Undergraduate / Traditional FOOD/SONGS/PICTURES; What can you contribute to ___ community? [6]

Needing feedback! My deadline is due in 1 day. Thank you very much!

Prompt: What can you contribute to ___ community?

If I go to ____ , I want to cook delicious traditional food of my hometown for foreign friends: the crispy "Nem" with minced meat, egg and vegetable, the "Pho" with fragrant broth and thin slices of beef. I would tell myths and history of my country: How people of one thousand years ago found the rice, the long Vietnamese dynasty in the feudal system. I would sing my favorite traditional songs of three areas of Vietnam with my special voice. I would draw pictures of cottages, of buffaloes, of endless green fields and poor but hard-working farmers. Moreover, I love travel, love to observe people and to make new friends. It creates chance for me to access to diverse thought and to spread my ethnicity to others. I have never gone abroad. Yet I believe if I have chance to and I surely will, I would not only discover new cultures but also be a representative of my own country

Undergraduate / Academic atmosphere/ Professors/ Students; What excites you about Union? (150 words) [6]

I have just rewrite my sup essay. Any feedback are appreciated. Thank you in advance!

I am interested most in the academic atmosphere that Union brings to students. Professors here have long office hours and are willing to help when students are struggling with job or internship. I am pursuing the Environmental Science major and I need orientation from knowledgeable and experienced people like professors of Union. I was impressed by Professor Kurt Hollocher who has devoted his twenty five years in Union. I wish one day I can sit in his class to study the igneous and metamorphic rocks which reveals us about the development of original mountains. Moreover, Union students seem motivated and ambitious. With small class size and intense education of three classes per term, Union is a friendly environment for me to share my ideas and to learn from others.

Undergraduate / Trimester system/ Environmental Society; What excites you about Union? [3]

Any feedback is appreciated. Thank you a lot!

Entering Union College would be a great opportunity for me to pursue Environmental Major. Union College has the trimester system in which students attend three to four classes in ten weeks. It doesn't only reduce stress for me, but also enables me to focus intensely in fewer subjects at a time. I can concentrate on my favorite research on Environment problems or find solutions through Environmental Engineering courses. This system has a long winter break: about five to six weeks. Therefore, I may have more chance to get an internship or to experience a community service. Moreover, I would like to join the Environment Society in 100 clubs and organizations of Union College. I can meet many students who have the same interest but diverse opinions about protecting the Environment. It is a golden chance for me to share my ideas and to learn from others.

Undergraduate / My younger sister; Villanova Community; Lesson & Experience [2]

Prompt:
One of the principles of Villanova, as an Augustinian university founded on the teachings of St. Augustine, is that students and faculty learn from each other. As you imagine yourself as a member of the Villanova community, what is one lesson that you have learned in your life that you will want to share with others?

Please feedback. Thank you !!!

My essay:
I wished she would not be born. If so, I did not have to share my room, my clothes with her. I could keep my presents and letters in private without being stolen or peeked. Yet she, my sister would not disappear. She stood there, forever, in my life.

From the first grade, I was always in the first place. And I felt ashamed of my sister because she was usually ranked finally. She did not want to sit on her desk, argued with me when I helped her study. She went out every evening. She does nothing at home without watching TV or chit-chat on the Internet. Each time I censured her, she switched to another topic. One night, she wore my most favorite dress without my permission and hung out. I could not endure anymore and screamed at her face: "You do nothing and want to have all. Just get out of here and never be back...!"

That night she did not went home. Neither did the next three days. At first, I was happy and enjoyed my own space. But then I noticed her diary under her bed: "Today a boy call me African girl again. I hate this nickname. I have black skin, my face is normal. I know people only love my pretty sister. They write letters to her and give her presents. How can I become attractive and have many friends like my sister?" And then: "I found the way. I will borrow my sister's hairpin, clothes and cosmetic to be like her. I take them first, and tell her latter because she is parsimonious." On another page, she wrote: "I'm jealous with my sister. She is the first in her class again. My result is still bad. I tried to sit hours long, to read a book completely and to do those exercises. But I was not able to focus like her. I cannot stay in a place more than some minutes. I just want to go out there, playing, talking, or just running around. I know I get worse and worse. But it is too difficult for me to study."

"Oh my poor sister! If she told me earlier, I did not mislead her in such a long time." It reminded me about a three-year-old baby gave me a candy that she received from a neighborhood. It reminded me about a small girl spooned me the soup and slept with me even I got ill. It reminded me about a rainy day, she took the umbrella, running quickly to bring me the raincoat that I forgot, but heavy rain made both wet and we laughed with each other. Suddenly I realized I was missing her. I called her several times and finally she picked up the phone.

She stood at the door, being faint and thinner. Her voice was light:
- I thought you don't want to see me anymore.
- Actually I did. And it was silly! We are sisters remember? I cannot hate you.
We cried. We hugged. And we laughed.

Since she went home, I changed my method. Instead of forcing her sitting in her desk, I ask her questions while we were playing. I told her to respect herself, to recognize her own loveliness, not to imitate others. I bought more nice clothes for her and required her not to steal from anyone. Moreover, we usually play a game: "Ask and answer" to share our thought with each other.

