Writing Feedback / "Child's learning process" - Teaching Context [3]

TQ Kevin

Undergraduate / UCF nursing program - college essay why i want to attend. [6]

Greetings !

Overall your essay is good.

These are my comments :

Try to elobrate in detail why UCF is your first choice. Try to compare to any other nursing colleges or uni but put UCF in a dignity manner.

What is your motive of oing nursing course ? how does the course contribute to you as well as human being ? What can you do for the UCF before , during and after the course?

There are many samples in google. Please access. You will get more ideas.

Regards

Isai

Writing Feedback / About MY, Rahul, brother from PUNE [3]

My brother's name is Rahul. His birth date is 12/7/1985. He was born on. His native place was is PUNE.

During his childhood he had a good health.He was a naughty boy , I came to know from my grandpa as he was sharing our childhood milestone.

He used to take me to the school with him, as he was my elder brother.We were having a school bus for school. He was a harworkding student of his class. He was always in top ranking in the class.

He was interested in cricket. We used to play cricket after completing our school homework. He was a good runner in school days and he took part in marathon as well.

He scored 70% in 10th std & 65% in 12th std. After that , he took admission to ART faculty. The reason behind this, he was trying to split the UPSC exam side by side ( whatd o yo mean ) Vague...

He also completed his apprentice from AMMUNITION FACTORY before a year he joined the FACTORY.Hence , he is persuing MBA in MARKETING MANAGEMENT.

Dissertations / Suggestions for Ph.D topic in computer science / cloud computing [18]

Greetings !

First of all , read ppl's research and journals and related to your topic. If you post it here , different ppl have different ideas. Somehow it helps but you will be confused by the ideas. Im telling based on my experiance.

You must do lot of reading before you finalised your topic.

Regards

Writing Feedback / Only the minority of people can learn by themselves; 'better to have a teacher' [4]

Greetings !

My score value for your essay 4-minimal writing ability

When it comes to education, the majority of people believe that education is a life time study. Even when we graduated from school, we should keep learning. In my point of view, a good teacher would change our life. Why I said that so , because a good teacher is not only could help your academic achievement, but also couls change our core values. There are some clear reasons, and I will explore it.

First of all, people learn by themselves, maybe they can have the same academic progress with school education. However, that would take a longer period to learn by themselves. Especially for maths solution, when we have some calculation problems, the teacher can help us to solve the problem easily . When I was a high school student, my calculation ability was very bad. Fortunately, my math teacher eliminated my blind point in my calculation, and made me had confidence in math. I always appreciate my math teacher, because she could foster my math ability.

Secondly, studying is not the most important thing for students, learning moral values are more important than studying. Some young people thought if they made a good grade they can do anything then. That was a wrong perception. Hence, school teachers should teach their students to have a positive value. Students must learn to be honest, sincere humble , respecful.At present society, many people only think how to earn more money and later on they became selfish and elegant. Judge people by their car and bank deposit is a horrible image on people

Lastly, not everyone can keep learning by themselves. The teacher can help us to keep focus on our studies, learning different course step by step in different approaches. Imaging a 10 years old kid study itself, how can he/she focus on his/her studies? He would be disturbed by TV and comic books. Finally, he/she cannot learn anything. Furthermore, parents have to support their family; they have no time to teach their children. Children go to school have to face peer pressure, which will let them keep moving on their academic.

In conclusion, I think only the minority of people can learn by themselves as they have a different ability / capacity of learning from others. Thus , I think it is better to have a teacher in our school life.

englishbaby.com/lessons/4617/member_submitted/toefl_writing_tips

Please visit the above link

My concern :

Express and support an opinion
Choose and defend a point of view
Compare and contrast a topic
Present an arguement
Persuade an audience

Regards

Writing Feedback / Both parents and teachers have to be careful about their attitude to the children - behavior issue [4]

Greetings !

