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Posts by Jnur [Suspended]
Name: Jaivant Nur
Joined: Sep 15, 2016
Last Post: Sep 21, 2016
Threads: 5
Posts: 8  
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From: Indonesia

Displayed posts: 13
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Jnur   
Sep 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Article Summary _ You Can Now Buy Harry Potter's Childhood Home at 4 Privet Drive [3]

Hii @Hujjatul19

You have some minor mistakes on your text. Here my suggestion:

- OnIn September 2016. -> Since your text is not contain any "date or day", it is better to use preposition of time properly

- This residence is located atin the suburb of London. -> redundant. In general, we use preposition of place such as "at" for a "POINT", "in" for an "ENCLOSED SPACE", and "on" for a "SURFACE".

Break a leg
Regards,
Jnur   
Sep 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Happiness is not only related to economic success, yet the social and psychology aspect is important [2]

hiii @PHA2016 , it seems that you have some errors on how to use passive voice and s-v agreement. So, here my suggestion.

- Many people think that happiness is through to economic success. -> "Many people assumed happiness when we succeed economically"
- ... support the opinion that happiness is caused by many factors (passive voice)
- This essay is going to explain two statements and I give my own opinion -> redundant,
you can re-write your text "This essay is going to explain two statements and I am going to give my opinion" . (parallel structure)

- It is commonly believe that personal happiness is depend ... -> "It is commonly believed that personal happiness is depend on financial support which is indicated by having a lot of money and land".

- Almost all problem can solve problem by money -> "Many problems can be solved by money" .

..........

Keep writing and break a leg.
Regards
Jnur   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / PUTTING WORMS TO WORK TO HELP YOUR GARDEN [4]

Earthworms, a disgusting creature for some people, help gardeners & farmers to turn their crops become better by making compost and put it on soil. You are able to make your own compost from food residue with or without worms. Yet, it is better to put worms especially red worms well-known as red wigglers. Kim Gabel from the University of Florida states "The red wigglers are the best varieties for doing it because they are more of a surface feeder". A container is needed to put the waste food and the worms; and you should make a holes on the composing bin, so it could get some air. Kim Gabel said "the worms do breathe. So that is a very important factor. They also like to be in the dark". Therefore, make sure to keep the bin dark. Aside from keeping it in the dark, the worms prefer a moderate temperature by putting your bin indoor. To prevent unpleasant smell, you can do limitation to the amount of food that you put on it. As you composting with worms, remember to put something soft like sheet, control the moisture not too wet by not adding to much water on it. In period six-month your compost can be used.
Jnur   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / WHY SHOULD WE TALK TO STRANGERS? [3]

Most of people in the world conveyed strangers as unsafe person that might be avoided. On TED Talks, Kio Stark shared her experience in facing strangers. Her obsessing to the strangers made her documenting her experience for 7 years. She found that there was unforeseen enjoyment when shared a moment which has emotional relation. What she found has broken the stereotype of strangers are dangerous by default. As she stated "not every stranger on the street has the best intentions. It is good to be friendly, and it is good to learn when not to be, but none of that means we have to be afraid". Therefore, we will get vast advantages of using our sense rather than our fears. One of them is free us to think about it and start to approach the strangers without worrying about their gender, their skin color, young or adult, friend or not, and start talk to them and learn about them. it is mean that we throw away our mind to the perception of strangers as an individual. Aside from that, by using our sense there is an affection with who we talk to. Sociologist called this "fleeting affection". So, it was short emotional experience for every person and priceless. She also said that some researcher stated people convenient when they talk about their life to the stranger which have better understanding about their feelings.
Jnur   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / 3 steps how to hack our brain to make our dreams come true [3]

Hiii agung,..

Your text quite easy to easy to read. Yet, next time you should make attention on your spelling and your thought.

What is the bigestbiggest question....
what is your planingplanning ?

... paragraph to make it clear "In majority, the widest question ..."

embed the picture on the wall or every whereeverywhere that you can see it easily
Jnur   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / The importance of teaching children how to distinguish right and wrong is undeniable [5]

hii,.. here my suggestion.

you can make your text more readable by using a simple word instead of complex word or you can use a complex word but make sure that you add some conjunction, punctuation, and make attention on your s-v agreement.

on your first paragraph: To make your thought flow and clear, you should add a
strong verb for "importance"

The importance of teaching children is how to distinguish the right and the wrong things which is an undeniable in contemporary society . Punishment has been.............
Jnur   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary TED: Saving Indonesia's Forests One Village at A Time [5]

Hii ,, you have some minor mistakes as well as "spelling", you should check your text again before you upload it.
- person or group to compareitcompare it with another.......
for exampe , example, believe......
about loginglogging companies........
The local govermentgovernment has

- You can re-write your first sentence to make it clear > "Identity is something that can describe a person or group compare to others".

- Muara Tae, for exampe, believe that their forest not ... = For instance, Muara Tae in East Kalimantan believes that its forest is not just a source of livelihood or a place for finding wood and branches but also it is a home for indigenous inhabitant.
Jnur   
Sep 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / TECHNOLOGY HAS CHANGE THE WAY OF WORK [3]

How will technology affect to the work today? Since the technology had invented, it totally changes the way of people work. Many merits people got from it, but there are few people cannot use the power of technology, especially the internet; internet, fax, and mobile phone technologies have revolutionized working life. It can also connect workers from different countries which is save time and money.

