Writing Feedback / IELTS - Reearing a child in strict or no-rules culture. Discuss merits of both [3]

Hi,

Please review my essay. This has taken me around 45 minutes to write this essay. Thank you for your feedback

In some cultures, children are expected to follow very strict rules of behaviour. In other cultures, children are allowed to do almost anything they want. What are the merits of each opinion? What is your position on the matter? Include relevant examples in your response.

In the modern world, the prosperity of a nation depends on its citizens. While children are considered as the future of a country, so a child behavior is very important. Some cultures believe that imposing strict rules on children helps them to become better individuals while few other cultures believe in free up bringing of children. The merits of each of these points are analyzed before arriving at a reasoned conclusion

On the one hand, it is felt by many that obedience and good behavior are a result of strict rules that children made to follow. For instance, the number of drug addicted teenagers is less in countries where behavioral rules are imposed on children when compared to no-rule culture societies like the US. This shows that the stringent rules by parents induce the sense of fear in a child against bad traits. Thus it is evident that inculcating good habits with the aid of rules helps children to become a law abiding individual.

Conversely, bringing up a child in a free way helps them to be more independent and creative. Take Steve Jobs, for example. The co-founder of the worlds greatest computer company was a college drop-out. If Steve Jobs, had been brought up in a strict culture, then he would never have had been allowed to leave college to start a company. This clearly shows that rearing a child without rules results in individuals willing to try out different and creative career paths than a child brought up with rules. Hence providing unrestricted freedom to children has its own advantages.

To sum up, both cultures of bringing up children under supervision and rearing them without rules has their own merits that cannot be debunked. Hence it is agreed that for better all-round development of kids, a mixture of both of these cultures is essential

Writing Feedback / IELTS - Is consumerism a Positive or negative development? [3]

Hi,

Please review and comment on the following essay. Also could you guys let me know if this is the correct essay for the given prompt. Thank you in advance for your feedback.

More and more people today want to own famous brand clothes , cars and other items. What are reasons? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Throughout the history of mankind, humans have craved for the betterment of their life. With the advent of globalization, this desire has changed into consumerism with people focused on acquiring items of famous brands. However it is agreed that this approach is a negative one. The effects of consumerism on the traditions and environment are analyzed to prove the undesirable development on society.

Firstly, people always want to follow the latest fashion and in process are willing to give up their traditions. For instance, history has shown that the cultural attire of Indian women is a sari. But due to the influence of western culture, women in India seldom wear their ethnic attire. This clearly shows that due to the effect of consumerism people are giving up their tradition. which is an unwarranted development on society.

Moreover, due to the ever changing trends in the fashion the amount of waste accumulated from old items that are disposed is increasing at an alarming pace. Take cell phones for example. With the release of every new model the old model is thrown away. This throw away culture has led to increase of the non-degradable waste that adversely affects the environment. Thus it is evident that negative effect of consumerism on the environment has a negative development.

To sum up, the effects of consumerism on ones' tradition and environment has clearly proven that it is an undesirable effect on the society. However, this trend is expected to continue in the future. Thus it is up to the people to realize this and take necessary steps to safeguard their tradition and environment.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] - Problems caused by Traffic and its Solutions [2]

Hi Please help me with my essay - Nowadays traffic in major cities is worsening. What problems does it create? How can we help solve these problems as individuals?

In the modern world, the metropolitan cities have exploded with population migrating from the rural areas. This has resulted in an unprecedented rise of Traffic in these cities. The main problems caused by traffic congestion are related to the pollution and increase in travelling time to reach destinations. In the following essay these problems along with viable solutions are analyzed.

Firstly, the worse effect of traffic is the pollution that it causes to the environment. The smoke combined with the noise that the vehicles produce causes health issues to the people travelling in traffic. However this can be minimized by the encouraging individuals to use automobiles that use fuels that are eco-friendly helps in tackling the air pollution. Also citizens could be motivated towards the use of public transport rather than travelling individually in a vehicle. These measures help to subdue the pollution that is caused because of rad traffic.

Secondly, the traffic congestion increase the amount of time spent by individuals in commuting to their destinations. This is often due to the fact that road users fail to follow the traffic rules. For example in many of the Indian cities, people don't follow the rules of the road and thus result in traffic blockades that take more time to clear. This problem can be dealt with by instilling the traffic sense among the people that would help in an orderly behavior on roads. The organized traffic takes less time to clear and thus results in less travelling time. Hence it is clear that following traffic rules can help in reducing the time spent in traffic congestion.

