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Posts by Eng Phin
Name: Eng Phin
Joined: Oct 17, 2016
Last Post: May 4, 2017
Threads: 6
Posts: 14  
Likes: 6
From: Indonesia
School: Binus University

Displayed posts: 20
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Eng Phin   
May 4, 2017
Scholarship / Brunel University - Country Specific Scholarship [4]

Dear friends,

Please give your review/opinion on my essay for scholarship:

Personal Statement



Since in high school, I always have a vision to be a future leader and innovator. In order to pursue my dream, a prestigious Master's degree is necessary to prepare me with the knowledge, experience, and networking I need. Through some research, I realize that Brunel University is the right place. With its vibrant international community, Brunel University creates an environment where I can have the experience to work with people from different countries. Being internationally communicative will be a key factor to be the future leader in Civil Engineering. Studying in Brunel would also allow me to apply my mind on real-world problems, which will simultaneously cultivate my knowledge and experience to solve construction problems. My professional experience and Brunel University Master's degree will be the foundation to innovate new practical solutions and deliver positive values to the world.

I communicate with foreign people almost in daily basis in my workplace. The experience made me an open-minded person. Therefore, I have good self-confidence in my communication skill, which is vital for a good ambassador for both my Master's course and Brunel University. Moreover, I always interested to meet people and build relationship with them. I regard our different way of thinking as the gate to new knowledge and insights. Therefore, I also eager to have good communication with people I am going to meet as an ambassador. There are many interesting things in Indonesia's culture. One of them is the phrase "Gotong Royong", which means helping each other. The phrase deeply represents our vastly diverse culture, even our ideology. With more than one thousand ethnicity, Indonesian people are known to smile even to strangers, and are not hesitant to help each other. I believe that the value in our culture would bring positive impact. Therefore, if I got the chance to be the Ambassador, I would like to bring our culture and introduce it to the people at the University or UK.

Aside from routine academic activity, I also interested in organizational activity. My most remarkable experience in organization was when I became the first Chairman of ICE (Institution of Civil Engineering) Binus University Student Chapter. I had the vision to introduce ICE to Binus Students, and to build up strong communication between Binus and ICE. We succeeded to hold several international seminars in 2013 and 2014, with excellent international-level engineers as keynote speakers from ICE network. Then, in 2014, we create a program called ICE-Binus Student Presentation. In this program, the graduating students from Binus University will have a chance to present his/her thesis in front of ICE Technical Meeting audience. Through this, Binus University graduates were exposed to international network. It offered huge opportunity for our students to build networking and work at global companies.

Finally, I am ready and really passionate to commit myself in becoming Brunel University Indonesia ambassador, and gain the experience and education offered by the Master's Degree, in order to develop myself, and to give my best for Indonesia's development.

Word count: 498
Eng Phin   
May 4, 2017
Writing Feedback / Writing 2: It has been suggested that everyone in the world wants to own a car, a TV and a fridge. [2]

@Arlen
You have already presented your opinion quite clearly. The reader can easily understand that from your point of view, the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.

However, to make your essay looks even better, you might need to add a body paragraph containing the advantages. Seems like I cannot find it. Basically, to make your argument valid, you have to look at both sides, and then give a conclusion in the form of your opinion.

Some tips for you:
- For the body paragraph, put the points that is opposite to your argument first, and then explain the points you support at the next paragraph. This way, the writing will be stronger.

- Put more points on the opinion that you support, and less on the opposite. For example, 3 disadvantages to 2 advantages.
- At the conclusion paragraph, give an even more obvious argument, such as "Even though there are some advantages, however, I would argue that they are outweighed by the disadvantages."

