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Posts by DearbhailS
Name: SAH
Joined: Jul 19, 2014
Last Post: Aug 18, 2014
Threads: 6
Posts: 10  
Likes: 2
From: China

Displayed posts: 16
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DearbhailS   
Aug 18, 2014
Writing Feedback / TOEFL: the part-time job can let students experience the real adult life and know more about it [3]

Q: Agree or disagree: one of the best ways that parents can help their teenage children prepare for adult life is to encourage them to take a part-time job.

Nowadays, the difference between school and society is bigger and bigger. If students want to get used to the society quickly, it is better for parents to encourage them to take part-time jobs. There are some reasons can support my view.

First, there are a few opportunities for students to know how to live adult life in the university. Because most people they contact with are also students. However, when students do part-time jobs, they can work with many kinds of people, and most of whom are adults. So, they can teach students many things about adult life. My friend Lisa, who is doing part-time job now, tells me that it is fabulous to take it. Through part-time job, she makes friends with different kinds of people and they let her know the different aspects of adult life. For example, Lisa thought in adult life, work is the core; but after she knows these friends, she changes her mind that the true core for the adult life is responsibility but not work. Hence, thanks to the information her new friends has provided; now she is more confidence about her future adult life.

Second, parents always tell students that the adult life is much tenser than school life. However, because we do not experience it, it is very difficult for us to really know how tense the adult life can be. Therefore, we need part-time job to teach us how hard the real adult life can be. Actually, some questionnaires indicate that if students have taken part-time jobs, they will make the best use of their time to prepare their future and more importantly; they will not expect too much for their future than students who have not taken the part-time job. Therefore, the part-time job can make people understand future life better.

Third, some parents are afraid that the part-time job will effect student' study. Actually, most students will do the part-time job in their holiday, so it will not effect on their study. Compared with playing computers every day, doing part-time jobs is the best choice for students to spend their holiday.

In conclusion, taking the part-time job can let students experience the real adult life and know more about it. Therefore, parents should encourage students to take the part-time job.
DearbhailS   
Aug 10, 2014
Writing Feedback / TOEFL: to be an expert in one field is not better than to have broad knowledge of many subjects [3]

Agree or disagree: it is better to have broad knowlege of many academic subjects thant to specialize in one specific subject

As we know, people now face more and more competitions than before .If people want to win in these competitions, they have to spend more time and energy on studying various subjects so that they can keep a favorable position in the society. Consequently, it is better for people to have broad knowledge of different subjects than be the specialist in one subject.

First, people have broad knowledge of different fields can be more competitive than others; especially when people need to protect their jobs. My sister Jane has worked in a big company for 5 years. In 2008, the financial crisis made her boss decide to cut off employees. Some of my sister's friends were dismissed, even though they are experts of computer or mathematics. Fortunately, Jane did not be dismissed. One day, the boss explained to my sister the reason why he did not dismiss her was that she has broad knowledge of different fields. Although she is not the expert of any field, but in this urgent situation; she was the best choice for the company. Hence, my sister's story can prove that people who know different fields of subjects can protect herself more easily than others when the situation is not very good.

Second, each subject is connected with others actually. When you cannot use physical way to solve a problem, the chemical way may help you. Thus, if people have broad knowledge of different subjects, they can solve problems efficiently. My chemical teacher John is the best example to confirm this view. One day I was doing my chemical homework, one question stuck me. Though I tried every way to solve this question, I failed. I had no choice but to find my teacher John. When he saw this problem, he asked me whether I tried the mathematical way to solve it. I was shocked, because this was chemical question not mathematical question, why I could use mathematical way to solve it. He told me that this question is chemical question undoubtedly, but mathematical method could solve it more quickly. Then he taught me how to solve this question. After working out this question, he said that each subject is associated with others; I should learn how to connect them rather than divide them. But the first thing I should do is to learn adequate knowledge to connect them. Therefore, to solve difficulties more easily, it is important for people to have broad knowledge of different subjects.

From what have been discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that it is better for people to have broad knowledge of different subjects rather than become the expert in one field.
DearbhailS   
Aug 10, 2014
Writing Feedback / TOEFL: A/D? In modern times, parents will learn more from their children [3]

Some people agree with that statement; other people disagree. this sentence can be deleted
you can just say"I have my own point as well." Because "point" is the synonym for "view".
Another The other/second reason affecting my position is....

