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TOEFL; Television Versus Friends and family

13 - I would leave out some touchy subjects on terrorism...

Writing Feedbackdhanh90 - Aug 14, 2009sad_an6el - Aug 20, 2009
'The state of confusion' - UF essay...my surgery.

6 - Hmm, but Simon then how would it relate to the essay topic? Is deciding to be a doctor through...

Undergraduatejshirley - Aug 19, 2009Mayada - Aug 20, 2009
"BODY SLAM"; Wrestling - Common App Short Essay

9 - Thanks for the feedback Simone and asyn. I incorporated what both of you said: When the local youth...

UndergraduateAphamos - Aug 18, 2009Aphamos - Aug 20, 2009
"I say China, I say America" - UC Transfer Essay

4 - Thanks you guys! I'll make some edits and post my revision :)...

Undergraduateyoulovewendy - Aug 17, 2009youlovewendy - Aug 20, 2009
Hard work was preferable to the expense of neglected morals and sore back - Ethical dilemma QB essay

9 - Also, how do you indent the first line of a paragraph in the text editor? The tab key doesn't...

Undergraduateasyn - Aug 18, 2009asyn - Aug 20, 2009
The proper use of public resource--GRE ISSUE Appreciate your advice

4 - I notice that you work implicitly within Maslow's hierarchy of needs, which asserts that people will not care about...

Writing FeedbackSuperkid - Aug 19, 2009EF_Simone - Aug 20, 2009
Scholarship Essay: Passion for Computer Science

11 - This is just so bland that I fall asleep before the end of the sentence. Not a great...

ScholarshipHiImShante - Aug 17, 2009EF_Simone - Aug 20, 2009
Reading has always been a favorite pastime of mine. - Common App

14 - Let me jump in with a few general comments. I like both versions and would like to see you...

Undergraduateraven - Aug 18, 2009EF_Simone - Aug 20, 2009
The benefit of a global university-- GRE topic, need help

6 - If you are worried about having enough time to say what you want to say in this...

Writing FeedbackSuperkid - Aug 18, 2009EF_Simone - Aug 19, 2009
"Soccer is my inspiration" - Common Application 150 word essay

5 - Ideally, you will do both: Show off your writing skills and tell or, even better, demonstrate something about...

UndergraduateRay274 - Aug 18, 2009EF_Simone - Aug 19, 2009
English Aboriginal feature article.

3 - Even an editorial should probably be a bit more comprehensive and tightly reasoned. The Australian government should make it...

Writing FeedbackBillmc - Aug 19, 2009EF_Sean - Aug 19, 2009
BLUE-COLLAR LIFE & CYCLING ; UT Austin transfer - SOP

2 - The essay is solid, because it has the advantage of sounding sincere. You are speaking candidly and well about...

UndergraduateDJKessler - Aug 19, 2009EF_Sean - Aug 19, 2009
Personal Essay, "Life Defining moment"

8 - Your revised draft is stronger, though you begin relying heavily on forms of "to be" a bit too much...

Undergraduatebboysmiles - Aug 15, 2009EF_Sean - Aug 19, 2009
"Something you do for the pleasure of it" - Short Answer

5 - No. If all of your sentences were that length, the essay would run into problems, but an occasional long...

UndergraduateJJH - Aug 19, 2009EF_Sean - Aug 19, 2009
"Memom, how did you draw this?" Topic of Choice Essay -- opinions and critiques

5 - As others have pointed out, you point isn't really clear here. You decided that you were interested in art...

Writing FeedbackMichelleHob - Aug 19, 2009EF_Sean - Aug 19, 2009
Caltech Essay Prompt - Interest in math, science, or engineering

22 - The moderators will do that for you every now and then....

UndergraduateMayada - Aug 16, 2009Llamapoop123 - Aug 19, 2009
Formal educational credentials and hiring employees - GRE essay

5 - To improve your sentence by noticing that DON'T MISS WORDS, I believe your essay will be more attractive and...

Writing Feedbackwonglofu - Aug 11, 2009Superkid - Aug 19, 2009
'Materials Science and Engineering' - MIT Short Answer: Which Department?

10 - Thanks for the responses guys. As I take it, I should delete/shorten the first examples. Then I should...

UndergraduatePikafu - Aug 18, 2009Pikafu - Aug 19, 2009
Concept and story line good; I need help with correcting the grammar in my essay

4 - We patiently waited alongsideof many other excited spouses and parents. As the buses pulled up, everyone started cheering...

Writing Feedbackjenni929 - Aug 19, 2009EF_Simone - Aug 19, 2009
Which is the better way to write? Prompt 1-UC Essay

3 - they always say general to specific. which one is more general to u? community or family? seems as if...

Undergraduatetran1200 - Aug 19, 2009tal105 - Aug 19, 2009
Peace Corps Essay Question (discovering new things, overcoming challenges, conquests)

6 - Unless they are brain-dead, everybody enjoys new experiences. Almost everybody sets goals and enjoys achieving them. You need to...

Undergraduateshell5811 - Aug 19, 2009EF_Simone - Aug 19, 2009
UT topic B (freshman) - Costa Rica, issue of importance.

5 - This is a sentence fragment. And, indeed, your conclusion is incomplete. Your two stories are very strong. Now,...

Undergraduateemilyemily0 - Aug 17, 2009EF_Simone - Aug 19, 2009
Compare yourself now to when you were younger..

12 - ^I am surprised. I didnt think it was harsh feedback. Just good ol useful feedback. ^...

UndergraduateMayada - Aug 17, 2009Liebe - Aug 19, 2009
animals, artwork, sciences - present yourself to the Committee on Admissions

3 - I have also been said to be a great dog trainer. I grew up rescuing stray dogs in...

Undergraduatesad_an6el - Aug 18, 2009EF_Simone - Aug 18, 2009
"the break-dance performance" - UT essay form B

6 - For the last 3 years, I went up to that stage with the name of 'O'Style Crew' every year....

Undergraduatecoak007 - Aug 11, 2009SxmBeauty - Aug 18, 2009
"pet proposes man disposes" - TOEFL: Should pets be treated as family members?

4 - I mean that pet is appealing and human like it. From what you said, I know I use wrong...

Writing Feedbackalwaysholly - Aug 12, 2009alwaysholly - Aug 18, 2009
Prepare to serve - a medical practice in an underserved area

5 - I think this is great stuff. You sound sincere, and the experiences you've had are all really relevant to...

Undergraduatesad_an6el - Aug 17, 2009kritipg - Aug 18, 2009
My passion for kids - COMMON APP HOOK (+ESSAY)

4 - Also, please say "my passion for working with kids"!...

UndergraduateKW3EN - Aug 16, 2009EF_Simone - Aug 18, 2009
creating music - Common App 150 word essay

6 - I'm not certain what you mean by this....

Undergraduater0fflew0ffles - Aug 17, 2009EF_Simone - Aug 18, 2009
Describe a setback. How you resolved it. How it effected you.

11 - After you corrected my essay i wanted to see how you wrote, and wow you are a great writer...

UndergraduateLlamapoop123 - Aug 6, 2009bboysmiles - Aug 18, 2009
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