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Posts by dychung7
Joined: Dec 26, 2011
Last Post: Jan 9, 2012
Threads: 7
Posts: 19  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 26
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dychung7   
Jan 9, 2012
Undergraduate / 'pessimists and optimists' unique or interesting things about yourself -Virginia Tech [4]

First of all, I highly recommend that you remove the part about pessimist and optimist, glass half-full or half-full, as this is extremely overused (a cliche). Plus, this is not even an unique aspect about someone. There are plenty of people who are optimists. Also, you might want to provide a different example of you being a visionary as there has been already 3-D technology developed where viewers don't require glasses. (The Nintendo 3DS has it and Toshiba already launched a no-glasses 3D TV 2 years ago). You need to improve the flow of your essay if you are going to tie all these characteristics together. Especially the last section (I have faith in you). The transition to that section is abrupt and the section itself is unclear whether you talking about yourself or about the VTech community.

Good Luck on your application and I hope you become a Hokie!
dychung7   
Jan 1, 2012
Undergraduate / Common App - Extracurricular - School Board [8]

Returning the favor as promised:

I am a little confused about this part:

I suppose leaving a historical footprint has always been a pursuit of mine

I understand the "historical footprint" part but why do you "suppose this"?
dychung7   
Dec 31, 2011
Undergraduate / 'my hiking trip at Philmont' - Common App Extracurricular [5]

Dilara:
Thank you so much!
I'm using staggering as a noun. Hope that clears that up.

James:
Thank you so much!
I will rephrase that sentence and improve the flow to the conclusion.

Edited

My 40-pound pack accentuated my staggering as strong gusts of wind hit me from all directions. Rocks and pebbles continuously slipped underneath my hiking boots as I ascended Mt. Baldy. Worst of all, the gash on my right kneecap had not fully healed. My face contorted with pain with every step. My Boy Scout crew had ascended approximately 941 feet with 1500 feet left to go. I was on the threshold of withdrawing from the hike but I pressed on, eventually reaching the peak.

Because I was not physically robust and had suffered an injury recently, my hiking trip at Philmont was especially difficult for me physically and mentally. Yet I persevered through the adversity and acquired a tenacious attitude. With this mindset, I believe I am prepared for future challenges to come, regardless in which aspect they come from.

Is the flow to the conclusion less choppy?
dychung7   
Dec 31, 2011
Undergraduate / 'I have always wanted to be a doctor' - extracurricular activities or work experience [8]

Returning the favor as promised:

The most life changing volunteering experience I have ever contributed in was during junior year in HOSA (what is HOSA?) . The students of this club got the various opportunities to volunteer; the most wanted was the Ronald McDonald House. Each year there was a drawing to volunteer and five students were chosen, last year I was one of them. Our job for that day was to prepare dinner; on the menu was meatballs, gravy, and mashed potatoes . We arrived two hours before dinner and quickly began cooking. The food was done and people began eating. It was amazing how thankful they were for a simple meal of meatballs, gravy, and mashed potatoes . There were people of all ages and each one had a story to tell. There was a mother that had a new born that was getting heart surgery performed. It was amazing to think that this house ran on volunteering and charity work. I was thankful for being able to volunteer and went home feeling accomplished, If given the opportunity I would go back there any day to volunteer again.

Your sentences are kinda short. Combine some sentences to eliminate the choppiness.
dychung7   
Dec 31, 2011
Undergraduate / 'my hiking trip at Philmont' - Common App Extracurricular [5]

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum)

My 40-pound pack accentuated my staggering as strong gusts of wind hit me from all directions. Rocks and pebbles continuously slipped underneath my hiking boots as I ascended Mt. Baldy. Worst of all, the gash on my right kneecap had not fully healed. My face contorted with pain with every step. My Boy Scout crew had ascended approximately 941 feet with 1500 feet left to go. I was on the threshold of withdrawing from the hike but I pressed on, eventually reaching the peak.

