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Posts by aoey
Name: Poonyawee Krairawee
Joined: Nov 12, 2013
Last Post: Dec 10, 2013
Threads: 6
Posts: 17  
Likes: 2
From: Thailand
School: Kasetsart University

Displayed posts: 23
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aoey   
Dec 7, 2013
Writing Feedback / How do movies or television influence people's behavior? it is part of our lives [5]

TOPIC : How do movies or television influence people's behavior? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.

It is unavoidably accepted that nowadays movie and television are much influential to us. Both completely changed the ways people live from the past. In present, without going outside, people acknowledge news or current situations all over around the world from TV. They can learn new things or new experiences from movies. Some people spend long time in a day watching TV. Consequently, I think it can be claimed that TV and movie become a part of our lives and this development has a lot of impacts on the way people live.

First, TV is beneficial to us in that people can receive current news or urgent situations easily. For example, if there are some imminent natural disasters coming, such as a gigantic storm, we people will know and prepare themselves for such situation. The effect on people's lives from this damage will be less.

Second, TV is a channel of a business for advertisement. Many manufacturers choose this way to attract people to buy their goods. And it seems advantageous not only for a seller but a consumer also. Since the seller can illustrate their product qualities via TV, and the consumer can receive product information without seeing the real one. In case of there are many brands of same products, for instant, a woman needs to buy a shampoo. She does not need to go to a store to differentiate the qualities of each brand. She can easily decide with information she gets from the advertisements of each brand.

Third, seeing movies is a kind of activities that most people prefer to do in their leisure time. It influences to people's behaviors especially children or immature adolescents. Because there are both good and bad things showing in the movies, children and youngsters cannot distinguish between what is right and wrong. For example, if they see their favorite actor playing as a thief, they may copy their characters unconsciously. So, parents should pay attention to their children while they are watching TV. Since this directly has influences on their children's behaviors.

In conclusion, these days, TV and movies are influential to our lives. Without these things, lives will be more difficult because today they are a factor of people's living. In my point of view, people must know both advantages and disadvantages which they will get from TV and movies. So they can be well able to adapt the things we learn and know from both TV and movies to their lives.
aoey   
Dec 7, 2013
Writing Feedback / TOEFL; Hiring experienced worker at higher salary or inxeperienced worker at lower salary? [6]

I prefer hire an experienced worker...
> I prefer to hire an experienced worker...

There are several reasons which support opinion...
> There are several reasons which support my opinion...
I think you should put possessive adj."my" because you are using the reasons to support your opinion.

There are many points needed punctuation.
For example
> Firstly, to most criteria for hiring...
> To start a successful company, I will have to work out...
aoey   
Nov 22, 2013
Writing Feedback / Public utilities and surroundings are the primary factors to consider before moving to a place [7]

Thanks RomanticDog. And thank for your advices, Pahan

As you mentioned to this sentence.
>>> However, generally it is very difficult to find all our requirements met....
it is implied that the community lacks all what you desire

Actually, my intention is to point that there are a lot of things people expect to have in their community but it is hard to find the place that has everything people want. There might be something that they dont like or else.

Can you suggest me how to re-write that sentence ?
aoey   
Nov 21, 2013
Writing Feedback / Public utilities and surroundings are the primary factors to consider before moving to a place [7]

TOPIC : If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.

Public utilities and surroundings are the primary factors which we basically consider before we decide to live in a place. However, it is difficult to find a community which can perfectly meet our requirements. In my hometown, there are almost complete public utilities for one's needs but transportation. So the thing that I really want to change is to have more public transportation. Since I'm facing the traffic congestion every day. And this problem seem to get worst.

At first, it should have more alternatives to use public transportation, such as a subway train or a sky train. Hence, people will have more ways to go to a place. Since now buses are only a kind of public transportation in this community, It makes people in this area have no choice. They must take only a bus to go to another place. If a subway and a sky train are available here, it will be more convenience to them. For example, people can estimate time from taking a subway train due to the train schedule. On the contrary they cannot do so in case of a bus. Also, this improvement will decrease a bad traffic on the road indirectly.

Secondly, the buses provide merely two routes in this community. It is absolutely a major problem. For example, if a place I intend to go is not in the route of buses, I still have to take a bus that does not bring me to my destination but go to the center station first to exchange to another bus. Obviously, it is waste of time. They should increase more routes to make people transport more easily.

Lastly, having more kinds of public transportation can dwindle the number of people using their own cars. Also, it provides many advantages. For instance, people can save their expenses form gasoline, which nowadays is getting more expensive. The necessary energy will slowly be used up, since people use less their own cars.

To sum up, the transportation is an elementary factor which directly affects to people's living. I wish one day this problem would be changed. And then, the transportation in my hometown is no longer difficult for everyone in this community.
aoey   
Nov 20, 2013
Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] learning a foreign language in my own country or anther country [4]

Besides, in foreign country I could have a chance to speak foreign language with my friends.
This sentence can be better changed to -> Besides, in foreign country, I will have more opportunities to use foreign language.

