Scholarship / NUS Scholarship App Essay - Achievements & academic interests [3]

Hi everyone out there! I would like to seek some advice and editing on grammar and language errors for this essay. It is for a scholarship app for National University of Singapore (NUS).

------------------------------------------------

1. Describe, in less than 2000 characters, an exceptional achievement that highlights your academic interests and intellectual capacity that would be of value to the NUS community.

My interest in economics, business and finance has been long standing. Since young, I have always been particularly intrigued by how economic structures work collectively to bring about greater progress to a country. I feel that combining these interests with business management will enable me to have a sound footing to embark on a career in either economic or financial business sectors.

Throughout my secondary and junior college years, I have always been determined and studious. Due to my Chinese- based background, I spent a long time struggling with my General Paper (GP) and Economics classes. Nevertheless, I told myself not to throw in the towel that easily; instead I put things into perspective, and saw it more of an obstacle that I had to face rather than to be defeated by it. I understand that being responsible for my studies and putting my best foot forward are essential if I want to excel in these subjects. Therefore, be it by memorizing or constantly practising, I strived to break the glass ceilings in these subjects. My contributions in class discussions have also improved, breeding the confidence within me to speak out in front of the whole class. My perseverance paid off when these consistent efforts finally translated into substantial improvement and eventually outstanding grades for all my subjects. Now I am proud of myself. Overcoming these challenges taught me about persistence and about being unfaltering in the face of adversities. Today, I always seek to motivate myself, that despite daunting challenges that line up my path, I would never let myself get diverted from the path to achieving the goals that matter most to me.

By joining the NUS community, I know that I will once again find myself in an academic environment that is presented with rewarding challenges. With the "never quit" attitude" I have developed triumphing over these difficulties, I believe these values and beliefs will help me excel and succeed in the future.

-------------------------------------------------

*General Paper (GP) is basically a English paper. Comprehension skills and essay are tested.

Thank you very much in advance :)

Undergraduate / 5 aspects ("life experiences, perspectives, talents, commitments and/or interests") [2]

I'm starting on another UW essay. However, I'm not very sure how to go about writing the essay. I would like to know if we have to talk about all 5 aspects ("life experiences, perspectives, talents, commitments and/or interests"), or can we just choose one to two of them to write about in our essay. Thank you!

As Singaporeans, we often see ourselves as essential ingredients in a "melting pot" of ideas, cultures and people. Different cultures and heritages have assimilated and evolved into this vibrant and distinct identity that embodies Singapore's blend of multi- cultural and multi- ethnic groups. This perception became apparent to me when I participated in an exchange program to China last year.

During the two- week exchange program, we were given the opportunity to interact and attend classes together with the Chinese students. We talked about almost everything under the sun, from their daily activities to the countless types of Chinese cuisines from the different regions of China. They introduced the different regional Chinese cuisines, which are collectively better known as the "Eight Great Traditions", to us while we enthralled them with the names of an entire range of local delights that are truly distinctive to Singapore; the delectable Bat Kut Teh (pork- rib soup served in a broth of Chinese herbs and spices), the fragrant Hainanese chicken rice, and the Peranakan dishes which combines Chinese, Malay, and other cultural influences into an unique flavor.

From our interesting conversations, I realized that although we all belong to the Chinese race, we are inherently different due to the diverse experiences we had for the past seventeen years. Indeed, we may look similar when viewed from afar, but upon close examination, it is obvious that each of us is unique; each is made up of separate sets of experiences and cultural backgrounds.

This exchange program has not only broadened my social horizons, but has also made me appreciate the importance and significance of cultural differences. I believe that by joining University of Wisconsin, I have so much to contribute and learn among the student body because of its great cultural diversity. Not only does UW provide me with the opportunity to achieve academic excellence but also to meet new people. I hope to share my multifaceted culture and experiences while at the same time be inspired by those of others. I believe with this understanding and appreciation, I can add to the diversity of the UW student body and prove to be a great asset to the university.

