Unanswered [13] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by ershad193
Joined: May 25, 2010
Last Post: Nov 12, 2014
Threads: 14
Posts: 333  
Likes: 5
From: India

Displayed posts: 347 / page 9 of 9
sort: Latest first   Oldest first  | 
ershad193   
Jun 30, 2010
Graduate / Admission for Phd in Epidemiology [10]

Now I am confused. Do you mean you won't be including your cover letter when you contact your potential supervisor?

Anyway, right now I am at the same stage as you are. What I have done (or am going to do) is as follows:

1) Identify a potential supervisor with research interests similar to mine.
2) Go through his/her recent publications and read a couple of relevant papers.
3) Email them, which includes,
a line to express my interest
a brief intro about myself
how I like their work (I cite the paper)
provide some insight if I can
tell them to find my attached CV (about two pages long as my background is in engg.)
salutation
4) Wait for a couple of weeks (some of them reply, others don't)

Good luck!!!
ershad193   
Jun 30, 2010
Undergraduate / Personal Statement for Application to Undergraduate Bionengineering Program. [7]

Hi Tom

The positioning of the sentence, "I enjoyed the challenges of math and science in general and biology and physics in particular and have known from an early age that I would like to combine these interests in a career", is questionable. It seems to break the flow of the essay.

I would put it just before the line, "Pursuing a career in medical research...".

...working to provide advanced medical solutions ... why don't you name a profession or two? It will be more specific and it will also justify the line, "Research in areas such as this, as well as others being explored within the department, also coincides perfectly with my personal goals for the future"

Hope I was of some help! :)
ershad193   
Jun 30, 2010
Writing Feedback / The Odyssey Years, drifting through life without a tangible goal in mind [11]

Thanks, Phil

That is some great advice. I had never thought about writing in such a logical way, but I'll do so from now on.

But then, like I mentioned before, those four paragraphs are your thesis statement which implies to the reader that your evidence will be structured in the following manner....I didn't get what you meant. Would you please explain it a bit more?

About the link: Just go to the page that you want others to read; copy the link address from the address bar of your explorer and paste it in any thread you want.
ershad193   
Jun 29, 2010
Writing Feedback / The Odyssey Years, drifting through life without a tangible goal in mind [11]

Hi Phil

I guess it is incomplete. It was not a thought up essay. As I said I was really bored, so I started writing about the first thing that came to my mind. I had read somewhere about that particular term a couple of years back.

Anyway, I did think about writing the consequences these years can have on us. But I realized, I didn't have any clue whatsoever and at 22, I am not old enough to write from my own experience. So, I finished it with rather hastily.

So, what did you think of it?

By the way, I've seen you give some great advice for an admission essay. Would you like to take a look at mine too?
ershad193   
Jun 29, 2010
Writing Feedback / The Odyssey Years, drifting through life without a tangible goal in mind [11]

Hello! I got really bored after analyzing tensors, so I started analyzing something else. This is what came out. I'd really like some feedback.

The odyssey years, as the phrase goes, mean the years of drifting through life without a tangible goal in mind. Rachel, Chandler and Phoebe were depicted to be going through such a phase in the popular sitcom Friends. In fact, most people, except the blessed few, have to deal with it at some point of their lives. It is open to debate as to what causes them to lose the dreams and ambitions they had in their childhood.

As the term implies, people sail through these years without knowing their destination. It is an odyssey through the wilderness of doubts and uncertainties, but one that does not lead to the Promised Land. People change their jobs frequently; take up different courses without knowing whether these will improve their resume and often take up a career which is entirely different from their background. Students experience simultaneous interest and disinterest in their chosen disciplines. The recent trend of taking a "gap year" epitomizes the extent and the gravity of the situation.

So, what are the reasons which make us live our lives like a rudderless boat? The first reason would be an over-dependence on the family. As our each and every want is fulfilled by our parents, we do not feel the need to go in search of one on our own. Secondly, the pressure from our peers motivates us to take up a particular career without giving much thought to its suitability. A third cause, which is more prevalent in countries like India, is the parental pressure. Parents often force children to take up careers which adhere to the social norms (the most common being engineering and medicine). As a result, they soon lose track of their original goals and mechanically work to make their parents happy.

It takes a good deal of self-introspection to come out of this phase. Unlike the adolescent years, these can continue past the middle age. Therefore, it is essential for students and parents to really think about the destination before embarking on the journey. Of course, it helps if you've got Monica, Ross and Joey to guide you.
ershad193   
Jun 28, 2010
Writing Feedback / ILETS: Description of a camera [3]

AThe case of thea camera is divided into two main parts

...size of athe hole in...

Byspinningturning the variable aperture, we establish the neededcan adjust the size of the hole which determines athe width of a path of light rays from a subject.

I see that you have used simple sentences. But if I am not mistaken, IELTS looks for a some complex and compound sentences. Therefore, try to incorporate few of those.
ershad193   
Jun 28, 2010
Writing Feedback / Write about anything we feel effects our world [6]

I think your first sentence is incomplete. What is it that defines us? Our diversity? Values? Customs?
Add a word that is the theme of the paragraph.
ershad193   
Jun 28, 2010
Essays / active citizenship in a global context differs across continents - introducation [7]

You could start off by saying how active citizenship depends on the constitution and the type of government a country has. Whether historically people of that country engaged were active citizens or is it just a new concept?

