Essays / Writing an essay on Science and Technologies: Designer babies [6]

I'd entitle the essay like: "Why Designer Babies Are Wrong and How to Stop the Pseudo-Scientist from Wasting Tax-Payer Money on Non-Health Issues?"

You could use several arguments to support your points, for example:

- Designer babies solve no health problems (it's like a breast implant surgery which doesn't 'heal' anything but causes more problems down the road),

- IF 'baby designing' was to be a part of 'healthcare' (and this is what the fight is about) billions would be spent on a non-health issue instead of curing/bringing science to actual health problems like cancer. The goal of the pseudo-scientists and corporations behind them is to persuade the public that 'designer babies' should be a part of healthcare (then, they could waste our tax payer money on that),

- Designer babies will turn into Frankensteins (forcing the nature into something unnatural guarantees that),

- Designer babies will cause humans to be even less human (if they can 'design' a baby like a toy, they can also return it like a toy - see animal shelters) - in the end it would create 'designed human shelters.'

In the conclusion you could point out that if someone wants to have designer babies, it's all fine - AS LONG AS they don't waste taxpayers money and sponsor 100% of their 'research' on their own and don't classify 'baby designing' as a healthcare issue.

Essays / Writing an essay on Science and Technologies: Designer babies [6]

Yes. It'd be interesting to start with information about the countries that have already banned designer babies - why they did it; it would be a powerful introduction imo.

Writing Feedback / If the students are underperforming, it is a sign that they have a bad teacher. Discuss [4]

In your essay you blame the teachers, parents, society, but you don't touch the fact that students can be to blame too (they are lazy, manipulative, too demanding, etc.). To balance your essay, include at least one thought on that.

Research Papers / The Evolution of Board Games and Their Future in Society [5]

Maybe in the conclusion you should add some personal opinion (could be written in a passive voice) whether it's a good/bad thing that the board games are to disappear.

Writing Feedback / Kids skills and familiarization in using new gadgets [5]

It's pretty good, but you failed to discuss how the technology would help children learn about the real (not only virtual) world - would they know how to make a bread or other basic stuff like that? Knowing how to use Facebook or how to make a selfie does NOT prepare a young person to the challenges of the real world.

Writing Feedback / Technological skills through computer games? Any other influence? [5]

You focus on 'brain stimulation' - that's fine, but I think there are studies showing that too much brain stimulation among children causes insomnia and other psychological/behavioral issues. That's why, any benefits of using such technological devices by children are dwarfed by the possible negative effects.

Writing Feedback / Fatally Ill People's Choice [2]

Without pain and suffering, there is no existence (not to mention 'no pain, no gain). Life is by design to be painful, so you may miss the point there. But you are right that for a government ill people who cannot produce anything and don't pay taxes are useless, so the sooner they are gone, the better. But think where it can lead - you may lose a leg in the future in an accident, but other than that you feel very well and want to live; still, since you cannot work, you are useless to a government, so you may expect a death panel to decide you should not live. Hopefully you like the choice of no-choice..

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: THE IMPACT OF ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE - LIMITLESS POTENTIAL [3]

You should include more research on the impact of AI / technology in schools (for example there was research that involved a college where all students received free laptops; in the end, their study scores were the same or lower than the colleges that did not use laptops). Plus common-sense thinking that all those monopolistic technology corporations want to have free customers by selling their technology to public schools that are subsidized by tax payers and local governments.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] People should become vegetarian because they do not need to eat meat to have a healthy diet. [3]

It seems that the advantages to go vegan (described in the 2nd paragraph) are not much better than disadvantages you described in the 3rd paragraph. Both arguments are valid, but your conclusion comes a little as a surprise because the positives of vegetarian diet aren't really 'far more significant.' You may also mention "proteins" (meat or fish are the main source).

And consider the difference between 'vegetarian' and 'vegan' ('vegetarians' don't eat meat but can drink milk, eggs, etc. - 'vegans' only eat plant products; so you probably described more vegans than vegetarians here).