I told my story to share my experiences. Instead of guessing and misleading, we may communicate directly and understand each other. Furthermore, looking only at the wrong face and criticize someone is a big mistake. Even the worst kid is only a victim. Everyone has a beauty inside their soul.

Undergraduate / Eugene Lang : A time when I was in the minority. [3]

Please feedback for me. Thank you!

My country has three main areas each of whose residence have their own specified voice and tone. I had lived in the seashore Middle land- Quang Binh until I was eight. My family moved to Hanoi- the biggest city in the North Vietnam. To all children at school, I was a weird girl with a strange voice and dark sun-baked skin. They kept away from me. At first I was afraid. Once I tried to play with a group of friends, they stared at me and said: "Don't you feel shame? Go back to your suburb idiot!" When their laugh burst out loudly, my tears dripped. Yet no one saw me cry because I did not let them think I was a coward. For months later, I had spent most of my time on studying and I got the first place in the class. Weather in the North also made my skin brighter. I had many things that others did not. I understood more about culture along the country. I knew the traditional delicious food of my hometown. I had a special voice which enabled me to sing songs of many areas. New friends talked to me and wanted to play with me more. Minority made me special and I was always proud of it. The most important thing I realized was that "It is no matter who I am or what I am, but how I identify myself."

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: There is nothing uneducated people can teach educated people. Do you agree? [4]

I gonna take TF soon and decide to follow a template like this. Can you give me some advice about making a template? Although it's boring but it enables me to write longer in limited time.

Prompt: There is nothing uneducated people can teach educated people. Do you agree?

Ways of education has drawn much social concern. Some people propose that uneducated person can't teach an educated person anything. I critically disagree with this. Failure, social experiences and surviving skills are things that we can learn from uneducated people.

Initially, what I put in my priority is studying from failure. It can't be denied that uneducated people have their own reasons not to finish their study. Some was so addicted to drugs that they spend all their money on drugs and could not continue studying. The others may be ruined by their friends, playing all the time and being unable to concentrate on studying. Therefore, they couldn't get into any universities or even high schools. But they still continue to live by doing low-paid jobs or studying online at night. They accept the present, not complaining about it and trying to improve their own future. This is the optimistic attitude that we could learn from them.

Secondly, what deserves my attention is social experiences. It is clearly seen that some families don't have enough money for their children to study. So these children drop out of school to work and to earn money for their parents and their siblings. They become mature soon and have many ways to adapt with their jobs. For instance, I used to meet a teenager who doesn't go to school but sell hand-made products with her mother. She told with customers intelligently and persuaded them skillfully that everyone laughs happily and no one can deny buying her products. By and large, we can learn from uneducated ones some adroit skills in social confronting.

Last but not least, surviving skill is noteworthy. It is remarkable that living in a competitive environment of earning money, having no parents protecting urge them to face many traps and dangerous things. Bad people can exploit the innocence of small children and their dream of having much money to kidnap them for no good intentions. Therefore, small boys usuallly have some ways to protect themselves and small girls learn ways to identify dishonest people. Indeed, these people may develop their protection and instinct cleverer than others.

In summary, accepting the failure, learning ways to deal with problems in life are major benefits we get from an uneducated person. I strongly believe that the youth will consider my analysis to adapt the right ways to prepare for their future.

(377 words in 30 mins)

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Making large amounts of money or earning a comfortable living ? [4]

Prompt: Many people believe that it is very important to make large amounts of money, while others are satisfied to earn a comfortable living. Analyze each viewpoint and take a stand. Give specific reasons for your position.

Money is very important for a convenient life. It satisfies our demand, supports many appliances and makes most of people feel happy. However, many youth just focus all of their energy to earn a lot of money but forget to hold joyful and meaningful moments in life. Therefore, people need to balance two things: earning money and enjoying a comfortable living to succeed in life.

More money helps people purchase better things. Parents can pay better education for their children. These kids will have opportunities to study in a wonderful environment and prepare well for their future. With money, people can have a sufficient life_ a nice house with a lot of modern household appliances such as three D plasma TV, washing machine and an expensive car. Besides, people can use their money to travel around the world, to enjoy delicious food in restaurants in everywhere, to discover different cultures and to have more experiences about the world outside.

Nevertheless, if people just focus on earning money, they won't have time to spend all of it and enjoy their full life. Reducing work hours may cost us some money, but it releases our stress and provides us time to take care of our family. Family members can attach their relationship by joining in outdoor activities, watching TV or eating dinner together. This enables them to talk, to laugh, to share stories about schools, about friends to one another.

In my own viewpoint, I prefer to work less and spend more time to enjoy my life. I'm very young and curious. I want to spend my free time pursuing my hobbies like playing badminton, swimming, hanging out with my friends. Or I can sit reading a book beside a window and feel the wind blowing, the sun shining and the birds singing to chew my own thought. I want to own my life, not to depend on it.

In sum, people want money and they study, they work for money doesn't mean they must become slaves of money. People still have a life in front of them and they can lose a little of money to buy unregretful moments instead. (359 words in 35 mins)

Writing Feedback / Students should value their present time and use it right so that they will never regret later. [3]

I tried to finish it in 30 minutes. Thank you a lot to see it !