The uses of internet, fax, and mobile phone makes human being broaden their knowledge without limit. They can express their thought, share anything or just say hello with relatives or their fellow in another place without worrying about the distance. The technology development has had a great impact on our lives and had changed the way of people work. This change remodel the entire of job fields fundamentally. The people especially workers had felt those advantages as well as they can work or manage some duties and interact to the co-workers from their home as long as they have internet access or mobile phone. Aside from those benefits, the new technology had made people work efficiently by saving time, money and energy. So, they can allocate their irreplaceable time for relatives.

All things considered to the advantages of technology. For people, especially workers who can use the technology to support their work will feel a huge benefit. They are no longer feel like a robot that are limited by time and place.
Jnur   
Sep 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Pros and Cons About Vegetarianism : Perspectives Opinion [3]

Helooo bro, here my suggestion

1. "Fruit" is not countable,, so you cannot put "s" (Besides, vegetables and fruits are.....) (Because they consume a lot of vegetables and fruits .....)

2. "good looking " it seems that you forget to put a hyphen. It should be like this "good-looking" . We put hyphen, when we want to combine two nouns as adjective.

3. which contains much fiber to carry out digestion. -> If it possible you should use a simple word over a complex word which is make reader easy to read and focus on your ideas. So, you can change it to "has" .

4. vegetables and fruits are keeping our stomach full much longer and they have fewer calories.

much longer is redundant. You should avoid redundant expression, because it has no new meaning to the phrase. So, you can change it to "longer" .

5. Even though there are a lot of pros and cons about vegetarianism, I suggest to all of vegetarians ................

You can omit "there are" to make it simple.

all of = redundant expression.
Jnur   
Sep 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / PROBLEMS OF EDUCATION IN DEVELOPING COUNTRY [7]

Hii,. here my suggestion

- Second, in developing country has problem of education it cause the lack of number of schools.
You are likely missing an article; article help the reader know how many nouns that you referring to. So, you should put an article "has a problem of" and add -s "causes" (s-v agreement)

- I guess, there is spelling error with "identic" you can change it to "identical" or you can re-write your sentence to "Moreover, as mentioned before, ....... "
Jnur   
Sep 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / HOW CRUCIAL IS ENGLISH IN YOUR LIFE? [3]

Other languages may disappear, if one language is dominant. That statement shows, there are some people disagree with English as an international language. Yet, these days English is widely used around the world, is becoming a global second language, and most important textbooks or journals are published in English.

Considerable number of English native speakers make it become popular in the world and it is growing rapidly. In the fact, English has huge number of vocabularies compare to other languages and is the oldest language. A side from that, English well-known as a global second language because it can unite the countries in the world. Most electronic devices, websites, business, and advertisements are use English. Another reason is England as a source of English native speaker have a wide range of former colonies make it broadly spoken and many important journals and textbooks are published in English.

Nowadays, the languages are not major barrier for some people to communicate to each other with different culture or origin. Due to current technological developments enables people to use some application that can translate a word or sentences to other languages. Yet, it is important to learn English as a second language deeply, because English is remaining the international language during our lifetime.
Jnur   
Sep 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / The rise of crime rate as the main worry in some countries. Solution? Invest in basic social rights. [2]

Here my suggestion.

1. Spelling mistakes? > increasements = increase (or you can rewrite your sentence "The increasing level of crime becoming a major problem for some countries".

2. in future = in the future (you should put the article "the" before the "future" , because it was definite article and it is used to refer to a time period)

3. Of the population = (I would like to suggest you to use a strong verb for "population". Strong verb is easier to read and use less words. You should revise the population of ....or you can rewrite your sentence "For instance, Sweden as developed country have invested the budget for education and health has low crime rate rather than Uganda as developing country, which has many population and has bad sanitation".

4. The country finance should be widely shared with the social issues, as ... You can use active voice to make it clear who is doing what.Use the passive voice when the sentence object is more important than the subject or you can rewrite you sentence with passive voice "The country budget should be widely used in social issues, education and hospital".
Jnur   
Sep 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / INTERNET: The Drawback and Vantage [2]

Along with the development of information technology, world society can easily access a huge amount of information on internet. Yet, some people cannot use the internet wisely. Therefore, there are many advantages that we can get from the internet as well as access to information of any topic that we need, availability of online shops and other services, and by using email or social media, we can keep in touch with friends or relative.

The internet has a great impact to mankind because it is user-friendly and all we need about the information is in one place. Nowadays, the society can access almost any subject regarding to their need, but most of the websites on internet contain offending content that is not good for some folk. A side from that, there are also several websites with vicious or inappropriate images, and because there are so many websites on the internet, it is hard to find out a reliable information.

At last, even the internet has negative impact, there are vast number of benefits that we can get if we use the internet intelligently and appropriately. We can improve our skill or doing self-study based on our needs and interests.
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