Hope you can get good mark in ur TOEFL test
DearbhailS   
Jul 31, 2014
Writing Feedback / TOEFL: children should be allowed to play computer games(the whole title is written in the message) [2]

Agree or disagree: playing computer games is a waste of time, children should not be allowed to play them.

When children ask parents to let them play computer games, parents always say no, because they think computer games are too fascinating to make children ignore their study, and then they will be addicted to it. In my opinion, however, children should be allowed to play computer games because computer games also have some advantages, it can exercise the ability of teamwork and it is a way to ease them.

Firstly, in reality society, if people want to get success in different filed, they must cooperate with other in different occasions. So it is very important for children to develop a cooperative ability. The computer game is a good way to exercise it. Take myself as an example. I was not the person who is united; I preferred to do everything by myself rather than do it with others and it let me be an indifferent person. However, since I have been playing computer games, my personality has changed. In computer games, I have to cooperate with other players. At first, I was averse to do it, but many players taught me and encouraged me. At last, I am willing to cooperate with others not only in computer games but also in reality. Because through computer games, I know team's power is stronger than a person's power. Therefore, computer games can teach us about the importance of cooperation and make you feel it.

Secondly, school work and different kinds of exams give too much pressure to children, so they need to find a way to give vent to their burden. After playing a computer game, they can feel relief and pick up their hope again. My cousin Jason is only 12 years old, but he has many burdens. He has to get the first in their school and have many classes about piano, taekwondo, calligraphy in his weekends. So he does not have extra time to play with his friend outside; the only for him to relax himself is playing computer games. When he feels tired or wants to give up, he will play a computer game. In computer games, his friends and the music can let him gain power and hope to face the reality again. Hence, the computer game can make people feel relax when after they are busy or desolated.

In conclusion, although computer games have some disadvantages, if children can play it in a right way, it can also do good to children.
DearbhailS   
Jul 31, 2014
Writing Feedback / TOEFL Essay- People should master on skill only or many different skills. [2]

I think the last examples "one more friend, one more way to go" cannot support your view very well. It can confuse reader whether you want to prove a person who has many skills can be popular or people should need more friends? And your examples are too short to support you own view, you can add more details in your essay.
DearbhailS   
Jul 24, 2014
Writing Feedback / TOEFL: If young children did not get in touch with technology, their creation would not develop [4]

People now are in the technological era; creating it and adapting it. As time goes on, every generation can adjust technology and improve it more easily. So in my opinion, technology has not made young children lack of imagination than they were in the past. Technology can improve their creation and also they can use it to advance technology. There are some examples can support my view.

Firstly, technology is full of mystic and attractive for children; they always want to know how to make it by themselves, so they will use their imagination to paint it or even buy some instruments to do it by themselves. Take my cousin Bill as an example. Bill's father is a computer programmer, so influenced by his father; he is very keen on electronic products. Once I visited him, he was lost in his thought. I asked him what he was thinking; he said he was thinking why we could not make computer thinner and lighter to take it outside easily. I was shocked by his words because I never imagined computer could be smaller in one day and we could take it out. Then, he took a paper and began to paint something on it. When he finished, he showed the paper. The paper is a concept of the "new" computer; it looked like a slab and had many buttons; if you press one button, the homologous function would be started and it could run many functions at the same time. His computer impressed me; although he cannot make it come true right now, but I believe in the future he will use his creation to produce better electronic products. If he had not get in touch with technology, he would have not used his creation to imagine this new computer. So, technology motivates him.

Secondly, since technology, young children have more knowledge of the universe and it can improve their creation. For example, when young children watch some documentaries about galaxy, they will be charmed by the mysterious galaxy and many strange and fascinating concepts about galaxy will be formed in their mind, and then they will use some artistic way to depict them such as paintings or sculptures. When they are creating these things, they are also improving their creation. Thus, without technology they cannot know so many things about this world that they will not improve their imagination.

