Undergraduate / NYU Supplement - English Exchange experience in school [5]

NYU Supplement #2 Prompt: Regardless of whether or not you have an intended major or concentration, please elaborate on an academic area of interest and how you wish to explore it at NYU's campuses in New York or Abu Dhabi or at one of our global academic centers around the world. Please share any activities or experiences you have had that have cultivated your intellectual interests leading you to choose to study at the NYU campus of your choice.

Please help with grammar issues and structure! And any comments are appreciated! Thank you :)

Waking up to freshly baked scones with clotted cream and strawberry jam dabbed on top with tea and crumpets may have seemed like the stereotypical English breakfast; however, it was what I ate at 6:35 every morning for those two weeks with my host family in Kimbolton, England. After spending approximately twenty five minutes eating breakfast, which was way longer than my usual two minutes on my daily chocolate milk, we departed for school. Pulling into what seemed like an elongated driveway, we approached a medieval castle which they called "school." The students aligned themselves in queue at the castle gate for morning assembly in their striped blazer uniforms; girls in skirts, boys in slacks. Though I have visited England before, no commercial tour compared to the experience of attending school in a formal English environment.

My trip to England only strengthened my desire to study business in the most prestigious schools in which I will be granted the opportunity to study abroad and gain global experience. The study abroad programs at NYU greatly inspire me when I think of having the opportunity to study in any of these eminent cities around the world. Studying in these cities will allow me to increase my understanding of numerous cultures, which are essential in today's global economy.

Maybe if I go NYU's campus in Shanghai, I can accept eating youtiou for breakfast instead of my daily chocolate milk!

Undergraduate / Getting kicked out of Dance - Common App Essay [2]

Wrote a different Common App essay because of how cliche my other one was. Hope this one is better, let me know what you guys think!

Please give honest feedback and any grammar or punctuation corrections would be great! Thank you :)

Common App Prompt: Influential Person

At times I hated Swathi Aunty, at times I admired her, but to this day I am thankful for having her as my dance teacher. At the young and tender age of four, I detested dance. For one thing, my older sister who was nine years old at that time was constantly praised for her ability to grasp the art form immediately while I struggled in her shadow to learn the simplest moves. My mother would be exasperated and Swathi Aunty would tell her to be patient. "The love will dawn soon," she would tell her. I did not understand what this meant at that age but throughout the course of my life, she has provided me with the aggravations and realizations to allow me to comprehend her passion for this art form.

As I soon learned then, Swathi Aunty took no excuses and dismissed any students who did not respect dance the way she did. Her first impression of me will always be of the loquacious child who spoke at any given opportunity. Out of no where, a sharp sting would come in my arm from the wooden stick which Swathi Aunty would fling at me. "Get out," she said. Plain and simple. I immediately became the class clown among the parents and students of the class. This happened numerous times over the years. Sometimes it rained, sometimes it was cold, but I stood outside. She didn't care, and quite frankly, I didn't either. After spending countless Saturday afternoons on the pavement, listening to the complaints of many students being scolded by Swathi Aunty, I decided to remain inside with the class in company of my classmates and sister. I remained apathetic in my willingness to learn dance, but her severe punishments sure taught me to cut it out.

As I grew older, I slowly started seeing through Swathi Aunty's strict, unfair cover and realized her sensitivity and passion towards dance. I noticed her struggles as a single mother of two children yet despite maintaining two arduous jobs she managed to find time to dedicate towards something she was passionate about. Her severe punishments served as a way to allow students to develop the same seriousness and passion for dance that she had. Her one-of-a-kind spirit is unparalleled to any teacher I have had thus far and this is the spirit which I slowly started developing as I practiced and dedicated my time more sincerely.

Today, thirteen years later, I have grown to admire Swathi Aunty in more ways than I imagined. Not only has she perfected and critiqued every dance move, but she shaped me into the person I am today. My class clown reputation forced me to strive for perfection and though this reputation still remains to this day, Swathi Aunty knows that she has succeeded in infusing this love and passion within me for the rest of my life.

Undergraduate / "I wrote a letter to the President" UNC supplement [3]

Prompt: Tell us about a time when you failed. How did you react? What, if anything, did you learn?

I need to add more to the conclusion but I don't know what else to say without being redundant. Also please help with grammatical errors and give your feedback! Thanks :)

As a six year old, the frustration that came from milk spilling from the carton early in the morning was irksome. This drove my mother up the wall and she would clean up after me as I ran out the door running after the bus, late and empty-stomached. This whole milk spilling business only started occurring after the milk cartons that we regularly purchased from Costco were remodeled. A new square-edged carton with a wide circle opening replaced the conventional milk carton design and this modification, of course, drastically changed a six-year-old's mornings.