Prompt: The college years are the best time in a person's life. Do you agree or not? Give reasons to support your opinion.

The college years of students are the first time students are able to live in a broad environment with people from different areas. It is also the last time they study in school, take part in many activities. This is a big intersection in people's lifetime. Thus to me, the college years are the best time in a person's life.

On one hand, college years enable us to join in different activities. There are many clubs like swimming, tennis, basketball, chemistry, trekking... in every college for students to choose. For students who are very young and energetic, this will be a grate chance for them to try, to have fun and express their abilities. Students also meet friends from different countries and different cultures. This helps them take more friends and understand more about the world outside. Besides, there are usually parties held in colleges at night which help students to release stress outside classes. College life doesn't have much pressure as it seems if we know how to enjoy it.

On the other hand, one important purpose of getting into colleges is to prepare for our future. Colleges create chance for students to study many courses with top professors and enhance their knowledge. With various information, assistant and internships it provides students, they will find easier to get good jobs in the future. Moreover, most colleges will try their best to help students discover their true passion by enable them to take part in different classes. Hence, students will develop the best on their own decision, their own interest.

In sum, most of us can not forget the years being at college with pure feelings, with many chances in front of us and if we hold them right time, our future may change. I strongly believe it is better for college students to value their present time and use it right so that they will never regret later. (318 words)

Writing Feedback / Pets should be treated as family members or not? 'pets are also live creatures' [5]

Prompt: Pets should be treated as family members. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons to support your opinion.

Pets are animals raised at home like: cats, dogs, horses, birds,... Some people think that they are just properties of their owners and people can do whatever they want with them. However, I suppose animals also have emotions and feelings. They should be treated as our family members.

First of all, owning a pet is one way to educate children how to behave. It is easy to see that most children would be very happy to have a small friend who they can share all their fun, their sad or even secrets without worrying because this small friend can not tell with others. Feeding pets punctually, making a small house for pets, sewing clothes for pets in cold days helps children know ways to take care for others. Besides, children also love to play with animals like catching with dogs in the parks, teaching them to take stuff for people or to stand up-sit down. Talking with pets, listening to them urges children to become more concerning and responsible.

Secondly, pets have right to be treated as members of families. They help us very much and make life more meaningful. In a survey, it was proved that dogs are born to be people's friends. They may understand our words, our behaviors quickly. Many dogs are trained to help the policeman find out forbidden goods or bad guys. But finally when they are old or injured, some people don't feed them anymore but left them to cold and death. The world will be better if people give them justice to be loved and concerned. People can choose to leave their pets but pets never leave people.

Last but not least, treating animals ruthlessly may cause some bad results. Some abandon cats or dogs become dull and scared of people. Some are in danger of being killed to take meat for benefit. The others are fierce and may bite any people they meet or rob food in streets. People have orphanages for unlucky children, so animals should also have an emergence house to wait for their wistful owners.

To sum up, pets are also live creatures. They make our life comfortable and happy. Thus they deserve to have respect from us and to be treated fairly.

Writing Feedback / 'parents will give their sympathy' - What are some of the qualities of a good parent? [2]

I'm going to take the TF in a month and really worry about my writing. I hope you will give me some feedback and I'm very grateful for that !

Prompt: What are some of the qualities of a good parent?

It is said that "Becoming a parent, you become a real adult." Parents have many good qualities because they are models for their children. But in my limited writing, I would tell three most important characters which good parents should have: knowledgeable, ready to listen and willing to change.

Firstly, parents who have much knowledge will know what are best for their children. For example, they choose the area of living which is safe and has many educated people, they choose suitable school which is well-evaluated and has many good kids so that their children will be positively influenced. Moreover, parents are the first teachers, hence erudite ones may orient their children to the right way, mentor them during their studying process, teach them the very first lessons about life. Most successful people have their parents knowledgeable and respectful.

Secondly, an attentive listener will attach relationship with his child and encourage them optimistically. When kids are at the age of curiosity, there are parents being tired of their many questions and ask them not to ask so much. Children don't know the real reason but have to obey their parents. It makes them dull and damages their imagination and creative. When kids become teenagers, they can have some sensitive questions relating to sexual topics. If parents continue to avoid listening and answering thoroughly, children may look for other sources like books, internet, friends which may provide them inexact and harmful information. Therefore it is better for parents to listen carefully and have satisfactory answers for their children.

Finally, a wonderful parent is always willing to change. Parents and children are two different generations that have different values and opinions: Some parents may not know how to use high-tech devices, their fashion is out-of-date... Arguments between generations are unavoidable. If parents force children to follow their old way, it's easy to cause struggle. In such cases, a good parent would try to understand and adapt toward positive outcomes. Furthermore, sometimes parents may make mistakes. It's not bad to make a mistake, the point is how they fix and deal with it. Admitting mistakes and change the situation will arouse admiration from children.

For general, parents will give their sympathy and their best concern to their infants no matter is. However, good parents will not only provide just mental and physical supporting for their children, but also urge them to become good people, good parents for the next generations.