Hope this helps.
Eng Phin   
May 3, 2017
Writing Feedback / New Port city - a report about criminal activieties in this area [3]

@elirya
I think your writing is already good enough. You have given a quite strong "overview" paragraph, and have explained each figure clearly.
However, using 'peak' for the lowest point of a graph seems a little bit improper, isn't it? I suggest using "lowest point", or maybe "minimum value"

And some corrections:
",,,there was a sligth slight..."
"... levelled off at around 1500 ending and ended at about 1400 in 2012"
"...having remained stable for 2 years..."
"...hitting the peak at approximately 2000 in(-cidents)"

Hope this helps. Your feedback is highly appreciated.
Eng Phin   
Dec 29, 2016
Graduate / Imperial College "Concrete Structures" Personal Statement [6]

@Holt
Dear Holt,

I just want to confirm. Do you mean by motivation essay part is the 3rd paragraph? Because I write about the reason I wanted to take further study in that paragraph. Or did I miss your point? Please advise. Thank you very much.
Eng Phin   
Dec 28, 2016
Graduate / Imperial College "Concrete Structures" Personal Statement [6]

@chizy7
Is it okay to start the essay like that? I thought by sharing one of my favorite structures, and the reasons behind it, I can show to the reader my passion for this field. Do you agree?

I realized that I haven't finished the long-term plan for this essay. I will add it. Thank you.
Eng Phin   
Dec 26, 2016
Graduate / Imperial College "Concrete Structures" Personal Statement [6]

Dear friends,

Please give your review/comment on my essay:

Personal Statement - Concrete Structure Engineering



Millau Viaduct, as the tallest bridge in the world at present, is a structure that pushes Civil Engineering beyond its limit, while successfully creates a positive impact that solves transportation issue by connecting Paris and Spain. It is amazing to see what human can build, and so I am eager to seek the opportunity to translate my creativity and interest in Civil Engineering into solutions for society through constructions that contributes for a better future.

My past two years, working in sub-contractor that focuses on Post-Tensioning and Heavy-Lifting, was filled with abundant experience in several challenging projects. I learned about post-tensioning applications, bridge bearing technology, concrete bridge repair technology, and bridge erection method, including launching-gantry, segment lifter, traveler, and shoring method. Besides technical aspects, as an Engineering Manager in my company, I also learned non-technical skills such as leadership, effective and efficient communication, and coordination between team and between companies. To be exposed to those knowledge and skill in my early career was a great experience for me. My Bachelor Degree in Civil Engineering from Binus University also played as a good foundation in my problem-solving skills. However, I have an urge to seek more knowledge and skills to improve myself.

My intention to take further study emerges when I joined a technical meeting of Semanggi project in 2016. It was a complex curved bridge right in the center of Jakarta. In the meeting, I was amazed by the engineering aspect of the bridge presented by the designer. The topic was mainly on the bridge seismic design. I soon realized that my basic in Civil Engineering Bachelor Degree was not enough to answer all the questions that rose in my mind. I felt challenged, knowing that to be able to contribute to society through construction, there is still a long way to go. Achieving my career dream as a professional who works in solving problem through construction would need me to work harder and prepare myself in facing new knowledge and developments, and also be the part of that development myself.

Heard about Imperial College from my lecturer, which is also an Imperial College alumni, I started to do my own research, only to find out its dedication in providing world-leading research and development in Engineering. MSc programme in Concrete Structure Engineering from Imperial College stands out for me because of its comprehensive and high quality courses. The module that I am most interested is the Design of Bridges, which gives student the knowledge and skill in short/medium/long span bridge concept, designing Bridge based on Eurocode, even to the construction method such as span-by-span construction, cantilever construction, which I was highly involved in my projects also. I believe that my experience in these areas and the materials the course offering will be the key factors for me to bring development and innovation.

For those reasons, I am ready to welcome the opportunity offered by Imperial College, and I am also committed in giving my best to learn and develop myself, and so that I can contribute to the Civil Engineering, and make a better future through innovations and creations.
Eng Phin   
Dec 26, 2016
Undergraduate / She knows what it feels like to be strong in STEM as a female. Barnard [5]

Plural form might be better, "...discussing the importance of encouraging womanwomen to go into STEM fields."
What do you think?

For the ending of the sentence maybe you can combine both of the sentence:
... leaves me in awe and inspired . Now I am ready. Ready to make ...
Eng Phin   
Nov 3, 2016
Scholarship / I am ready and really passionate to gain the experience and education offered by UK Master Programs [3]

Dear friends,
Here I post my essay answer on Chevening "Career Plan" question. Any comments would be very helpful.