Then discuss the various factors which constitute active citizenship for each country, like voting rights, fundamental duties and whether these are well defined or not.

Anyway, I've got just a vague idea about active citizenship. There might be other people in this forum who can give you better advice.

Good luck!
ershad193   
Jun 26, 2010
Graduate / Academic Statement of Purpose for PhD program of Chemical Engineering [5]

Hi Dening

You have not mentioned your research interests. All that you have said concerns your research experience.

Did you join Dr S' group because you wanted to have some research experience or because you were interested in it? In case of the latter or both, just mention a line or two that you really enjoy studying multi-phase flow or that you were always attracted to the applications of CFD.

If it's the first case, then you have to explain your research interests briefly.

"I also want my future career to provide people a better life by solving problems closely related to everyday living"...a doctor, lawyer, politician, anyone can say that line. so be more specific. tell them precisely what you want to do after your PhD.

Entering the XXX would definitely open a new chapter in my life. XXX is a famous and respected university, and I am convinced that I am a worthy candidate for the program

Again, a very general sentence. Say exactly why you want to join that university. Try to link the reasons with your research interests.

I think your essay is a good first draft. You have an excellent background and coupled with your experience, you will make a very strong case.

So, write another draft keeping those points in mind and post it here.

Cheers!!!
ershad193   
Jun 26, 2010
Undergraduate / "A plane trip we took from Germany to London" - UF admission essay [19]

Hey Erin chill! I am not judging you. Most thirteen year olds are stupid. When I was thirteen I thought the black community of the US were actually West Indians (or was it, that Monica Lewinsky was Bill's wife and Hillary his mistress?).

Anyway, what I meant was, you seem to imply that all young teenagers get scared by foreigners, which is certainly not the truth. you just need to change the sentence slightly to make it sound like it was just you who was scared.
ershad193   
Jun 26, 2010
Undergraduate / "A plane trip we took from Germany to London" - UF admission essay [19]

"...something especially terrifying for a foreign thirteen-year-old." ( you are generalizing... make it slightly personal)

I liked your essay. btw what was the life-threatening situation?

you can say something about how you can change similar perceptions in people by citing your example.

Good luck! I hope you get admitted.
ershad193   
Jun 25, 2010
Graduate / SOP for admission in Ph. D. program in Mechanical Engineering at Canada [6]

....and opportunities that the field of engineering has to offer, that I decided to make my career in it.

Apart from my studies at XXX, my research work with Dr. XXX gave me a first hand experience of how to implement fundamentals and how to perceive the balance between theory and practice to deal with research projects from start to finish.

the above statement seems a bit vague. support it by an example.

or, is it the one you are talking about in the next para?

Regarding your first paragraph, I would say that it is unconventional. But, as I do not have any knowledge regarding its suitability, I will not comment on it. I'll just say that a formal tone is the safest.

And of course, you have to sign your SOP.

If you are interested you can comment on my SOP.
ershad193   
Jun 25, 2010
Writing Feedback / Chronic fatigue and depression in USA vs Asia: Reasoning of an argument [4]

another good essay.

the first line of the second para seems a bit prejudiced and paradoxical. Japanese have a high standard of living. And if standard of living is an indicator, then poorer nations should have reported higher health disorders.

you could have said something about the diversity of diet in Asia. For instance, India accounts for a huge chunk of Asian population and soy is not a popular ingredient in the traditional Indian diet. What I mean to say is that, the survey may not have taken into account all of the Asian countries, instead focusing on the Oriental diet.

you seem to repeat the phrase, "author has to provide data/material", a lot. this tends to project a bad image regarding your vocabulary.

Now, I don't know how to rate this but my personal opinion would be 4/6.
ershad193   
Jun 24, 2010
Graduate / Letter of Application to Graduate School Rehabilitative Counseling program [6]

the lines, " It was a basic guide for nonprofessional counselors by Eugene Kennedy and Sara Charles. I began reading the first page and before I new it, I was on page 92 and completely submerged in the author's story", seem irrelevant.

your reasons for selecting Thomas University seem to be spread all over the essay. I suggest you include them in a single paragraph.

in your first draft, you said a lot about your professional experience, while there seems very little in the second. You must include your relevant professional experience although brevity must be exercised.
ershad193   
Jun 24, 2010
Scholarship / Scholarship question: How has performing arts effected my life? (493 words used) [6]

... has given me the confidence

.... I made more enemies

... as I had planned ...

Three things

1) Your first sentence is too long.

2) Check your punctuation.

3) If the words "enemy's" and "idea's" are not typing mistakes, then learn the usage of the apostrophe (any dictionary or google will do).
ershad193   
Jun 24, 2010
Writing Feedback / IELTS essay: Factors Contributing to Job Satisfaction [5]

actually the second and third paras are one paragraph. i mistakenly pressed the enter key when i was pasting it :)

Your essay certainly gives a different point of view from mine.

