Undergraduate / ' The loss of Anoninmity' - An Issue of Importance to Me [3]

'Anonymity' is how this is spelled.

One thing that continues to shock me is our continuous loss of privacy; every day Two words here.--- a little more erodes and falls ...

No longer do we have the privacy to do our deepest thinking without the intrusion of someone or something. G eorge Orwell called the loss of our freedom to think privately "Thoughtcrime" in his novel "1984."

For most of my teenage life I have personally experienced just how intruded on, our privacy has become.

A program of that scale, quite frankly scares the daylights out of me, because I know that some day in the near future it will be impossible to be Anonymous.

I know it would be hard for me to live one day without my iPhone, even knowing that it tracks and stores my location whereabouts.

In the end, I know my information means nothing as long as I am...

Pretty thought provoking essay!

Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

Essays / How to write an exciting monologue [21]

Try googling this;

How to write effective monologues

I googled,'how to write a monologue', and found so much information. Good luck and have fun!

:)

Undergraduate / According to Henry David Thoreau, 'One is not born into the world to do everything' [2]

Although I did not invent any of these things, I can still impact the world in a different way, by giving underprivileged children the opportunities that I had.

They deserve not only an excellent education, but a wide choice of extracurricular activities, such as, ---No comma here.--- a variety of sports, music and art.

It is for these reasons that I believe the University of Maryland is best for me.

This is coming along great, but I think it would be even better, if you mention something at the end of the essay about what Thoreau said. That would tie it all up nicely. Good luck in school and have fun!

:)

Writing Feedback / 'Baby Tiger' - Analyzing an Advertisement [2]

As time goes on, the number of problems faced by conservationists continues to cultivate.---I could definitely be wrong, but 'cultivate' doesn't seem like it's the right word here.

...have become significant threats against our planet in recent years, driving protection societies to plead more desperately than ever for acknowledgement and support.---This is a great sentence!

The t iger population has been rapidly decreasing in recent years, falling as much as 97% in the past century.

Her slight crouch and intent focus on the leafy floor indicates that she's preparing to pounce at something,...

This puts emphasis upon the center of the image, where the girl stands;...

The presence of the girl, the target of a gun, already aims ---This, right after 'the target of a gun' seems a little bit like a pun...it seems out of place in so serious an essay. I might just be a little too picky, but it did catch my attention. :)

You're an interesting and very descriptive writer. I've enjoyed reading this. Good luck in school and have fun!

:)

Undergraduate / 'become a globally great engineer' - Why I want to study engineering and why at Duke [3]

Throughout my life I was always the girl who loved to do things that others my age hated.

For example, when I was younger I loved watching W heel of F ortune and WhoW ants to be a M illionaire.

Personally I could never see myself doing the same job every day---'Every' and 'day' are 2 words here--- for years and years.

With engineering there would be a new task every day and I could use my creativity and my knowledge to complete those tasks and solve problems.

Additionally, working in the engineering field would keep my mind sharp and me abreast of global issues.

Good essay! I think you use the word 'engineer' many many times, but other than that, it's fine. Good luck in school and have fun!

:)

Undergraduate / 'becoming a scientist' - UC Biology Major-TRANSFER PERSONAL STATEMENT [2]

He was my role model, one of the heroes of my childhood, and the noble traits he possessed are ones that I value dearly and strive to attain daily even now.

His life had been in the hands of the surgeons, which was a lot of pressure; I realized I wanted that pressure for myself and wanted my efforts to be a deciding factor in the life of a child.

Through middle school I lost that train of thought, and found I began to feel as if I was incapable of accomplishing that goal of mine.

...what I wanted to make out of my life and fought constantly with an amiss idea I could never reach that childhood goal. of mine.

After one semester of Biology and Chemistry courses, I realized my passion was with science and with people.

I think your essay is heart-felt and passionate...they'll be lucky to have you as a student. I'm so sorry for the loss of your brother, but I believe he's very proud of you. Good luck in school and have fun.

:)

Letters / Cover letter for a PhD position in astronomy [3]

My name is xxx, and I graduated with a Masters D egree in Astronomy and Astrophysics from the "xxx" University of xxx.