Upon completion of Master Study from UK, I will return to Indonesia, work in Bridge Engineering, and apply the knowledge, insights, and experience I have obtained. I am also going to apply to my undergraduate school, Binus University, as a lecturer for the Civil Engineering Degree.

Indonesia is a big and well-developing country. And from now until several years ahead, the government is planning on a rapid development through simultaneous construction of infrastructures, such as bridges and highways in cities and remote areas. This will stimulate economic development by creating job opportunities, and provide better access to remote areas, so people from those areas can have the chance to develop their business.

After graduation, I will resume working in infrastructure-related companies, specifically in engineering consultant for buildings or bridges. The knowledge in Bridge Engineering I obtained from Master Study at UK would be an important element to overcome the challenges in elaborating a sustainable construction, thus enhancing construction qualities. From my work experience and master degree, I would have a better understanding on how to introduce and apply high-technology yet effective solutions that are suitable to infrastructures in Indonesia.

I will also join as a member of HAKI, the Indonesia Construction Expert Association, to build network and share knowledge with Indonesian Engineers all over the country. Knowledges are meant to be shared, so I will take every chance to share my knowledge and projects through seminars, journals, workshops and trainings for Indonesia engineers. And also, by joining University as a lecturer, I can share my experiences and help them to build and develop their capacity, through University Curriculum.

My long term goal is to establish an independent Indonesia engineering institute that will act as a capacity development center for thousands of my Indonesian fellows who are seeking better quality educations. This institution also will provide them global networking that can keep Indonesia engineers updated to engineering advancement in international level. This would boost and motivate Indonesia youth and experts to develop themselves more through research, trainings, regular meetings, and finally create new opportunities for engineering advancement in Indonesia.

I am ready and really passionate to gain the experience and education offered by Master Degree Programs in UK, in order to develop myself even further, and to give my best in serving Indonesia, my beloved country.

Thank you very much.
Eng Phin   
Nov 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Teaching and learning process at home has existed for centuries. Child's Development & homeschooling [2]

@asmaraj96
Asmara, I think you have explained the points quite well. They already explained your knowledge in this subject. However, it seems that you missed the "your opinion" part. Try to present more arguments about your opinion. It might be based on your experience. And you might want to change the "in fact" word, since it should be your argument. Hope this helps you
Eng Phin   
Nov 3, 2016
Scholarship / I selected the three university courses; Chevening - "Studying in the UK" Question [6]

@Holt
I revised my opening paragraph and the format. Is it more acceptable now? Thank you very much.

Two years of working in Bridge Construction really gave me abundant experience and knowledge. However, I realized that there are some limitations due to my educational background, such as, in Computational Engineering, Advanced Prestressing System, and Earthquake Engineering. Therefore, I decided to pursue a Master Degree, and I believe that studying in UK will provide me with profound knowledge, skills, network, and experience I needed to pursue my dreams and goals.

From my experience in Post-Tensioning Structure design, I understand that a reliable yet sustainable structure becomes essential in every project. By having an MPhil in Civil Engineering from Newcastle University, I will have the skills and knowledge required to further develop my career. By having a strong foundation in Computational Engineering, this course will develop my skill in solving Structural Engineering problems through computational approach, by utilizing latest development in Physics and Mathematics to achieve a reliable structure. Next, by learning Construction Project Management, I will have a better understanding of project life cycle, and aware of key factors which have impact for a successful project. In the end, this systematic course will help me through challenges to achieve a reliable and sustainable structure design.

My two-year experience in Bridge Construction in Indonesia showed that we are still open for technological advancement, especially in prestressing concrete field. Achieving MSc in Concrete Structures in Imperial College will be a robust foundation for me, to apply the latest advancement of Prestressed Structures in Bridge Construction in Indonesia, while working as Bridge Engineering Consultant. And as this course covers a broad spectrum of structural engineering issues, I will be prepared to overcome Engineering issues in Indonesia, such as construction in remote areas and in a highly populated areas, by implementing prestressing concrete technology. With accumulated experience and strong knowledge obtained from this course, I believe I could do research to develop Bridge Engineering technology, or even create new ideas in the future.

