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Who I Want To Be> Undergraduate Admissions, Personal Statement

7 - It really is a good essay overall, especially the tone of the essay. But "Instead of reasoning with...

Undergraduateschubzcrazee - Aug 21, 2009sparklingway - Aug 23, 2009
Do you believe that change is a "good and necessary" thing?

5 - Study up on articles, as you sometimes leave them out. Also, be aware of plurals; you often neglect...

Writing Feedbackjeff - Aug 22, 2009EF_Simone - Aug 22, 2009
"The human organism and its chemical processes" - Transfer Applicants, PROMPT #1

9 - That's a fine addition to the essay....

Undergraduatevuko323 - Aug 19, 2009EF_Simone - Aug 22, 2009
Interests and aspirations in engineering (UMich essay prompt #2)

12 - Right, but you must also at least sketch the range of your interests and aspirations too....

Undergraduatefat_b - Aug 16, 2009EF_Simone - Aug 22, 2009
Intended major : Public Health <Applying to Berkeley & UCI>

6 - Your first paragraph, while well written, doesn't seem to have anything to do with the rest of your essay,...

UndergraduateCalLover - Aug 17, 2009EF_Sean - Aug 22, 2009
Harvard (optional) essay- about Iran and travel.

8 - Yep, your new conclusion reads very well, and will work as a solid replacement for the sentence you had...

Undergraduateusername621 - Aug 19, 2009EF_Sean - Aug 22, 2009
Common Application. Help me choose a topic between these two!

10 - displayname, I have no clue what you're trying to say. Are you asking a question? Or are you saying...

UndergraduateJosh316 - Aug 21, 2009Josh316 - Aug 22, 2009
"A mother of thirty-seven" - UC APPLICATION

10 - Thank you guys. I'm trying to find a new idea for my essay....

Undergraduatekirbs90 - Aug 21, 2009kirbs90 - Aug 22, 2009
Volunteerism is like this: Rewarding Experience

7 - 1900 characters...not words....

Undergraduatesad_an6el - Aug 17, 2009Llamapoop123 - Aug 22, 2009
The Art Institute of Dallas admission essay

10 - Unless Ms. Hoen remains your art teacher, you want to say, "When I was younger, I had a...

Undergraduateiluv_noodles - Aug 17, 2009EF_Simone - Aug 22, 2009
commonapp #2: political science, discuss issue and importance

4 - Yes, in general, an admissions essay should be relatively formal. Yours is informal only in its introduction. I...

Undergraduateellenahh - Aug 22, 2009EF_Simone - Aug 22, 2009
Which topic for college essay would be more likely to succeed?

10 - sorry for the provacative-ness :[ ^^ yea! this will be great. itll show that it is a...

UndergraduateIndigga - Aug 21, 2009tal105 - Aug 21, 2009
"Dear Admission's Committee" - Addendum to a Personal Statement

9 - Pay attention to your sentence structure. The first part, before it is offset with the comas, needs to...

Graduatediana_pencheva - Aug 18, 2009Notoman - Aug 21, 2009
Topic: Children engaging in paid work can have both negative and positive effects

5 - I can see how the prompt -- which itself blurs the distinction between child labor and youth employment --...

Writing Feedbackstranger1130 - Aug 19, 2009EF_Simone - Aug 21, 2009
Something you are passionate about

10 - Right. While it's not a good idea to compose an essay in your first language and then translate, preliminary...

Essaystobesky - Aug 13, 2009EF_Simone - Aug 21, 2009
"The negative impacts of capitalism on the world" - issue of importance

9 - I look forward to reading your next draft. If you want statistics about various countries, such as life expectancy,...

Undergraduatesweets13087 - Aug 19, 2009EF_Sean - Aug 21, 2009
Managemement Report: CSR

4 - No. We aren't here to write your reports for you, but to help you write your own. Come...

Essaysyogs_varsani - Aug 13, 2009EF_Sean - Aug 21, 2009
Solace in Suburbia - help with Common App Essay

3 - Or this: Or this: You have a well-written introduction to three separate topics. Now pick...

Undergraduatek8tie - Aug 21, 2009EF_Sean - Aug 21, 2009
TOEFL essay: Has easily-prepared-food improved the way people live?

7 - You don't need to address counterarguments in a TOEFL essay. In fact, you probably don't want to. You certainly...

Writing FeedbackLiwen - Aug 20, 2009EF_Sean - Aug 21, 2009
Criminal records, British and Australia laws - IELTS Essay

9 - Passive constructions use the object of an action as the sentence's grammatical subject, as oppose to the active voice,...

Writing Feedbackstealthreaction - Aug 18, 2009EF_Sean - Aug 21, 2009
A letter to congress - RE: Cash For Clunkers

8 - Thank you all for your help in editing this letter. I also have a professional freelance editor as...

LettersPele - Aug 15, 2009Pele - Aug 21, 2009
IELTS Essay: Main purpose for Universities

4 - I agree with Simone. Especially the last sentence. It's confusing....

Writing Feedbackcxfcxh - Aug 18, 2009jyxff - Aug 21, 2009
"A well informed family" - MSU personal statement

9 - I think this is a fantastic essay! I also think the revisions are approipriate and good luck to you...

Undergraduatejyxff - Aug 17, 2009schubzcrazee - Aug 21, 2009
"Yourself, goals, achievements etc.." my essay for FIT.

4 - Thank you so much Simone for your encouragement. It actually helped I hope it showed. This is my rough...

Undergraduateck1030ny - Aug 20, 2009ck1030ny - Aug 21, 2009
Music helps people both personally and maintains the culture values of country

5 - Hi EF_Sean, GeneK, EF_Simone thank you much for your comments. I will incorporate your comments in my next essay....

Writing Feedbackprabudhakshin - Aug 20, 2009prabudhakshin - Aug 20, 2009
"Wise people appreciate the little things in life" - narrative essay

5 - Hi, I add some feeling here. please proofreading for my essay. Thank you!:)...

Writing Feedbackbal0601 - Aug 11, 2009bal0601 - Aug 20, 2009
More flexible engineering curriculum! ; TRANSFER Objectives & Reasons

6 - Yes, but there's a reason the pathetic literary device has been used by so many writers since ancient...

Undergraduatewuxia - Aug 19, 2009EF_Simone - Aug 20, 2009
"Actions speak louder than words" (do you agree or disagree with the statement)

8 - I'm not sure how I feel about that advice. I'd have to see the writing that provoked it...

Writing FeedbackJanie Tine - Jul 29, 2009EF_Simone - Aug 20, 2009
compare and contrast what conflicts the heroes have and how they face them

6 - Your task is to discover what they have to do with one another. Sean has offered a...

Writing Feedbackhollyn91 - Aug 20, 2009EF_Simone - Aug 20, 2009
Vice-President of Phi Theta Kappa; SERVE the underserved/Experiences

2 - No, the question is not the same. The second question is both more general and more specific, asking for...

Writing Feedbacksad_an6el - Aug 20, 2009EF_Simone - Aug 20, 2009
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