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Posts by EF_Team5
Joined: Apr 22, 2008
Last Post: Nov 27, 2008
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Posts: 1583  
From: USA

Displayed posts: 1583 / page 32 of 40
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EF_Team5   
Aug 11, 2008
Writing Feedback / "The Waste Land" as a Manifestation of Dream Content [4]

You have good content here and you use good examples to support your theories. Make sure you are properly citing everything that you use to substantiate. Also, watch the excessive comma and semi-colon use. Each time you use punctuation, make sure it is appropriate.
EF_Team5   
Aug 11, 2008
Undergraduate / Do you think that you are going to be successful business in the future? [2]

You meaning was not clear at many points in this essay, so if my corrections are not what you meant, please clarify them. Watch your incorrect/inappropriate punctuation and random capitalization. You should expand more on why you think you will be a successful businessperson, since that is the prompt.
EF_Team5   
Aug 11, 2008
Undergraduate / 'Healthcare Documentation Integrity' - essay for admission into an Art School [9]

Watch your inappropriate/incorrect use of commas as well as random capitalization. Since you have to explain how the school will help you attain your goals you should probably say something about those goals in this essay. What are you going to do with your degree once you have it? Your inclusion of a brief synopsis of your experience is good. Needs a little work, but once it's ready this will be a great short essay.
EF_Team5   
Aug 10, 2008
Writing Feedback / Opposition to new ideas - Taking a position in a timed essay [3]

Did you choose the topic or was it assigned? As far as a scale, I think as it sits now I would probably give it a five. If you are supposed to be writing an opinionated essay and taking a position about something, you need to do that. This essay is very vague and probably too short; you have many opportunitites to expand with examples and details, but you do not take them. Your topic to answer the prompt (if it is a prompt) is probably up to you choosing, unless you have been instructed otherwise. No matter what topic you choose, you need to thoroughly defend or at least make clear what your position is. I am not really sure without examples of how he has done so, what Obama has to do with presenting new ideas. I suggest if you want to keep him as your subject, you choose a new idea that you think he has presented clearly which you can use to illustrate your opinion and show your reader how he has met the criteria from the prompt.

"First, clarity is a very basic component in presenting an idea, without which people will not understand the idea at all. In Currently , we have seen how Barack Obama proved this fact by winning support of many people who would not have supported him otherwise. This has happened because of the clarity in his ideas and message. (Example? You could expand quite a bit here.)

Then, detailsmake people feel comfortable with a new idea. Without enough details offered (Remove comma) lots of questions can be raised and possibly go unanswered. We have also seen how many people also raised doubts about his ideas for this very reason. (How?)

Finally, t he new idea will most likely be supported by people if it serves public interest directly. If somehow they feel that the presenter of the idea is only working for his or her personal interest, it would be fair for them to oppose it. We have seen in this case too in that Obama's ideas are favoured as those which are serving public interest directly. (According to who? I doubt everyone thinks his ideas will serve the public's interest. If this is your belief and your position, you need to claim it.)

Properly presenting an idea with all the important components in place is a must in order to achieve people' s support. Even an established idea may not get through if not presented properly."
EF_Team5   
Aug 10, 2008
Undergraduate / 'medicine and future hard work' - essay (with star wars), applying to pre-med [9]

Good morning.

If it's not pertinent to the rest of the essay and not necessary to mention in the essay, then you can go ahead and remove it; otherwise, it is confusing to your reader.

I would also suggest that you somehow tie in Atticus and Lecter to Skywalker because it almost seems like you are writing two essays here. Perhaps instead you could spend more time explaining Skywalker's traits and relating them to your life, or contrast all three characters more thoroughly throughout the whole essay. It's almost as if there is a clear definitive line dividing the text into two parts.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
EF_Team5   
Aug 10, 2008
Book Reports / The problematic and the title in the The Grapes of Wrath [19]

Good morning.

How long does your essay need to be? You can begin with choosing the most obvious examples to analyze, and that may be the easiest way to get started with your essay. Once you begin, you may find that there are more obvious instances than you originally thought, thus making the essay easier. What is the first example you think you could use?