Because I think staying in another country will give you a lot of opportunities to improve many skills, not only just speaking but reading, listening, etc.. also.
aoey   
Nov 20, 2013
Writing Feedback / Economic growth is defined as an increase in the number of goods and services produced in one year [5]

If country has good medical service, as a result, people would be more healthy and happy which help them to work more productive.
->I think it would be probably more common to use "healthier" than "more healthy".

In summary, however, growth of economic is main factor which is estimates the success of a country, there
-> In summary, however, the growth of economic is a main factor which is estimates the success of a country...
aoey   
Nov 20, 2013
Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] experiences that have shaped your outlook and the way you live [5]

-> There are many experiences that are improve my life in many ways

-> and improve to plan my life for the future

-> Start with finding cause of problem and the way

-> reading and listening the news about choosing a good diet is the way to keep myself aremore healthier

-> experiences that shape my thinking and the way to live my life are teach me to be a better person.

-> experiences could shape me to be more aware of my health.

-> I start changing myself from spending many things
aoey   
Nov 20, 2013
Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] The advantages and disadvantages of building a large factory near community. [5]

TOPIC : A company has announced that it wishes to build a large factory near your community.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this new influence on your community.
Do you support or oppose the factory? Explain your position.


Living near a factory or an industrial area is not a good idea. Every resident prefers a cool and pleasant community. But what if, one day, there is an announcement from a company informs that your hometown area will have a large factory. This will cause a lot of changes to your place. From my point of view, I certainly oppose to build such a factory or industrial plant near my home.

Evidently, there are several effects on people who reside in this hometown. In term of disadvantages, it will widely affect to the environment, such as air pollution, contaminated water and annoying sounds from the process of production in the factory. Some of the consequences may lead to an illness. For example, people who live in this area unavoidably take the toxic fumes from the factory every day. Sooner or later they will have problems with their respiratory system. Moreover, although water is universally realized that it has various benefits to man, consumption bad-quality water does not provide any advantage. It might be contaminated by the chemical substances from the industry. Hence, when people drink it, the adulterated things can get into their bodies. This is the one of causes to have diarrhea. All these effects will impair the quality of life.

Turning to consider the advantages in case of the rural area, the factory or a plant may give people more convenient. When their area becomes industrial, it means public utilities are more accessible. For instance, they will have better transportation. Some area will have more convenient stores. Since the number of people increase due to the employees from the factory, these alterations are to response the people's needs. However, people have to understand in that convenient lives must be exchanged with their peaceful hometown.

In summary, it seems to have more disadvantages than advantages from building a factory. Surely I am the one who does not appreciate to have a hometown surrounding with industries. Because I still want to live in a nice and cozy community and do not want anyone to make any damages on environment.
aoey   
Nov 20, 2013
Writing Feedback / Topic: Books can lead us and give a heads up on some topics [5]

we come across new situations which can not be directly solve using the books so we try to find the solution using nontraditional approaches
-> We've been through new situations which can not be directly solved by using books...
aoey   
Nov 19, 2013
Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] marry someone who is similar to you, rather than someone who is different [5]

This person should suitable for me
-> This person should be suitable for me.

The meaning of suitable for me is not mean this person should similar to me.
-> The meaning of suitability is not defined as a person should be similar to me.

T prefer someone that different from me
-> I prefer someone who has something different from me.

I disagree to choose someone that have the same personality
-> I disagree to choose someone who has the same personality as me

"Someone" is a singular pronoun. You should use with a singular verb.
aoey   
Nov 19, 2013
Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] Compare and contrast knowledge from experience with knowledge from books. [5]

It is claimed that "Not everything that is learned is contained in books." Absolutely, the knowledge between from books and from experience is totally different. People, nowadays, normally start to study elementary subjects and basic theories from books. Then, they will gain experience from making practices and realize if it is the same as the theory says or not. From my opinion, I strongly believe that knowledge one can get from experiences is much more important than books with these following reasons.

First, a book can provide us an accurate answer for a question. On the contrary, learning from the past can give us several methods to solve a problem. For example, if you are having dinner out at a restaurant then you dress is dirty with sauce from food and there is not a detergent on hand, in that time you intuitively know that you can use a soap in the restroom to clean you dress instead of a detergent. This is because you realize from your every-day activity, washing your body. Obviously, people exactly know from their experience that the soap can use to primarily clean the dirtiness not from a book.

Second, something we cannot be taught or learn from books. This reason can be well explained by a swimming class. There is a theory of swimming in many books. Few people read it. But they will not be able to swim if they never practice. They even know the name of each swimming style. However, they do not know exactly how to swim or how to float themselves in the water. That is why people must learn to swim by practicing.

And last, there is not a book teaching us to survive in this world. Most of the things we do these days are from learning and studying from the past. Some are told from our ancestors. For examples, we do not learn how to brush our teeth from books but from our parents. Children do not learn how make friends by reading but learning from each other. These things are what people innately know without any book providing them a direction.