Undergraduate / University of Wisconsin essays [3]

Hi, I wrote the below essay for another university, but intend to use it for one of the UW-Madison essays. I would like to ask for some help to take a look if this essay answers the prompt adequately or do I need to change/improve any parts to better suit the essay question.

-----------------------------------
If there is additional information you would like us to consider in reviewing your application, please share this with us as well. This is your opportunity to tell us things about yourself that have not been asked elsewhere if you believe they will help us become acquainted with you in ways different from courses, grades, and test scores.

Among all of my qualities and talents, I feel that diligence, responsibility and perseverance are the most important qualities to me. It provided me with an opportunity to develop myself into a person that is highly motivated and eager to participate in new tasks and challenges.

From a young age, I have always had a keen interest in monetary matters and have developed a genuine interest in the field of economics. Thus, when I entered junior college two years ago, I decided to take up economics as one of my subjects to build up fundamentals and prepare myself for college courses. Indeed, I was intrigued by the mechanisms behind those economic concepts and the analytical approach required by the study of economics. However, as this subject was one which I had never taken before, thus there was a long time when I struggled with my economics classes. Nevertheless, I told myself that I should not throw in the towel that easily; instead I made it a challenge for myself and set it as the obstacle that I had to face.

I understand that being responsible for my studies and putting my best foot forward are essential if I want to excel in this subject. I realize that if my grades did not meet my standards, it just mean that I did not try hard enough; I did not study hard enough. I want to be the protagonist in my own life instead of being an antagonist. My ambitions for college have been cultivated in this vision of always studying and advancing and any obstacle obstructing me must be defeated. Therefore, with my passion for economics and sheer determination, I kept myself busy by reading up more on economics reference books, economic- related magazines and consulting my economics tutor in my own time. My resolve was proven when I finally managed to break the glass ceiling and receive outstanding grades for economics. I continued to receive good grades in this subject for the duration of my study in junior college. Now I am proud of myself. Overcoming these challenges taught me about persistence and about being unfaltering in the face of adversities. Today, I would often try to push myself even more so that I can face new opponents and when I want to pursue something, I will charge forward like an enraged ram, dashing until my ambitions are met.

Every new struggle and challenge changes a person. It breeds character and prepares the individual for the next obstacle in the game of life. My background has allowed me to have the ability to take pride in my work and appreciate the opportunities I have been presented with. With the confidence and unbreakable perseverance I have developed triumphing over all of these difficulties, I know these qualities will help me excel in college and it will undoubtedly allow me to succeed in any facet of life.

-----------------------

Thank you very much for helping me :)

Undergraduate / Question regarding Uni of Virginia supplement essay [9]

The question is "what work of art, music, science, mathematics or literature has surprised, unsettled, or challenged you, and in what way?"

The subject matter that I had chosen is pictures & images that made use of optical illusions. What I am going to talk about is that there is a need for us to look beyond the surface and not be misled by what our eyes see. What we see might not be the reality; it might be illusions, like how the images have deceived us. Also, it is important for us to look at things from different perspectives. For example, there are some pictures that may give completely different images depending on how we look at them.

I would like to know if this is a good approach to take for this essay and whether there is a need for me to specify a certain image or can I just use the general term.

Any comments or suggestions are very much appreciated :) Thank you very much!

Undergraduate / 'my grades did not meet my standards' - University of California PROMPT #2 [3]

I would like this essay to be critiqued upon with regard to content (whether this has answered the prompt adequately) and any other grammatical errors. Thank you!

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

----------------------------------------------

Among all of my qualities and talents, I feel that diligence, responsibility and perseverance are the most important qualities to me. It provided me with an opportunity to develop myself into a person that is highly motivated and eager to participate in new tasks & challenges.

From a young age, I have always had a keen interest in monetary matters and have developed a genuine interest in the field of economics. Thus, when I entered junior college two years ago, I decided to take up economics as one of my subjects to build up fundamentals and prepare myself for college courses. Indeed, I was intrigued by the mechanisms behind those economic concepts and the analytical approach required by the study of economics. However, as this subject was one which I had never taken before, thus there was a long time when I struggled with my economics classes. Nevertheless, I told myself that I should not throw in the towel that easily; instead I made it as a challenge for myself and set it as the obstacle that I had to face.

