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Posts by hvthoteen
Joined: May 31, 2011
Last Post: Nov 4, 2012
Threads: 16
Posts: 44  
Likes: 4
From: Viet Nam

Displayed posts: 60 / page 2 of 2
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hvthoteen   
Aug 11, 2011
Writing Feedback / More and more village workers are not deciding to live in the city and travel in work [3]

"a tremendous number of workers numbers of people is escaping from countryside to urban areas" --> a tremendous number of workers are leaving countryside to urban areas

"This massive transition on daily basis" --> this phrase seems not to have a clear meaning

"I think, in order to overcome these, and following steps should be taken" --> i think the following steps should be taken to solve or at least relieve these problems

One important thing is that you should add your " following steps" to the first paragraph to guide the readers

"Take charity firms for instance, in my country there are thousands of these organizations, who" --> taking charity organizations for instance, in my country, there are thousands of these, which ...

"travel to country" --> travel to big cities

"This would facilities" --> this would facilitate

"overall there will be less number of vehicles on roads, and could less likely impact on environment" --> There will be less vehicles on roads, and less adverse impacts on the environment

"prevent people to move" ---> prevent people from moving

"This would not only lead to increase in job opportunities but would enable to get more"
---> This would not only lead to an increase in job opportunities but also enable people to get more

"Also, by expanding businesses in these areas would hinder them to move" --> In addition, expanding business in these areas would hinder them from moving

I think the way you show your idea in the fourth paragraph is not suitable

Finally, your writing just focus on alleviating traffic congestion and nearly forget environmental issue. Just give more details about how your suggestions help relieve environmental problems.
hvthoteen   
Aug 12, 2011
Writing Feedback / Ielts Topic: 'peaceful atmosphere' - Some people prefer to live in a small town. [3]

Topic: Some people prefer to live in a small town. Others prefer to live in a big city. Which place would you prefer to live in. Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

My essay:

Many people believe that the life in a major metropolis is convenient and interesting. Personally, however, I am in favor of living in a small town. The atmosphere in suburban area brings me peaceful feeling. Moreover, people there are very friendly. Finally, the environmental is greener than in cities. That is why I love enjoying my life in a small town.

First and foremost, peaceful atmosphere is attractive. It is clearly seen that people in large cities face annoying noise and dirty air emitted from vehicles almost everyday. This is likely to adversely affect their mental health. Meanwhile, lives small towns are great deal more quiet and the air is always fresh. These features make a suburban town the paradise for people who want to escape from suffocating lives in major cities.

Secondly, people in small towns are always friendly. In my experience, many people in urban areas even do not know the names of their neighbors. It is contrary in small town life, where people are ready to help whenever their neighbors are in need. The relationship among them can be so close that they usually attend the birthday party of one of their neighboring people. The affection from people around brings me cozy feeling on my birthday when I live away from my family.

Finally, the green environment in small towns interests me. It seems to me that there are more trees and lakes in towns than in cities. It is wonderful that I get up early in the morning and take a walk in such a green place. The urban environment, however, is so artificial with only buildings and vehicles. I can not adapt myself to such an environment.

In conclusion, I would concede that city life has its own advantages. Nonetheless, peaceful atmosphere, friendliness of people, and green landscape strongly convince me that a small town is the best place for me to live in. I love the life in my town.
hvthoteen   
Aug 18, 2011
Writing Feedback / Toefl topic: Should governments spend more money on improving roads and highways [NEW]

Should governments spend more money on improving roads and highways or should governments spend more money on improving public transportation (buses, trains, subways) . Why? Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay

Nowadays transportation has attracted much social concern. Whether governments should invest more money in traffic infrastructure or focus more on developing public transportation has erupted endless controversy. It does not seem unreasonable to suggest that governments spend more money on buses, trains, and subways investment. Such public vehicles are used to serve a large number of people in society therefore they help alleviate traffic congestion and decrease the amount of carbon released into the air. Both these two things are important.

First and foremost, carbon emission cut is significantly essential for protecting the atmosphere. The fact is that the more cars and motorbikes are on roads, the more seriously the ozone layer is damaged. If governments use more money to improve roads, there is a strong likelihood that more people drive their private cars work. This is sure to lead to more carbon emitted. into the atmosphere, which can cause skin cancer and destroy the natural environment. Whereas, if there are more good buses, trains, or subways, people are inclined to use less private vehicles, which decreases the amount of carbon released . Obviously, the policy that concentrates money on developing public transportation brings an advantageous impact on earth.

In addition, the policy would play a pivotal part in relieving traffic jam. It is quiet clear that traffic congestion is a serious problem in many big cities. The main reason for this issue is that there are a great number of vehicles flowing on roads. In order to tackle the problem, governments have to turn people' attention on public vehicles to reduce cars and motorbikes. There is the possibility that improving roads and highways does not seem to reach the major cause of traffic congestion.