In this thesis I have performed X-ray spectral analysis for a number of high redshift objects, with the intent to study highly obscured (Compton Thick) Active Galactic Nuclei at cosmological distances.

This experience lead to me to learn about extreme astrophysical objects,...

During my academic career I have chosen to expand my knowledge and experiences through specific courses and laboratories, in order to ensure a wide basis of physical phenomena and theory, and also to go into depth on the matter of some specific subjects, such as modern astrophysical topics and practical ways to practice science in professional environment followed by authorities on art.

I am also interested in instruments developments, which is a fascinating and challenging field in modern astronomy.

To this end I have performed some internships in university...

I am attaching my curriculum vitae,and degree certificates, and transcripts.

Good luck in school and have fun! This sounds like a very exciting and rewarding field you've chosen!

:)

Scholarship / Help with finishing up a Scholarship Essay for the Cybersecurity Program [2]

During my senior year in high school, I made a promise to my dying grandfather, that I would forever try and make him proud by establishing our family name, Perez, so that people could always remember.

I made this promise at the time so that he would fight to live.

... all of my desires to help others in sharing my creative vision, to continually expand my knowledge and skills, but also to keep my promise to my grandfather.

...I can establish new accomplishments and challenges that will showcase my abilities and eagerness to learn the skills needed and work toward advancing my career and my life.

This will allow me to protect and serve the US and its residents , in a different manner outside of the military.

In my current career, I have gained many strengths that have helped me become a leader.

Being in film for a few years has helped me organize my experiences in the community for the purposes of both engagement and reflection, and socially navigate among diverse personalities and power differences.---I have to stop here to say what an excellent writer you are, and that I sure think you're going into the right profession, as you have a good and interesting way of getting your point across.

Your essay is excellent. They'll be lucky to have you as a student.
Good luck in school and have fun!

:)

Undergraduate / 'a positive change in this world' - Colorado/philosophy common app [3]

I just had to read your first paragraph twice, as you're an excellent writer, very descriptive and colorful. What a breath of fresh air, so to speak, reading these college essays all day. Thank you!

It was our last night, and everyone else had already given a lesson in the preceding weeks;...

... I could not decide/figure out (?) what I liked best, what I was most passionate about.

The English class I took during my junior year was really more of a philosophy class, and I fell in love with the subject.

As I move through life, I hope to continue to ad venture beyond the ordinary, to grow intellectually and to help others to grow with me-...

Your essay is so great, and I wish there were more people in the world like you. I'm sure the world would be a much better place for it. Have you read The Prophet, by Khalil Gibran? I think you'd love it. Good luck in school and have fun.

:)

Scholarship / Fellowship essay (Mechanical engineering) - KAUST [2]

These, among other things, stimulated my desire to pursue mechanical engineering for my undergraduate studies.

Aside from the alluring nature of this topic, the emissions generated during its operation posea major threat to the environment and this impact is felt throughout the globe in the way of depleting the ozone layer and creating unsafe pollution.

This innovation will help reduce further depletion of the ozone layer, hence curbing the ailments that arise from the ultraviolent rays emitted by the sun, and it will also improve the productivity of most developing countries that depend on power generating plants for energy generation through minimal consumption of fuel, thus ameliorating the economy of such countries. ---This sentence is very long and a little bit confusing.

King Abdullah U niversity of Science and Technology is among one of the institutions that encourages advanced research in combating challenges which have global impact.

:)

Undergraduate / 'Olympic Weightlifting' - Stanford Common App Extracurricular Elaborated [2]

At the coercion of my PE teacher, I started Olympic Weightlifting during my freshmen year.

I found lifting empowering, and the seniors in the weight room were kind as well as motivating.

Weightlifting has made me more confident by strengthening my belief in myself and in my body.

Where it says,...'medaling at two of them'...should this say, 'winning medals at two of them? It doesn't sound right the other way, but as I don't lift weights, I'm not sure. But I don't think 'medaling' is actually a word. This is really cool though, that you are involved in this!

:)

Undergraduate / 'wanted to be a mechanical engineer' - Stanford - Intellectual Vitality [2]

At age 11, I was given a drawing table just so I could sketch and design vehicles that l liked, as well as abstract cars.

