Undergraduate / Education: Key to Eradication: Uchicago option 3 essay [6]

Hello, I am seeking transfer admissions to the University of Chicago. This is the "extended essay option". The prompt is to "Salt, governments, beliefs, and celebrity couples are a few examples of things that can be dissolved. You've just been granted the power to dissolve anything: physical, metaphorical, abstract, concrete... you name it. What do you dissolve, and what solvent do you use?"

Keeping in mind that this is already submitted, I was wondering if I could possibly get any feedback. Do you guys think it's simply good enough? Does it portray a powerful message? It is original/innovative/unique? What was your reaction when reading this? What feelings/thoughts did it create within you? Sorry, I'm just looking for some honest feedback. I refrained from using high-level vocabulary because I wanted to come across as humble and give the sense that I'm being honest, which I am. I could've used a higher level vocab but I believed it would come across as arrogant, among other things. Hope to hear from you guys soon. Sorry about the length!

Education: Key to Eradication

Learning has always been a passion of mine. Growing up, I remember my mom being
irritated by something. It wasn't the long shifts at work or that she was a single parent, it was me.
I would always bombard her with questions such as, "How do bees fly? How does a car work? If
you cut off your arm, will it grow back?" Finally, the first day of school arrived. It was a happy
moment for my mom and me. I was happy that I was going to learn valuable information. She
was happy to temporarily get rid of me. On the first day, I remember my teacher asked each
student to stand up and introduce themselves. We had to say our name and an interesting fact
about ourselves. When it was my turn, I said, "Hi, my name is Emmanuel and I just moved here
from Mexico!" However, I was embarrassed because I was in the process of learning English. I
must have been unclear to the students since one of them looked at me and shouted, "This is
America, learn how to speak English". After school, I went home crying. Confused and hurt, I
didn't want to go back.
Immigrating to this country has been a beautiful, but frightful experience. I was brought
to America under severe circumstances. My mom escaped economic turmoil and left everything
behind in Mexico. Coming to America at an early age, I immediately immersed myself in
American culture. I was exposed to greasy cheeseburgers and reality television shows like
American Idol. Although I feel like an American, many don't consider me to be. Whenever I
disclose my status, I get two distinct reactions, either people don't care or they ridicule me. In
fact, it has happened that people, whom I have admired, have met me with retribution. I have
been told, "You should go back to your country, you don't belong here," or my favorite, "Your
people make me sick".
Undocumented immigrants have recently faced the scrutiny of the public. Through
personal experience, I know that a majority of undocumented immigrants are like American
families, working hard for a better life. However, through the scope of the media, society is made
to believe that all undocumented immigrants are criminals and that they steal hard-earned
American tax money. Even the word "illegal" is a derogatory term because no human should be
considered illegal. I am constantly defending against these accusations and prejudices because I
have realized the root of the immigration controversy doesn't truly concern matters of the
economy. Plain and simple, the immigration debate is about race and not allowing diversity to be
recognized and valued in our society.
The discrimination against diversity is awful. As a Latino immigrant in America, I have
suffered through name calling, bullying, and most importantly disrespect for my culture. It seems
as though Americans fear diversity because they are so used to their own lifestyles. By
observation, I have concluded that this society expects immigrants to fully assimilate to
American culture. However, I firmly believe that this society would be stronger in helping
immigrants adapt to American culture while still honoring their heritage. The hostile sentiments
against the increasing diversity in our society should be dissolved immediately. An accessible
and effective solvent to resolve these issues would be an "education". In a world that is getting
increasingly smaller, we need to understand others before we can move forward.
I feel that education is the key to eradicate prejudices because it has helped me overcome
misconceptions in my life. Growing up, I refused to call my father in Mexico because all I knew
of him was that he was an alcoholic and had abused my mom. However, one day my mom told
me that he loved me and that he was a sincerely a good man, my thoughts about him began to
change. I understood that he was addicted to alcohol and it was hard for him to control his
actions. I now appreciate my father even though I haven't been able to contact him in years.
Most importantly, I am glad that I gained a better perception of him. Consequently, as my
experiences have shown, an education is an effective resource to eradicate misconceptions,
especially concerning the hostility against diversity.
As a society, we must invasively educate the public about the importance of diversity.
Instead of relying on the biased media outlets, we must stress people to become critical thinkers.
We should focus more on propagating shows such as Dora the Explorer. Shows like Dora are a
great way to reach out to youth and teach them to become respectful of other cultures. In her
show, Dora goes beyond just teaching about basic Spanish vocabulary, shapes, and numbers. She
teaches children about the elements of the Latino culture.
Dora the Explorer has helped my Polish girlfriend's nephew, Peter, learn how to adapt in
a diverse society. As soon as I met Peter, I noticed he was a fast learner. Once he started
kindergarten, I was surprised to hear that he was falling behind the other children. His teacher
said that he didn't talk to his classmates because they were different from him; they were
majority Hispanic. The next time I went to visit Peter, I sat with him and watched Dora. As we
were watching Dora, I told him that she was Hispanic like I was and many of his classmates. I
helped him realize that people like Dora, despite their different skin color and culture, are people
too. After a couple of months, Peter began to make new friends and he improved in his school
work. I still continue helping Peter adapt to this diverse society and I am proud of him for
accepting others different than him.
On the other hand, Parents should cultivate their youth to become critical and tolerant
thinkers. They should expose their children to new cultures to help them obtain an understanding
of other group identities and to interact with people different from them. Ultimately, parents
model the behavior that their children develop. I know this because my mom has been a role
model in helping me understand others. When I first came to America, I didn't realize how
diverse the population was; it was a big culture shock. I didn't know how to react, so I looked up
to her for guidance. Instead of reacting with hostility, my mom eagerly interacted with people
from other cultures, despite the obvious language barrier. Thanks to my mom, she gave me the
courage to embrace and learn from the different people around me.
Overall, communities should educate its citizenry about diversity. In Chicago, I have
personally seen each ethnic community in proactively stressing their heritage. For example,
when visiting ethnic communities such as China Town, I have been welcomed with open arms.
Whenever I visited a little shop, the people have always kindly respected me. They would
answer any questions and the look on their faces told me that they were proud of sharing their
heritage. Each time I felt like I have actually visited their native country.
In the end, each individual should reach out of their comfort zone and embrace diversity
instead of feeling alienating. Personally, despite my open tolerance of others, I'm not perfect.
Sometimes, I hesitate in trying out a new cultural experience. However, every time this happens,
I acknowledge my experiences with prejudice and how much I have learned from others. A
resilient education is the perfect solvent to eradicate any fears, judgments, and misconceptions
people have about other cultures. In my opinion, we must not let America succumb to its greatest
strength---its diversity.