Indonesia has a complex geological condition. Located on the meeting point of several tectonic plates, it has the potential to experience earthquakes. This offers challenge to engineers, in building earthquake resistance structures. Upon completion of MSc Structural Engineering in University of Nottingham, I will have a grounding on Structure Dynamics and Earthquake Engineering, to be applied on structure designs in Indonesia. As the research on earthquake in my country getting more intensive, my knowledge will be a huge contribution. As a lecturer, I can teach and share my knowledge, and also conduct research with students to deepen my knowledge. Through seminars, meetings, and projects, I can share and implement my knowledge to my fellow Indonesia engineers.

By completing the courses I have chosen, I believe I can do better in my commitment, that is, to serve Indonesia through career and educations, and to create more opportunities and better education for Indonesia Civil Engineers.
Eng Phin   
Nov 2, 2016
Scholarship / I always believe in the power of networking. My answer on Chevening "Networking" Essay Question [3]

Dear friends,
Here I present my essay on Chevening Networking Question. Please help me to review the content. Any comments will be very helpful.

I always believe in the power of networking. Even more so, in this modern era. Therefore, from my first year in University in 2010, I have already participated in ICE Monthly Technical Meeting, in order to build my network with international engineers around the world. They all came from America, Europe, Australia, even New Zealand. In every meeting, there will be 50 or more engineers gather. From the event, I get the chance to build relationship with them. I consistently went to the meetings for more than 2 years, and then we got the chance to start a student chapter, that is, ICE Student Chapter in 2013. It was the first ICE Student Chapter in Indonesia, and I got the chance to join their regular committee meetings. We started our plan on introducing ICE to Binus Civil Engineering students, and we also brought Binus Students the opportunity to share their internship report, final projects, etc. This program helped Binus students to introduce themselves and get the chance to work at multinational companies.

Study is more than just a degree. Instead, building relationship and network is one of the most important thing in study. So, I always participated in Student Body Organization ever since I started my college period. In 2013, I got the chance to be the Vice President of our Civil Engineering Student Body. And so I have the network to both my university and international engineers. By taking advantage of my networking, it became possible for us to held international events, with great speakers from around the world, thus, building a broader network.

In 2014, right after graduating, I got the chance to work in Bridge Engineering field, with strong connections to some national construction companies such as Wika, Waskita, and HK (Hutama Karya). Working together with several giant construction companies in Indonesia became the core power of my networking to both Indonesia senior and young engineers. Through several projects, I learned about Indonesia's Bridge Engineering state-of-the-art construction technologies, along with the challenges.

Becoming a part of Chevening community, I believe that global connections to future leaders and influencers is a huge advantage, which will be essential for my personal networking and career development. By having friends who shares the same ambition, I can learn from them and share my experience, to enrich and develop my leadership and networking skills.

I am committed to devote my time to maintain my networking in Chevening, thus building a stronger relationship. One way to do it is by attending events. I would also interact through social media such as LinkedIn, Facebook, etc. And I will also conduct trainings, seminars, workshops, and will invite some of Chevening fellows to share our knowledge and experience to Indonesia young people. Besides of maintaining relationship, this will bring global knowledge and insight to Indonesia.

Thank you very much.
Eng Phin   
Nov 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / Nowadays with advances in technology and translation software people no longer need to learn new lan [4]

Hi Tanjin,

you should recheck your essay before you submit it on your exam, so that you can avoid misspelling such as lean (learn).
Also, take some time to check your preposition also.

Your 3rd paragraph which is the main point 2 of your essay, has a good point. However, the structure of your example quite confusing and consist of grammatical error.

For instant, if a poem by Shakespeare will be translated...
it should be:
For instance, imagine a poem written by Shakespeare are translated using translation software, the results will sound so ridiculous because of word by word system, resulting in unmeaningful sentences.