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
EF_Team5   
Aug 9, 2008
Writing Feedback / Paragraph about School and Writing [4]

Nice work. Some mechanical errors, but you've got a good opening statement here. When you finish the second paragraph, go ahead and post it and we can work on that as well.
EF_Team5   
Aug 7, 2008
Undergraduate / 'My popularity' - college experience, your contribution UF admission essay [5]

It does; it's a bit abstract, but the attention shouldn't be on the party; it should be on your thoughts and feelings after the fact. You could remove the whole second and third paragraph, condense them into one that lets the reader know you were throwing a party, and then spend the rest of your time focusing on your realization of responsibility and maturity, which should really be the focus of the paper. As it is, the focus is more on your popularity, the party, and whether or not you would get caught. The more focused you can stay to the point of your essay the better.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
EF_Team5   
Aug 6, 2008
Undergraduate / HELPING OTHERS; Past and future goals and decisions [3]

Your content is good, but your mechanics need a little work. Remember that whenever you are referring to yourself the "I" is always capitalized, whether it is at the beginning of a sentence or not. Also just check your spelling and make sure you do not use casual contractions such as "can't" and "won't" in academic writing; always use the full word (i.e. "cannot," "would not"). Keep up all of your hard work and you will be very successful in school.
EF_Team5   
Aug 6, 2008
Undergraduate / Coach David glanced at me; Person who had a significant influence on me [3]

This is much better. There are more details and it flows more fluidly.

"At the beginning of the next season, I wondered why Coach David was not teaching our group and was told he left for personal reasons. He kept our team together through the whole season and built a swimming powerhouse. His enthusiasm for swimming continued to affect our team that set loftier goals after a small taste of success. His "do all that you can" attitude pushed me and my teammates to work harder and reach for more ambitious goals. Thanks to Coach David's legacy, our team finished at the top of the Gold Coast team standings and stayed there for four years. Coach David's absence deeply saddened me because I did not realize how much he helped me until he was gone. He was an inspiring leader and a hardworking swim coach that put his swimmers first."

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
EF_Team5   
Aug 6, 2008
Undergraduate / "Yes, Your Honor" - College Essay for Common Application [8]

What did they say was wrong with it? Since I'm not sure what the prompt or guidelines are, I'm not really sure what else you could do with the piece.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
EF_Team5   
Aug 3, 2008
Undergraduate / Admission Essay question, usage of "Vires, Artes, Mores" [4]

Good morning.

Well, which characteristics would you like to discuss? You can talk about your physical and intellectual strengths (vires), you can write about the specific area of study you want to be a part of (skill/craft), or some customs/traditions of the school you look forward to taking part in. Is there a specific skill or trade you are already versed in? What character traits have you shown in your life up to this point? How are these things important to you? I hope this helps clarify the prompt a bit.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
EF_Team5   
Aug 3, 2008
Grammar, Usage / Is the word "so" informal? [4]

It really depends on its usage. Depending on what the statement is, "as a result" or "henceforth" are suitable synonyms.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
EF_Team5   
Aug 2, 2008
Writing Feedback / NATURE Vs NURTURE ; 'nurture' is a more significant factor [2]

You make some pretty substantial assertions here, but you have no sources to support them. When you make statements such as these you need to supply where you got that information, proving your statements are sound; otherwise, they are difficult to take seriously.
EF_Team5   
Aug 2, 2008
Dissertations / marketing dissertation - consumer behavior [2]

Good morning.

What types of topics have you studied during your master's courses? Is there a specific course or a paper that you did during this stage of your academic career that you could start from and expand on?

I am not sure if there are paid services available for your needs; you could conduct an internet search looking for "paid consulting services" and "masters dissertation" could be useful.

Thank you for the compliment; we try to do our best!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
EF_Team5   
Aug 1, 2008
Undergraduate / 'helping Grandpa Bernie' - event, experience, accomplishment in life - UF [2]

Good morning.

Your essay is very moving. You are very descriptive, but not overwhelmingly so. It is relevant and stays focused on the question at hand.
In the short time I have been familiar with you and your writing it is immediately obvious to me that it is partly (whether it is a large part or a small part is up to you) due to this man that you have chosen to pursue a career in engineering at UCF. Perhaps you can expand a pinch on this, as this is a way in which he had impacted you in the direction towards the field of study which you will be pursuing at their university.

I believe that expansion on this in addition to what you already have would be beneficial to your overall essay.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
EF_Team5   
Jul 31, 2008
Grammar, Usage / Proper comma usage in English language [8]

Good evening.

"I like dogs, and if you like dogs, I like you too."

Would be correct.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
EF_Team5   
Jul 31, 2008
Essays / Spring and Fall weather season - comparison essay [5]

Good job! Your essay is very descriptive. I too am a fall-lover, so reading your essay made me feel really good. Your word choice has improved in this essay; you chose some very bold and intense words to describe your feelings and memories. Nice work!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
EF_Team5   
Jul 31, 2008
Writing Feedback / Is there a point where success can be harmful, and even disastrous? -sat essay... [2]

Nice job. A couple of mechanical errors, nothing very extensive. What you can work on is expanding your examples. You have some great analysis and some complex thoughts, only you do not follow them through. This has the potential to be a very powerful expository essay, so make sure you are very complete.
EF_Team5   
Jul 31, 2008
Research Papers / RESEARCH PAPER GLOBAL WARMING [5]

This is an excellent outline! A great start! An outline is just a little more than note-taking, so complete sentences are not necessary (unless you are having to turn the outline in for a grade). Once you get the facts and details filled in during your writing, along with your research, I bet you'll have six pages, or at least really close.