Here, I was able to see and analyze the specifications of each vehicle and see what made each car unique.

During June 2011, I attended a program called Operation Catapult, at Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology.

I am highly grateful for the opportunity of attending this program, for my experience was one I could take and utilize towards my goal and throughout my life.

It gave me the chance to collaborate with fellow engineers and to be hands-on and interactive with my project; an opportunity I would never have thought of having.

I was curious as to what I could do in order to make a transition from the use of gas in vehicles to alternative fuels such as algae.

Engineering is like a jigsaw puzzle where I have to try multiple pieces multiple ways until that unified, cohesive picture comes together.---Great sentence!

This is a well written and well thought out essay. Good luck in school and have fun!

:)

Undergraduate / Earthworms may not have a heart, but I do - Cornell Common App Supplement [2]

Whenever I hear facts, my brain automatically stores them, filling it with piles of information, whether they be merely entertaining, or have a more intellectual use.

Throughout my schooling, my science classes were the classes I've enjoyed the most.

As I learned more and more about Biology, my interests started honing in on particular topics.

Although I knew I loved science, I didn't know exactly what I wanted to major in.

... curiosities, discover new ambitions, and gain the knowledge I need to achieve my ideal career as a Neuroscientist by allowing me to access top-notch classes taught by renowned professors.

Good luck in school and have fun!

:)

Undergraduate / 'The beauty as represented by society' - UNC-W National Concern [2]

This warped perception of what a beautiful person is , does not stop with the media, it is also brought into school.

I feel that a huge segment of America's population has been brainwashed into believing that they are not attractive if they do not have the same characteristics as the heavily retouched images of celebrities in magazines, and this is a growing problem.

Regular people are exposed to this behavior every day ---Every day is two words here.--- by the fashion industry; especially high fashion models on the runway.

Eating disorders are also common among male models who are under the same pressure to be thin.

Lastly , society's beauty standards are affecting the way an immeasurable number of individuals display themselves.

I witness this behavior every day , with males making cruel remarks to girls because of the way they look and females who are embarrassed to go out in public wearing no make-up.

You've made some very good points! This is coming along fine. Good luck in school and have fun!

:)

Undergraduate / Korean Culture - about extracurricular activity [3]

Living in a foreign culture has been an amazing experience and I've always wanted to introduce my own culture to other people.

We had many meetings to plan, ideas to share, raise money and build the event.

Working with my team instilled in me what team work was.

People came for free food but they also wanted to know more about our food and culture.

:)

Undergraduate / 'An airbase in Madrid' perspective of 3 cultures will you contribute to life at Rice [2]

That experience widened my broadened my perspective on faith as well as developed my perspective on culture.

... karaoke nights and a never-ending supply of Pancet, Lumpia, and other foods that every Filipino is familiar with.

I have a culture and a religion of my own, and I have never let that stop me from respecting those of others.

I have worked hard my whole life and am so grateful that I have, because my hard work has given me the opportunity to apply to Rice.

This is great! Good luck in school and have fun!

:)

Graduate / 'inspiring soul, keen observation, and welcome personality' -SOP for Computer Science [2]

Experiences above are all persuasive proofs of my theoretical groundwork which could aid me in pursuing either practice of industry or more in-depth theory in MA program.

Despite the success of my systems, there are still many possible aspects which can be improved.

During the forth month of my career, I was transferred to the Operation Support System (OSS) project team in Suzhou, Jiangsu Province to work as Party A's personnel.

Their solutions to the SOA for China Telecom Jiangsu Branch overcame the complex production processes within the enterprise by properly abstracting the provision nodes and business scenes illustrated by their strong background in theoretical analysis.

They'll be lucky to have you as a student!
Good luck in school and have fun!

:)

Undergraduate / 'This multifarious culture' How will your culture and religion contribute to Rutgers? [5]

The variety of ethnicities not only creates a rich learning environment,much better but it also helps individuals like me interact with others with grace and empathy.---Nicely said!

Throughout high school during my years in Pakistan and in the United States, I've always embraced my Pakistani heritage .