` In conclusion, I would concede that high-quality roads and highways make it easier to move around. Nevertheless, public transportation systems even have more important advantages. They not only ease traffic jam but also protect the atmosphere. That is why many governments around the world invest more money on developing public transportation facilities.
hvthoteen   
Aug 19, 2011
Writing Feedback / 'simplistic view'; Can petrol price increase impact on pollution? [7]

"However, it rises concerns " --> raises

"From my perspective, I think their view is overly simplistic" --> From my perspective is equivalent to i think :d

And i think your introductory paragraph is not very clear in what you will present in the next paragraphs

"thus the price of petrol could be lower in the future" --> many experts do not think so :))
and i think if they have money to buy 3 cars, money spent on fuel seems not to affect their decision :d so your idea in this para is not very reasonable

also, "they may consider about that price of purchasing additionally for more time" ---> i cannot understand this clause

"On the other hand, the development of automobile industry could be restrained as well as the employments offered by it, which could have negative effects on economy"

--> On the other hand, the development of automobile industry could be restrained, which leads to more unemployment in the field and adversely affects the global economy.

"From my mind, I think" --> the reason is above

"individuals had to pay much more" --> will have to pay. also your idea here seems confusing

"the people should be encouraged to use electric car to reduce the car emissions "
---> people should be encouraged to use fuel-efficient vehicles to reduce greenhouse gas emissions

Good luck!
hvthoteen   
Aug 19, 2011
Writing Feedback / Toefl: Big city and Countryside both have their positives and negatives [3]

Topic: It is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. Do you agree? Use specific reasons and examples to develop your essay

In modern society, parents always confront problems about the growth of their children. Therefore, the question of whether children should be brought up in rural areas rather than in cities has attracted much of their concern. Frankly speaking, it does not seem unreasonable to suggest that the opposite is true. Living in a metropolis brings children not only modern health care facilities but also good educational systems. Both of these things are essential for the development of children.

First and foremost, health care is significantly important to children' growth. The fact is that little children are vulnerable to sickness, such as cough or allergies because they have not fully developed their immune systems. Just a small change in the weather can adversely affect their bodies. If children live in the countryside, where big hospitals are far away from their homes, there is a strong likelihood that many of them only get treatment from doctors when their problems have worsened. On the contrary, quiet different result could be brought about if they live in large cities, whether health care systems are a great deal more superior. Moreover, city-dwelling parents also find it more convenient to bring their children to medical centers to get periodical health checks. Indeed, cities are better for children than the rural areas are.

In addition, educational facilities are crucial for children's future preparation. There can be no doubt that education is among the top priorities when parents choose the places for children to grow up. Therefore, cities are the best choice. In cities, there are many schools with modern equipment, which advantageously influences the way and the speed children absorb information. There are also classes where music, dancing, or sports are taught so that children are not bound to study academic subjects. This brings positive effects on their mental health. These advantages cannot be found in the countryside.

In conclusion, I would concede that living in the countryside has some positive impacts on children. Nevertheless, advanced medical care systems and modern educational facilities strongly convince me that cities are the best places for children to grow up. Children should be brought up there to ensure a bright future.
hvthoteen   
Aug 23, 2011
Writing Feedback / Toefl: today men only focus attention on meeting their needs for farmlands, housing, or industry [2]

Topic: Some people think that human needs for farmlands, housing, or industry are more important than saving land for endangered animals. Do you agree or disagree with this point of view? Why or why not? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Nowadays many animals are on the verge of extinction since their habitats are being destroyed by mankind. This fact is enormously serious. It can lead to a loss in biodiversity and a decrease in a precious medicine supply for human beings. These are the reasons why I strongly disagree with the idea that men should use land for cultivation, industrialization, or housing rather than save land for endangered species.

First and foremost, biodiversity protection is particularly significant. The fact is that a variety of scientific articles have stressed the importance of saving land for rare animals in protecting the natural environment. If endangered animals do not have suitable habitats, there is the great possibility that they will be extinct. This is certain to cause a decrease in biodiversity and, therefore, result in natural imbalance. Human beings ourselves are the ones who suffer from the severe subsequent effects, such as floods, droughts, or storms. Obviously, saving land to maintain habitats for endangered animals means protecting the lives of other living creatures on earth.

Moreover, human dependence on animals for medicine is great. Many environmentalists assume that in the bodies of many species there are substances which play a pivotal part in some medical treatments. This is the cause why these animals have been being hunted so much that some of them are driven to extinction. If human beings only care about growing crops or developing the economy, there will be no land left for animals to dwell in. Consequently, many animals will disappear forever. This means that many diseases cannot be treated and many patients cannot be cured. Indeed, saving habitats for animals is crucial for mankind.

