Unanswered [8] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by dils
Name: Dila
Joined: Sep 13, 2016
Last Post: Nov 14, 2016
Threads: 20
Posts: 33  
Likes: 2
From: Indonesia
School: UNM

Displayed posts: 53 / page 2 of 2
sort: Oldest first   Latest first  | 
dils   
Oct 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / About a time you learned a valuable lesson. Describe what happened and what the lesson was. [3]

Hi An Luu,

Related your writing, here some suggestions for you.

..., I've though I got everything...
..., I though I had already gotten everything...

I searched online how to drive a car...
I searched how to drive a car, what kind of car, and how to control the wheel on internet.

the best ways were you don't ...
the best way is you don't need to know about it,....

before we driving a car.

My mother gave me some ideas ...

Good luck
dils   
Oct 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / 'A family knows the best way for children' - Childcare Centers Vs Family [5]

Hi mem77,

Here several suggestions for your writing.

Some parents said (...) for children before entering school. While others think that ...
You may just combine this two sentences become one, as the patter should be S + V + while + S + V.

... research conducted in Melbourne University....

In addition, in your conclusion it will be better if you also put your recommendation regarding this issue

Good luck
dils   
Oct 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / The causing related to the escalating number of crime rate and some possible solutions to tackle it. [3]

Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity?

Significantly, the rate of criminality increase every year. In keeping with that, this is essay will elaborate the causes related this escalating number of crime rate and some possible solutions to tackle it.

There are three approaches to explain the increase in crime rate. Firstly, from economic point of view, it is because of unemployment and the lack of job demand, in case of that the people take a shortcut to commit crime due to fulfill the daily needs. Secondly, from social point of view, the tendency toward social inequality in which the people from lower economic class feel oppressed by the upper and middle class. Thirdly, from the standpoint of culture, the lack of tolerance among the diverse culture tends to cause conflict and leads to a crime.

However, there are several ways can be done due to overcome this problem. Firstly, enabling participation of parents and educational institutions in educating the children as the future generation to have a high value of morality. In addition, it all coming back to the legal sanction, provide strict penalty is required to bring a deterrent effect to other people in order that they do not do the same. Furthermore, it is of course regarding with improvement to the previous three area; economic, social, and culture that cause the preference to involve in criminality.

In conclusion, even though criminality is a serious issue, there are several steps that the government can do to prevent the increase of its rate. Concerns with that, as the whole society have willingness to join hands, it may be possible that the crime rate will decrease.
dils   
Oct 31, 2016
Undergraduate / Tufts Supplemental Essay about how I was raised and how it influenced my life today [3]

Hi Cassie,

As I read your writing, here some suggestions for you.

My brother and I always have an extraordinarily competition about everything.

This contest was beginning in my elementary years....

... could in everything, so that I could be better than him.

I have found that the intrinsic motivation to do my best,...

Over all, you have the idea, but it will be better if you pay attention related the flow and make sure the reader catch your idea exactly.

Good luck
dils   
Oct 31, 2016
Undergraduate / "I'm a good friend" without saying it. MIT Admissions Essay on my contribution to my community [3]

Hi Arnav,

Here some suggestions for you.

my friend was sitting beside me said that he did not understand anything.

After spending some times discussing the problem,....

I have a willingness to invest time in explaining a problem because I want to ensure that the others understand concepts as well as I do.

Over all, the other suggestions may related with how you organize your idea, how your answer truly respond the task, and how to make the flow become smooth. You may also notice the coherence from each paragraph that you write.

Good luck.
dils   
Oct 31, 2016
Writing Feedback / Restricting the air travel to prevent air pollution [3]

There is an opinion that the prevention of air pollution can be reached by restricting the air travel. Regarding this issue, I stand on the line that I firmly disagree, as there are other major causes that promote the air pollution.

As there are myriads of nonstop flight services every day, it is clear that this may the major contributor of air pollution. Annually, the report reveals that there is a necessity to have control the emission of this air transportation. For example, the type of boing 737 as the common use in some cases experiences the disturbance in gas emission system. As result, it produces more damage output of fuel burns. Therefore, it may consider that this will bring a number of pollution in air.

However, there are also arguments that reveal if actually the other factors contribute more to the air pollution rather than the air transportation. Firstly, the research conducted by the green peace scientists found that the number one major cause to trigger this degenerative pollution is related with industrial works, as the number of company's factories increase every year progressively, it is of course in line with the result of emission that they release to the air. In addition, the second contributor is CFC or Cloro Fluoro Carbon, in which result from the use of air conditioners, refrigerators, and the other devices that we use as our daily instruments.