Undergraduate / P.A.D.S., a life changing experience. Common App Extracurricular Essay. [7]

Please help me evaluate this essay. I need to cut it down, any suggestions? Please critique it harshly, I promise you I won't get mad at all.

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (150 words or fewer, 1000 character maximum).

The day I began volunteering at P.A.D.S, at a homeless shelter, I knew that I would be making a difference in someone's life. However, I didn't realize how much of a difference it would have on my life. The day I arrived at the site, there was a blistering cold in the air. All the homeless people stood outside, and like marching ants in the rain, they awaited their turn to seek shelter. One by one, I expedited the registration process and explained the rules so that they wouldn't have to suffer under Mother Nature's wrath. After, I decided to play with a shy, little boy named Carlos who was at the shelter with his mom. He told me how upset he was because his dad moved far away; his mom was always crying, and how he didn't have a beautiful house to live in. Immediately, my heart sank into my stomach and overbearing emotions took control of me. As I looked into his innocent and glistening green eyes, I saw myself years ago. I remembered of the time when I first sought shelter in America. I remembered the time when I shared a small, dark room with my mother and brother. Of the time when we would walk for countless hours in my neighborhood; we would rummage through garbage with the intent of looking for cans to sell them at a local recycling plant and looking for any toys to play with. Retuning to reality, as I wiped a tear from my face, I gave Carlos a big hug. I told him that I went through the same situation and ushered him to be strong. I explained that in the end, everything will be okay. From that day on, I realized that I would devote my life to helping others. P.A.D.S. was the first stepping stone to this epiphany and it would not be the last.