Based on IELTS Band Scale , I would give you :

4 Limited User

[b]Basic competence is limited to familiar situations. Has frequent problems in using complex language. Ask yourself ?
Does the essay have a suitable structure?
Does it have an introduction, body and conclusion?
Does it include connective words to make the writing cohesive within sentences and paragraphs?
Does the essay use suitable grammar and vocabulary?
Does it include a variety of sentence structures?
Does it include a range of appropriate vocabulary?
Does the essay meet the requirements of the task?
Does it meet the word limit requirements?

Your essay outline is fantastic

scribd.com/doc/3049229/IELTS-ESSAY-WRITING ( please access this link)

Regards

Scholarship / "How a Scholarship Award Would assist me in Achieving my career goals at the ITT TECH [9]

Greetings !

To be frank, This is not a right way for you to write a scholarship essay. This is an immatured written work. Try to put yourself into reader's position. Lot of grammar errors and sentence fragment. Your essay about 280 words. 280 words you can write effectively and impress the readers. You didn't even convert your motive and objective. This is my genuine feedback and don't get me wrong.

scholarshiphelp.org/scholarship_essay.htm
home-family.1howto.com/EducationStudent/How-To-Write-the-Scholarship-Essay.html
savvy-african.com/How-to-Write-a-Scholarship-Essay.html

Please access the above link. You will get some ideas.

Good Luck.

Essays / How do I start an "A" essay on,"Is lying wrong or sometimes right." [8]

Greetings !

I would like to suggest you to read sample essays. There are many sample essays on google. Few essays not really related somehow it helps to start your essay.

First impressions are so important. You must write your introduction concisely. How many times have you heard that? It is true that the first impression,whether it's a first meeting with a person or the first sentence of a pape and sets the stage for a lasting opinion. The introductory paragraph of any paper, long or short, should start with a sentence that piques the interest of your readers. In a typical essay, that first sentence leads into two or three sentences that provide details about your subject or your process. All of these sentences build up to your thesis statement.

A good introduction:
indicates the topic that the essay is about
describes how the body of the essay is organized
explains the point of writing the essay;the point of writing an essay is usually to argue for a thesis, so you will need to explain what thesis you argue for and how you argue for it - this is called a thesis-statement, and most essay introductions include one.

google.com.my/#hl=en&source=hp&biw=1276&bih=823&q=How+to+wr ite+an+introduction+

Regards

Student Talk / Hunting for the New Party Theme [3]

Hai Kevin !

THx for the reply. Well , we are in Education prospect.

Writing Feedback / Success is the definition based on persistence as well as the desire of people [4]

Greetings !

My general comments :
-Hardly any mistakes in grammar (including spelling and punctuation)
-Effective use of varied sentence structures
-Good vocabulary, used expressively/precisely
-Good and relevant points
-Coherence in paragraphing
-Well organized points
-Essay is very interesting and shows originality

Regards

Undergraduate / An achievement: the best students in the class during all my school years [3]

I was always one of the best students in the class during all my school years. I had always the best marks and I had honor rewards. However during the secondary school year was a bit different. That year was the worst in my life.

I was always good in mathematics and physics. I love those subjects a lot and I worked hard in the class. That year my grades decreased considerably. It was something unusual for me and I did not concentrate on my studies.

I didn't know what happen to me. Failure was unacceptable to me because I have never faced it before. I had a little fear from failure and fear haunted me. My father noticed something wrong with me. He was worried about me. I told him about my grades and my fillings. He looked at me and said:" Son, life is nothing without failure. You can't be always number one. You should sometimes accept the deception and you should try to overcome them because the real success is to learn from our mistakes."