Once you get your rough draft finished, you can post it here and I can help with that too.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
EF_Team5   
Jul 31, 2008
Faq, Help / Why is my topic / thread deleted? [78]

Good morning.

Where were they posted? Did you post them under another name? Under your current posting name it shows you have only made this single post. What was the title of your post or the content?

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
EF_Team5   
Jul 30, 2008
Essays / Help with an Argument/research essay about "Animals in research" [9]

Good evening.

It sounds like you have a pretty one-sided argument, therefore pros and cons could prove difficult. I suggest you begin with an outline. Write down all of the things that you want to include in the essay for sure; these will be your main topics. For instance, why do you believe this? What types of circumstances would merit the experiementation with animals? Is there any research out there that you can look into in regards to what kind of research animals are currently used in? Can you evaluate the merits of that research and relate it to your opinion? What are the requirements from your instructor in regards to the content of the essay?

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
EF_Team5   
Jul 30, 2008
Writing Feedback / 'more sad memories than happy ones' - My childhood experience and its effects. [3]

I sometimes wish that I could feel the other way around.
Among my childhood memories I remember the experience of my father helping me on my math problems when I was nine years old the most. That experience has e ffected my relationship with my parents negatively and taught me to be a better parent.

To overcome the math difficulties , I asked my father for help one night. The experience that I went through while getting help from him was the worst one in my childhood.

My father and I spent three hours together that night (Remove comma) and that was the longest three hours I had ever experienced in life.

I, of course, got countless numbers of whips, especially at the beginning because I did not know how to solve them.
(The fluidity of these two paragraphs is such that they should be connected.)
That experience has e ffected the way I feel about my parents. I was not close to my parents before (Remove comma) and that experience deteriorated our relationship further. That experience also e ffects the way I raise my children today.

So, were your experiences and your relationship with your parents (such as it is/was) a positive influence on you? You could expound a little here.)

Nice work. Again, nice flow, a few mechanical errors, but nothing major. Good organization, good content. I am sorry that this has happened to you, but it sounds like you came out of it a stronger, more capable person. Congratulations.
EF_Team5   
Jul 30, 2008
Undergraduate / At sixteen I became interest in Computers; UC - PS-Figo [2]

You need to be more specific in many of your statements. Explain more of why you want this degree and what you want to do with it.

Make sure you finish all of your sentences; they all need to contain complete thoughts, otherwise they confuse your reader. You should mention what degree you are applying for earlier in your essay, as you reader will need to know that up front in order to evaluate you in regards to your specific area of interest.
EF_Team5   
Jul 30, 2008
Writing Feedback / Essay about four major generations. [7]

"Martin Luther King Jr. once stated, "I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character (cite)." The baby boomers make up the largest and most prominent generation in North American history. Like Martin Luther King Jr., who paved the way in the 60's for those in the upcoming generations to live in a world of equality and fairness, the baby boomers were individuals who dared to dream of a world that was equal and just. Children of the e cho b oom (Remove comma) and millennium kids (Remove comma) were able to witness change due to the optimism of the young people in the 60's who fought for Latinos, b lacks, Native Americans and women to be equal in society. The baby boomers changed politics, the meaning of beauty, and music, a llowing the following generations to be apart of a diverse society that embraced all forms of culture.

The baby bust generation (1967-1979) was(Even though the generation contained many individuals, it is still one singular generation. Therefore, you should use the singular form when referring to it.) influenced by education and work ethnics. Living in a generation that was created by the baby boomers, the baby bust cohort was able to establish an edifying standard living despite their gender or race, due to the baby boomers that fought for change. This movement continued on in the next generation known as the "e cho b oomers" (1980-1995) who were fascinated by entertainment, fashion, ethnics, and culture. This generation is acknowledged for being one of the most influential cohorts. Echoing the baby boomers and the baby bust, this generation created trends. The 1980-1995 age group can be solely perceived as the "media influenced era (Remove comma) " that revolutionized North America (Remove comma) in terms of being one of the most diverse generations who are witnessing a black man running for president, gay (Remove hyphen) marriages being conventional, and the occurences of interracial relationships increasing (Remove period) proving they too are still fighting for change. Lastly, the m illennium b usters (1996-2010) are the newest and growing(What do you mean by this? Are they getting older? Is that population getting larger? Specify) generation. Their characteristics and attributes will simply derive from all the previous generations who are continuing to shape and change the world universally. Each generation paves the way for another. The prime distinctiveness of each cohort is influenced by aspects of the previous generation.