I like your structure and the words you've chosen. Good luck for the test!
Eng Phin   
Nov 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / Nothing in this world is ideal, and my city is not an exception. [6]

Take a look on the structure. Before you make an essay, you should make the structure firm. After you explain how bad the internet is, you should explain how you would make the internet speed better.

Be careful of the proposition & the grammar also. e.g. couple of thing should be a couple of things. for visit - for a visit

And the spelling: fowling - following
Eng Phin   
Nov 1, 2016
Scholarship / It has always been my dream to become a great leader/influencer in my home country, Indonesia [3]

Dear friends, I would like your help on my essay regarding "Leadership and Influence" Question. Any comments will be very useful.

It is always been my dream to become a great leader/influencer in my home country, Indonesia, in the future. And for me, being a great leader means having a strong vision, and relentlessly work to make it happen. So, my leadership experience started from when I went to High School. I participated in a school competition as a leader for Badminton Competition committee, to hold an inter-school Badminton Competition. After my high school period is over, I continued my education to Binus University in Civil Engineering major. At University, I learned to lead group of several classmates for almost all class assigments and research projects. At the same time, I also learned on how to become the leader of a larger group in Student Body Organization.

One of my valuable leadership experience is when I became the first Chairman of ICE (Institution of Civil Engineering) Student Chapter from UK in 2013. ICE is an international community with great opportunity for Civil Engineering Students/Professionals to get international networking experience. I had the vision to introduce ICE to Binus Students, and to build up a good communication between Binus and ICE. We succeeded in holding several international seminar from 2013 to 2014, which speakers were ICE members coming from USA, Australia, etc. And start from 2014, Binus University got the chance to present one of our graduating student's thesis in every ICE Technical Meeting. This program has opened big opportunity for our fresh graduates to build networking.

From my working experience as Engineering leader in Semanggi Flyover Project in 2016, I learned that being a leader does not mean we do most of the jobs, but rather having the overview of a project, and have the ability to choose the right group to do the job. To keep up with a very tight schedule, I have to increase our team's efficiency. So, I split the jobdesks, and arrange such that every engineer could focus on their part, while I kept follow up and worked as the link for their communication. Middle of 2016, we were really behind the schedule. But, near to the end of 2016, we succeeded to overrun the schedule and therefore had more time to review our design and documents before execution.

I believe this is not the end, and I will strive hard to achieve many of my dreams I have yet to fulfill. Chevening is practically a lifetime opportunity for me to be connected with future leaders and influencers around the world. Sharing experiences and perspective with culturally diverse friends will develop my knowledge and vision. Study in UK through Chevening will also become a double advantage to achieve my goal. UK with its internationally recognised level in Engineering Field, followed with Chevening community, will really exposes me to the state-of-the-art and sustainable engineering. And I believe that my connection with UK alumni will be an enormous help for me to improve Civil Engineering in Indonesia, and to contribute for Indonesia better future.

Thank you very much.
Eng Phin   
Nov 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Internet plays a vital role in collecting information and communication for all age groups. [6]

@ankit10
Aside from some grammatical errors, you might want to reorganize the content.
1. Related to your title, the content of your essay does explain about internet as an excellent source of information. But there is no part explaining about the difficulties of getting information (as suggested by some people)

2. The paragraph that explains about book seems like a separated story, since you immediately mention about book in one paragraph and then move back to internet. And in the last paragraph you mention 'telephone, television, and so on'

In general, you have to make sure that your essay sticks to the title.

This might help:
Paragraph 1: Introduction to internet, which some people suggest that it is hard to find information.
Paragraph 2: Explains about internet importance, as well as its advantages.
Paragraph 3: Explains about other source of information which tackles the problem in internet. Do not put in too much examples. Book is a good example.

Paragraph 4: Write about your opinion on this topic. You might think that for you, internet is better, compared to book (do not suddenly explain about other source of information)

Paragraph 5: Conclusion.