I decided to write a persuading letter to the CEO of Costco to return to the original design of their milk cartons. Spending weeks drafting my letter, I wrote in my neatest cursive handwriting which I had just learned in class and searched the address to which I would mail my request. After precisely sticking on the thirty seven cent stamps on the envelope and licking the sticky glue to seal it shut, I propped up the red flag on the mailbox and sat by my window until the mailman came to pick it up.

Days passed on that window sill where I would sit there patiently waiting for the mailman to come. Nothing came. The milk cartons in Costco remained the same and I was disheartened "No one takes a six-year-old's plea seriously," I thought. This memory remains fresh in my mind today, but it casually made its way to the back of my mind at that time.

Several years later, my curiosities shifted from why Costco would do such a thing as to change their milk carton design to why some religious holidays were recognized nationally while those under my religion were not. This time I decided to send a letter to President Bush. Still a naïve child, I drafted a letter listing demographic statistics and numerous convincing reasons as to why Hindus should be recognized. The red flag was propped up, and I sat by the window sill.

Days passed on that window sill waiting for the mailman to come. Nothing came. "I guess the President has better things to do," I thought, once again disheartened.

My mother realized my disappointment after putting weeks of effort into proposals that went unrecognized. "Better to have tried and failed than have never tried at all," she said. I did not think much of it at that age but looking back at those times, they taught me lessons about initiative and perseverance that I did not know of. I learned about these two qualities through a personal interest to make a change in the world rather than having to complete an assignment.

Undergraduate / Cultural Diffusion: spirit and culture - Rutgers Essay [3]

Rutgers Essay Prompt: Rutgers University is a vibrant community of people with a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences. How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment? Consider variables such as your talents, travels, leadership activities, volunteer services, and cultural experiences. Only personal essays submitted via our website will be considered. You may enter a maximum of 3800 characters including spaces.

Please help with my grammar and shifts in tenses. I tend to do that a lot yikees!

Growing up as a second generation immigrant in this large melting pot, I was exposed to many different ethnicities and cultures. Although I am born an American, I do not forget or neglect my Indian heritage. In fact, I always maintain a steady balance between both American and Indian traditions and manage to intermingle them to create a diverse community.

My initial cultural diffusions involved bringing my American friends to Indian events and my dance performances. This desire of mine to accustom my American friends with the Indian culture then extended to an idea which would impact my community as a whole. My idea was to introduce Hindi, my native language, as a foreign language in my school district. First I contacted the president of the Bridgewater-Raritan Board of Education president, Mr. Arvind Mathur, who also happened to be an Indian. With administrative approval, I started a petition to gain support for my cause. I was not expecting to gain anymore signatures than those of my friends'. A week after I released and advertised my petition, I already had hundreds of signatures. After decent publicity in local grocery stores and through the help of my parents, I decided to go to TV Asia, a South-Asian broadcasting channel centralized in Edison, New Jersey. TV Asia broadcasts news, current events, and television series to South-Asians all across North America. Upon my arrival, I received a position as an intern for the summer and I thought it was a good idea to introduce my project to them. My idea allowed them to develop a new program for a television series which they would call, Hindi Now. This show would teach young Indian children the language and I was proud to be a part of the development of that show. I never envisioned this initial idea of mine to go this far but it landed me with an internship and a place in the Indian community.

This is the kind of spirit and culture I would like to contribute to the diverse Rutgers community. Through this community, I will gain a broader sense of various cultures and traditions while spreading my own. Through contributions of various multicultural students, the vibrant Rutgers community will flourish.

Undergraduate / "Dehumanized" challenged me. UVA Supplement [8]

UVA Supplement Prompt for College of Arts and Sciences: What work of art, music, science, mathematics, or literature has surprised, unsettled, or challenged you, and in what way? (250 words)

Dehumanized by Mark Slouka. The title of the essay alone opens up a realm of questions in a reader's mind. The central argument of this essay concerns the deficiency of our schools' systems to adequately accommodate the humanities. In today's world, emphasis is placed solely on jobs and how strong one's "profit margins" are. The intangible value in fields such as reading and writing are ignored and everyone is instilled with a corporate mindset. This argument challenged my intentions of pursuing a career in business and allowed me reconsider how important the humanities actually are.

Through the College of Arts and Sciences at the University of Virginia, I would learn the essential critical skills in the humanities so that I can learn and adapt to any job with which I am faced. The key is to learn to think creatively and become a problem solver: skills that are valued in any regard. After mastering these skills, I plan to apply to the McIntire School of Commerce in which I will be able to execute these essential skills adapted in the College of Arts and Sciences.

Slouka's central argument in this piece of art challenged and inspired me to pursue my career through another mode of education. By obtaining better reading and writing skills, my analytical skills and creativity will allow me to succeed in my career.

Word Count: 226

This is my dream school and I really want to go there to pursue business. Please critique this essay!!