The baby boomers are an influential generation that changed political (Remove comma) and ethnical views. Baby boomers are those born following the Second World War. They are babies born from 1946 to 1964 during the time of affluence subsequent to the war. Many baby boomers fought for change (Remove comma) since they were living in a period of time where war (Remove comma) and inequality were prevalent. In 1963, Martin Luther King Jr. spoke at a march in Washington (Remove comma) where more than 300,000 people arrived to protest for racial equality. In that March stood many young baby boomers that gave birth to a cultural explosion (Remove comma) and a new era. According to America Dreaming, written by Laban Carrick Hill in 2007, those who were involved in the Civil Rights Movement in 1964 were the answer to acquiring a society that practiced racial justice. The baby boomers were a diverse group with a common interest to change the face of North America. They opened the doors for non-European cultures, to establish a righteous and free lifestyle in America (Remove comma) where they would not be held back by their color. The political biases were fought by the determination of the young baby boomers that were encouraging, compassionate, supportive, intelligent, and peaceful individuals who wanted change.

(How about wealthy? Many of these individuals who fought for change were the children of upper-middle class Americans sent away to college on their parent's money, thus enabling them the freedom to partake in the open-mindedness of other individuals on campus and take the action seen in the 1960s. They did not need to work the shifts their parents worked during the war; they had much more free time to devote to this movement.)

Even though influential baby boomers continue to fight for equality, such as Barack Obama and Oprah Whitfey What? Even though what? This is an incomplete sentence. What is the conflicting result it seems you are alluding to? . It appears baby boomers are more threatened by their physical appearance (Remove comma) rather than universal problems. In 1981 the demand for cosmetic surgery increased by 70%. (According to who?) In 2007, cosmetic surgery rose 9 percent to $12.4 billion. (According to who?) Canada.com claims the demand for cosmetic procedures is on the rise (Remove comma) due to many women from the baby boomer era requesting B otox injections as well as facelifts . Even though the baby boomers are a strong generation (Remove comma) who paved the way for change, they are proven to also be a target for insecurity . It appears individuals born in the 50s and 60's are fearful of aging, predominately females. This demonstrates that the baby boomers are also impacted by vanity (Remove comma) and glamour, for they are concerned regarding their physical appearance.

"Cause this is thriller, thriller night/And no ones gonna save you from the beast about strike/You know its thriller, thriller night/ You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight" (cite). These are words to one of the world' s most recognized songs. Thriller (Format?) is a song written and produced by the "King of Pop (Remove comma) " Michael Jackson, one of the most trendy baby boomers, who helped changed the face of music with the help of Rick James, Kiss, The Beatles, Madonna, Jimmy Hendrix , and Prince. Pop culture and r ock ' n r oll was established by talented and eager baby boomers who wanted to express different genres of music. They did not create the genre though; what about Buddy Holly, The Big Bopper, Robert Johnson? Hendrix claimed he was influenced by Robert Johnson's blues, and Michael Jackson was in an R&B Motown group with his family before being on the "pop" scene. It is important that you reflect upon those who influenced the baby boomers, they didn't just wake up one day and create rock 'n roll. Today, individuals can turn on networks such as MTV and BET to witness artists such as Justin Timberlake and Chris B rown emulating Michael Jackson or singers Britney Spears and Rihanna who are influenced by Madonna's style. The baby boomers are a creative group of individuals who started a new era of music with catchy melodies, inventive dance moves, and memorable music videos. Like Kiss, they brought style and culture to their music that makes musicians born in this era cohort innovators and legends that give meaning to "pop culture." What meaning?

The baby boomers were the beginning of change. They started a new era of challenging the government's laws and restrictions. This cohort allowed the upcoming generations to reside in a society that did not focus on racism or discrimination (Remove comma) but on the happiness embodied in music. The baby boomers feared the negative aspects of aging (Remove comma) yet they continued to be one of the most prominent generations.How? Their aptitude, optimism, and enthusiasm established a new journey that opened the doors for a new generation, "the baby bust."

Successful, entrepreneurs, and victorious describe the baby bust generation. In 1998, 5.6 million Canadians were in this cohort, continuing to challenge the expectations of society. Today, females from the baby bust generation are starting a new trend. Many of them are focusing solemnly on their careers (Remove comma) rather than marriage and giving birth. This is effecting the birth rates in Canada, considering the average woman has her first child at the age 29, which is similar to the females in the baby boomer cohort who had children later on in their lives (Remove comma) while others chose not to even have children. This displays the connection between both generations, proving one generation's habits is contagious to another. Females born in the 1960's were provided with the opportunity to execute their achievements (Remove comma) due to the baby boomers that fought for equality amongst women and men. According to David K. Foot's novel, "Boom, Bust, and Echo", in the 1990's it was easier for individuals to attend post secondary schools due to the university entry standards lessening. Women were able to take advantage of this, allowing them to get an advanced education, which led them to thriving careers. This sounds like you are saying the only way women got into college was because the standards were lowered. Is this what you intended?