I understand that being responsible for my studies and putting my best foot forward are essential if I want to excel in this subject. I realize that if my grades did not meet my standards, it just mean that I did not try hard enough; I did not study hard enough. I want to be the protagonist in my own life instead of being an antagonist. My ambitions for college have been cultivated in this vision of always studying and advancing and any obstacle obstructing me must be defeated. Therefore, with my passion for economics and sheer determination, I kept myself busy by reading up more on economics reference books, economic- related magazines and consulting my economics tutor in my own time. My resolve was proven when I finally managed to break the glass ceiling and receive outstanding grades for economics. I continued to receive good grades in this subject for the duration of my study in junior college. Now I am proud of myself. Overcoming these challenges taught me about persistence and about being unfaltering in the face of adversities. Today, I would often try to push myself even more so that I can face new opponents and when I want to pursue something, I will charge forward like an enraged ram, dashing until my ambitions are met.

Every new struggle and challenge changes a person. It breeds character and prepares the individual for the next obstacle in the game of life. My background has allowed me to have the ability to take pride in my work and appreciate the opportunities I have been presented with. With the confidence and unbreakable perseverance I have developed triumphing over all of these difficulties, I know these qualities will help me excel in college and it will undoubtedly allow me to succeed in any facet of life.

--------------------------------------------

Thank you! Any comments will be very much appreciated :D

Undergraduate / Jigsaw puzzles / Singaporean experience - Diversity Essays [5]

Hi, I would like to have these essays to be edited and critiqued upon. Thank you!

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world shaped your dreams and aspirations [approximately 500 words]

"I used to dread solving jigsaw puzzles, but one experience with the game two years ago changed my perception. Now, not only do I enjoy assuming the role of a puzzle solver, I also like to examine the many pieces of the puzzle and try to find the correlation between them, thereby using these relationships to piece the puzzles together into a diverse yet beautiful picture. As I solve more and more puzzles these days, I realize that just as jigsaw puzzles are comprised of many seemingly unrelated small and interlocking pieces which produce a complete masterpiece when all the jigsaw pieces are pieced together, the world I lived in is actually a collage of puzzles as well.

My multifaceted background and experiences can be portrayed by thetwo different types of puzzle pieces, the edge ones and the filling ones. These experiences have put together to shape me into whom I am today.

As a Singaporean, I often see myself as part of a "melting pot" of ideas, cultures, and people, in which different cultures and heritages have assimilated and evolved to create a single unique "Singaporean" culture.

Just as a jigsaw puzzle is never complete without its very important filling pieces, my family forms the other important aspect of my life. Since I was young, my parents have inculcated in me a great deal of perseverance, humility, responsibility and respect. Thus, these values eventually became the set of principles that I always stick to, allowing myself to look at things from different perspectives and to demonstrate a responsible personality to move towards my goals with great perseverance. I have learned much from my family. Without them I would not be the person I am today. I hope that with my values and the lessons learned from my parents I will be able to attain the educational pursuit which will equip me with the necessary knowledge for future studies.

During the two- week exchange program, we were given the opportunity to interact and attend classes together with the Chinese students. We talked about almost everything under the sun, from their daily activities to the incalculable types of Chinese cuisines from the different regions of China. They introduced the different regional Chinese cuisines, which are collectively better known as the "Eight Great Traditions" (八大菜系), to us while we enthralled them with the names of an entire range of local delights that are truly distinctive to Singapore ; the delectable Bat Kut Teh (pork- rib soup served in a broth of Chinese herbs and spices), the fragrant Hainanese chicken rice, and the Peranakan dishes which combines Chinese, Malay, and other cultural influences into an unique flavour.

----------------------------

If possible, please give me some comments regarding the contents of the essay as I am not sure if I had adequately answered the essay questions.