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Posts by saurabh93
Joined: Dec 15, 2011
Last Post: Aug 25, 2012
Threads: 11
Posts: 94  


Displayed posts: 105 / page 2 of 3
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saurabh93   
Jan 11, 2012
Undergraduate / "Taylor girl" - Personal Statement for Arizona University [2]

This is a unique take on explaining why you like to go to a particular college, and you've explained it quite well.
Please look at my essay if you have the time. especially the USC one.
saurabh93   
Jan 10, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Aeronautics is one field of engineering' - USC DESCRIBE YOUR ACADEMIC INTERESTS [3]

Every time a fighter pilot jet flies overheard, some people complain about the noise. I, on the other hand, stand in amazement dreaming of the day I will be able to create that amazing piece of machinery.

Broke this into 2 sentences. But good effort overall.
Please look at my USC essay. Thanks!!
saurabh93   
Jan 10, 2012
Undergraduate / 'a product designer and entrepreneur' - USC Essay [4]

The project involved creating a computer program to aid a visitor to navigate around a campus using location markers and AR concepts. My second project was under the guidance of a maths professor in NUS and involved mathematical modelling of traffic flows using partial differential equation.

Good job! This essay will surely stand out to the admissions officers!
saurabh93   
Jan 10, 2012
Undergraduate / Describe your most interesting mistake; 'Invincible' - GWU suggestions [6]

During a lifeless weekday years ago, when I was in the fifth standard, my sister and I sat on the cold brick steps of our front porch and pondered over what to do. For me, that day was what my mom referred to as a "coma day" when everyone occasionally suffers because it was so boring that it caused physical pain .
saurabh93   
Jan 10, 2012
Undergraduate / 'my passion for medicine' - USC Supplement Essay [5]

This is a good essay because I like how you bring out the person within you and that you don't get too technical, and I am sure the the admissions officers would be pleased.

If time, then can you please look at my essay? :]
saurabh93   
Jan 10, 2012
Undergraduate / 'curiosity about the natural world' - USC Supplement [6]

Describe your academic interests and how you plan to pursue them at USC. Please feel free to address your first- and second-choice major selections.

After taking freshman biology, I developed an endless curiosity about the natural world, and was fascinated by the many mysteries in its possession. Strolling around my neighborhood, I regularly encountered creatures such as spiders, caressing the dirt like its very own offspring, and mingling with grasshoppers despite the apparent special differences. Seeing how very different creatures are still able to come together, I wondered what accounted for the connection that I just saw. I also wondered why these connections were in place, and what exactly makes them useful.

Indeed, I let my curiosity thrive, and took AP Biology during my junior year. The class was an eye-opener not only to the various biological processes but also its relevance to our world today. Each step in DNA synthesis reveals the function of numerous molecules, which in turn are useful for understanding various other purposes. The vast majority of life functions cannot occur without water and carbon dioxide, which are universal and simplistic in their function. This ideal is why I embrace biology. Every molecule and object, living or otherwise, has an invaluable role to play in the grand scheme of life, and the many processes are actually composed of the same molecules interacting differently. This interconnectedness allows for flexibility among the molecules, and understanding this idea is integral to our understanding of the world as it is, and helps pave the way for future discoveries. This leaves room for ambiguity and experimentation, which would not only develop us as biologists and engineers, but also as multi-dimensional humans. Using biology, we can devise solutions to many of our world's most pressing issues. The beta-carotene found in vegetable plants was used to create the Golden Rice, which brought much-needed nutrition to third-world nations throughout Africa and Asia. We can make our lifestyle and that of our fellow global citizens more efficient simply by studying the efficiency of the life processes happening all around us and applying them to the human setting.

The prospect of being at the forefront of global change is why I wish to pursue bioengineering at the University of Southern California. Apart from its world-renowned engineering and biology programs, the school's geography, with the Pacific Ocean to the west and the San Gabriel Mountains to the east, makes it an enticing place to study biology. I am looking forward to putting my skills to practice at research centers such as the Wrigley Institute, where I can learn about wildlife while witnessing it at the same time, and at Sustainable Cities, where I can implement biological methods in improving the urban quality of life. Back on campus, the 9:1 student to faculty ratio means that I can spend more quality time speaking and working with my professors, with all their expertise and experience. The year-round temperate climate of Southern California is another reason for spending more time outdoors and doing what I like to do. Given these numerous opportunities, I believe that USC is an outstanding school and am excited to potentially spend the next four years at this great institution. Once I graduate, I will apply what I have learned from my college experience to the world at large, and will surely owe my success to the university. Go Trojans! (3348 characters including spaces)

Any feedback would be highly appreciated!!
saurabh93   
Jan 7, 2012
Undergraduate / 'I looked at rankings' - SANTA CLARA short prompt [3]

Briefly describe how you learned about Santa Clara University.
I first heard about Santa Clara when my father graduated from the school and really liked it. In 4th grade, as part of the California missions unit, I focused on Santa Clara for my project. While researching, I came across many books that made positive references to how successful the university is. Later, I visited the campus while watching my cousin graduate, and was drawn to the unique architecture and the openness of the quad. The summer after 9th grade, l took a computer class during which I discovered the way the classrooms looked. By now, I was acquainted enough with Santa Clara to set my sights on spending my undergraduate years there. Then came the time for college research, during which I looked at rankings. The US News and World Report gave high ratings to the school in business and engineering - two programs where I am considering declaring a major in. After a lifetime of familiarity with and admiration of the school, I feel that SCU will be a great learning experience.
saurabh93   
Jan 4, 2012
Scholarship / 'interactive clubs at my school' - subjects in which you excel or have excelled [5]

We all have something that we excelled in, whether it is school subjects or communication skills but something that most high school students seem to struggle with that I feel I have excel in is balancing my curriculum with extracurricular activities, social life, families, and jobs.

