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Posts by shelia1993
Joined: Dec 28, 2011
Last Post: Dec 30, 2011
Threads: 4
Posts: 22  

From: China

Displayed posts: 26
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shelia1993   
Dec 30, 2011
Undergraduate / 'assumptions rather than knowledge' - intellectual vitality- stanford supp [9]

If I am right, you are trying to say instead of listening to your father's ideas you want to explore by yourself. It is not that you don't trust him anymore, but you formed the idea to discover the truth in your mind. What has been told might not be the truth, and only by searching for the truth oneself can one find the answer. Right?
shelia1993   
Dec 30, 2011
Undergraduate / Extra Curricular essay: Hope / Doubt [2]

How about write some specific thing you did with her, small conversations or something else. I would like to know how your changed the girl's attitude toward you. O(∩_∩)O~
shelia1993   
Dec 30, 2011
Undergraduate / 'engineering can solve the environmental problems' - NYU:Why engineering [3]

Decades ago, where I live now was an industrial city. Although born when the city has already shifted to a diverse commercial center, I suffered from the outcome of heavy industry. What made it worse, in order to transform my city to a metropolis, the government has been tearing down old buildings, and constructing skyscrapers without stop. The rapid development has been along with intense pollution. Suffering from sand storms in springs, I started seeking for practical ways to improve my city's environment.

However, only when I went to America did I discover that engineering can solve the environmental problems caused by engineering. I lived near Milwaukee, a city that has been transformed from an industrial city into a comercial center with little pollution. During researches, I found Milwaukee has a well organized recycle system, supporting by local companies and citizens. I got a whole new idea about industry through that year, and was determined to become an engineer.

I am eager to join the Dual Degree Program of Engineering in NYU, devoted myself to explore the frontier of technology first and practicing the abstract concept in reality. New York University provides so many exceptional opportunities for each student, and I hope to get involved in the newly started program - Center for Urban Science& Progress for future study. Besides, studying in a global city, I can get to know many insightful peers from different places, and work with them to make a change.
shelia1993   
Dec 30, 2011
Undergraduate / 'It all started in my Physics class' - Common Application [10]

I am not so sure which point you want to elaborate, the challenging competition or the overcome of stage fright, or both.

Anyway, I have to say it is an interesting essay and good luck with your application.O(∩_∩)O~
shelia1993   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Relaxing in dorm' - stanford - letter to your roommate [6]

Love your tone! Your essay remind me one self introduction my friend made several years ago. He said that," Since we are going to get along for six years, I would rather tell you my weak points than my good qualities." Then he said five his inperfect parts, and we laughed and accepted him. The beauty of inperfectness is the real attract of human. Good luck!
shelia1993   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / 'German shepherd' - Amherst supplement essay- difficulties [8]

Your writing skills are really great. But when I was reading, I found your essay a little bit abstract. Actually, if I were the A.O., I would like to hear your own story, how did you overcome obstacles and thrive.
shelia1993   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / Building an iconic city that resembles our culture ; Why School of Architecture? [6]

Why School of ArchitectureïźŸ

Living in a growing metropolis, I have observed the whole development of my city, from roads to apartments, stadium to library. Modernized as my home town looks, it lacks an icon to stand out from other cities, an icon making us proud of. Therefore, the seed of a dream has been planted in my heart ï building an architecture that will be written into my city's culture.

I want to study Architecture in a highly developed metropolis, and Rice University is the best choice. I am eager to acquire knowledge comprehensively in one of the best Undergraduate Architecture program. Image I am in Houston Architecture class, going on a field trip around the city, learning the history of those blocks and buildings, photo-shooting the amazing details from my own angles. Then I ran into the studio. I start sketching out my thought and elaborate my work with the concern of environment and culture. During the seminar, we sit around, discussing how to carry historical and cultural elements with modern approach.

I am looking forward to walking in the Aechitecture department in reality one day, rather than wandering in my imagination only. School of Architecture offers so many opportunities, such as studying in other global cities and the Preceptorship program, for its students to dig their potential, to progress, and to contribute to the world. I want to be one significant part of School of Architecture, to bring my creativity into practice and to thrive.
shelia1993   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / Supplement Essay-How I Developed Interest in Cancer [19]

Great job!Just write by your heart, and you do not have to worry whether to write about your motivation or the reasons. Be yourself, and there is no limit! Good Luck!
shelia1993   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / "The moment has finally arrived" -- Common App Essay Topic of Choice [8]

It is a great piece. I really like the third paragragh. Maybe you should elaborate on that point more.
"Writing an essay is how life and its situations are approached. The pen is our passion and we are the paper. We are not exactly clear how to specifically start off, or how, when and where to end. Nevertheless, everything in between is direction, goals waiting to be embraced, and the desire to reach that "Wow, I finally did it" feeling blazes. It is the journey rather than the destination."

