Undergraduate /
UC Prompt #1. scattered thoughts.The workd you come from [8]
Sentences in italics are things I feel need to be changed, but Idk how. I also don't know what to write next.This essay is suppoesd to be
300 words and atm it is 357. I'm thinking about deleting the first paragraph anyway.
I'm trying to elevate the diction and make the sentences better make it sound somewhat professional but right now its not working. and im just like ughhhplease help, thanks in advance.
PS: I feel like i have a good topic / concept but the wording is just not there right.
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Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations. (300 words)Perspective is the angle with which we view the world. When committed to only one angle, our community as we see it becomes narrow, and subject to the critique of one culture, one set of laws and flaws. Yet as one changes perspective, inheriting various outlooks on life, each new challenge presents an opportunity to __________. [remove whole paragraph?]
A young girl, eating lunch with her friends in the heart of Chinatown, is gently pulled aside. Her mother tells her two words that she is too young to fully comprehend.
"We're moving."
Blissfully unaware, the naïve child asks, "How many friends can I bring?" Her mother responds with a somber yet knowing smile.
For a long time after our move, I felt as if I had been pulled apart:
one foot trapped in Chinatown, San Francisco, and the other in San Diego. I could not understand why we were leaving the community that I had known for so many years.
I had told my friends that I would be back soon. [remove?]
Not realizing it at the time, I had been attending a school where over 90% of the students were Asian American, and
although other races were always welcome, they were admittedly rare.
As a community, we had shared one culture, celebrating Chinese New Year with dragon parades and attending Chinese school to learn our characters. Shifting to a community in which ethnic diversity was commonplace, I ironically felt lost and out of place.
Expanding my definition of community had created a new and unforgettable chapter in my life. Although my fluency in Chinese was later replaced by English and Spanish, I eventually grew accustomed to, and appreciative of, the various cultures and perspectives of my new companions. Gaining an admiration for varying approaches to life, I flourished with friends
that I now could not imagine my life without.
Most importantly, I expanded my perspectives on life, from relationships to daily issues. [i hate this sentence]
This ability to look at things from different perspectives have shaped my dreams and aspirations to become an engineer.Engineers solve problems, often on a global scale.With a broad spectrum of growing perspectives, wegfearbgaewr
[wanted to tie "changing perspectives" into how engineers need to be able to look at problems from different angles. But not just say it like that, instead say it more professional. Bleh.]
I usually write better than this but for some reason this topic is hard for me to express. Or what im trying to say is hard for me to express. idkkkkkk 