passenger seat, which made me feel worse for what I did.

We made it to the hospital in about forty- five minutes and when we went in they say my brother right away. They said he was fine but he would need stitches so they told us to wait in the waiting room, but instead we waited in the car because it was too cold. As we were waiting in the car, my brother tried to go to sleep because it was 10 o'clock at night, but I told him that you are not supposed to go to sleep after a head injury because you can die. He said, " Ok I wont go to sleep if you stay up with me." So we stayed awake until 12 o'clock when the doctor went to get my brother so she can stitch his head. I was so scared for him because I thought stitches would hurt, but when he came out, he said it only felt like a pinch. When my brother walked out the hospital, I was so happy to see him I cried. Everyday since then, I have appreciated him a lot more because we did not have a good relationship before that day.

I think of that day as a life lesson learned. When I reflect back on that day, I could have prevented my brother's head injury if only I had not hit my brother that last time. I also should have been relaxed, and told my brother to stay calm when we saw all that blood because when I freaked out, he did too. I believe God was showing me why my parents always said not to play in the house. Ever since then, I have not. That experience has made me realize when my parents say not to do something, it is because they do not want anyone to get hurt.