Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1. Two bars: motivations to study and workers' support [4]

The first graph provides information regarding the motivations to study which are classified based on the learners' age while the second bar chart compares the workers' support includes vacation and help with salary based on age range.

Overall, for people below 40 years old, the quantity trend of employer support was similar to that of learners who was motivated by career, whereas over 40 years old workers had a similar trend to the students who study because of their interest on a particular subject.

For a more detailed look at the graph reveals that the gap between learners motivated by career and by interest was tremendously remarkable (70). However, it widened to the older group and even had the exactly same number in group 40-49 years old. As the tendency of career motivated students increased toward the bolder, those who were over 49 years old pursuing to study more because of their passion rather than for supporting their career.

Furthermore, the majority of employer support (64) was given to those who were under 26 years old while the slightest (34) was given to those who were in the range 30-39 years old. The worker who were categorized in the second (26-29 years old), fourth (40-49 years old), and fifth (over 49 years old) age group were supported with between 39-51 time off and help with fees.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2. Less Homework Means Less Stress for Children [3]

Nowadays, children have a lot of homework to do. Some people, however, believe that less homework means less stress for children, so they will be able to learn other useful skills.

Do you agree or disagree?
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In order to attain the best learning output, teachers tend to give many treatments to their students. It includes giving as much homework as possible which is highly believed can enhance students' understanding on a material in one subject. However, there is a controversial view regarding to this condition. It is the general opinion which argues that the large amount of this task is highly potential to lead the increase of students' stress level. Thus, it should be limited in order to give them a chance for learning the other useful skills. Based on some reasons, I totally agree to this opinion.

To begin with, it is generally understood that children are in the age when they need much physical activities rather than to do something which requires think a lot. Receiving tasks excessively from school brings students into a zone where they do not have any chance to gather with their friends for playing, for instance. As the consequence, they immediately feel bored and it will lead them to be under pressure. This condition has a tremendous contribution to the increase of students' stress intensity.

Furthermore, it should be taken into account regarding the significance of learning other useful skills by a human in his or her early life. As a matter of fact, children age is the most appropriate time to learn particular skills they need for their daily life, e.g. cooking, driving, or sewing. However, it cannot be denied that this effort highly needs a special allocated time under purpose to intensify the learning process. Then, the time after backed from school is considered as the best opportunity for this. The challenge is the existence of high amount of homework as it limits, even removes, children's time for this.

In summary, students who are forced to deal with a high total of homework will make them stressful and be lost of chance to learn other important skills. So, it is highly suggested to the educators to limit the amount of that tasks in order to support children's other skills inquiry and development.

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Really need your feedback... ^__^

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: permit of women to run career in army must be supported [5]

Some people think women should be allowed to join the army, the navy and the air force just like men.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?
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In today's world, there has been a tremendous change on different gender roles. Comparing to the past, recently, women tend to run a job which was previously only hold by men like the army, the navy or the air force. However, there is a controversial premise regarding to this condition as although some people believe that female should not be prohibited for this, the other tend to have the opposite opinion. In my personal point of view, I agree with the former statement based on some reasons.

To begin with, it should be understood that both men and women were born in the same physical power potency. It is just the matter of way they are grown up which changes the possibility of women to have the same body strength with the men. The intensive training in navy school, for instance, has proved it. There have been many women who work with this job. So, taking account on this fact, female should not be prohibited to run a career in like-men job such as those jobs previously mentioned.

In addition, the proportion of male compared to female is becoming more and more dominated. It forces the women to take decision immediately to run such kind of job which is previously identical only male's suitable profession. The required number army, for example, is never suited according to males' number only, instead of the total number of population including both those genders. Thus, it is clearly seen that women should be highly supported to enter academy for this profession.

In summary, considering both the previous fact of women's success on joining these like-men jobs and the decrease proportion of women in this world, the permit of women to run this career must be supported. Then, looking ahead, such kind of this job will be dominated by female in the future.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2. Tax on Private Schools Should Not Be Paid [NEW]

Families who send their children to private schools should not be required to pay taxes that support the state education system.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
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Governments hold the responsibility to boost the country's education system. Thus, many people claim the tax that parent should pay when they bring their kids to private school as its long term benefits will be directed to the nation itself. However, I totally disagree to this view due to some reasons.

To begin with, private school's role has not been only as an education facility but also a business commodity for its owner. On the other hand, it is a regulation for the customer to pay the tax of a product they use. As private school is a product for its students as its customers, the duty to pay the tax is hold by the learners' parents.

Moreover, government has provided free education facilities through state school under purpose to support the quality of education in a nation. As an obvious example, the government in Indonesia has provided a tremendous number of schools which are spread in all part of this country. Here, it can be seen that the aim to support the state education system has been fulfilled by the existence of that state schools. So, the reason is not strong to base that general opposite view for the paying tax regulation.

To conclude, paying tax is an absolute duty of families who send their children to private school despite the reason to support education system of a country as this responsibility has been guaranteed by the existence of state education institution. Then, it is highly suggested to the parents who are unable to pay the tax to choose state school for their children for free charge.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2. Patients' Mental Attitude towards Treatment [2]

Please help me with this essay.

A number of different medical traditions are now widely known and used: Western medicine (using drugs and surgery), herbal medicine, acupuncture (using needless at certain points of the body), homoeopathy (using minute doses of poisons), and soon.

How important is the patients' mental attitude towards his/her treatment in determining the effectiveness of the treatment?

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Health is a crucial thing for every single person in this world. When suffered an illness, medication is the direct solution the people take. Nowadays, there have been a big number of medical traditions widely recognized and applied like Western medicine, herbal medicine, acupuncture, homeopathy and many others. Regardless the classification of that medical treatment, patients' mental attitude on a treatment is regarding one of key success. This essay aims to investigate several reasons which base the importance of that mental attitude related to this case.

To begin with, although it is very hard to believe, Psychologist often says that what you think, what you will be. What I mean is whatever the kind of medical treatment we use when we get sick, our trust on the effectiveness of a particular treatment determines its result. I think this is the reason why someone who is not successful to remove his/her pain by consuming a modern pill, suddenly feeling better after joining an acupuncture practice. Probably he/she puts trust more on the acupuncture rather than on the ingredients of pill he consumed.

Furthermore, the conservative patients like most old people in my village, get healthy sooner if they cure it with traditional medicine. However, the modern people like citizens in big city, hardly feel any effect by using such kind of treatment. In contrast, they feel their illness can be released more quickly by consuming modern pill or other kinds of modern medicine. Again, it is due to the level of trust or mental attitude they put on each kind of medication.

In short, after analyzing explanations above, it can be clearly concluded that mental attitude towards medical treatment plays vital role which determines the effectiveness of that treatment.