In conclusion, the problems caused by traffic can be handled by encouraging the road users towards use of green fuels along with following traffic rules. Nevertheless, government on their part should take steps such as improving the public transport and subsidizing taxes on the fuels that are environment friendly, that help in reducing the problems caused by traffic.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Is economic progress only way of measuring Country's Success? Add health care and education [4]

Economic progress is often used to measure a country's success. However, some people believe that other factors are more important. What other factors should also be considered when measuring a country's success? Do you think one factor is more important than others?

In the modern world, there is a tremendous competition among the countries of the world to showcase their development to others. Many people believe that financial progress is the mark of nation's development while few others opine differently. It is agreed that other factors such as good health care system and equal educational opportunities also contribute to country's success. These would be discussed in that order in the following essay.

Firstly, providing better medical facilities to all of the citizens in a country helps to improve the standard of living. For example, if the government offers vaccines for common diseases at subsidized cost, this would help eradicate these from the society. This not only increases the standard of the living but also has a positive effect on number of tourist's visiting to treat their ailments. This clearly shows that improving the health standards would directly impact the development of a nation.

Secondly, offering equal educational opportunities to all of its residents helps to strengthen the nation's human resources. With rise in the number of available skilled labor directly improves the quality of the finished products. For instance, in China the availability of skilled manpower at lower costs helps it to export finished products to quality obsessed companies like Apple. This helps in tackling the unemployment problems and thus decreases the unrest in country. Thus it is evident that providing equal educational facilities contributes to a country's success.

In conclusion, apart from the financial progress other factors such as health care and education also influence a nation's development. Also the importance of one factor over the other cannot be established as all of the factors have an equal effect on the country

Writing Feedback / IELTS - Course of study that has no direct employment opportunities serves no purpose [5]

Hi please review my essay for IELTS.

In the modern world, social status of an individual is decided based on the earnings from his job. This employment directly depends on the courses that the individual opts during his education. Hence people feel that the subject with no direct job prospects serves no purpose in education while there are others who opine differently. However, It is agreed that each course of study has its own importance. This is proved in the following essay by analyzing the unique value offered by courses and the volatile nature of job market

Firstly, each course of study has its unique application in the world. Though not all courses have a visible employment path, but their significance cannot be undermined. For example, courses related to fine arts like languages has no direct out of the college jobs others than in the teaching and translator professions. However the knowledge learnt from these courses can be applied in the real world to start business of their own in any new place. Thus, this shows that even courses with no direct employment have their own significance.

In addition, the job market with its volatile nature cannot be taken as the gauge to judge the importance of a course. For example, in the early 90's the courses of computers had very little job market compared to the government jobs. However this has changed drastically and by the turn of the twentieth century computers courses became very popular. This clearly illustrates the volatile nature of the market and that no course has a guaranteed employment over long period of time.

In conclusion, the value offered by every course is unique and the job market cannot be used as a gauge to measure its importance.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: Control Over use of Water by Government [3]

Hi,

Could someone review my essay and comment on it. I require 7 in each section of IELTS.

Some people think they have right to use as much fresh water as they want，others，otherwise believes governments should strictly control the use of fresh water as it is limited resource. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Water is considered as one of the most precious thing that is required for the survival of the mankind on this planet. Though 75% of the earth is covered in water only 1% of it is fresh water with rest being saline in nature. Many people feel that governments should impose restrictions on the use of fresh water and some people refute this. These points of view will be discussed in this order.

Firstly, fresh water has to be used with care owing to its less availability. Any resource without restriction is bound to result in wastage of it. For example, in countries like India where there is shortage of water, people from the upper strata misuse the fresh water for sake of pools and other water related sports. Thus water would be used in unwarranted ways if its usage is not supervised by the governments. Thus this clearly shows that the restrictions on water is required for it to be used in an efficient manner

On the contrary, restrictions on basic amenities would make them more valued resource and result in these resources not available to under privileged as the wealth people might influence the government. For Instance, in countries with corrupt governments people of the higher class can influence the officials to have more fresh water supplied to them. This would add to the barely available water to be even more premium for the people of lower strata. Thus this clearly shows that restrictions on already less available fresh water would just worsen the situation.

In conclusion, both the ideas of leaving the usage of water to peoples own will and having control over the usage, have their own disadvantages. I feel that supervision on usage of fresh water by the government is required for better results. Nevertheless care should also be taken to ensure that the authority controlling this would serve all people equally an impartially.