Because I was not physically robust and had suffered an injury recently, my hiking trip at Philmont (High Adventure Base for Boy Scouts) was at a height of difficulty unseen to me in both the mental and physical aspect. Yet I persevered through the adversity and now I believe I am prepared for future challenges to come, regardless in which aspect they come from.

Note
Other than grammar, can you comment on the content?
dychung7   
Dec 31, 2011
Undergraduate / (electrical cord / IB diploma / leaders / engineers) - Columbia Short [5]

Please tell us what you found meaningful about one of the above mentioned books, publications or cultural events. (1500 characters)
The image of an electrical cord trailing out the back of a bald human head, similar to The Matrix, caught my attention in the weekly issue of TIME magazine. (Not a recipient of the daily Washington Post, TIME is my only source of formal news besides the Internet). The issue was titled in large black letters: "2045: The Year Man Becomes Immortal". Curious by such a bold statement, I delved into the magazine to discover an increasingly popular concept called singularity: "The moment when technological change becomes so rapid and profound, it represents a rupture in the fabric of human history". The article aroused my perspective on the rapid advancements in technology society is experiencing. Before reading, I had appreciated the rapid development because it would allow humanity to reach great potentials. After reading, I realized that at a certain point, humans may create artificial intelligence that can surpass human intelligence. This article ultimately broadened my perspective on today's technological innovation.

Please tell us what academic class has been your favorite and why. (1500 characters)
Although it was a required class for the IB Diploma, I was fortunate to enroll in the Theory of Knowledge (TOK) class. I was completely lost when the central question of TOK was posed on the first day of my junior year: How do I, or how do we, know that a given assertion is true, or a given judgment is well grounded? However, as I had dived deeper into the course, I found my footing and myself developing into a new character. During every class, we would have heated discussions with the main focus not on differentiating between the right and wrong answer, but on forming a thoughtful opinion based on strong justifications. This class has been my favorite because along with numerous new perspectives I have gained, the discussions helped me with developing and articulating my own individual perspective. By the end of the second semester, I had acquired a holistic view of the world. I became conscious of the various perspectives and learned to maintain a balanced approach for every issue.

Please tell us what you find most appealing about Columbia and why. (1500 characters)
What I find most appealing about Columbia is how the school trains students - especially aspiring engineers - to become leaders in the real world. They do this through the "belief in the value of civic engagement and enlightened stewardship". Columbia's Gateway class, the only one in the country, allows students to become involved in the community and solve design issues through community projects. Because Columbia is located in the heart of New York City, there are so many opportunities for students to help contribute in improving the New York community. Columbia also offers numerous internships throughout the city. They include internship opportunities at technology and engineering firms like Google, IBM, and Lockheed Martin Space Systems, corporations for which I aspire to work at. Finally, Columbia's structured core curriculum educates students with the knowledge necessary to prepare them for the real world of engineering with an expansive perspective of other aspects of the communities surrounding us. My IB Program has planted the seed of this holistic view in me and I see Columbia as the right haven to nurture and develop these skills to their full potential. Furthermore, I believe Columbia is the training ground for leaders of tomorrow's engineering world.

For applicants to The Fu Foundation School of Engineering and Applied Science, please tell us what attracts you specifically to the study of engineering. (1500 characters)My passion for engineering goes beyond the science and mathematics aspects. It is how engineering incorporates itself in other aspects and vice versa. Growing up in a modern society run by innovations, I have witnessed how engineering is inextricably associated with multiple aspects of society, including the political and social. Old societies used to immerse themselves in the arts and humanities, which go back into Ancient Egypt and Greece. Things have changed since then. Long-held beliefs have been shattered. Empires have crumbled. A new era has ushered in with engineering as an integral axis of today's society. Engineering is not a field of study isolated in a dark corner. It is not at astronomical heights, too abstract for humankind to comprehend, such as theoretical physics or the axioms of mathematics. Its foundation is composed of several areas of knowledge such as the natural sciences and the arts, making it easy to grasp for individuals in their respective field of study. I want to be part of an organism, whose movements, equivalent to the ground-breaking discoveries, can affect other aspects of society by making cracks in beliefs and bringing forth new ideas.