The baby boomers fought for a world that practiced unity and peace amongst mankind. Following the footsteps of their elders, the baby busters chose to take a similar approach to changing our world. Many of them focused their attention on global warming, the environment, and the AIDS epidemic. Unlike the baby boomers who were considerably idealistic, the baby busters were realists who understood the global issues occurring could no longer be fought with protests (Remove comma) and social gatherings, but with intelligence, wealth, and power. According to David K. Foot, the baby buster generation grew up in a time of drugs, divorce, and economic strain. They felt a sense of responsibility to change their social conditions that was viewed as their "inheritance." Racial separation, broken families, increasing poverty, and AIDS (Remove comma) were some of the issues that targeted the baby busters. Time m agazine discussed some of our world's finest heroes and pioneers. Those who were born in the baby buster's cohort were acknowledged for their humanitarian efforts and work. One being Angelina Jolie, a talented actress, who witnessed her parents divorce, a devastating common practice during the end of the 1960's to the 1970's. Jolie used her emotional grief to make a difference in this world. She travels to third world counties shining light on the problems that truly need awareness, especially the AIDS epidemic in Africa. She is an example of how the predicaments that the baby busters faced inspired them to fight for change, for upcoming generations to reside in a world full of peace.

Through music powerful messages can be heard and acknowledged. The baby boomers used r ock 'n r oll to discuss political issues (Remove comma) as well as a source of entertainment. From r ock 'n r oll came the birth of a new era of music in the 1970's formally known as h ip h op. Hip h op consisted of five main elements, MCing (rapping), DJing, graffiti, and b-boying (break dancing). Individuals born in the baby buster's cohort grew up being inspired by the messages h ip h op was discussing. This form of music was a mixture of poetry and rhythm that focused primarily on the political injustice transpiring in impoverished societies. Young men born in the 1970's took notice to this music, for it became a cultural influence. Born on June 16th 1971, Tupac Amaru(Tupac Amaru was the last Inca of Vilcabamba; Tupac Amaru II was was the leader of an indigenous uprising in 1780 against the Spanish conquest of the Inca Empire. Do you mean Tupac Amaru Shakur (aka 2Pac and Makaveli)? He was an American rapper. If this is who you mean, you should use his first and last name or some other way of identifying who you are referring to.) is one of today's biggest h ip h op sensations. Most of his music is about growing up being exposed to poverty, violence, and racism. He advocated political, racial, and economic equality. Tupac died on September 7th 1996, but his message of hope continues to live on. Many recognized rappers who achieved international success, admiration, and wealth were born in the baby buster's cohort. Hip h op was born in the 1970's, being an innovative culture(Music in itself is not a culture; it can be a part of culture, but not its entirety.) to society that allowed individuals to question societie' s laws and regulations (Remove comma) but to also be entertained, proving the baby busters were creative beings who wanted change.

The baby busters may be the smallest population in North America, yet they opened the doors for upcoming generations to witness equality amongst men and women. They used their past as guidance to fight and alter our world for the better. This generation followed the footsteps of their elders by being innovators and leaders. Musically (Remove comma) and mentally (Remove comma) the baby busters provided society with new cultures and customs. Hip hop was proof of their artistic values and abilities. The "13th generation" was filled with eagerness, intelligence, and talented individuals who paved the way for the "e cho b oom" to achieve greatness.