I did not have any trouble grasping the basic morals and ethics my religon teaches, and to this day I work hard and I am a vigorous member of the Muslim community.

Throughout this experience, I tried not to get my ego get the best of me, and I will always listen to the wise teachers.

My understanding of the Pakistani culture, religion, ethics, and arts would be a outstanding addition to the Rutgers community.

This is excellent! Good luck in school and have fun!!

:)

Undergraduate / 'After that surgery' - VCU autobiography essay [2]

My heart raced as the new heart finally came in.

I was in the middle of my first heart transplant and the donor heart seemed to take forever to arrive .

Finally it was ready, resting in an ice cold saline bath above the patient's empty chest.

I could feel the heart warming up, but I knew I was running out of time.

This is excellent! Good luck in school and have fun! I hope all your dreams and aspirations come true!

:)

Undergraduate / 'I volunteered in a Christian Church' - Temple Application :: Personal Experience [2]

... I was afraid to adapt to new conditions in an unfamiliar city, as it was very difficult to leave everything in Hong Kong behind.

On July 20, 2008 was the start of my "second life".

I had no connections in the United State except my family, and everything around me was strange.

I have a hard time to adapting and I missed my hometown and relatives.

I didn't want to socialize with people because and I was also afraid to speak an unfamiliar language to others.---Well you sure picked it up fast, as your English is pretty much perfect!

Being an immigrant, I had to learn English at an incredibly fast rate to approach academic level and communicate with others.

...English skills step-by-step by communicating with my friends and asking my teacher for guidance.

During the past school years, I had presented many projects and I realized that I was not nervous or scared anymore and my friends were cheering for me after I finished my presentation.

Last year, I volunteered at a Christian Church, and met an accountant who had also emigrated from China to the United States.

This is excellent! Good luck in school and have fun!

:)

Undergraduate / Skiing Essay - Topic of Choice for Common App? [2]

It's these feelings that wake me up in the early hours of the morning and push me up to the mountain, no matter how dreary the weather and no matter how bad the conditions.

I had thought of it as torture, what my parents used to do to me, trying to teach me to ski.

I never believed that repeatedly tumbling down a hill and suffering at the bottom, ice cold and shaking, could ever lead up to becoming one of the most important aspects of my life.

As soon as I learned how to keep my feet underneath me, the slippery and torturous slope was transformed into a comforting place, a soft white home away from home, and that feeling hasn't changed for fifteen years.

Your essay is great, and also, you're an excellent writer! Good luck in school and have fun! During my first time skiing, I hit a tree going backwards, losing a ski and some pride, but it sure is a lot of fun now!

:)

Undergraduate / 'Baby, baby, baby' - Essay on self confidence - CommonApp [7]

Aren't guys who like Justin Bieber "gay" or weird? and who sings outside the shower?

...assemblies in front of my large high school, football gave me the chance through hard work and determination to become a better person and a more well-rounded individual, as I developed self-confidence.

After a year and a half of work, I could sell a popsicle stick to a cat.---This is awesome! My grandfather would say, he could 'talk a bulldog out of a bone'!

It has taken me all of my three years here, but I would say with the utmost confidence that I am confident.---Funny!

This is awesome, it shows you're intelligent, well spoken, and unique! Have you seen Napolian Dynamite? Your essay reminds me of that movie. Good luck in school and have fun!

:)

Undergraduate / 'Business Management/Administration program I am looking for' - reasons for transfer [2]

I was not quite sure what I planned to study at that point,in time and I also knew that I needed to be able to work as many hours per week as possible to save up for my college education.

I've learnedcome to find out that I'm often one of the most motivated people in the room and that this affects each individual I work with in a positive manner.

I have also learned that there isn't an environment that I work poorly in, though I tend to shine brightly in moments with high demands.

All of these opportunities have driven me to apply at a four year institution which I believe has the Business Management/Administration program I am looking for.

...I would like to work as an executive director for a non-profit organization, particularly in the realm of performing and media arts.

Good luck in school and have fun!

:)

Undergraduate / '..until I graduated secondary school in Canada' - reason for transferring [2]

I was without any ambition or objective in life until I graduated secondary school in Canada.

So I went back to Korea to find out myself, my dream and future.