Note I need more help on the 1st essay
dychung7   
Dec 31, 2011
Undergraduate / 'volunteering in the Cardiology Clinic' - COMMON APP SHORT [13]

Go in more depth with the last sentence. WHY was this experience rewarding? I know there is 1000 character limit but try to squeeze it in there. Maybe eliminate the first few sentences about you waking up.
dychung7   
Dec 30, 2011
Undergraduate / University of Illinois at Urbana - Champaign Essays; influences / about yourself [2]

Essay 1: In an essay of 300 words or less, please describe how your past circumstances and experiences (such as your upbringing, community, and/or activities) impacted who you are, your future goals, and your choice of major. If you haven't decided on a college or major yet, briefly explain your intentions and aspirations for your first year at Illinois.

The first violins soared brilliantly with melody while the second violins and the violas complemented them with their harmony, bringing complexity to the tone. The cellos and basses, with their low notes, provided the underlying structure for the whole piece.

Growing up as the concertmaster for several orchestras, I have enjoyed the opportunity of overseeing the entire orchestra. I view the orchestra as a living organism. Each instrument is essential for the orchestra's vitality. Attentive to detail, I ensured that each orchestral member played their individual part correctly with the consciousness of other parts of the orchestra, maintaining a balance so that the musical composition sounds ideal. I translated this newfound perspective to my passion with cars. As I matured, my childhood infatuation with cars developed into respectable awe on how these mechanical beauties functioned. I am curious how an engine, fuel and the single movement of a foot, can move a two-ton metallic mass. Studying the field of mechanical engineering will allow the opportunity to study deeper into how these vehicles function and apply the education gained to create my own. I aspire to reengineer automobile engines. In today's modern society where environmental awareness is essential, I hope to develop not only a more fuel-efficient engine, but also an energy-efficient engine, surpassing the efficiency of a Stirling engine. I seek to leverage what I have learned through my orchestral ensemble experience - the understanding of the importance of orchestrating multiple parts and creating a harmony to produce a finely tuned result - in my studying mechanical engineering at Illinois.

Essay 2: In an essay of 300 words or less, tell us something about yourself that isn't covered elsewhere in this application, some interest or experience of your that you think the University of Illinois should know about as part of the admissions review.

I could have walked merely two minutes to high school from home, but for four years I have traveled across the country, driving through the worst traffic in the U.S. as reported by a widely cited study. I could have gotten better grades. I could have had a better social life. I could have saved myself from all these troubles. Yet, I chose to transfer to Robinson Secondary for the added challenge in the International Baccalaureate (IB) curriculum instead of studying in the high school located in my neighborhood. I do not regret my choice because what I have gained from the IB Program more than makes up for the easier life I sacrificed. I am not here to promote IB. I am not embodiment of the proof that the IB curriculum is superior to that that of Advanced Placement (actually, no such proof exists). But I can say that I believe I am a different person than I would have been if I did not make the choice that I made. With IB, I can research a topic of own choice and be rewarded by the learning experience. I approach issues, whether they are controversial or not, with a holistic view. I have put aside my naïve self and gained a global perspective. I can develop and articulate my own perspective. My pencil no longer falters in the race to the end of a page. My ideas flow like the water that Moses struck with his staff. I am the quintessence of Robert Frost's The Road Not Taken. "I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference."

Note: I need some last minute input (especially the 2nd one) before I submit them tomorrow evening.
dychung7   
Dec 30, 2011
Undergraduate / 'I had a dream: get into NYU' - NYU Supplement [15]

For your second essay, be more realistic about your passion for the humanities subject. Obviously, a 7 year was not aware of the "equitable Law that serves as a pillar of society" (Or maybe I'm wrong and I'm just making false assumptions. Forgive me)

You mention how you've come a long way from that age. Maybe include something like this:

"what a 7-year old would know about humanities" develops into "what you currently know about humanities, now that you matured"

Do you know what I mean?
Don't hesitate to challenge my suggestions.

