Writing Feedback / TED resume : The happy secret to better work [3]

In science of happiness, external world is predictive of happiness levels. 10% of long term happiness can predict by external world and the remains in predicted not by the external world but by the way of brain processes the world. Based on the previous research, only 25% of job successes are predicted by IQ. 75% of job successes are predicted by optimism levels, social support and ability to see stress as a challenge instead of as a threat.

Most of people nowadays have being outlined all the negative things that can happen but not talked about the positive. For example the absence of disease is not health. Actually, the point is how to get to health not about the absence of disease . It is need to reverse the formula for happiness and success. Most companies and schools follow a formula for success which is this : " If i work harder, i will be more successful and if i am more successful that i will be happier". If happiness is on the opposite side of success, the brain never gets there. People have pushed happiness over the cognitive horizon as a society, it's because they think they have to be successful then they will be happier.

However, brains work in the opposite order. If someone can raise other person's level of positivity in the present, then their brain experiences call a happiness advantage, which is brain at positive performs significantly better than at negative, neutral, or stressed. Intelligence rises, creativity rises, energy level rise. Brain at positive is 31% more productive than brain at negative, neutral, or stressed, because dopamine which floods into system when person in positive has two functions. Not only does it make happier, it turns on all of the learning centers in brain allowing to adapt to the world in a different way. There are ways that can train brain to be able to become more positive. Allowing brain to work more optimistically and more successfully.

link (source) : ted.com/talks/shawn_achor_the_happy_secret_to_better_work

Writing Feedback / In the recent time, every business conducted by humans is easier because of technology. [3]

The advance of technology makes human lives more convinient. To what extent do you agree or disagree!

Answer :

In the recent time, every business conducted by humans is easier because of technology. It is agreed as the sophisticated tools provide citizens a way to communicate in long distance and makes information more accessable.

The main reason why cutting-edge convinient public things is to destruction the divider of distance and time. This leads to people who lived in long distance relationship can look at each other just with smartphone screen. Taking my own activity as an example. I must submit my essays everyday to my lecture by e-mail because he has been studying in different countries from me. Before he used smartphone, I submitted my essays with international shipping and courier delivery services. Although this gadget facilitates us to communicate, it will create new crime if the person abuses its functions.

Another reason is to give easiness to access information. When something happen in the countries, people in different countries can know that information in the same time. For the example is google application. All of people in the world can use this from their smartphones or laptops and they can get all information fast. Even if people benefited from these tools, lack of rules and controls make children able to access something that not appropriate for them and creates a cyber crime.

To sum up, one of causes obvious crimes is sophisticated tools. I more believe advance devices make your life easier and provide accessable information to every single person. It is imperative that government should make the rules and controls about the advance of technology.

Writing Feedback / A comparison of people's sense towards crime and actual likelihood to be a victim - IELTS1 [4]

Question :

The graph below shows the perceived danger and actual likelihood of being a victim of crime. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

Answer :

A comparison of percentage of people's sense towards crime and actual likelihood to be a victim of crime is shown in this bar graph for 2009 to 2010.

Overall, more people fear of being a victim of offense but the reality was not as frightening as they assume. By far the highest proportion of crime type was car crime.

People's perception towards crime decreased in each type of crime. The feeling danger of Bulgary and Violent crime had slightly changed in 2009 and same proportion in 2010. Anxiety of being car crime victims become a peak to 21 % in 2009 and 18 % in 2010.

Actually, crime was not as daunting as their arguments. A little increased of Bulgary and Violent crime occurred between 2009 and 2010 while car crime contrast with the others. Percentage of actual likelihood of being a victim of crime was 4 % in 2009 and 3.5 % in 2010.

• 
  IMG_20160604_164643..jpg
  

Writing Feedback / EFFECT OF VIOLENCE ON TELEVISON TO CHILDRENS - IELTS 2 [3]

Question :
These days we are seeing an increasing amount of violence on television, and this is having a negative impact on children's behavior. Do you agree or disagree?

Answer :

The advance of technology effects on accessible information likes do not have limit rules. Because of that, in nowdays easier to watch violence in television and therefore it gives negative effects on children's behavior. This essay will stay in line with such idea because children tend to imitate what they see, and what they hear. They are not mature enough to distinguish between right and wrong values.

Some shows on television indirectly lead to bad effect for children, due to negative content such as the harshness. This is because of children growth phase make they always copy and record everything shows in their eyes. For the example, Indonesia Broadcasting Commision in 2013 annouced television shows including news and drama movie are the factors behind most cases of violence by children. Data on commision shows throughout 2012 to March 2013, there are more than five teenage and children drama movies who receive special attention for showing violence on children's showtimes.

Copy, record, and imitate were appart of future learning for them. In this case, childrens do not have ability to thingking like older people. The childrens only have little experience as same as they ages.They do not have mindset to choose the best thing to imitate. Another example are speaking, walking, laughing, and running emerge due to copy paste activity on children's life.

To Conclude, bad things may happens from spectacles that are not good because they copy it. Childrens does not understand about moral value that can be taken. By this, It case should noticed by our govermens especially in Indonesia there is Indonesia Broadcasting Commision and it recommended if they makes rules such us violence on television is forbidden.

Writing Feedback / The United States became the most frequent winner of the hot-dog eating contest within two years [5]

The graph below presents the information about Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest in Brooklyn's Coney Island, USA

The bar graph provides information about Nathan's hot dog eating contest which is conducted in Brooklyn's Coney Island, USA during 30 years, between 1980 and 2010.

It is noticeable that four countries such as US, Japan, Mexico and Germany scoring for winners. In this case, American males have won twenty times for this eating contest and Japanese males record nine times win while remain Mexico males and Germany whose female participant only once won this contest.

According to the graph, The United States became the most frequent winner within two years. Futhermore, and this trend kept in the following 11 years, starting from 1985 to 1996. However the domination of japan was seen in the next 9 years but in the end of the period US took over back the winning place. The others like Mexico and Germany just once to be a winner, in 1993 and in 1984 respectively.

• 
  Task_1.jpg
  

Writing Feedback / Whereas rehabilitation can heal druggies from the narcotic adiction, jail will give deterrent effect [4]

Question :
Should drug addicts be jailed or rehabilitated ? Discuss both views and give your opinion !

Answer :

The best decision for drug addicts are jailed or rehabilitated. Whereas rehabilitation can heal them from the narcotic adiction, jailed is the best way to give, because this will give deterrent effect.

All drug addicts should be released from the desire to using drug and cured of addiction or illness due narcotics. Because of its condition can make detorioration in health of drug addicts and if the addicts do not stop using drugs, it lead to efffect on another emerging crimes.

Taking Freddy Budiman, a drug addict and also the biggest drug dealer in Indonesia. Besides using narcotics he also involve on free sex and violence crime againts reporter. Although he was life in custody and will face death penalty, he still selling narcotics from jailed. Not only that, but he also arrange narcotics connection in the world. Without known by police he also using narcotics and did free sex in there. Because of crimes still occur even have stayed in jail in Cipinang, Freddy Budiman eventually be moved to prison in Nusakambangan, Cilacap, Center Java that known as the most sinister prison in Indonesia.

All in All, to prevent that case appear for second times, it need to tigthtly kept and watched the offenders by police. So, it means to imprison drug addicts and drug dealer in tightly prison. It must to narrowing them space and limiting they communication with others outside of custody. But rehabilitation is recommended way to heal the addiction, and avoid the narcotics user to be re-offend.