Undergraduate / 'The urge of success and satisfaction' - Standford: What matters to you? [2]

Original Prompt: What matters to you and Why?

My Essay:
The urge to succeed in ingenious expeditions propels the heart beating inside this 137 pound body. From the beginning of my intellectual development, I have always adopted wayward approaches to problem solving.

I was seven when my parents had bought the Mechanix-4 engineering toy set for my birthday. A step by step manual accompanied the kit, but my father had intentionally removed it. [(Transition required)] He asked me to construct a rudimentary three-wheel car using the toy set. I was confused; all I knew about cars was that they had four wheels. Intrigued by the challenge, I decided to experiment with various designs. The trails often ended in dismay as failure seemed to befriend my every other conception. The eureka moment arrived when I reversed the alignment of wheels: instead of two wheels in the front, I constructed a car with two in the back. The car wobbled at first, but with several improvements it finally began to glide smoothly along the surface. My Dad checked the manual to find a similar design as mine, but there were no three-wheel cars in it. My genius had triumphed with perseverance and this incident continues to inspire me even today.

The urge is not only limited to my engineering fabrications. Whenever I solve a complex calculus problem without receiving any aid or when I devise hypothetical models of physical systems that are theoretically plausible, the joy that accompanies the achievement overwhelms my conscience and infuses a new energy within me.

he satisfaction enthralls me when those long hours of desperation and hard work receive recognition and appreciation. If it's something of my own creation, something that has never been conceived before, something that is greeted with general disdains and suspicion, all of my energies congregate to overcome the intellectual obstacle. College will provide me with new challenges. new critics and new visions.

This is the first draft. I need harsh help.
Thank you so much in advance! :))

Undergraduate / " Why Columbia? ". Several factors combined. [8]

Original Prompt: Please tell us what you find most appealing about Columbia and why.

My Essay:

Columbia smells of uniqueness. Whether it be its one of a kind core curriculum, its grandiose location in the heart of New York City, the ubiquitous student diversity or its freedom of speech, the university offers its students the best of all worlds.

Columbia's School of Engineering and Applied Science has been known to be amongst the most academically productive in the nation, where excellence is achieved in both teaching and research. The impressive yet rigorous engineering courses taught by the world renowned faculty like Professor Attinger at the SEAS combined with the low student to faculty ratio of 6:1 provide for an unparalleled undergraduate experience. And having already performed research with Electron Microscopes at the CSMCRI, India, I hope to further my endeavors under the shadow of the devoted faculties at Columbia.

The main attraction of the Columbia Carnival is, undoubtedly, its Core curriculum. At Columbia, I will be able to garner a real, priceless education which does not focus itself on producing exceptional engineers, but instead prides itself on cultivating human beings as a whole. Core will be the vehicle through which I will grow, both intellectually and as a better person.

Among all the universities that I considered for undergraduate education, it was only Columbia that made feel at home. Somehow, each and every aspect of the university appeals to my conscience. And only an undergraduate education at Columbia would gratify it.

Any and every criticism is appreciated and welcomed! :))
Thank You in advance :))

Undergraduate / "Kaustubh Desai" - Stanford 2: to your new roomate [8]

Prompt: Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better.

My essay:
Hey Roomate!
You probably have been informed that you are going to share a room with a "Kaustubh Desai". Wait, don't evade pronouncing it. It is Kaustubh as in "Kilo Alpha Uniform Sierra Tango Uniform Bravo Hotel". Anyways, people just call me KD.

Although I respond to both aliases with the same spirit, they represent two totally different aspects of my identity. I consider Kaustubh to be my intellectual personality - one that is focused, driven and disciplined. This is the part of me that will strive to submit all the assignments on time and will indulge in rigorous preparation before an exam.

KD is the more outgoing and genial person who values relationships and bonding more than anything else. This is the part of me that constantly bows in gratitude for everything life has bestowed upon me; the part which values smiles over bills and the part that will provide a warm shoulder to those in need without fail.

If you ever [(open)] my iPod, you will be greeted by a plethora of songs you may have never heard of before. I listen to a lot of [(uncommon)] artists for their compositions are pure, unpolluted and not motivated by avarice. They produce music for the sole beauty of it and not to earn the artificial Grammies. And, please don't be surprised if you see me playing table-tennis with a soccer ball on my study desk; I am devoted fan of Manchester United and Sharath Kamal.

I am confident that we share a mutual commitment towards achieving academic excellence during our college years. While I may seem odd at first because of my unusual preferences and thick accent, I'll grow on you like [(Facebook does on its new users.)]

Your new best friend,
KD.
P.S. Did I mention that I am immune to artificial awaking systems? I guess you will have to function as my new alarm clock.

the words that have [(XXX)] around them don't quite fit into the tone of the essay. I would request you to suggest some alternatives for them. :))

Any and every piece of criticism is invited. Thank You so much in advance. :))

Undergraduate / 'the Young Power Program' - intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience. [9]

Here' the full prompt : Stanford students possess an intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development.

It's an early draft. So any criticism is invited and actually wanted! :)

In 2010, China Light & Power Ltd. organized the Young Power Program, encouraging Secondary Students to develop creative project proposals to engage the public into adopting a low-carbon lifestyle. Desiring to improve the India's environmental situation, I teamed up with four other like-minded sophomores to participate in the Young Power Program. Together we developed a presentation showcasing genuine ideas to reduce the community's carbon footprint.

Our innovative work won critical acclaim from the company, and we were declared winners of the competition. More than 32 teams participated in this contest. As a reward for our concentrated efforts, we were invited to a four-week thematic learning program which included an array of activities such as workshops, visitations and job shadowing at CLP, India.

During those four weeks, we had the rare opportunity to work with the CLP site engineers, who introduced us to the company's machinery; a perfect hybrid of clean energy and superior technology. We were introduced to numerous instruments that were unknown to us but held great importance in the company's everyday work. The program took us through the entire process of power production, right from the raw material acquisition to the final step when the power produced is sold to the Electric Board.

Towards the end of the end of the thematic program, we were greeted by a surprise from CLP's repair station. Their Manager had decided to involve us in one of their monthly machinery check-up exercise. At the station, he led us through a hands-on session where we aided the engineers in the repair work of a small turbine from their power-producing units.

The entire experience provided a definitive direction to my college aspirations. I discovered what I really wanted to pursue as a career; that I enjoyed working with machines and the laws of physics; that my true interest was in Mechanical Engineering. Overall, the workshop greatly supplemented my understanding of mechanical devices and exposed my intellect to real-life problem solving.