Anyway, thanks for your feedback.
ershad193   
Jun 24, 2010
Writing Feedback / IELTS essay: Factors Contributing to Job Satisfaction [5]

Need some feedback.

As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual well being.
What factors contribute to job satisfaction? How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?


Mostly, whenever people look for a job, they think about their long term future. As such, it becomes imperative for them to find a job which is interesting and fulfilling on a personal level. In other words, they must be satisfied with the job they want to spend their life on.

There are many factors which have impact on the job satisfaction of an employee. Financial security is probably the primary and most important of them all. If a person is not paid adequately so that he can prosper and enjoy life's perks, he will hardly be satisfied with his job.

Secondary factors like, a compatible working environment is essential to the happiness of an employee. Unfriendly colleagues and unnecessary competition often give rise to a hostile atmosphere, resulting in conflicts, reduced performances and depression. The number of working hours also has an effect on the likeability of the job. A person is not likely to enjoy his work if he does not get enough time to spend with his friends and family. Another significant factor is the relevance of the job to the employee's background. Working in a different field to one's educational background may involve several adjustments, which some people may not be comfortable with.

The extent to which workers can expect job satisfaction may depend on the location of their work. Someone from a developed country, like the US or UK would have better financial stability and less competition than workers from developing countries. People from poor countries usually think about the money they will earn rather than how much they will like the work. Secondly, an employed worker from such a country hardly looks for other avenues as laziness or complacency creeps in. There is also fierce competition in overpopulated places, which makes any job seem priceless.

In conclusion, I have to say that job satisfaction is a very important aspect of a worker's life. The factors discussed above can provide it to some level. While the concept of job satisfaction is prevalent in the developed countries, there is still very little scope for expectation in the developing countries.
ershad193   
Jun 24, 2010
Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Some people believe that the Earth is being harmed (damaged) by human [3]

Even though I have experience in only IELTS essays, I will give some general advice.

You should not put your opinion on the first paragraph itself. The concluding paragraph is used for that purpose.

Include a paragraph containing the view you are against of. Finally, when you show that your stance is better, or is advantageous, your argument will be more convincing.

Hope this helps.
ershad193   
Jun 24, 2010
Writing Feedback / ILETS: The affects of smoking upon health and the benefits gained from stopping [4]

Hi

Just a simple grammar advice. Whenever you use a singular noun which represents a class or group (i.e. a collective noun), use the article 'the' before it.

I am referring to the first sentence. You have used 'modern', an adjective, followed by 'society', a collective noun; hence, it should be, 'the modern society'.

The word "topical" could be replaced by "typical".

Since I am not a native speaker, I don't know how much of this will be helpful but I hope nonetheless.
ershad193   
Jun 23, 2010
Essays / What is the more important natural or nurture [7]

Hi Nesreen

I recently wrote an essay on a similar topic. It was about whether children can be taught to become good sportsmen or musicians even if they do not have natural talent.

You can use stereotypes and traditions to explain the nurture theme, which can be easily supported by examples.

For the natural part, as Kevin says, genetic inheritance can be explained. Use examples wherever possible. Describe whether a genius can be made or has to be god-given.

Finally conclude your argument with a logical statement.

Hope this will help if I am not sounding too vague :)
ershad193   
Jun 22, 2010
Undergraduate / Peace Corps essay-"Describe living in a social cultural environment different.." [6]

Hi Nina

Your essay is really great. Although you have touched lightly on the subject of gender inequality, I think you can slightly elaborate it; a couple of lines maybe.

You should probably write the line "I had a thirst of experiencing new things after that" in a different way.

Finally, in the last line, the word "zeal " seems a bit overboard considering you went to Pakistan because of your mother. You can use it if you can justify it by other examples of cultural interactions. Otherwise, use a toned down word.

Anyway, I really enjoyed reading your essay.

Good luck!

Ershad
ershad193   
Jun 22, 2010
Scholarship / MSc in Tourism management course - Essay for university scholarship. [7]

Devashish

Your first two lines are essentially the same. Also, don't you think it's kind of a cliched idea that you want to study in UK because it "is one of the most popular study destinations for education in world ". Tell them something unique, something special that caught your eye. It could be something about the program you intend to study there, or it could be something about the University that you want to join.

Anyway, that is just my opinion.

Good luck!
ershad193   
Jun 20, 2010
Writing Feedback / Car has helped people a lot, but the negative effects of automobile exceed the positive effects [2]

i think the first line can be rewritten as
"It is obvious that the automobile is one of the great inventions of the twentieth century".

The advantages of automobiles such as the ability to delivertransport people and goods to any location we want with a litter amount ofwithin a short time has helped people canto be in contact with each other and contribute towards the development of business.

However, there are some disadvantages fromof automobileswhich make me believe that the automobile isthey are destroying our quality of life, such as,by causing air pollution, car accidents, and makemaking our economies depend on oil ofthe few countries that produce oil.

lamktqd , I think your essay needs heavy editing but that may leave the final product seemingly unoriginal. So, i suggest you pick up a good grammar book and go through the fundamentals, then rewrite the essay and post it here for a review.

Cheers!!!

Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