It is just my personal opinion. Make your essay close to the readers~Good luck! You gonna shine!
shelia1993   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / 'The unique badger caught my eyes' - Why Rice [6]

The unique badger caught my eyes as soon as I opened Rice University's Website. Three silver owls are standing equally on the blue background, seeking for knowledge, preparing for challenge. The white lines across the badger look like an arrow, pointing out the way toward the unknown. Then I saw the gray letters beside the badger - unconventional wisdom, small but striking. Although I was ten thousand miles away from Houston, I could still feel the dynamic learning atmosphere and the seriousness in both students' and professors' devote to knowledge.

Born with excessive curiosity, I always ask the "why" questions instead of "what" questions which others usually ask. Why does the shape memory alloy have its unique properties? Why had the Imperial Palace made by wood instead of bricks? Why people think using paper bags is beneficial to the environment? Those endless questions are swirling in my mind for years. I read, I search online, but what I really want to do is to discuss with people who have the same passion with me. Rice seems the right place for me, offering learning opportunities both in the classroom and out. I can get access to prestigious professors, acquiring knowledge on the frontiers of discovery. I can work with peers, discussing those endless questions in my mind. I can start my undergraduate research project, putting what I have learned into practice.

Almost nine years ago, an eastern giant went to Houston. He broke the traditional idea that basketball is westerners' game. He showed his wonderful skills with Chinese modesty. This giant is Yao. Today, I want to go to the same place as he did, contributing my creativity and passion to Rice, while equipping myself with great skills.
shelia1993   
Dec 28, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Complexity is what makes me great' - Common App Essay [8]

I have to say that your essay is unique and intriguing. But maybe you can involve more your thoughts than your deeds.
I really like the quote you used:)Good luck and have fun!
shelia1993   
Dec 28, 2011
Undergraduate / Commonapp " Jumping out of frames" [6]

Thanks a lot. I feel my last sentence is kind of weird too. And as Kruthimohan mentioned, "it" in the sentence is confusing. Do you have any suggestion?
shelia1993   
Dec 28, 2011
Undergraduate / 'passionate about the School Government' Something didn't go according to the plan [4]

Your language is great. But I just feel that you may write something more special. Maybe not that great for others, but great for yourself. Make it more personal. Anyway, great essay! I bet you are a comprehensive student.

P.S. I always wanted to apply for MIT, but I am not courageous enough. Good Luck!
shelia1993   
Dec 28, 2011
Undergraduate / Commonapp " Jumping out of frames" [6]

Everytime I go to my drawing class, gazing at the paintings on the walls, I always wonder: why those paintings have to be set in frames? To be labeled as great works? To be protected? What I do know is that when the gilted frames reflect into my eyes, I see gorgeous cages. I can hear the colors calling for spreading their beauty into everyone's life. I can feel their unrested souls trying to escape from eternity and showing their exuberance right now. Then I think about myself, recalling the experience of how I broke out of the frame.

Talking about childhood, my friends always came up with funny stories, such as using up a bottle of ketchup to paint the wall. But when it was my turn, I was stuck, wandering in my memories in silence. Later, I asked my mom about my little tricks. " Nothing, dear. You were always well behaved, followed the rules, and did what had been told", my mom said softly. Nothing? Nothing silly but funny? I would rather believe that a monster had swallowed the memory of my childhood from Mom and me.

Admittedly, I was born a rule-keeper. I traced the road others set for me, playing piano, learning calligraphy, solving extra math problems, in order to get labeled "good girl". At the time I went to high school, I made the top 10 of my class every year, because I was told as a student I should work hard. But when I looked back, I saw a helpless girl trying to flatter people around her so hard that she never figured out what made her special. I saw a figure locked on the stage like marionettes,performing other's scripts without any improvising or emotion.

Is this the kind of life I want to have? I decided to try another way to live. So I acted like a bad girl, sleeping in classes, arguing with others, reading novels, watching movies instead of doing my homework. I thought it would make me different, and endow me excitement. But I was wrong. One day, after watching "Death Poets Society", I ran out of the building like a mad person. I went down stairs from the fourth floor, passed through the crowds,and started running on the track. I saw the real deed of originality and creativity from that movie. Being oneself does not mean acting uniquely. It is not about formalization but about the state of mind. What constrained me till now are nether rules nor other people's expectations, but my fear to step out of the familiar and open up the unknown world.

Suddenly, I have a craving for change. I am eager to break all the frames that chained me for years, and the first step I have just took is deciding to study in the U.S. for the next 5 years.For the first time in my life, I am not the good girl in my mom's mouth, nor the brilliant classmate in my peers eyes, but the one who opens her heart and let her dreams flying in the sky. I could hear the call from Steve Jobs, "Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life". People tend to strive for acceptance, however, if I cannot accept myself, what's the point to gain others' applause? I am eager to learn more knowledge in both science and art, but the most important part for me is to create knowledge with my own methods.

People tend to follow the majority, the main stream. They do so because imitation is much easier than originality. But I, the girl following the "right" track for more than a decade, cannot be satisfied with simply obeying the rules now. Pondering on my life more critically, I finally understand the line from "Death Poets Society"- "You don't have to perform. Just make it yourself". No one is perfect, and ironically the beauty of each individual is one's imperfectness. Life is like a one way ticket, I should challenge myself and try whatever I am curious about right now. If I wait to get another chance, I will definitely miss it forever.
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