Those words have changed my vision in life, I passed in the exam that year. The year after, the baccalaureate year was the best school year ever. I have learned to face the obstacles and I started the New Year with the new leaf of life. My grades were the best in the class, especially in mathematics , physics and philosophy. Yes , I have a great interest in philosophy because I love the way philosopher thinks. That year I was determine to get my diploma with the highest score. I worked hard and prepared myself. I did revision ever day. I also got the notes from my friend who is older than me and that helped me for better notes. I practiced sports also because sports and studies fit together. I practiced jogging every day with my friends and I went to swimming pool three times a week. All my class mates and teachers noticed the difference of my grades and work between the two years. That was a great provision. All over the year I continued my work and my grades were higher and higher. And in June we have to pass the baccalaureate exam. I was a little nervous on the first day but after I read the first subject all my fear disappeared. The entire subjects were easy for me even the math test which was hard for the majority of the students. After three weeks the result were given; I had my baccalaureate with very good grade.

I was third in my high school and the first in the class. My school teachers, family and friends were very happy with my flying colours result. That was very fruitful and indeed towards my success. Thus I went out with my friends to celebrate the day with the utmost joy.

It was a meaningful achievement for me because I learned to face failure and to mistakes and learn by mistakes.

I have amended a little. These are my comments :

-Sometimes mistakes in grammar but language used is mainly accurate, Mistakes arise from more complex language use
-Some variety in sentence structure, However, generally repetitive sentences are found
-Mainly basic vocabulary. Errors in use of more ambitious vocabulary.
-Relevant points
-Some coherence in paragraphing
-Not very well organized points
-Essay is slightly interesting
-A competent writer
-Generally communicates effectively with reader, presents effectively
-Engages attention of the reader
-Very easy to read
-Existence of thesis statement and topic sentences

Regards

Graduate / State of Purpose for applying PhD in Epigenetics [4]

Greetings !

I have read your entire essay and well-expressed. Obviously can be seen how stern you are and have a solid intention why you want to pursue PhD. As a PhD student / applicant you need to talk more into how do you contribute if you PhD qualification to the employer, human being and how do you utilise the knowledge which you gain during your studies. And how your research would be benefited? This is my general point of view. Always put yourself into reader's position. If you could read again your essay and ponder. Im pretty sure you will get more ideas and will concise your ideas.

Regards

Grammar, Usage / Clarifications: 'I am at the level 4 (4th floor)' or 'I am on the 4th floor'? [12]

THX ..well I know the prepositions ...my students mix with American and British English. Our syllabus is british syllabus. Im not suprising.

I appreciate you.

Regards

Isai

Undergraduate / Theme for the Day for my college Nite. [7]

Thx Kevin.

Writing Feedback / America is so vast that almost everything said about it is likely to be true... [3]

Greeting!

I have read your essay. Lack of explanation. Try to drill into great depther.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL:Government should spend more on early education than on college education [4]

Greeting!

It is a solid piece of work. Hardly find mistakes. You have excellent points and your essay has flow : key idea-explanation-elobaration and evidence. Good introductionn as well as conclusion.

Essays / The motif of dreams vs. reality - writing a motif essay? [5]

Greetings!

Dear senior14!

Before start writing your essay, why don't you take a little initiative and effort to look at the sample essays. I'm pretty sure you will get some ideas rather depends on your teacher to give you A-Z. Being a lecture, I will assign the task and follow up with my students if the students move first. My humble request, pls don't ever disgrade our teachers or lecturers. We should always appreciate them. First of all you must really drill the story and look at characters.

Writing Feedback / Important factors to consider when choosing a university/college. [3]

Overall

Your essay is slightly interesting. Complex sentences n sentences vague. Search for sample essay. Good luck.

Book Reports / "The most dangerous game" - translate from Chinese to English. [6]

Greeting!

Dear Whitney!!

I have read your post. It was translated nicely. Just check your linking devices. Try to effective linking devices. Direct translation sometimes doesn't make sense. It is a great work.

Undergraduate / Theme for the Day for my college Nite. [7]

Tq neetha

Scholarship / Link my professional experience with my academic background (which area to go?) [3]

Greetings!

Dear Alma!