Undergraduate / Ignorance and xenophobia, U of C Supplement, Dissolved and Solvent [13]

I'm worried about the length. It is too long? I hope anyone can check the grammar, structure, and do you think my message is strong? Should I chose another prompt? How is the essay as a whole?

Essay Option 3. Salt, governments, beliefs, and celebrity couples are a few examples of things that can be dissolved. You've just been granted the power to dissolve anything: physical, metaphorical, abstract, concrete...you name it. What do you dissolve, and what solvent do you use?

Inspired by Greg Gabrellas, A.B. 2009

Immigrating to this country has been a beautiful and frightening experience. When I first came to the U.S., the most exciting thing in my life was having the opportunity to encounter, befriend, and learn from people of other cultures. This diversity encouraged me to understand others, educated me about innovative and breathtaking ideas, and cultivated an environment for personal growth. At the same time, growing up in America has been a difficult experience. I have been challenged because of the color of my skin and ridiculed for having had an accent.

While diversity can be a beautiful experience, nevertheless, it is not fully embraced. As a society, we expect immigrants to assimilate rather than find the appropriate balance of being Americans and honoring their heritage. Sadly, diversity has spawned ignorance and xenophobia in the place of understanding, respect, and growth. However, not every American has been lucky enough to grow up into two worlds as I have. The hostile sentiments against the increasing diversity in our society should be dissolved immediately. We must celebrate the difference in ethnicities, races, cultures, or ideas in order to strengthen our nation rather than divide us. The solvent is one that is easily accessible and effective: education. In a world that is getting increasing smaller, due to easier access of technology, a resilient education that teaches how diversity can be a learn experience rather than separate us is necessary.

As a society, we must nationally recognize the importance of diversity. The media has a devastating role in our perception of other cultures. We are made to fear rather than explore differences. As a result, the first step is that we must become critical thinker rather than blindly absorb speculations of the media. Furthermore, we should focus more on propagating shows such as Dora the Explorer. Although just a children's animated T.V. show, Dora's teaching goes beyond just our basic Spanish vocabulary, shapes, and numbers. Dora teaches children about the elements of the Latino culture, a new language, and that when encountered with a new culture, we should embrace and learn from it. Other nationally syndicated programs, ones that reach wider audiences, should be put in place.

Moreover, each individual community must take part in stressing that diversity can be a beautiful experience. In Chicago, I have personally seen this at work. When visiting ethnic communities such as China Town or Devon Avenue, I have been welcomed with open arms and the people have been more than glad to share their culture with me. These ethnic communities offer tourists a wealth of information and a glimpse into their native country.

Parents must also cultivate the next generation of youth to become critical, tolerant thinkers. This can be done by exposing their children to new cultural experiences, help them obtain a healthy understanding of other group identities, and create opportunities to interact with people different from them. Ultimately, parents have to model the behavior of open tolerance and be honest about differences between two people. I know this for a fact because my mom has been an immense role model in helping me understand others and pushing me to enrich myself within the context of other cultures.

Personally, it is up to every individual to seek out and explore the diversity in their communities. Each person should emerge themselves as comfortably as they see fit. Personally, despite my open tolerance to emerge myself in different cultures, I admit that I'm not perfect. Sometimes, I hesitate to partake in trying a new experience when I see something unfamiliar within another culture. However, every time this happens I acknowledge my values and prepare myself to embrace these healthy, enriching opportunities. This realization and commitment provides me with a great source of inspiration and when emerging myself; every single time I am left with wanting more.