Good Luck on your application to NYU
dychung7   
Dec 30, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Chris McCandless, an unsettling character' - UVA supplement essay [5]

I have never read Into the Wild so I have nothing to say about the novel's content.

You offer a lot about the novel itself, providing context for the readers but I feel like you spend too much time writing about Chris McCandless, instead of yourself. Focus more on HOW this novel has affected YOU. Admissions officers want to see what kind of person you are through these essays.

Good luck on your applications.
I'm also applying to UVA too. :D
dychung7   
Dec 27, 2011
Undergraduate / UVA Supplement (Favorite Place to Get Lost) - Seoul Local Market [3]

Prompt Discuss your favorite place to get lost (Approximately half a page or roughly 250 words)

The elderly vendor yells that her cabbage is the freshest in the market while stray puppies yelp, as they frolic around my feet. The loud pop of ppongtwigi machine (sweet puffed rice cake) reaches my ears. The warmth from the odaeng guk (fried fish cake) brewing nearby is inviting. My eyes quickly attracted toward an array of spices, each with its characteristic color and smell. My nose welcomes the confusion of pungent odors...

I have never lived in Seoul before, yet on my last visit, the local market is not foreign to me. The familiarity was reinforced as a result of my mother's countless recollections of her childhood years. As I leisurely walked down the narrow path, I relived what my mother always did on her walk home from school. The frenetic activity entertained me, unlike the monotony of an American supermarket. In Seoul, the prices were negotiable through argument and appeal while in the D.C. Metropolitan suburbs, ink on paper dictated the prices. Everything in market was out in the open, what seems to be in disarray, leaving opportunities for creativity while in America, everything was in shelves or behind doors, setting a boundary for imagination. Yet amidst all the chaos, the local market was composed of a subtle structure. Vendors had their predetermined locations and within the confined space provided, they arranged their products in a sophisticated manner to attract customers. From a broader perspective, I cannot be truly lost in the market if I followed a straight path, which eventually leads to the outskirts of the market. Although this aspect contradicted the purpose of being lost, whenever I had my full share of market's activity, I can step back and see the market as a whole, as a living organism.

Note:
This is a very rough draft and I intend on revising it several times before submission.
I greatly appreciate any criticism or praise, although I would prefer the former.
Please help me and in return, I would be glad to help you with your essays.
dychung7   
Dec 27, 2011
Undergraduate / UVA engineering supp--"Food scanner" [2]

Maybe you can use a hook for the beginning of your essay. That will always captivate readers. However, if it deviates from the intended message, stick with the upfront approach, which you already have.

I like the idea. Yes, it is "out-there" but schools (particularly engineering) are looking for innovators and you clearly show the characteristics of an innovator.

But remember, this is for a SMALL engineering project. No need to create something ground-breaking.

Can you take a look at my essay too? I'm doing the same exact one as you.
dychung7   
Dec 27, 2011
Undergraduate / 'an aspiring biomedical engineer' - Why engineering and Duke? [2]

Prompt:If you are applying to the Pratt School of Engineering, please discuss why you want to study engineering and why would like to study at Duke.

The interest was first sparked when I read a Reader's Digest article about an army veteran, whose amputated left leg was replaced by a C-Leg, a knee prosthetic. It was capable of making 50 calculations per second, making adjustments in real time so that amputee is able to walk on various terrains similar to their original gait without much thinking. I was already fascinated by what medical professionals do for victims of illnesses and physical disabilities. However, what most intrigued me were the medical devices that they utilize to assist them or solve these medical problems. The C-Leg gave me a glimpse into the numerous practical applications that biomedical engineering has on the medical community. I wanted to be part of the contributing factor to the medical community. As a contributing factor, I want to have a profound impact on the medical aspects of society.