In conclusion, I certainly think that learning from experience is more significant than books. Experience is what we cannot gain from reading. And sometimes practicing teaches us beyond the lesson in the books. We study from books to know the theories but not to survive in this world.
aoey   
Nov 19, 2013
Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] Random roommate or roommate you choose, which one is better? [5]

but some people might not suitable for me...
-> but some people might not be suitable for me

these people do not worry about their stuff ...
-> The word stuff is informal. You would better use "possessions" or "belongings" instead.

:)
aoey   
Nov 14, 2013
Writing Feedback / In many cases the development of a country is accompanied by pollution and environmental d [4]

Few manufactures thought about ...
->I think this sentence would rather be written in Present Tense because you are talking about the current action.

Moreover, everybody know the importance ....
-> Moreover, everybody knows the importance ....

Secondly, to generate electricity that are environmentally friendly ....
-> Secondly, to generate electricity that is environmentally friendly ....

Pollution has a great impact on people health which threaten their life...
-> Pollution has a great impact on people health which threatens their lives ...
aoey   
Nov 14, 2013
Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] Has the change of easier food preparation improved the way people live? [4]

TOPIC : Nowadays, food has become easier to prepare. Has this change improved the way people live? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

From my opinion, I strongly disagree that easier food preparation has improved the way people live. If it doesn't make people's better, why has it been changed? I think it is to meet the people's requirement. In the former times, people spent much time in the kitchen. That caused wasting abounding time. But these days, people can minimize their cooking hours from either choosing to consume a frozen food or buying a meal from a fast food restaurant so that they can have more time to do other things. It roughly seems their lives get better but it is not like that at all.

Comparing with a fresh meal, a frozen food and a fast food are undoubtedly easier to prepare, in that they can save time and reduce the process of food preparation. They are suitable only for some rush meal not for having as a main dish every day. Since nutrition from such a meal cannot provide all matters which our bodies need, people should not always consume, such as a hamburger. It is well known as a fast food and mainly consisted of meat and bread. Obviously, only two kinds of nutrition are inadequate for our body. If people continuously consume it, that will not be good for their health. Because such a kind of food contains lots of cholesterol and carbohydrate, excessive consumption will cause to obesity.

Moreover, working-out parents do not have much time to prepare food for their children. It leads the parents to cook from a frozen food instead of fresh ingredients. Frozen foods cannot provide all vitamins and nutrition which childhood needs. It may affect to the children's development and immunity. For example, Children who always have frozen foods are likely to get ailing easier. They are more vulnerable than the group of children who have fresh meals. It seems that such a problem is increasing every day.

In conclusion, people actually obtain more convenience from this alteration but they are not aware of its drawbacks. In my point of view, I believe that now this change does not make an improvement on the way people live. Because most of the people are still misusing, it brings more about health problems than life improvement.
aoey   
Nov 14, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS; Some people argue that smoking should be made illegal. [5]

The number teenagers becoming addicted to smoke is heavily increasing.

The number of teenagers becoming addicted to smoke is heavily increasing.

Furthermore, many teens becoming addicted to smoking out of curiosity.

Furthermore, many teens have become addicted to smoking out of curiosity.

When a 16 years old teenager see a man and women smoking around the corner or in the bus stop,

When a 16-year-old teenager see a man or a woman smoking around the corner or at the bus stop

In conclusion, an increasing number of teens becoming addicted to smoking

I think it would rather be "The number of teens becoming addicted to smoking is increasing..."
That quoted phrase should be the sentence so that it can better go along with the following sentence.
aoey   
Nov 13, 2013
Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] Different Reasons for attending college or universtiy [6]

Hi! I'm new and this is also my first essay here :). Would someone please help me to correct my essay. It would be much appreciated.

Topic : People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge).
Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.


Nowadays, people normally attend college or university for many reasons since both college and university provide ample advantages to them,
not merely increased knowledge and being more educated. Here are some explanations why I think people decide to attend college or university.

The first reason, people would like to be more specified in their career path. For example, a young student dreaming to be a doctor is required to

have much more knowledge than what he has studied from the secondary school. As a school can just educate only the elementary subjects,
he must attend to university to learn more specified subjects to be a doctor as he yearns for.

Another reason is to have relations with several people. So, one chooses to get in a college or university. In a class, he will meet the people who

are interested in the same things as he is. This reason can be well explained by a business owner or an investor. There is a good chance to make a

partnership for his business in the future.

Last reasons, the more educated one is, the more career opportunity he gets. Obviously, a person who graduates with Bachelor's Degree always has
a higher position in the company than the one who doesn't. This is because attending college or university supplies more knowledge than the school does.

Hence people can better bring their knowledge to adjust to their work.

It can be concluded that attending college or university is necessary for people. Because the high education can give them more several benefits than
the basic learning from school, undoubtedly, most people nowadays choose to attain additional knowledge from college or university for better quality of life.