Those days, we could find a suitable job based on our professional qualifications n became an expert person. If you look at the current situation, any qualifications somehow suit for some professional jobs. You had a paper qualification to get a job, while working try to find a job based on your qualification. At least you have a job compare to others who are jobless. Just happy with what you are doing now and slowly find a job. As though your qualification and your current job does not related, fine learning something which you could explore. This my genuine conspectus as we are in the same boat. Enjoy working.

Essays / Writing a thesis statement for smoke ban help [5]

You may post it ...there are many over here , they may help you dear

Graduate / Kelly Direct MBA program: Personal Statement for MBA Application [7]

Greetings !

Those criteria also we use in our College. That is professional Development & Reasearch / Admission criteria. Generally criteria we can use for professional papers. You may find it on google.

I read your entire essay. Of course you met the requirement. As an MBA student / applicant you need to talk more into how do you contribute if you have MBA qualification to the employer , human being and how do you utilise the knowledge. If you are BOD , the person with MBA qualification applied for a job in your organisation, what is your expectation? Please think wisely... If I offer you an admission for MBA Program, you must be innovative and integerity. Express your innovation and integerity in your essay. I have many samples on MBA admission. All I collected from Google. Please access google for you to get more ideas. You are writing a supporting profile to get the admission. It must be truly express and impress. A person who has an MBA , a person can solve business problems. It could be any problems. Try to intregrate your current expreriance as well. Somehow it helps. Look at the global issues. Via MBA qualification , how do you able to solve? You need a specific knowledge for certain global issues. Be tactful and find an amicable solution. The same applications cannot be applied. Find a different tool to solve the problem. Am i right ? Correct me if i am wrong.

This is my general view. Please put your self into readers' position.

Regards

Book Reports / Literary Analysis of "A Family Supper" [4]

Greetings !

Very good work which is clearly written, well argued and covers the subject matter in athorough, thoughtful and competent manner.Contains some originality of approach, insight or synthesis.

Regards

Research Papers / Pharmaceutical companies conduct clinical trials in developing countries - topic? [4]

This is a good research topic.

Please follow this research proposal criteria :

Your paper must be outstanding work showing an excellent understanding of complex issues and methodologies at the forefront of the subject or professional practice; the work is informed by original, independent critical thinking and is based upon rigorous argument accurately supported by evidence derived from a wide range of source material including primary sources and current research; the work could not be bettered in the time available.

Regards

Writing Feedback / Ships Ahoy -- floundering marriages [25]

Greetings !

The essay displays understanding of the main issues. There may be some minor errors, omissions or poorly expressed ideas.

Regards

Writing Feedback / What are the purposes of places such as museums and how should they be funded?--IELTS [4]

Greetings !

Very good work which is clearly written, well argued and covers the subject matter in a
thorough, thoughtful and competent manner.

Regards

Graduate / Kelly Direct MBA program: Personal Statement for MBA Application [7]

Greetings !

The essay is poorly constructed, displaying flaws in understanding of some of the material. There are some omissions or inaccuracies. The essay may not be fully focused on the question asked.There may be a failure to address the question as asked but the essay does show some understanding of the topic or the question is addressed, at least in part, but there are serious errors and/or omissions that indicate poor understanding.The essay shows a clear lack of understanding with major errors and omissions. There is little attempt to address the question.No serious attempt has been made to answer the question asked.

You may express how do you utilise the MBA qualification to enhance your career prospect and how do you contribute to human beings in general or specefic. Introduction and conclusion must have topic sentence. There are many samples on google. You may access and read, thus you will get some ideas to attempt this work.

Regards

Essays / Writing a thesis statement for smoke ban help [5]

Greetings !

You may access on web pages ..there are a lot of sample essays and please read, thus

squidoo.com/ban_smoking
indiana.edu/~wts/pamphlets/thesis_statement.shtml ( How to write thesis statement?
hotessays.blogspot.com/2010/12/essay-on-banning-smoking-in-public.html
google.com/search?hl=en&q=banning+smoking+in+public+sample+essay

Hope it helps.

Write your thesis statement and post it , I would like to help you.