In the 1990's North America was introduced to a new phenomenon, "pop"culture. Entertainers such as the Backstreet Boys and Britney Spears became stars overnight due to a new generation that craved creativity. The e cho boomers are known as the "MTV Generation." Young females dressed and mimicked the Spice Girls, fantasized about the boys from N'sync, and practiced Christina Agurilera's dance moves. The e cho b oomers gave birth to an era of fashion, technology, music, and movies. It was the beginning of a trendy culture and the beginning of mass media. David K. Foot describes June of 1998, when one of the Spice Girls decided to depart from the group. He states that if a similar occurrence had taken place in the 1980's, it would have not been an imperative subject, since few Canadians would have cared. In the 1990's entertainment was a global phase . Societie' s two biggest cohorts, the baby boomers that were forced to listen to popular music because of their children, and their children, the echo boomers, who were genuinely concerned about t he Spice Girls losing a member. Both of the two biggest generations were interested, making this issue page-one news. Presently, the echo boomers continue to support popular music, especially p op and h ip h op. Citation? Where did you get this information?) The Backstreet sold over 100 million records intentionally, making them the best selling boy band of all time, and the world's biggest moneymakers, due to their concerts and albums generating over $533.1 million. Says who? Reference needed.) Rap s tar Dawayne Michael Carter Jr., formally known as Lil Wayne, was born September 27th 1982, in the e cho b oom generation. He broke records on June 10th 2008, when his record Carter IIIFormat? sold over one million records in the first week. Source? In 2000, admired boy band N'sync embarked on their tour No Strings AttachedFormat? , which broke records for selling over 1 million tickets the first day. Source? Its been proven that t he e cho b oomers created and gave meaning to the word "celebrity." They spend billions of dollars on concerts and albums. Musicians can be found on advertisements, such as JLO and Beyonce who appeared in a Pepsi commercial or Vanessa Hudgens who is the spokesperson for Neutrogena. Individuals from the echo boomers cohort are infatuated with the "celebrity lifestyle, " m aking them the biggest consumers and supporters of music (Remove comma) and pop culture in general.

Deriving from their obsession with pop culture, the e cho boomers are also a group of individuals who can be witnessed as materialistic. The book b oom, b ust and e cho portrays the e cho generation to be attracted to acquisitive merchandise. This was one of the first cohorts to be raised in a time of technology and fashion. Echo b oomers are now the product of the media and the media portrays the idea of being "perfect." A journalist for CBS, Steve Kroft, wrote e cho b oomers only focus on the visual aspects of life. They are a cultural group that is influenced by the pressure to be "the best." Today, streets are filled with advertisements showcasing name brand purses and jeans. Guess Jeans, an American company, was found in 1981. The public acknowledged it in 1983. Despite Guess's success during the 1980's, in 2005 when a majority of the e cho b oomers were over the age of fifteen, the business became one of today's most recognized companies. Teenagers wanted a variety, and Guess gave it too them, adding shoes, a men's section, purses, and accessories. The e cho b oomers made productionsprofits? triumphant. They are responsible for the success of name brands such as D & G, Buffalo, and American eagle. Young society confuses the word " need" with the word " want." Rent and food are now wants, but a pair of Chanel glasses is a need . Echo b oomers are the number one marketing targets. On July 11th 2008, City Plus reported 1,500 individuals, mainly between the ages of 16-24, lined up to purchase an Iphone. Young individuals that focus on the quantity of products, but not the quality generate humanityHow? . It's all about the name brands, expensive cars, and technology. The e cho b oomers are intellectual group that spend their money of meaningless products, since they are a product themselves to marketing schemes.

If there were one word to describe the e cho generation, it would be diverse.
In the United States two-thirds of this cohort is Caucasian. One out of 35 are from mixed-race backgrounds. Research? According to Statistic Canada, in 2001 over 6 million of Canadians between the ages of 14-24 were of non-white decent. This generation is the most prone to change. With the i nternet being the new means of communication, Facebook and Myspace are now a method for young society to discuss their political issues. Groups are formed on Facebook that campaign for Barack Obama; bring awareness for AIDs and HIV, as well as poverty and the increasing rate of violence in Toronto. The e cho b oomers are a diverse group of individuals with a common interest, change. On June 20, 2005, Canada was the fourth country to legalize same-sex marriages. Gay rights continue to increase due to the e cho b oomers being a tolerant group (Remove comma) who believe everyone should be equal and treated fairly in society. Traditional laws are now replaced with reality-based regulations. Homosexuality is no longer viewed as a religious indulgence, but now as a normal custom. On June 29th 2008, the Gay Pride expanded, being more flamboyant and exciting. Over one million people attended, many being young individuals who were able to be open and proud about their sexuality. In a US public opinionated market research study , 88% of high school seniors believed homosexuals should be protected under the hate-crime legislation. 85% believed gays and lesbians should be accepted by society. Even on television diversity is increasing and becoming ordinary. Pop sensation Rihanna, a successful black female, is now the face of Cover Girl, while Lance Bass, a member from N'sync is candidly gay. The media is now focusing on diversity, whereas before television was predominately aimed at a c aucasian audience. Our world is changing in (Remove hyphen) terms of multiculturalism, since the e cho b oomers are a reflection of society. They were born in a period of time where white and black kids sat in the same classroom (Remove comma) and shared the same rest room. When they were able to turn on their television to witness a woman, Hilary Clinton, and a black man, Barack Obama, compete for presidency. Where they can watch an openly gay woman, Ellen Degeneres, host her own daytime talk show. The word "can't" no longer has any meaning to this determined generation. The e cho b oomers have given each and every individual a fair chance to achievement. This is a generation who is blind towards color, gender, and sexuality. This is a generation of hope.