Especially I had an especially unforgettable time while learning English interpretation.

It was an extremely harsh situation for many students.

I need to improve my social skills such as leadership, responsibility and the spirit of team work.

Transferring to a university is an essential step towards my goal.

Not many selections are available because there are not many instructors.

As I wanted to widen my knowledge, reading books has been a preferable way of doing it.

I enjoy participating and working together in extracurricular activities.

Being with students with a strong will to achieve their goals would provide a good environment in which to study.

Excellent! Also, nice ending. Maybe you should write something about what it is you want to study, and why the university you're applying to would be the perfect place to achieve your goals. Good luck and have fun!

:)

Essays / Need help with Division/Classification essay discussing Types of sleepers [3]

You can have a lot of fun with this, as some people walk in their sleep, some talk or grind their teeth. Some people move around all night and hog the blankets, while others kick them off in their sleep. Some wake at the sound of a pin drop, while others are so hard to wake up, that an explosion might not wake them. Start with what kind of sleeper you are, then make something up about a brother or sister...make it funny!

:)

Letters / motivation letter for the field of : International Sports sceinces [2]

Sports has always been my most favorate field and I am now determined to consider sports academically and experience new events in this respect and be a part of university activities to show my creativity in the practical situations.

My bachelor's Degree in English Language Translation has provided me with the ability to searching up to date information regarding coaching, lifeguard and fitness assessment.

My volunteer background has included learning how to save people's lives in a time of danger.

In Addition to my mentioned capabilities, I am attending in Aerobics classes.

Furthermore, I have passed a training course as an employee in a travel agency confirmed...

After having knownlearning about the course structure and visiting the campus...

:)

Undergraduate / 'foolish it was of myself to be afraid' - UC essay, thoughts? [2]

Looking back upon it now, I realize how foolish it was of myself to be afraid.

My fear was uncalculating and impractical, a small gnat hovering ceaselessly, restlessly, all the time buzzing a dull drone in my ear.---This is great writing!

The roots of my fear spread their curling tendrils, smiling a devilish...

It brought me closer to a person I never got the chance to know, changing who I am, and who I hope to become , in the most intimate of ways.

I admire her traits, hearing about them from my parents, however, having the chance to relate that old photograph,...

Her selflessness to those around her, her compassion, and generosity, inspire me daily to become a better person.

Your essay is very well written and also a wonderful tribute to your grandmother!
Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

Graduate / 'being Medical Director of a Cancer Hospital' - Review on essay for Executive MBA [2]

Essay:In 1999 I did my post graduation in Radiation Oncology, which is a sub-speciality of oncology dealing with Ionizing radiation in the treatment of cancer.

This is not the thing that I learned to get the degree but it is used on a day-to-day basis for treatment time and dose calculations to date.

I have to keep myself updated on recent changes in the field of oncology which includes detailed study of medical journals and recent editions of textbooks.

This is the routine I have been following for last so many years.

Apart from Medical books, I read about my hobbies like Aqua-gardening and Photography.

To date, I can't understand why to be scared of examination or assessment, if you know the subject you are bound to do well.

I am sure that learning new things will be difficult, but at the same time it would be interesting to know new things.

I have been an active and enthusiastic person to date.

Reading comes naturally to me and after being in this profession for about 20 years with 10 years of formal training period, it has become a second nature.

The last decade saw me being Medical Director of a Cancer Hospital, ...

:)

Undergraduate / 'to spend most of my time in WIUT library Coursework ACTION PLAN-Personal development [4]

For example, I have learned decision makingdecisions from various situations and know how to care for others, just when I got the meaning of the word "friendship".

Moreover, I have experienced inteamwork , from playing football and computer games.

In the past I got used to playing on computers a lot and now I became familiar with technology and it is very easy for me to understand ICT in our university.

Secondly, organizing work to meet deadlines, particularly going to school lessons or getting to different parties on time.

Thirdly , design creativity, by drawing pictures of different things.

We have a discussion room in the library and I am sure that by sharing ideas and discussing any topics with my group mates helps me to improve my speaking.

It is the best way to evaluate yourself, by asking from your friends or other people who knows you well and when you have finished something you feel confident.