Regards

Undergraduate / Nursing: Admissions essay for prompt: why did you choose healthcare? [8]

Greetings !

The essay displays a sound understanding of the central issues and is well organised. The arguments are well constructed. The key points are addressed and there are no significant errors.

- Some variety in sentence structure
- Some width in vocabulary can convey shades of meaning
- Relevant points.
- Some coherence in paragraphing
- Points are organized in paragraphs
- Essay is interesting

Regards

Undergraduate / Essay on the importance of volunteering [3]

Greetings !

Adequate work that attempts to address the topic & demonstrates some understanding of the
basic aspects of the subject matter.

- A basic attempt to follow directions regarding organisation, structure, use & flow of language,
grammar and spelling.

Regards

Graduate / Statement of Purpose for MS in Computer Engineering in Embedded Systems [4]

Greetings !

A very good, well presented piece of work covering much of the subject matter and which is
clearly and lucidly written.

- Good attempt to consider and evaluate the issue presented.
- Good organisation, structure, use & flow of language, grammar and spelling.

Regards

Writing Feedback / Law need a flexiblity in approach considering the situation, place and time [4]

-Few mistakes in grammar, Mistakes arise from more unusual/complex language use
-Some variety in sentence structure
-Some width in vocabulary can convey shades of meaning
-Relevant points.
-Some coherence in paragraphing
-Points are organized in paragraphs
-Essay is interesting

Regards

Undergraduate / Work or travel for a year between high school and university? 'wise descision' [5]

Greetings !

The essay is poorly constructed, displaying flaws in understanding of some of the material. There are some omissions or inaccuracies. The essay may not be fully focused on the question asked.

Writing Feedback / Pets are part of family? Yes ; IELTS [5]

Greetings !

The essay attempts to address the question, but may not be focused and/or contains some significant factual or conceptual errors, indicating insufficient understanding to merit a pass. There may be major omissions.

There may be a failure to address the question as asked but the essay does show some understanding of the topic or the question is addressed, at least in part, but there are serious errors and/or omissions that indicate poor understanding.

The essay shows a clear lack of understanding with major errors and omissions. There is little attempt to address the question.

No serious attempt has been made to answer the question asked.

Regards

Writing Feedback / DIFFERENT SOURCES OF NOISE; IELTS [2]

Greetings !

In a nut shell=In a nutshell (one word)

- Few mistakes in grammar, Mistakes arise from more unusual/complex language use
- Some variety in sentence structure
- Some width in vocabulary can convey shades of meaning
- Relevant points.
- Some coherence in paragraphing
- Points are organized in paragraphs
- Essay is interesting

The essay displays a sound understanding of the central issues and is well organised. The arguments are well constructed. The key points are addressed and there are no significant errors.

Regards

Undergraduate / a significant choice that you had to make (deciding my major) - U of Massachusetts [3]

Greetings !

me conquer my academic and personal goal-conquer not a suitable word

As my transcript has shown, I am able to grow academically and I hope that your university is able to give me a chance to improve myself in your university-this sentence doesnt make any sense . You may say enhance my knowledge for a better prospect

From then on, I had realize that -try to use suitable linking devices

But-However I am about to explore a new world which is unfamiliar to me and, after my resolve, I am not afraid to take the next step and I hope your university will help me get through the hurdle that are ahead of me and help me make the University of Massachusetts, my new academic home.

Overall Comments :

The essay is poorly constructed, displaying flaws in understanding of some of the material. There are some omissions or inaccuracies. The essay may not be fully focused on the question asked.The essay attempts to address the question, but may not be focused and/or contains some significant factual or conceptual errors, indicating insufficient understanding to merit a pass.

-Sometimes mistakes in grammar but language used is mainly accurate, Mistakes arise from more complex language use
-Some variety in sentence structure, However, generally repetitive sentences are found
-Mainly basic vocabulary. Errors in use of more ambitious vocabulary.
-Relevant points
-Some coherence in paragraphing
-Not very well organized points
-Essay is slightly interesting

Thank you.