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Posts by pakias [Suspended]
Name: Pakinam Ahmed
Joined: Nov 17, 2013
Last Post: Nov 23, 2013
Threads: 5
Posts: 14  
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From: Egypt
School: St fatima

Displayed posts: 19
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pakias   
Nov 23, 2013
Writing Feedback / Warnings and smoking - IELTS task 2 Academic. [3]

Despite health warnings, a large number of people continue to smoke all over the world.
Why should we be concerned about this?
What solutions would you suggest?
Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It is sad, yet undeniably true, that millions -no billions- of people worldwide continue to smoke although the precautions of health damage is crystally clear shown on each packet's cover. Unfortunately, most smokers are completely aware of the hazardous effects smoking bring to their health yet it is considered a 'mission impossible' to quit this shameful habit. The answer lies in one word- addiction!

It is well know that the mortality rate is skyrocketing every year as a result of larger number of people smoking. One of the most prominent reasons why this is considered a major threat is because the GDP of our country is more likely to decline. In detail, when a person inhales the toxic fumes of a cigarette, fatal substances like nicotine and tar can lead to high blood pressure and lung cancer, respectively. Consequently, physical, mental and behavioral health will be aberrated , unlike a normal person. Sadly, employees and workers will not be as productive as they were.

Moreover, these health problems indeed require medical treatments for cure which is in most situations very expensive in extreme cases. This amount of money would have been used in better investments such as clothing and sheltering the poor individuals. Also, smokers have a higher chance to face death as the cardiovascular diseases caused by smoking in the number one death contributor in our country. Not only will this negatively affect a family by facing depression issues, but it will also cause valuable souls with talents needed by society to be lost.

All in all, I believe that the government should lend a helping hand and aid our nation to quit smoking by putting a "no smoking" sign in all the indoor regions aw well as the places which are mostly crowded with people. I have an unwavering faith that on the long run when hazards of smoking begin to arise in a body, smokers will realize how much damage they did to their selves which will make them raise awareness to their children and grandchildren when growing up to never start smoking.
pakias   
Nov 21, 2013
Writing Feedback / distance travelled - IELTS academic task 1 writing (table form) [6]

The table below gives information about changes in modes of travel in Netherland between 2001 and 2006.

Describe the information in the table and make comparisons where appropriate.

Write at least 150 words.

The table compares the average distance travelled calculated in miles about different types of conveyances in Netherland. The study took place in two years: 2001 and 2006.

To begin with, the summoned average distance travelled in the two years reveals that in 2006 the overall distance including al means of transport is higher than that travelled in 2001. As can be seen, the most common type of transport is the car as it had the possibly highest number of miles in 2001 and 2006.

On the contrary, it is found that the taxi had the lowest number of miles travelled in 2001 but, in 2006, the bicycle fell in the lowest category than the taxi where the difference was a mere 1 mile.

As per the graph, it is obvious that walking, local bus transport and bicycle riding were not much favored by Dutch people as the figures showed a moderate decline. However, the other conveyances (cars, local distance bus, train and taxi)showed a clear increase in 2006.
pakias   
Nov 19, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS Essay; Education is a key factor for a successful life [3]

It is doubted that the younger a child begins his studying journey, the more likely his chances of successfulness is to increase in the future. This is instead of the first line in the second paragraph.
pakias   
Nov 19, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS chart - the nutritional consistency of two dinners [3]

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The pie graphs show the nutritional consistency of two dinners.

Write a report to a university lecturer describing the data.

Write at least 150 words

The pie charts compare the nutritional values of two different types of dinner: Medium Baked Potato and Macaroni.

It is obviuos that the carbohydrates has the largest section in both types of food. However, in Macaroni, the quantity of carbohydrates is larger; occupying 52% of the whole percentage while 35% represents the amount of carbohydrates oresent in Medium Baked Potato. Another type of food is protein which is the second largest sector in the Medium Baked Potato, namely 25%. On the contrary, protein in Macaroni are fount in lower quantities. Therefore, it occupies 11% which is the same percentage of glucose present in Macaroni dinner.