Undergraduate / "unfortunate situations are my favorite..." UVA essay [6]

U.V.A essay prompt: What is something you secretly like, but pretend to dislike? (250 words)

Please help and be very critical !!!

Often times we get stuck in unfortunate situations such as unwillingly being stranded home alone. Or even the most common of them all, a flat tire in the pouring rain. I have been through all these unfortunate situations and secretly, they all seemed to bring about some sort of thrill and excitement. It would seem indecent to openly be amused through these situations but secretly craving those opens up a world of inner challenges and fears waiting to be overcome.

Last summer while Hurricane Irene was creating havoc in the east coast, my entire family was on vacation in China. Watching my neighbors frantically scurrying around town to stock up on groceries and utilities, I sat in my room amusingly watching. This hurricane can't do anything to me, I thought. As expected, the storm had begun that Saturday afternoon. My mom's stomach was probably doing upside down flips at the mere thought of me being stranded alone during such a hurricane. Little did she know that I was enthralled through the whole storm. The power was still running as it usually did, the basement looked pristine, and there were no floods or any other damages. "Not a thing to worry about," I informed my mom.

Of course in a situation like this one, I was saved by pure luck or a childishly amused attitude, but there were many families who were hit hard by this hurricane. Putting this amusement aside, I realized it was my duty to help out those in need, especially since I had it better than anyone else. It is situations like these in which one must capture a pretentious behavior and sympathize with those in need of a hand. But to me, the most unfortunate scenarios are the ones that fascinate me the most.

Undergraduate / 'Going to dance class every Saturday' - Common App - Topic of Choice [6]

I was not sure what essay topic to choose so I just wrote what came to mind and this is my first rough draft. I need help making it flow better and I need better word choice. It's exactly 436 words right now which is just fine but I may add more later. Please help!!

I detest it. Going to dance class every Saturday afternoon was probably the worst thing of my life at the age of four. This clearly showed in the way I did my steps. My mother would be exasperated and my teacher would ask her to be patient. "The love will dawn soon", she would tell her. So these Saturday classes continued without any expectations from anyone. This went on for a couple of years. As I progressed four steps ahead, I took two back. Then one day my older sister had her first performance. When I saw her on stage, I did not feel good. We both started learning dance at the same time; how come I am not performing? My mother was pleased. Slowly, I started performing on stage in the back where I could not be seen. I guess that is where I really started enjoying dance and danced "like no one was watching." The music, the lights, the glittery costumes transformed me. I felt beautiful. I started practicing more sincerely and my dance improved. I had the dance graduation program with my sister at an exclusive theater at the age of twelve. Thus began the actual journey. There has been no looking back since then.

Many times there would be arguments with my father about how many hours I am spending in dance classes and performing and how I was neglecting my school work and sleep. I would just say, "Don't worry, I'll manage." Then he would argue what I get in return for all this and how it would help me in my life. I had no answer for this. What he had said made sense. The only logical explanation for this insanity is love and pure joy of dancing. I am indebted to my teacher and mother. This joy would have been lost to me if it was not for them. I guess this is the same joy which prompts so many in the world to pursue arts in the face of adversity seeking nothing in return.

This made me realize that in spite of it all, there are people who appreciate the fine art of Indian classical dance and it is due to the contributions of such people that this form of art has survived so many centuries. At such times I feel I am a tiny part of this wonderful universe of dance. Am I going to become a dance teacher? As of today, maybe not, but when my children tell me they dread their Saturday afternoon class, I will simply tell them that the love will dawn soon.

I didn't know how to phrase this sentence, "As I progressed four steps ahead, I took two back." it sounds awkward but if you get what I am trying to say, any suggestions on how to word it better?

Undergraduate / "a place in the Indian community" - Extracurricular Activities/Work Experience [8]

Common App Short Essay: Please briefly elaborate on one of your extra curricular activities or work experience. (1000 characters maximum)

Please be critical, I need suggestions!

Ever wonder how the 10:00 news was shot live on camera and projected to millions of television sets in just a matter of seconds? I did too and that's why I decided to go to TV Asia, a South-Asian broadcasting channel, to satisfy my curiosity. I ended up getting an internship there for the summer and they allotted me a half an hour news slot. This would mean that I had to edit, clip, and write the script for the 10:00 news. The anchor for that news show would then read my script to millions of viewers all across North America and I would sit there in the green room, amusingly watching how it was projected to these viewers. This small fascination of mine led me to watch other South-Asian news channels and I eventually developed an idea that would change my community.

My plan was to introduce Hindi, India's national language, as a foreign language class in my high school. I introduced my project to TV Asia and my idea allowed them to develop a new idea for a television series which they would call, Hindi Now. This show would teach young Indian children the language and I am proud to be a part of the development of that show. I never envisioned this initial curiosity of mine to go this far but it landed me with an internship and a place in the Indian community.