Good luck in school and have fun!!

:)

Writing Feedback / IELTS (four charts show the death reasons of registered Indians and total population) [2]

These pie charts represent the main causes of death (Injuries, Circulatory, Cancers, Respiratory, Infectious and Others) for registered Indians and total population in 1992.

As the registered Indian's pie charts illustrate, Injuries Circulatory and Others were the three major death causes for both males and females , which accounted for over 50% of the mortality; while Infectious disease was the reason that caused the least deaths , at only 2%.

It is obviouslyto notice that Circulatory possessed the highest death rates of the Total Population, which was 36% for male and 48% for women and Cancer was the second highest, accounted 29% for male 32% and for female. It was also worth mentioning that Infectious disease was still the factor which brought the least casualties .---You already said this last part!

Good luck in school and have fun!

:)

In summary, Circulatory was the most common; while Infectious was the least common fatal factor for the Indians in 1992

Undergraduate / 'THE CLUCK-IT LIST' - U-Chicago - Something You Found When You Weren't Looking For It [2]

The nonsensical name aptly described the list: irrational-senseless at best. From visiting a cemetery at midnight with a Ouija Board---I changed the 'an' to 'a', because the Ouija Board starts with a 'w' sound, so I thought it would be better.

Thirty Xs and ninety ---I don't think this can be ninety months, as you'd have been way past high school!

But with us, sat several new faces.

This is hard to figure out...what was it that you found? What did you do with the theater clothes? What is the 'Cluck it list? I'm intrigued!

:)

Undergraduate / "Academic and social/educational connections reasons" - Transfer CommonApp Essay [2]

Sometimes students like myself may make the wrong choices when it comes to college decisions, and we are left with no room to grow, no connections being made, and a dissatisfying education.

My admission into college was unlike that of many other students.

I had hopes and aspirations of attending an esteemed university where I could challenge myself,...

I have met with numerous professors, counselors, and upperclassmen, as well as having done a tremendous amount of research on what ...

With insight on the professors and their backgrounds that teach at Bard, as well as the various seminars offered within the Philosophy program, I see a perfect fit with your school.

With my interest in the artistic and intellectual L iberal A rts program of study that Bard offers, as well as my...

ThroughMy transcripts and referrals, it will go to show that I have done exceedingly well when it comes to my studies, and I take my education very seriously.

:)

Writing Feedback / CLEP 30 min. Practice Essay: Colleges need to have a mandatory core curriculum... [3]

Core curriculum classes include fundamental skills like mathematics, E nglish composition and literature.

The basic skills learned in these courses become building blocks for the achieving higher levels of knowledge in all of the courses that follow.

Most importantly, higher level classes in most all disciplines require the writing of research papers and essays, to prove a that students have a firm grasp of the concepts they have been given to learn.

Students may argue that, because they are taking intending carreers in the liberal arts, that they should not have to take mathematics courses.

... of math during the course of their careers and certainly it will come into play as a method of presenting data in their writing.

Alternatively, those pursuing careers centered in technical fields will assuredly need writing skills...

This is actually great, you sure did a lot with your half hour!

:)

Undergraduate / "Barbie Dolls and our youngest generation"- Common App Prompt 2 [2]

Their plastic teeth glittered with superficiality .---I love this!

My day of babysitting did not only consisted of playing Barbies; I did the girls' makeup and hair, painted their nails, and finished the day with a game of dress up.

On some level, I felt like I was reinforcing the stereotype of women as shallow, and breeding them to be eye candy.

I did my best to keep the girls pleased, while at the same time, staying true to my own set of values.

I felt an overwhelming urge to erase all gender stereotypes and preconceived notions of what girls "should be" and what they "should look like", but I had to acknowledge the factthat my role was to babysit these girls, not baptize them.

...heard used by various feminist groups, because they would also be pretty intelligent, p retty resourceful, and pretty caring.

I smiled as I put the Barbie Dolls back into the chest and reached for the bookshelf.

I agree with you 100%! This is very well written.