In conclusion, today men only focus attention on meeting their needs for farmlands, housing, or industry without taking animals habitats protection into consideration. This fact is possible to cause natural imbalance and decrease a precious medicine source for medical treatments. Both of these things are serious. Therefore, it is high time that we human beings changed our minds.
hvthoteen   
Aug 23, 2011
Writing Feedback / "children should manage their own money at the young age" - TOEFL [4]

"their distinctive background, personal beliefs, emotional concerns and so forth"
--> their distinctive background, personal believes, emotional concerns, and so forth.

"management of children, people who critize argue that"
--> management of children. People who oppose may argue that

"Well, as far as I am concerned, I don't agree with this practice. my conclusion is reached from the following analysis."
--> As far as I am concerned, I do not agree with this practice. My conclusion is reached from the following analyses.

"When they spent money so arbitrarily getting what they want, they probably think money is the most useful thing in the world, and more likely, to show off in front of their friends how wealthy they are."

-->When they spend money so arbitrarily to get what they want, they probably think that money is the most powerful thing in the world, and are more likely to show off in front of their friends how wealthy they are. Also, your idea here is not very clear. What is the effect of showing their wealth.

"it may deprive of the chance to let children become financially responsible adults"
--> it may deprive children of a chance to become financially responsible adults.

Moreover, in the concluding paragraph, you should summarize your main ideas instead of using one sentence like that.
hvthoteen   
Aug 27, 2011
Writing Feedback / Ielts Topic: The popularity of news media [3]

Topic: The popularity of news media often has significant influence on people' lives. Some people believe that to be a negative development. Do you agree or disagree?

My essay:
Nowadays news media have become more and more popular. Many people consider that the drawbacks of this phenomenon outweigh its merits. However, it is possible that this idea is not completely true. It is widely seen that news media not only brings people entertainment, but also polishes up people' knowledge. Therefore, it seems not unreasonable to suggest that this is a positive development.

First and foremost, today entertainment is easier for people to enjoy than ever before. The fact is that such news media as televisions, radios, or newspapers are bringing many news on entertainment sector from all over the world to everybody. People can sit in front of their televisions and watch whatever they want, from musical concerts to live football match. This is a convenient way of relaxation after hard work. Obviously, the popularity of news media is beneficial to human beings

In addition to this, news media help people broaden their knowledge. It is clearly seen that mass media provide people with a variety of global news on all fields, including political situation, economic change, global warming, and so forth. Hence, there is a strong likelihood that today people are able to know the world better. This is particularly essential when the globalization process has been permeating into all areas of society. Indeed, the fast growth of news media is helpful for people worldwide.

In conclusion, the development of news media has been making great inroads into the lives of all people. It relaxes people with plentiful entertainment news. It enriches people's knowledge with worldwide information. It also positively affects the way people live in many other aspects. Therefore, the progress of news media is an advantageous development.
hvthoteen   
Aug 28, 2011
Writing Feedback / Agree or disagree :People will spend less time on cooking in the future.(for TOEFL) [4]

Give some information on your "2 reasons" in the first paragraph. It would be easier for readers to follow your writing :d

"cook their for themselves"--> cook for themselves

"go to fast food restaurant" --> restaurants ( i think this is merely a typing mistake :d )

"than right now, because with" --> using a comma here seems wrong

"spent on job" --> spent on jobs

"fast food provide people enough energy and there is no need for people to cook."
--> fast food provides people with enough energy, therefore, it is likely that there is no need for people to cook ( i think you should not assert your idea greatly like that :d )

"are improving" --> are being improved

"spend hours to make " --> making

"extreme easy" --> extremely easy

"with updated cooking machine" --> with modern cooking machines

i think your ideas and structure are good, but there are several grammar mistakes :d
hvthoteen   
Nov 1, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS examination; Adults and adolescents have many differences [5]

i think the way you state the problem is a little bit confusing
this maybe better: the major differences among an adult and an adolescent are about their responsibily, seriousness and experience in life.
Also, the first and last paragraphs should not be so short
You also make some basic grammar mistakes
This is my view
hvthoteen   
Nov 1, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS Essay : How is your generation different from your parent's generation [6]

in the open paragraph, it will be better if you mention the main differences between your and your father's generation, the essay will be easier to follow

at the end of each paragraph in body part, i think you should have a short sentence to conclude or restate the idea
in general, your writing is pretty good ;)
hvthoteen   
Nov 1, 2012
Writing Feedback / [IELTS TOPIC] - In many countries, students who behave badly in class are expelled [4]

[IELTS ESSAY]
TOPIC: In many countries, students who behave badly in class are expelled from their schools and never allowed to return. Many consider this an effective way to educate while others disagree.

Discuss both sides and have your own opinion

In many schools, students are expelled for their poor behaviours. Some people argue that this is a suitable punishment to have a better educational environment. However, it is also disagreed by many others. In this writing, both sides will be analyzed before a conclusion is reached.