In conclusion, even though the air travel contributes to bring pollution, the others contribute more than that. Concern with that, it is imperative to start eco-friendly lifestyle as we can save the environment.
dils   
Oct 31, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary: Why we Need to Talk About Depression by Kevin Breel [5]

Hi Jojo,

Here some suggestions for you.

Kevin Breel, is a person who suffering from depression about 6 years. He saidstated that many people ...

depression is not about sadness,it isabout didn't get a job, and thiswhich is a natural emotion.

AndIn every 30 second ...

And depression is not a kind of disease which isbe cured andgainto getabsolutely health,...

Good luck
dils   
Oct 31, 2016
Writing Feedback / A new study reveals that happy people have a great sense to cheer their spouse up [3]

Happy People Make Their Spouses Healthier

Happiness related to physical well being. The individuals who are happier usually also healthier and less physical problem. At the moment individuals fell good, they tend to be more active. Related with this, a new study reveals that the happy people have a great sense to cheer their spouse up. The people whose spouses are happier have predominant factor to have better in shape. Data confirm that people with a happy spouse are 34% more likely to be healthy.

There are several reasons why a happy person has the possibility to improve their partner's health. Firstly, it is because a happy partner has a number of positive energy to take care the significant others. Secondly, happiness correlates with better diet, routine exercise, and a good quality of sleep, it also leads the individuals stay away from self-destructive behavior. Thirdly, of course the happy people will make their partner's life easier by enjoying all the activities that they have.
dils   
Oct 31, 2016
Writing Feedback / The popularity of reading books by citizens of Burnaby between 2011 and 2014 [2]

Hi Andhika,

Here some suggestions for you.

Overall, the figures show an upward trend ...

In 2011, the different number of books ...

... 11,000 in male, figure while there was (...) occurred in females,this make the gap ...

while a significantly increase trend to....

Over all, it is about the flow and how you organize your writing so that the reader easily understand it.

Good luck
dils   
Oct 31, 2016
Writing Feedback / Common Painkillers 'increase heart failure risk' [6]

Hi Sari,

Related with your writing here some suggestions for you.

... is a kind of drugs that is used to relieve ...

... heart failure towards the people who (...) by 19% than the people who do not eatconsume this drug.

Researchers from UK throughconducted survey study fromof10 million people ...

high dose usage was avoideddosage should avoid by them and do not useit is not allowed to use this drug for a long period.

Good luck
dils   
Oct 31, 2016
Writing Feedback / How to stop the deadly disease that is spread by mosquitoes? Mosquito, malaria, and education [4]

Every problem has its way to be solved. In this recent decade, the number of childhood death experiences a decrease. The predominant factor that brings this number get lower is related with the increase in income, so that the vaccines can be used globally. Concern with this issue, there is also a question of how to stop the deadly disease that is spread by mosquitoes? Answering this question, there are several ways that people generally do, such as get the bed nets, use spray with DDT, and treat the patients with quinine. This kind of thing can cut deaths by over 50 percent, but the most significant way in order to get rid of this problem is we need the cooperation from scientists and drug companies.

Moreover, talking about education, if we want to make a good education, the key point is by having a great teacher. Also in learning system, everybody needs to be involved. All in all, invest in education is the most important matter to have a strong future of the country.
dils   
Nov 14, 2016
Undergraduate / College Essay, Topic A, help edit, is due by Nov., Edit anything: Vocab, Grammar, Puncuation [3]

Hi Victoria Plata,

Your writing is good, but in order to make it better, here some suggestions for you.

I live with my mother, father, and two little sisters.

I have been in five different schools,...

It is a place where I was born and spent time along with the rest of my family.

There I got my first field trip, played my first softball game, and adopted my first dog in San Antonio.

It was difficult to say goodbye when we had to move away.

I always afraid...

I realized that it wasn't the case at all.

Ever since that night, I know home is not a place, but loved ones who are always there to support and love you unconditionally.

Overall, you have a good idea to share with, it may just about how to let the flow of the writing becoming smooth as I totally engaged in your writing.

Good luck.
dils   
Nov 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / Nowadays, as the world becomes more global, there is a new tendency to learn English [3]

The world's English mania-Jay Walker

Nowadays, as the world becomes more global, there is a new tendency to produce language which can be accepted globally. This inevitably brings the mania to learn English. Mania itself can be beneficial or even harmful. The mania of learning English affects billions of people all around the world, particularly in China. In China, learning English is instructed and managed by the state, thus taking China as the largest English speaking country worldwide.

There are several reasons underpinning this mania. Generally, the people believe that by learning English it will evoke the opportunity for a better life, better job offer, and better education. Despite, it is actually have to be recognized that our first language is our mother native language in which English is just the second one. Knowing English of course a merit, as the individuals can engage in wider conversation concerned with the common problem of the world, but it is also important to take into account that there are still other languages such as music and mathematics that allow us to connect each other.

Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