I am involve in many interactive clubs at my school where I have to be dedicated and devoted to the clubs' activities, most clubs events are usually the same day so I felt a necessity to re-evaluate my time management and schedule to a place where I could balance and fully devote my time to each club to avoid stress.

Both statements are run-on's, and they can be shortened and have a greater effect. Otherwise a decent essay.
Please help with mine.
saurabh93   
Jan 4, 2012
Undergraduate / Supplement Essay-How I Developed Interest in Cancer [19]

I agree with the preceding remarks. As touching as your story seems, there is a very vague linkage, if any, with the message of your response to the actual prompt. It is not clear whether your discovery of helping others was accidental.

If time permits will you comment on my essays? Thanks :)
saurabh93   
Jan 4, 2012
Undergraduate / (learning about science / engineering / city, campus / bands) - COLUMBIA [2]

Essay 1 -- The two topics were different in that biology consisted solely of memorization, as opposed to chemistry which relied not only on theoretical proof but also on mathematical evidence to support claims.

Essay 2 -- I became interested in the field of engineering after reading a college brochure titled "Why engineering". Split into 2 separate sentences. After reading the description of each of the majors provided, it became clear to me that my passion lay in engineering .

Essay 3 -- This needs revision since it is generic and full of cliches, and lacks depth and breadth. You need to talk more about yourself, since that is what the admissions team is interested in. But I do like the concluding equation.

Essay 4 -- This moment is filled solely with music, it's a time to relax and enjoy the atmosphere around me. Either add a conjunction or separate into 2 different sentences.
saurabh93   
Jan 3, 2012
Undergraduate / 'no boyfriend or a relationship until college' - Tufts #5 [7]

You did take a risk, and you did do really well with it. These simple thinks can actually make the officers impressed. Keep it up and best of luck.

BTW Can you take a look at my essays if time permits?
saurabh93   
Jan 3, 2012
Undergraduate / 'everyone in NYC is in a rush' - villanova essay [2]

It is good how you found the deeper meaning between the prompt about what sets your heart on fire and the thrill of looking at the beauty of seemingly mundane occurrences. Short and to the point. That's good

Good luck, and please help me if possible. :]
saurabh93   
Jan 2, 2012
Undergraduate / 'struck at the ambiance' - POMONA 2 -- Fun experience [5]

Although it may appear to the contrary, we do know that people have a life beyond what they do to get into college. Tell us about an experience you've had outside of your formal classroom and extracurricular activities that was just plain fun and why.

New Year's Eve is that time of year where each and every individual looks forward to the upcoming year and the opportunities it presents. In accordance with the prospect of a fresh start, people make resolutions to put themselves in better shape for the future. But do people really follow their resolutions and not utter them simply out of partaking in the New Year spirit? I made a resolution two years ago that I was going to be more compassionate to others. Every New Year's Eve since then, I have been visiting a nearby retirement home, SunnyView in Cupertino, with my father to help plan and prepare for the New Year celebrations and the evening party.

Upon entering a massive hall decorated with banners and taped confetti, I was struck at the ambiance. My mind relaxed as soon as I took in the hazelnut odor. I glanced at the many elderly people sitting at round tables that were laughing politely, chatting in hushed voices, and putting their arms around their companions. As they walked around, they did not hesitate to start a warm conversation with the person they encountered, be it a fellow resident, worker, or volunteer. The scene reminded me of a rural church from a nifty flick; there was no loud music or rambunctious sounds, just happy verbal exchanges regarding mellow topics such as family and hope for the future.

After briefly pacing the hall and looking at the decorations, the party began with taking photographs. To ensure companionship, no one can be alone in a photograph. I took photographs of all of the elderly guests. Everyone was very well dressed up and smiled broadly, even though they know that they might not make it to the next year. It seemed as though age did not matter when it came to having fun.

My father and I then moved on to serve the food. On the platter were items such as chicken nuggets and mashed potatoes, to be served with red wine or champagne. For the next thirty minutes, I breezed between tables handing food and drinks to those who wanted it, and asking if they wanted more. What made the task merry, though, were the occasional compliments about my young looks and the hearty laughs that followed. The vintage music that was playing in the background only added to the pleasant atmosphere. Messages of gratitude I received from the residents included:

"Thank you so much for your time, sweetheart. You've really set the tone for my and my companions' new year. You are now a part of our family"

After numerous rounds of serving and interaction with the residents, I set the tray on the cafeteria table, and nearly broke into tears. Never have I been approached in such a welcoming manner since I ceased to become an infant. It was just plain happiness to be cuddled like an infant by loving people, especially because this was the holiday season.

But the true fun I acquired from volunteering was from giving without seeking return. I donated over four hours on a day when most people would rather be with their own friends to help make the New Year more hospitable for the elderly. I not only helped to make the party more convenient, but also gave the participants more reasons to laugh and become engaged in conversations. It is such a healthy and fulfilling task, both for me as the giver and the elderly participants as the receivers, to give to those who are now not able to enjoy the vitality that I currently possess as an adolescent. The party may have only lasted a short while, but the pleasurable emotions and the visual memories would be imprinted in my mind past the upcoming year and for my entire life.

Any feedback would be accepted with gratitude and all favors will be promptly returned. Thanks!
saurabh93   
Jan 2, 2012
Undergraduate / Pomona Essay- Scheduling Experience [5]

You write well, and yes you never lose focus. A title I would use would relate to overloading. Besides, can you look at my Pomona essay?

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