Undergraduate / "Decorum Delegates! Decorum!" - UPenn pg. 217 from 300pg. autobiography [8]

pleast just let me know if it's easy to follow and interesting. Also, please correct on any grammar/spelling mistakes. Thanks a bunch!

You have just completed your 300-page autobiography. Please submit page 217

"Decorum Delegates! Decorum!" the Chair announced, his voice ascending notably. The room slowly terminated to a complete silence. "The committee proceeds with the Nuclear Non Proliferation Treaty. Please raise your placard to be recognized as a participant for open debate," the Chair reluctantly continued. Suddenly, a handful of placards, each representing a different country, shot in the air, impatiently anticipating the declaration of their nation.

This was the 24th Session of the University of Pennsylvania Model United Nations Conference, and my first time in attendance. Hundreds of white placards suffocated the room, each desperately awaiting recognition from the Chair. Although anxiety had colonized my body, my conscience vigorously demanded that I raise my placard. Alarmed, I turned my head, and desperately sought the suggestion of my partner, whose indecisive shrug offered no explanation.

Without further hesitation, I impulsively shot my placard in the air. Despite my nerves, a large part of me craved that podium, and yearned for the recognition of the Chair. I longed to express my knowledge, which had cultivated and consumed hours of research. I glared at the Chair, whose eyes swiftly scanned each member nation. As his eyes approached my side of the room, I could feel the adrenaline gushing through my veins, and pumping my excitement. "Algeria!" he boldly announced.

The word was unmistakable. A sense of realization consumed my body, and I doubtfully turned towards my partner. Our country had been called 8th, which meant I had a few seconds before assuming the podium. I frantically began selecting my words, and furiously jotted down notes on my notebook cover. In just a matter of seconds, I would stand before hundreds of strangers, delivering what had to be impeccable information on Algeria's position concerning the nuclear non proliferation treaty.

"Algeria, assume the podium," the Chair asserted. The moment had come. I exhaled any doubt from my body, lashed a smile at my partner, and headed directly towards the podium. With one deep breath, I looked into the wide-eyed crowd, and began my speech.

"Thank you, honorable Chair..."

Undergraduate / Princeton Summers; What do you think? [2]

Please tell us how you have spent the last two summers (or vacations between school years), including any jobs you have held, if not already detailed on the Common Application.

The sultry summer months induce both freedom and bliss to the high school student. Each month signifies a different portion of my life, but all combined generate my true character.

June is a month of vowed tradition. Ever since I immigrated to America, I have lived in separation from my Albanian relatives. Fortunately, June is our month of reconciliation. Every summer, my entire family assembles together, and we indulge in a time of celebration, relaxation, and merriment. Whether it is sight seeing the skyscrapers of Chicago, visiting flourishing art museums, or simply submerging in the vast Atlantic waters, we seek to develop dynamic relationships and unforgettable memories.

July is a month of discovery. It is my chance to experience moments that have always sought my curiosity. At high school, I enroll in a very rigorous academic strand, which offers very little flexibility. I am unable to chart my own academic course, and am prohibited from pursuing any distinct electives. As a result, last summer, I decided to enroll in a sociology course at a community college nearby. My academic passion lies in the field of psychology, which goes hand in hand with sociology. If psychology attempts to describe behavioral characteristics, then sociology ventures to describe groups of individuals and their behavioral patterns. Aside from scholarly pursuits, I also decided to volunteer at a nearby library. I am a strong advocate of promoting a greater good to society, and I love engaging in diverse community activities. I specifically chose to volunteer at a library because I knew it would be a very life-enriching experience. My job was to aid young kids with their reading comprehension skills, and despite the large age difference, I was able to truly generate memorable bonds.

August is a month of summer reading and ruthless training. Under the sun's beaming rays, volleyball season emerges. Since sophomore year, volleyball has been my passion, and I have applied myself to mastering its techniques. Consequently, my August mornings are consumed with countless squats, endless sprints, and a cycle of repetitive drills. Nevertheless, the majestic sunset is my venue for relaxation. From Kawabata's "Snow Country," to Cervantes "Don Quixote," reading is great company under the crisp summer breeze.

Regardless of what I do in the summer, I want to make sure that it is a time of both self-discovery and self-enjoyment. The lessons that I have extracted from these past experiences are both memorable and rewarding, and the moments shared are truly irreplaceable.