On the one hand, tough punishment is crucially important to strengthen principles of schools. For example, when a student is dropped out of school for stealing a mobile phone, there is a great possibility that other bad students will not risk their educational prospect for a similar mistake. This will certainly bring about a better school. Thus, the benefits that come about when misbehaving children cannot continue their study can be seen.

On the other hand, education is significantly crucial for anyone's future. The fact is that e person's social status is best enhanced with high educational level. Whereas, students that are expelled from school usually end up with crimes and drugs. Therefore, it is reasonable that children should not be out of school for any reason. In addition to this, students are very young and vulnerable to impulse actions that cause serious consequences. They should be forgived and educated with an effective method instead of being pushed into a risky society at such an early age.

As the above illustrates, the punishment of forcing poor students out of school leads to a more self-disciplined environment among students. However, the detrimental ramifications seem to outweigh the benefits. Such excecution negatively affects the students and the society as a whole. It is hoped that all schools will give bad children more chances to correct their mistakes.
hvthoteen   
Nov 3, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS Essay severe punishment for traffic offensese [4]

Firstly, i think you should not use " I " or " my " frequently in your essay to make it more objective
Secondly, i think you should state your opinion more clearly. when i read your introduction, i cannot know what are you going to write in body part. it is a little bit vague

Thirdly, your conclusion is too short. you should restate your ideas and conclude. 3 - 4 sentences for the last paragraph is appropriate
I suggest that when you face this kind of topic, it would be much easier to write if you choose to totally agree or disagree then giving reasons

You also make some grammar mistakes such as:
"For example, setting up more stringent driving test to enhance driver's proficiency; propagating potential jeopardy of disobedient to educate public" ---> remember that this is not a full sentence. ielts examiners may think that you are bad at grammar

this is my opinion
p/s: i am trying to write ielts essays too ;)
hvthoteen   
Nov 3, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS ESSAY: PARENTS ARE THE BEST TEACHERS [6]

"And many believes that parents are the best one to teach their than any academic teachers"
---> Many believe that parents are the best ones to teach their children

" I concur to that view, however, there are credible arguments against it."
----->you are making a serious mistake in ielts writing when ambiguously stating your opinion.

"The main argument that contravene to the idea of parents as best teachers is that academic teachers can impart knowledge scientifically and could teach wide variety of subjects effectively"

---> The main argument that contravenes to the idea of parents as the best teachers is that academic teachers can impart knowledge scientifically and teach a variety of subjects effectively.

"The plausible reason to for that is parents know their children better and can reach to them more effectively than school teachers."
--> The most plausible reason is that parents know their children better, and therefore reach them more effectively than school teachers.

"Ironically, school teachers often finds it difficult to reach the students individually in a classroom and thus misses out their psychological and emotional development."

--> Ironically, school teachers often find it difficult to reach students individually in a classroom, and thus miss out their psychological and emotional developmet

When i read the conclusion, it is easy to see that you agree with the statement. However it is very difficult to realise your opinion when reading the introduction and body parts.

So i think the most important thing you should do before writing an ielts essay is to make up your mind, choose a side and list the reasons to support your perspective

This is my opinion ;)
hvthoteen   
Nov 4, 2012
Writing Feedback / 'improvement of education' - change something in your hometown [5]

"Changing always takes a place in our life"
--> Change always takes place in our lives

"There is some significant change may lead to improve our life"
--> There are some significant changes that may improve our lives

"These reasons are improvement health care, and decreasing the illiterate effect."
--> The major reasons are health care improvement and illiteracy eradication ( parallel structure )

"First foremost" --> First and foremost

"Every year, my government has hired with a foreign nationalities to cover this shortage"
Every year, my government has to hire many foreign doctors to cover this shortage

In the second paragraph, you repeat " improve" "health care" frequently. it is not good in an writing. i think you should replace them with other similar words

"Also, improvement education will help to decrease the illiterate ratio"
--> In addition, education improvement will help decrease the ratio of illiteracy

"The illiterate does not effect on a person only, but also this adversity effect reach to an economy and a generation"
--> illiteracy affects not only one person but also the whole economy

"We can see that, how this change is important to decrees the effects of illiterate."
We can see that how this changes is important to decrease the effects of illiteracy

you make several grammar mistakes
i think that you should practice more ;)
hvthoteen   
Nov 4, 2012
Writing Feedback / The average weight of people is increasing/ What do you think about this trend? [7]

i agree with dumi that dzung tends to write long sentences, which leads to some grammar mistakes
"For instance, taking an eco-friendly vehicle to work or travel, doing exercises regularly at least three times a week for twenty minutes and making a daily schedule in which breaks are involved."

this sentence is long but it's easy to see that it is not a complete sentence

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