The e cho b oomers are one of the most watched and over analyzed generations. Failing and giving up no longer governs society. It appears this generation helps each other to grow. Even though they endure predicaments, this cohort continues to achieve greatness. They are the children of the b aby b oomers, who were passionate individuals that fought for change. The e cho b oomers are the result of their fight. Generation Y is an inspiring legion of people who are creative and materialistic, but most of all thoughtful individuals who focus on the happiness of mankind, creating a world that will be diverse and equal, making peace more achievable for the m illennium b usters.

It's said, the m illennium b usters "are today's children and students, and tomorrow's employees and leaders." Says who? They will follow in the footsteps of the b aby b oomers, b e logical like t he b aby b usters, a nd be diverse and openminded like the e cho b oomers. Generation Z is shaped by events(political issues), trends, and demographics that surround them. The b aby b oomers were the beginning of change. They were the first generation of the 20th century to stand up against the many injustices the world was practicing. Today, Generation Z will follow in their footprints, being the world' s first 21st century generation. The m illennium b usters are seen as being environmentalists. Presently, they are exposed to environmental issues, mainly global warming. Like their parents who are concerned about the conditions of nature, the m illennium b usters will focus on political and social movements that will benefit the environment.

One method they can use to make change is the i nternet. According to Generationz.com, they are the "most technologically and socially empowered generation ever." They are the digital natives, who are governed even more by technology and the media than the previous cohort. The m illennium b usters are connected through Facebook, Myspace and You Tube. The i nternet is now their platform to discuss politics, the media, and their personal business.

The m illennium b usters are said to be "most financially endowed generation in history." (By who?) Unlike the previous generation (Remove comma) who were born in to many middle-class (Remove comma) and impoverished families(What is the result? Finish your statement.) Generation Z is fortunate to be born to wealthier parents, t he b aby b usters. This cohort is formally known as the "educated generation," who started school early (Remove comma) and will stay is school longer than previous generations. Generation Z (Remove comma)is born into highly educated families who raise them to be dedicated to their studies, dreams, and goals. The b aby b usters were the first generation to take advantage of post-secondary educations . They established substantial lifestyles (Remove comma)where their children, the m illennium b usters, will benefit from their achievements.

Generation Z "are today's emerging generation who resemble children of any era past, yet they personify our future." (Citation?) The e cho b oomers ended their century(How did they cause the century to end? Do they control time?) allowing the m illennium b usters to learn from their errors, to improve on their ideas, and to be influenced by their decisions. Generation Z is a group of individuals that are concerned about political issues, mainly targeting the environment, are technology inclined, and providential. The m illennium b usters witnessed the terrorist attack on America, September 9th 2001. They have seen the war in Iraq, and witnessed the extinction of animals. Some of these individuals are just entering their teen years, yet they have already been exposed to all of these issues. The world continues to live in grief, but this generation is the future. Like their parents, they have a low infant mortality? rate. They are a small generation (Remove comma) with great meaning.

Each generation opens the door for improvement for another generation. The b aby b oomers started the fight for peace. Some of the worlds' greatest leaders and innovators were baby boomers, who dreamed of a world were ones sexuality and race would not make them inferior. They were the first cohort that effectively changed music, politics, and the standards of beauty. Following the b aby b oomers was a new generation, t he b aby b usters, who were innovative, talented, and intelligent. This cohort opened the doors for t he e cho b oomers to be exposed creativity, diversity, and materialism. Even though t he e cho b oomers are still a young generation, they are paving the way for t he m illennium b usters to be able to reside in a world governed by human rights, technology, and inventiveness. Generation Z has already adapted the need to fight politically for the concerns of our environment to improve. They are sufficient in terms of technology, and are fortunate individuals who were born into families that were highly educated and financially stable, which will help them to be well-minded individuals. All cohorts are connected. "Whoever teaches his son teaches not alone his son but also his son's son, and so on to the end of generations." (Citation needed.) The main uniqueness of each generation is influenced by characteristics of the preceding generation. If one (Remove hyphen) generation fails, it will be harder for the next to succeed, but if one generation succeeds (Remove comma) the next will be able to achieve greatness."

Watch your excessive, inappropriate and/or incorrect use of commas. Also watch the random use of capitalization throughout the essay. Your content is good, but you need more cited research to support many of your assertions. The essay flows nicely and seems to be well organized. Your hard work is evident.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
EF_Team5   
Jul 30, 2008
Book Reports / Essay about bottoming out (King Lear) [2]

Good morning.

OK, here's what I see:

"...who will hit "rock bottom," ..."
Punctuation generally is included inside quotation marks.