If young children did not get in touch with technology, their creation would not develop. Therefore, technology promotes their creation rather than weaken it.
DearbhailS   
Jul 24, 2014
Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] Sometimes we have to do something for others which are not interesting for us [5]

The first stence of your essay is not very good. When you start to write your essay, you should use some introductions and then use some small examples to hint reader what is your opinon, after these small examples, you can show your opinion clearly. And your examples are not very detailed. For example: I hate being in hospitals or clinics for many reasons. and the reasons are what? If you can write more detalied, the essay will be better. Wish you can get a good score in TOEFL
DearbhailS   
Jul 24, 2014
Writing Feedback / Most important characteristic of a good teacher? [3]

I think it is a very clear essay and what you can improve is that you can add your view at the end of your examples. For example: "I am still interested in.... So good teacher should have ...."
DearbhailS   
Jul 20, 2014
Writing Feedback / Toefl essay: advertisements whose target is young children should be banned [4]

Nowadays, the advertisements in our daily life become more and more various, even some adults cannot recognize which advertisements are fake and which are true, so how can a young child distinguish them? Therefore, I strongly agree that the advertisement which target is young children should be prohibited. There are some reasons can support my sentiment.

First, the advertisement whose potential customers are young children will exaggerate the uses of products, even decorate them with some magical effect. But these tricks can upset children when they realize all of these are fake and even worse, these maybe make children become dreamer. When I was a young child, I fancied that if I should eat the calcium tablet, I would become an adult in the next day; because every advertisement of calcium tablet I saw all showed me that a boy ate a calcium tablet and when he woke up in the morning, he became an adult! It was very fascinating for me at that time, so I was looking forward to becoming an adult in the next day; but I failed again and again and I did not know the reason why I could not as lucky as the boy. Until I have learned some biological knowledge, I finally figured out why I cannot mature in a short time. But I did not feel happy; because the thing that I had believed in so many years crashed suddenly made me desolate. If the advertisers do not overstate them, I would not suffer this kind of pain when I was a young child. So, the advertisements whose potential customers are young children may lead adverse result on children.

Second, because young children do not have the ability to distinguish whether the good is available or not; most time they will ask their parents to buy some useless goods and the only reason is that the advertisement of this good is very fabulous. And if the parents refuse their requests, children will keep crying loudly until you are convinced and sometimes they will use hunger strike because they know you will be softhearted at the end. However, if parents satisfy their reasonless requests over and over again, it will mislead the young children; they will develop a concept that using kindness of parents is a good way to get what they want but this concept is wrong. Once a child develop a wrong notion, it is very difficult to change it in the future. Consequently, advertisings which aim at children can hurt the young children indirectly.

In a word, advertisements whose target is young children should be banned.
DearbhailS   
Jul 19, 2014
Writing Feedback / TOEFL essay, living in big cities or living in small towns; the Article [4]

This is a good article, but there are also a few flaws. First the attitude of the last paragraph is not very clear. If you insist the opinion that you prefer to live in bigger cities than in small ones,keep this opinion from the beginning to the end strongly. You can just write"In conclusion, i prefer to live in bigger cities ", that is oaky. Second, I think you can use your personal or you friends' expamls to describe why you prefer to live in bigger cities, because these examples contains more details, the point of the toefl essay is "DETAIL" and this article doesn't present many details, but you can improve it next time. If my suggestion is not very good, you can just ignore it~~ Hope you can get high score in TOEFL.
DearbhailS   
Jul 19, 2014
Writing Feedback / Toefl writing is my weakness, hope you can help me, the question is written in the message. [5]

Question: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Life today is easier and more comfortable thant it was when your grandparents were children. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

My grandparents always tell me that life today is better than the life when they were children. But in my own view, I disagree with this statement, because I think life today is more difficult than the life before.

Technology and economy are growing up while challenges are becoming more and more difficult, so people today have to face more and more dares than before. Compare my life and the life when my grandparents were children. When they are children, what they had to do after school was finishing their homework and played with their friends. But for now, after I finished my homework, I need to have extra classes because other students do this that means if I do not do this, I will lose in the future. So, I have less time to have fun. In this situation, I live a harder life.

In spite of the challenges in society, many parents pressure their children. Because in their mind, the next generation must behave better than the previous generation, so people today have to carry their own dreams and also, their parents' dreams. Around me, I always hear the word parents talk to their children like you have to study better so that when I compare you and my friends' children, I can be the winner; or you have to be successful in the future, so in this way you will not let me down. All this word give so much tension on this generation, to avoid upsetting our parents, we have sacrifice something we really love to achieve these goals. However, these goals are not our goals, they belong to our parents. So when we try our best to make these goals come true, we do not feel happy in our heart but sad or angry. In this case, we do not have a more comfortable life.

In the conclusion, in our grandparents' childhood, they concerned about less things than us, so the life now is not cozier than theirs.

Thanks to read my essay and give your suggestions!