Duke University appealed to me as an aspiring biomedical engineer, not only because it offers one of the best BME programs but it enables students to engage in education and independent study research. The knowledge I will obtain from the education, taught by the excellent faculty, to complement in my independent research in developing a prosthetic that quickly adapt to an amputee's original physical movements, eliminating the need for intensive physical therapy, which can a painful and arduous process. However, my purpose does not end there. Duke offers various opportunities, such as DukeEngage, allowing me approach to issues not only in the U.S. but in countries abroad. Collaborating with individuals, not just in my respective field, but in others, will broaden my perspective of the world around me. As a result, I want to be part of the Pratt School of Engineering, a diverse and inclusive community consisting of committed students and professors, continuously striving to make a lasting effecting in our society.

Note: There is no required format for this essay. However, when I contacted Duke Undergraduate Admissions, this is what they said word for word "We do not stipulate any formatting guidelines for our short answer for applicants to our Pratt School of Engineering. We ask that you fully address the question in as succinct and thorough response as you can create. The response may exceed one page and may be single or double spaced. We want to know about your interest in Pratt and engineering but also remember that brevity is the soul of wit!"

This is a very rough draft and I intend on revising it several times before submission. I understand that the second paragraph is a bit vague and general. I need some help pinpointing what aspect of Duke appeals to me the most.

I greatly appreciate any criticism or praise, although I would prefer the former.
dychung7   
Dec 27, 2011
Undergraduate / "System Error" --Common App General Essay [9]

Absolutely superb essay. Might I ask which colleges you are applying to?
I love how you sandwich the impact between actual experience. A difficult method but when used correctly, very effective, which you have done.
I also do agree with kimisizer, the words (physiognomy and fallacious) do kind of interrupt the flow of the essay. It is good to demonstrate your vocabulary but don't do it to an excess.

Besides that, BRILLIANT ESSAY. Equivalent, if not, better than the Successful Harvard Application Essays I have been reading.
I guarantee that all admissions officers that read this will be enamored by your level of writing .
dychung7   
Dec 27, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Curling' - Extracurricular Common App [6]

The theme of "learning from our own mistakes" is very common and almost cliche.
Although the subject you are talking about (curling) is very unique, I would use a different theme.

Also, the phrase "in fact what enticed me to join the curling team was the promise that it involved math and physics" seems a bit out of place because you do not relate it anywhere else in this passage. Maybe you can elaborate how you got interested in curling because of its physics and math aspect.

These are just one person's thoughts. Do not hesitate to challenge them, and don't feel like you have to take all my suggestions.
dychung7   
Dec 27, 2011
Undergraduate / UVA Engineering - Improvement in Knee Prosthesis [6]

oh wow...I did not know that...thank you for pointing out my naivety
i will make sure to eliminate that part of my essay and maybe even input the information you offered.

Thank you very much!
dychung7   
Dec 26, 2011
Undergraduate / UVA Engineering - Improvement in Knee Prosthesis [6]

Objective: We are looking for passionate students to join our diverse community of scholars, researchers, and artists. Answer the question that corresponds to the school you selected above. Limit your answer to a half page or roughly 250 words. For Engineers: If you were given funding for a small engineering project, what would you do?

As I waited to pick up my younger sister, I see a middle-aged man hobbling towards the school's front doors. His unusual gait drew inquisitive looks from the students that had been dismissed. Not to my surprise, a mechanical knee prosthesis was in place of his lower left leg.

Amputee victims, even with an artificial limb, do not have the ability to perform simple daily tasks without some degree of difficulty. One problem that concerns me is that leg amputees cannot return to their original gait with today's knee prostheses. Drawing inspiration from the C-leg, introduced by the Otto Bock Orthopedic Industry, I would design a knee prosthesis fully customizable to an individual's unique physique and gait. The cumbersome weight of prosthesis hinders an individual's ability to move freely so lightweight materials such as carbon fiber will be used for the prosthesis's physical structure. However, the weight of the prosthesis should be modified so that it replicates the weight of the missing limb. Also, the physical structure must be robust enough so that it can aid the individual in participation in sports and recreational activities, extending the prosthesis's function beyond walking. In almost all cases, the amputee must undergo physical therapy for an extended period of time to become accustomed to the prosthesis. This time it takes for this laborious process can be greatly reduced if I utilize sensors inside the prosthesis to take hundreds of measurements per second. These measurements would then be calculated to a mechanical system which controls the movement of the prosthesis, adapting itself to the person's unique gait. All these improvements should replicate an amputee's gait to that of his or her original gait.

