Scholarship /
'James and in-depth version of my story' - about how someone has impacted your life. [18]
Your original paper went off topic too often. Here's a revision (or, at least, a start):
Unlike my parents and peers, my older cousin James had no reason whatsoever to intrude into my personal affairs. Nonetheless, over time-and despite a four-year age difference-our friendship grew and he became like a brother and a mentor who taught me the means to success.
Years before James was introduced to my life, I was just another person who didn't have any concrete future plans. I was an average student with misplaced priorities. Year after year, I felt as though the only thing that had changed in me was my age. It took me a long time to realize that I had spent my time wastefully and inefficiently. I began to think about life after high school. Even though I had high ambitions, I wasn't doing anything to get closer to these goals. I realized that I needed to focus on academics if I wanted to be an engineer. During that time, I began to question whether my dreams would ever reach fruition.
Then, in the summer of 2011, I finally met the cousin who my uncles had always bragged about. Sharing the same interests and beliefs, James and I quickly became close friends. I soon asked him about his school- University of Oklahoma-and how he got there. After interviewing him, he did the same to me but with a unique approach: he started by asking, "Where will you be in 10 years?" That question rushed repeatedly through my head and the room was silent. Eventually, I answered, "I will probably be at college getting my masters' degree in electrical engineering."
When he asked me what I was doing to reach my goal, I told him that I wasn't doing anything-not because I didn't want to but rather because I didn't know what to do. For the next half hour he explained what I could do to get the most out of myself and that it would require commitment to accomplish my goals.
Our discussion continued. I asked him almost every question that I could think of. It was one of the most important conversations that I've had with anyone. He had motivated me and I felt as if I was ready to face the challenges that lie ahead.
Now three years later, we maintain contact through text messages and emails. I still ask him many questions, and he always has a way of answering them clearly and insightfully. I have changed considerably over the past few years. My academic commitment and performance have improved and I have learned the value of independence.
I'm grateful to have met a person like James, and long ago I promised myself that I would help others in the ways that he helped me. One day when I become a successful engineer, I hope to show him my appreciation through action and example.