"...Regan and Goneril: "Gentleman-O, here he is/ Lay hand upon him/Lear-No rescue?/ What, a prisoner?..."(4.6.184-186). It ..."
Only one set of quotation marks per citation, unless you are quoting what another said inside your quote. If that is the case, it should be formatted as thus:

"...Regan and Goneril: "' Gentleman-O, here he is/ Lay hand upon him/Lear-No rescue?/ What, a prisoner?' ..."(4.6.184-186). It..."

"...quote, "A dead end street..."

"Like such is in the case of King Lear taking the first (Remove comma) necessary step to recovery, or fixing the issue at hand."

This sentence still bothers me a little...

"...when he declares (Remove comma) "Now, presently..."

""This feather stirs/She lives/I f it be so/It is chance which he does redeem all sorrows/ That ever I have felt" (5.3.262-265)."

"...of "bottoming out ." In..."

I like your closing paragraph much better, and your citation really enhanced your assertion about how many people don't make it. Your essay has come a long way. Great work!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
EF_Team5   
Jul 30, 2008
Research Papers / RESEARCH PAPER GLOBAL WARMING [5]

Good morning.

An outline doesn't need to be very detailed. It should just be an abstract or a skeleton that maps out what you will be discussing in your paper. I suggest a format like this:

INTRODUCTION/THESIS STATEMENT

I. FIRST MAIN TOPIC/STATEMENT
1. EXAMPLE OR INTERESTING FACT ABOUT FIRST MAIN TOPIC/STATEMENT
a. SUPPORTING RESEARCH

II. SECOND MAIN TOPIC/STATEMENT
1. EXAMPLE OR INTERESTING FACT ABOUT SECOND MAIN TOPIC/STATEMENT
a. SUPPORTING RESEARCH

III. THIRD MAIN TOPIC/STATEMENT
1. EXAMPLE OR INTERESTING FACT ABOUT THIRD MAIN TOPIC/STATEMENT
a. SUPPORTING RESEARCH

REPEAT PATTERN AS NECESSARY UNTIL ALL OF YOUR MAIN TOPICS/STATEMENTS HAVE BEEN COVERED.

CONCLUSION

First decide what kind of information you absolutely want to include in your essay. These topics are the main pillars of your essay. For each of these main pillars you need supporting research an devidence to hold them up; so for each topic you need to have at least one source that backs your assertions. The conclusion should just be a couple/three lines summing up everything you have already told your readers. It's a good idea to touch base briefly on all of your main pillars once more before you finish; this is the place to do that.

Wait until you've created the body of your text to finalize your introduction or thesis statement. After all, how can you write an introduction to a paper you haven't written yet? Pretty hard...

The thesis statement is like a movie trailer; it is going to tell us what we are going to read about in your paper. As such, it goes at the beginning of your paper.

"Global warming, also known as the green house effect, is a topic that has received much attention in recent years; y et our climate change is not a recent problem. I t has been morphing over many years. What is increasing is t he rate of change; it is accelerating due to the growth of the human population. The growth of our population has increased our use of fuel, land, and manufacturing. All of these are increasing emissions into our atmosphere that increases global warming."

Once you have your outline and/or rough draft complete, you can post them here for further assistance.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
EF_Team5   
Jul 29, 2008
Research Papers / Help Starting a Global Warming - Argumentative Research Paper; focus on human responsibility [9]

Good afternoon.

I suggest beginning your research by conducting an online keyword search using words like "global warming" and "human activities"; this will show you some preliminary information that can help you decide where to go from there in regards to research.

I also suggest your media center at your college and your academic advisor; these individuals can help you locate more research resources that may be valuable.

Good luck!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
EF_Team5   
Jul 29, 2008
Essays / "The division of labor" - essay on globalization [7]

You are very welcome. It's a very wise choice to work your way into something like the longer essay. The more prepared and confident you are about your topic and research the more that confidence and preparation will show up in your writing. You'll get there; the more you work at it the easier the entire process will be and you will be surprised at how little time it takes to arrive. Keep up the hard work.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
EF_Team5   
Jul 27, 2008
Essays / "The division of labor" - essay on globalization [7]

Good evening.

It sounds like the issue is more with research and the time required to conduct it than it is to actually write the essay. In the time to write the essay you also need to work in the time required to proofread, edit, and revise the essay.

How much time do you have to commit to the project? It sounds like you would probably need a solid week for research, and then another week to write, edit, and revise possibly.

Is this for a specific class? If so, what kind of research materials are you using for the class? What about your campus library, or your academic advisor? Your media staff at the campus also can help you with research resources.

If you feel like you are not comfortably familiar and well versed in this topic, I would advise taking on the shorter essay that has more research time. Is that topic more familiar to you? If so, this could be less stressful and more beneficial to you.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

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