With my new technology, I hope to see that same man walking proudly, as if he did not have an artificial limb.

Note: This is my very first draft and I intend to revise it several times before submission. Please help me and in return, I would be glad to help you with your essays.
dychung7   
Dec 26, 2011
Undergraduate / 'a country known only for its war' - CommonApp - Significant Event (Sri Lanka) [5]

I like how you move from the actual event to the impact part quickly so that readers don't get too lost in the details of the experience.

However, you should maintain a formal style throughout the entire essay. Especially the last sentence. I would reword the phrase "I can pretty dang well". I understand you are trying to maintain your voice (I may be wrong) but the informality may be unattractive to some admissions officer.

These are just suggestions. Don't hesitate to challenge them.
dychung7   
Dec 26, 2011
Undergraduate / Common App- a creative work (The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost) [6]

I would advise to make the language in the first paragraph more colorful.
However, don't change it to the extent where it loses your style and voice.

Also the sentence:
"The obvious basic meaning is that the poem is about a person's choices in life"

Maybe be a bit more subtle in the overall message of the poem. I understand that this it not an english paper but you can reword it so readers see it as a blatant statement.

Good Luck to you with your application!
dychung7   
Dec 26, 2011
Undergraduate / 'the sense of contentment I enjoyed' - Common App - Personal (Significant Experience) [2]

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

My experience at my audition for the Summer Residential Governor's School for Visual and Performing Arts has changed the reason why I continue to pursue challenges.

As I walk into the room, violin in one hand and music in the other, I exhale sharply, purging myself of any anxiety that still lingers inside me. As I see the two judges before me, I quickly disregard their presence, allowing silence's canvas to unfurl. As my bow gently settles upon the strings, I envision myself alone on the plains, isolated from any distractions. The bow pulls ever so slightly on the strings, initiating a pure sound; the gentle rocking motion of my fingers adds warmth to the sound. My fingers shoot back and forth across the fingerboard as they climb up toward the bridge, imitating a storm churning up the sea. As the weight of the bow increases on the strings, the notes gradually increase in intensity and passion. Then the double stops shoot up the fingerboard in fixed increments, fingers vibrating with controlled violence, rapidly building to the climax. The bow shoots off the strings and the sound resonates off the violin's face. The ensuing silence is interrupted when one of the judges says, "Thank you. That would be all." I sense the sweet air of satisfaction surrounding me.

The violin has been an integral part of my life, but I had never been able to enjoy a sense of satisfaction until I played in front of these judges. Throughout my journey in music and education, I have always been harsh on myself, as I have strived to be a "perfect" musician. When I improved in one area, I would always look for another area to improve. I have never been able to pull myself from the chaos and examine and enjoy what I have accomplished. I never let myself soak in my pride, afraid that I would become saturated in it. In turn I would let this fear become a burden on my journey to becoming the ideal musician. I was afraid that if I took a break, I believed I would lose motivation. I was only continuing this long arduous journey out of fear.

Although I did not have a "perfect" performance, the sense of contentment I enjoyed made me realize what I had accomplished so far and what I have been missing: the positive feeling of accomplishment. I began to have a greater appreciation for my musical talent. The realization has changed what motivates me on this path. Instead of continuing out of fear, now I continue this journey because I have discovered what I had achieved and am capable of.

Note:

I'm having trouble telling readers upfront about that my music performance has impacted me by changing the reasons why I continue to pursue challenges. This is to help readers not get lost in the details of my experience and foreshadow the impact story to come

Also, I am not sure if I should include a section about how this impact will help me succeed in college.

I greatly appreciate any help. Please don't hesitate to be critical about my essay.
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