Correct me if I am wrong..
Eng Phin   
Nov 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Extreme Weather is Behind Record Lows in Butterfly Populations [3]

@Yonathan
There are some grammatical input from me, for your review.
"She conductconducted a study..."
"
...a study to demonstrateddemonstrate previously unknown..."
"...which are becoming more frequent with climate changebecome clearer due to climate change "
Eng Phin   
Oct 30, 2016
Scholarship / I selected the three university courses; Chevening - "Studying in the UK" Question [6]

@Holt
Thank you. I will try to review the content. And could you please help for the required elements in essay for other three essays?
1. -------Leadership & Influence Question-------
Chevening is looking for individuals that will be future leaders or influencers in their home countries. Explain how you meet this requirement, using clear examples of your own leadership and influencing skills to support your answer.

(minimum word count: 50 words, maximum word count: 500 words)
2. -------Networking Question-------
Chevening is looking for individuals with strong networking skills, who will engage with the Chevening community and influence and lead others in their chosen profession. Explain how you meet this requirement, using clear examples of your networking skills, and outline how you hope to use these skills in the future.

(minimum word count: 50 words, maximum word count: 500 words)
3. -------Career Plan Question-------
Chevening is looking for individuals who have a clear post-study career plan. Please outline your immediate plans upon returning home and your longer term career goals. You may wish to consider how these relate to what the UK government is doing in your country. (minimum word count: 50 words, maximum word count: 500 words)

Thank you very much. I really need help because I am not that used in writing essays.
Eng Phin   
Oct 22, 2016
Scholarship / I selected the three university courses; Chevening - "Studying in the UK" Question [6]

Hello, friends. I really need your help on my essay for Chevening, spefically for "Studying in the UK" Question, to review the content and grammar. Please read my essay below. I will be very pleased to receive any comments. Thank you.

Outline why you have selected your chosen three university courses, and explain how this relates to your previous academic or professional experience and your plans for the future.


I selected the three university courses because I realized that a comprehensive education related to my expertise in structural engineering becomes essential in order to achieve my goal, and career plan. So, gaining education at the courses I have selected, combined with my experience, will help me to be an engineer with profound skills in structural design.


The courses I have chosen relates to both my previous academic and professional experience. Since the end of 2014, I have been involved in some prestigious national projects, such as Mahkota Bridge, in 2014. It was the longest cable-stay bridge in Indonesia, and Melak Bridge, the second longest. The idea was to connect a remote area separated by wide stream, therefore stimulates economical growth on those areas. These projects really opened up my knowledge and interest in Bridge Engineering. My company was involved on Structural Design, and also the Construction Sequence Engineering.

In 2015 and 2016, I have the chance to be involved in Kualanamu Bridge and Semanggi Flyover, respectively, as the engineering team leader from my company. In contrast to previous projects I mentioned earlier, these projects are located in two biggest city in Indonesia, Medan and Jakarta. I worked with Engineers from China and Singapore, and together we implement advanced engineering technology to Indonesia, mainly to tackle the problems including working in limited space, traffic issues, and safety regulations for working in highly-populated area. These projects really gave me valuable experience and new insights in terms of Computational Engineering, Engineering Management, and Technologies. It was also revealed unto me, that Indonesia still has an ocean-deep opportunities for development. Indonesia civil engineering is lacking in terms of engineering advacement. This is mostly caused by limited access for the young engineers to international engineering development and knowledge.

The courses I have chosen will be a great deal for me to achieve my career and long term goal. First, the courses I chose will provide me with a broad spectrum of structural engineering issues, specifically on buildings and bridges. And then, with career-oriented study which covers both theoretical and practical design considerations, I will be prepared to implement the knowledge I gained in Indonesia. As an engineering professional, this can be a great foundation to serve Indonesia through a sustainable development and high-quality constructions. And by sharing knowledge through educations and my networking with Indonesian engineers, I can be a key role in developing Indonesia engineering quality, and preparing new young engineers with international networking and knowledge they needed, and consecutively open up opportunities for engineering advancement in Indonesia.

By completing the courses I have chosen, I believe I can do better in my commitment, that is, to serve Indonesia through career and educations, and to create more opportunities and better education for Indonesia Civil Engineers.[/b]*Please do not duplicate the information you have entered on the work experience and education section of this form (minimum word count: 50 words, maximum word count: 500 words)
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