Writing Feedback / SOCIAL MEDIA AND OTHER REASONS INFLUENCE COMMUNICATION [2]

You've got a very good point about using the "old-fashioned" communication (like letters); people would generally be able to write anything they wanted in letters, but with social media, if something goes beyond the established "norms", your post will be hidden / banned. The essay is very good; you could also touch the aspect of freedom of communication and possible privacy issues resulting from social media.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS TASK 2] - ARTS AND SCIENCE; unique traits of arts vs science and technology [3]

Very good essay. What I would possibly add is how arts and science can complement each other (you have good examples, but you may want to make this point). Also, a good argument would be to mention the field of philosophy which has created a lot of advancement in society through the implementation of technology.

Writing Feedback / News comparison case study - a bombing attack in the UK [2]

I like your writing style; thoughtful and to the point (you could be a reporter :). I'm not sure if you chose to compare BBC and CNN; to make it more different, I'd choose less alike news media, maybe BBC vs FOX. You use both single and double quotes; you should probably stick to double everywhere. In conclusion, you make a strong point about "news discrimination"; that was not clear from the initial paragraph and comes as a little surprise to the reader.

If applies, you may also mention what kind of guests / experts both news media featured (typically they invite guests / experts to talk about the issues) and who were these "experts" (their expertise may suggest what the news wanted to mainly focus on in their news).

Scholarship / Law study - correct my scholarship form for the Board Enrollment [2]

First paragraph - I'd not mention that you're "busy" (it may suggest you cannot fully focus on this scholarship essay). Also, avoid using "etc."

In general, you also have language issues (like "help me fully growth grow", "abroad knowledge" and several others; use a semicolon before "therefore"; the word "pupils" is more British; you may use "student" more often). In the middle, you start with "Firstly," and "Secondly" - you may want to start discussing these things sooner as it sounds a little displaced.

You may also want to make the essay shorter and focus more on your desired specialty of study, plus mention how your education / scholarship would help other people / society overall. It is a good draft, but it discusses too many issues; make it shorter and more coherent.

Writing Feedback / Space exploration costs tax payers an exorbitant amount of money each year. -Ielts Task 2 Essay [4]


Not sure where you took this information from, considering the fact that NASA says it is impossible to go to the Moon - proof: youtu.be/Jjt7HpC6w3o (and other related).

Still, the fact that you covered the enormous amount of money spent on space exploration (while so many roads have huge unfixed potholes), is a good way of presenting your argument.

Research Papers / Debate research paper on abortion (I'm pro-choice) [2]

Some of your arguments are weak or childish. For example, you talk about animal hunting or buying a gun to compare it to killing a baby. In that aspect, you could have compared killing a mosquito (a "living creature") to killing a human being, but that would obviously made no sense.

Also, you discuss "women rights" but don't mention anything about the bad choices of women who get impregnated. Women don't get pregnant on their own; they make certain choices which have consequences. You are eager to defend women's "rights" but you are silent about their stupid choices. If you drink and drive, you go to jail and nobody sane would try to argue that being stupid and paying the price violates somebody's "rights."

Finally, you like discussing "breathing." In that case, all your arguments could be used against anybody in hospital who cannot live without a breathing machine support. By your own definition, that person is not a human any more and should be subject to euthanasia.

Overall, a confusing paper with weak or illogical arguments. You conveniently don't discuss things that would destroy your own talking points.

Writing Feedback / Rising gas prices is an impressive and effective way to decrease the traffic and polluted problem [5]

It is a very narrow-minded solution. Do you really think increasing price on something a group of politicians or marxists doesn't like is an "impressive solution"? What if the radicals get elected and they don't like Asian people because "there are too many of them on Earth and they are more intelligent than us" - would you approve the idea of limiting children of Asian people to one child? Don't fall for retarded solutions and come up with something better.