Moreover, the percentage of glucose in Medium Baked Potatois higher than that in Macaroni by 2% where other nutrients have the exact same percentage of glucose in Medium Baked Potato. This is completely the opposite to. Other nutrients in Macaroni which is third less the value of the unspecified nutrients in Potato. Last nutrient present is saturated fat which is in higher proportion in Macaroni, namely 21%. This is nearly double the percentage of the same nutrient in Medium Baked Potato.




pakias   
Nov 19, 2013
Writing Feedback / Some Governments and Businesses prohibit smoking.Do you agree or disagree [5]

...and it leads to one of the most fatal diseases- cancer. Instead of "and it leads to cancer disease"
"In addition....that habit" you can say instead that "smoking is prevailing than ever before and unfortunately, once a person starts, it is "mission impossible" to end this abasing habit."
pakias   
Nov 19, 2013
Writing Feedback / Essay about people taking more than one job to earn extra money [5]

I am the one who wrote the essay! You frightened me. I am an Egyptian and not very expert in the English language. I didn't fully understand why this essay will not get higher than 6.5 band and what is the IELTS writing test criteria, as you mentioned above? Please, help me! I'm trying as much as possible to get the highest score. Thank you very much!
pakias   
Nov 18, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS part1 - Number of minutes of telephone calls in Australia [4]

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The bar chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in Australia, divided into three categories, from 2001- 2008.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

Write at least 150 words


The bar graph compare the total number of minutes made over an eight-year period from 2001 to 2008 in the selected country Australia. The study was deviated into three sections: local, national and international, and mobile.

To begin with, the local category has an increasing then decreasing trend. Beginning at 72 billion minutes, it is considered to be the largest number of minutes in 2001 when compared to the other two categories. Then, slightly increasing until reaching its peak at 2005, namely 90 billion minutes. Afterwards, it began to slightly decrease to have the same number of minutes dialed in 2001.

Moreover, when it comes to national and international calls made, the number of minutes was slowly increasing from 38 in 2001 to 61 in 2008. As can be observed, the difference between the number of minutes made in 2001 and in 2008 was 23 which is not very large unlike the number of minutes in mobile phones where the difference between the first and the last years of study was 44. Clearly, the trend in mobile section saw an increasing trend similar to that of the national and international.

All in all, trends in national and international and mobiles were always increasing throughout the years. It can be concluded that, over the years, the number of minutes was always the highest in local calls and the lowest on mobile calls.




pakias   
Nov 18, 2013
Writing Feedback / Essay about people taking more than one job to earn extra money [5]

dumi
Yes! It's to practice for the IELTS test I'm taking in 3 months. I took It before but got 6.5 in writing which is quite unsatisfactory. Have you took it before? Thanks for the effort btw. Can you guess which band score I might get with this style of writing? Thanks again
pakias   
Nov 17, 2013
Student Talk / Listening: 8.5 - I got my IELTS result today [12]

Congratulations! I'm taking the IELTS test too in less than a month and was hoping that you will be able to tell me how you got these wonderful scores. Inspiring!
pakias   
Nov 17, 2013
Writing Feedback / Essay about people taking more than one job to earn extra money [5]

The idea of having a single career is becoming an old fashioned one. The new fashion mil be to have several careers or ways of earning money and further education will be something that continues throughout life.

Any improvements please..?

Earning Money Through Multiple Careers



Nowadays, with the problem of inflation surging, a significant amount of people is considering more than one job to earn a living. Definitely, with the extremely unaffordable prices of products, whether a need or a want, money earned from one job barely cover a basic family's needs. Therefore, I would like to shed a glimpse of light on why the majority of adult citizens are 'forced' to imbue their lives with numerous and undesirable jobs.

To begin with, compared to adults who worked centuries ago, the modern life of stress is skyrocketing. This is quite obvious when the issue of double or even thrice the normal energy is wasted in various jobs is regarded. Unfortunately, mainly male parents are obliged to engage themselves in more than one career despite their internal extreme desire of obtaining a leisure time to strengthen the bonds with their families. As a result, family disintegration problem befalls us which means that loosened bonds and loss of cohesion between any two family members are predictable at any moment even to wealthier classes.

On the other hand, this thesis sometimes have an indispensable role in poverty shrinkage. Not only does it provide cash for individuals, but it also occupy oneself into working harder. Moreover, the money rendered to working people satisfy basic needs and wants ranging from shelter, food and clothing to holiday activities expenses and school fees. This commonly happens only when either having one prestigious career that provide a notable amount of money or by having copious jobs where physical relaxation is not even considered.

To conclude, I unwaveringly think that one should not excessively strain and overload himself with unbearable work where I believe that an optimum of two jobs are a balance between his association with his family and acquiring an appropriate cash to please their requirements.
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