Undergraduate / "The day of my graduation" - Personal: Applying to Ivy Leagues [6]

I hope that you can guys please review this and thank you. I have not gone it over, I literally wrote this like an hour ago. But thanks! Here is the prompt:

Please provide a statement (250 words minimum) that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve.

Note: The Common Application essay should be the same for all colleges. Members that wish to review custom essay responses will request them on their Supplement form. Your essay will appear on a separate sheet at the end of the application.

The day of my graduation was a bitter-sweet moment. I would be one of the first ones in my family to graduate high school and the first one to obtain a university level education. With the entire constant the support of my family, my community, and high school administrators, it was a pleasure to make them all proud that day. As I walked across the stage, I felt an unexplainable bond with my peers. We all marched towards adorned diploma, smiled to take a picture, and then took our seats. I felt like the archetypal All-American Boy; top academic performer, student leader, community activist, and embodiment of the American Dream. However, I wasn't.

I am undocumented.
I knew that many of the adversities that I have faced in life would continue on in college. I knew that I would have to try harder to stand out, become a stronger leader, try harder to find resources, and most importantly, give back to my community. However, I implored on these adversities to strengthen me. Regardless of my status, I wanted to be the archetypal model for everyone. A model that everyone from of all walks of life could embrace: a model of selflessness, strength, and moral values. The day I graduated, I promised myself that even with limited options, I would look highly towards any degree of education. As a result, I decided to attend the University of Illinois at Chicago.

A University education presents a world of prospects and challenges. This was the values I embraced on higher education as I entered UIC in the fall. Excited about the prospect of postsecondary education, I articulated a list of characteristics I expected to find in my new home for the next four years. First, there would be a tremendous amount of resources for undergraduate students, for tutoring, research, and job opportunities. Second, the courses would be difficult and challenging, but students would be rewarded with a wealth of information on the subject. Furthermore, diversity among the study body would be a necessity for learning experiences and tolerance. Finally, the students would share my passion for learning and my desire to go beyond just the surface of the subjects. I anticipated finding people who would share these values. Much to my dismay, these assumptions were completely wrong; the expectations were not met.

Despite my optimism at UIC, it is not what I expected. Entering that fall, I tried my best to outreach to every source available to me. Although great in number, these resources were uninteresting and unavailable to undergraduate students. Resources such as tutoring, research, and job opportunities were divided among the enormous student body. This problem became evident early on where I went for tutoring, scheduling help, or scholarship questions. Every time, I would stand in line in quo of other students between my classes and awaited my opportunity. However, every time, I would be disgusted by the lack of attention and rushed by my next class. It seemed like the whole student body was fighting amongst each other for these resources.

In addition to the lack of access of resources, UIC also failed to meet my expectations in other areas. One of the best qualities I hoped to anticipate at UIC was the abundant diversity. One of my biggest hopes soon became my biggest disappointment. The abundant diversity, nevertheless, is not taken advantage of. Many of the students form their own separate coalitions rather than unifying towards a common goal. In fact, when I attempted to join the so-called "Unifying Diversity" club, an organization attempts to embody the vales I sought for, it was yet another disappointed. It consisted of all Indian students with only 12 people in the club. Moreover, the student body is highly uninspiring and unmotivated. Knowledge is not the priority of the students, but seeking a high G.P.A. and a diploma. A majority of the classes are taught by Teacher Assistants, who were as unavailable as the professors and uninterested in the material taught. Finally, the professor's are satisfied with teaching the bare minimum and do not seek to befriend, challenge, or foster any relationships with their students.

My experiences at the University of Illinois at Chicago have caused me to reevaluate my choice of schools; I am at the wrong institution. The personal relationship between a student and a professor, one of mentor and apprentice, is not attainable at my current school. Furthermore, a student body which will challenge and befriend me is not at this university. I seek a university full of endeavors which will make my college experience enjoyable, and academically, emotionally, and socially rewarding. However, despite these adversities, I will strive to make it, for my community, for my family, and for myself.