Undergraduate / "Substitution! 21 for 3!" Short response for common app! Leave comments! [11]

Since I had to condense this so much, I'm afraid it lost that emotion it once had. Just tell me what you think. Does it make sense, and is it any good?

In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience) (150 words or fewer).

"Substitution! 21 for 3!" my coach screamed impatiently. 21?! Since this was my first volleyball game, I had been convinced that my number wouldn't be called. As my trembling knees reluctantly advanced past the serve line, I nervously glanced at my teammates. Suddenly, a wave of cheers exploded across the court. In just three weeks, I had obliviously made many friends - ones who eagerly cheered my name to offer me condolence. Determination burned in my eye, and strength surged through my arms. I threw the ball in the air and smacked it with abounding power. Victory was ours.

Since that day, volleyball has become my passion and I dedicate both time and energy to mastering its techniques. Although the sport teaches you to thrive on individual achievement, it also disciplines through dependence and friendship. The grueling practice sessions instill solid bonds between members, and the laughter shared creates unforgettable memories.

Undergraduate / Penn professor essay ("It is the organ"). What do you think? [8]

ugh...i kind of hate this. it just seems so flat and boring. i want them to know that i am passionate about the field, but this essay doesn't seem to accomplish that. any thoughts? also, how can i revise the last sentence? thanks a lot.

Penn offers its undergraduates an eminent faculty and a wealth of research opportunities. Use the space below to name a Penn professor with whom you would like to study or conduct research and explain why. (1000 characters)

It is the organ which distinguishes us from all other living creatures. It molds our thoughts, fabricates our dreams, and stores our fantasies. It is the human brain - the only organ capable of controlling our bodily functions, from language and emotion, to memory and movement. At the University of Pennsylvania, I eagerly aspire to study with Dr. Javier Medina, conducting research in the areas of cognitive and behavioral neuroscience, fields that fuel my curiosity and captivate my interest. Dr. Medina is currently conducting experiments that study the neural processing in normal mice and in genetically engineered mouse models. He seeks to understand the link between neural activity and motor skills in the brain. Equipped with the tools of psychology and computational neuroscience, Dr. Medina investigates motor dysfunctions in the brain, and hopes to identify possible treatments of movement disorders. With countless publications, and a burning passion for the field, I believe Dr. Medina would unquestionably be the ideal mentor for me.

Undergraduate / Comm. app. short essay; "Sub! Sub!" my coach screamed impatiently at the referee [12]

Well, this is supposed to be 150 words, but mine is 279 words. I need to condense it. Please comment on the content. Is it too boring? Does it make sense? Does it answer the prompt? Please critique!! Any help is greatly welcomed. Also, do you guys have any idea how to revise this sentence: In that instant, I became aware of the true spirit of the game. I'm not too fond of that sentence. Thank you all in advance. =)

In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience) (150 words or fewer).

"Sub! Sub!," my coach screamed impatiently at the referee. The referee glared at him and slowly executed the desired substitution. Suddenly, the coach turned around, and quickly scanned each of the bench players. Noticing his intent, I instantly looked down, clearly avoiding his eyes. This was my first volleyball game, and although I was convinced that I would not be an active player this match, I shut my eyes and hoped that my number would not be called. "21 for 3!," my coach shouted, after what seemed like hours of deliberation. 21?! Alarmed, I looked up at my coach, whose stern gaze offered no explanation. "Let's go," the referee barked. A white "Tachikara" ball met my sweaty palms, while my trembling knees made their way past the 9m line. I had only been involved with the sport for a mere 3 weeks, yet the coach had given me the task of executing the serve. I precariously glanced at my teammates, whose smiles and nods offered me assurance. Briefly, I glimpsed over the girls on the bench, and a wave of cheers exploded across the court. A rush of confidence fed my anxiety, and a smile escaped my lips. In that instant, I became aware of the true spirit of the game. In three short weeks, I had obliviously made many friends - ones who eagerly cheered my name for the sole purpose of offering me condolence. Determination burned in my eye, and strength surged through my arms. I threw the ball up in the air, tightened my wrist, and smacked it with all the power I could. Silence enveloped the court. The point was ours and the game was sealed.