:)

Writing Feedback / The role of parents in school: students to study more and be responsible [6]

Well, what do you think of as 'the role of being a parent'? Figure out your opinion on this, then write it in one sentence. This will be the first sentence of your paragraph. Next, use the rest of the paragraph to explain yourself about it. This should be an easy essay to write, because the roles of being a parent are many, so you should not get stuck trying to think of some. Once you get started, or get a rough draft, send it back through here, and we'll have a look at it to help you.

:)

Graduate / 'a privilege and an honor' - MS: Nurse Practitioner Entrance Essay [2]

Growing up on the rocky, briny coast taught that lobster shells must be cracked, fiddleheads must be plucked from their bristly nests in the cold spring earth, and blueberries are easier...

Becoming a Nurse Practitioner through USM's options program will also prove challenging and intense, yet with the lifelong reward of a career that has meaning and value to me.

As someone who is driven to manage and multitask, I am drawn to the autonomy and independence that a nurse practitioner is granted.

A patient is a multifaceted person who has unique needs.

It is a field I have a strong educational background in (Women's Studies at American University), as well as currently working as a clinical administrator.

Your essay is pretty much perfect. It's well thought out and set up, personal and interesting. I can't think of anything to change, it's great.

Good luck with school!

:)

Writing Feedback / Compare/ Contrast: Intellectual vs. Ideological in the new age. [3]

Ideologies confine, while rational analysis of genuine data liberates.

Nobody is smarter than you, and even if they are, what good is a third party perception for more than just a basis of a inquiry?

Everyone makes a mistake or misunderstands and then learns from evaluation, as this is the foundation of progress.

...third party interjections must be authenticated with first hand interaction with the subject of interest.

At the time thatWhen an individual makes a decision influenced by an ideology of indirect conclusion, he is susceptible to an unseen agenda.

When a belief is held and found to be false, the next proactive step is to reevaluate the context of the misinformation and blow the whistle; rectify truth.

You are an amazing writer! This is so well thought out and set up, that it looks more like a professor wrote it than a student. You have a great way with words and an interesting writing style. Thanks for breaking up my day with something great! Good luck in school and have fun!

:)

Undergraduate / "Behave, believe, and live like a true American"; An Educational Prison/ COMMON APP [2]

I was whisked away to the land of opportunity when I was 10, an age defined by an unquenchable desire for knowledge, as well as an obsession with fitting in.

Even though we were poor, my mom worked tirelessly, ten hours a day, to support her only child.

She never cracked under the weight of all the responsibilities on her shoulders .

... decided to apply to an American university in 2008 to further pursue her education in her quest to conquer all things American.

...financial stability, and the comfort and happiness of her day to day life, to give me and opportunity to put all my dreams into motion, carpe diem, or in my case, захватить день.---I love this! You are an excellent writer.

She forged the path for me and demonstrated the rewards of hard work, and with that, she is the sole person who has truly influenced me.

I don't want to waste my life away, but to educate myself so that one day, my own child will look up to me...

Your essay is very well written, heart-felt and interesting. Also, it's a great tribute to your mom. Good luck in school and have fun!

:)

Book Reports / "Our Sprawling, Supersize Utopia" Neighborhood Community (how to answer?) [3]

You have to write the essay first, then send it here for an edit. Do you believe in what David Brooks says about the American Dream? You might find this link helpful: writework.com/essay/contradictions-and-similaraties... or this one; colormeimpressed.blogspot.com/2004/05/someone-give-me-f...

:)

Undergraduate / UVA: One Hundred Years of Solitude and The Five People You meet in heaven [2]

After reading the book, I sought a proof by approaching others: I could conquer loneliness and live a loving life.

I saw many dear faces that I had not seen in years, and I went on family trips that I used to cancel because of heavy school work.

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Having to say goodbye to people and places so often, I feared that my life would look like a bunch of fragments, each looking so beautiful and unique, but making no sense when put together.

But after he died in an attempt to save a child about to die on a broken ride, Eddie met five people that have affected his life fundamentally.

... maintenance job: keeping the visitors safe at Ruby Pier.

Having understood that he played crucial roles in the lives of others and has lived a worthy life, Eddie finds his own...

Now I'm going to have to read this book, (5 People). Here is all I could find to edit, though one or two were only suggestion. Well written! Have fun in school!

:)