Writing Feedback / I've written this essay about overpopulation topic. Meaning and consequences. [2]

world's problems caused by overpopulation

Could you give me some feedback and comments for my essay, and have a guess about which the band I am, I'm about to take Ielts test this September. Thank you a lot! I really hope you can help me since I do not know where to begin with writing skill.

Topic: Most of the world's problems are caused by overpopulation. Do you agree or disagree?
My essay:
It is a well-established fact that people round the world are facing numerous pressing problems. Personally, I side with the statement that most of the head-aching issues are attributed to the population explosion, and I will clear out my arguments in this essay.

To begin with, there is no denying that our environment is in big trouble, and it is obvious that over-population is blamed for this. To explain, more people means more products are consumed, not only does this result in a sharp decline in raw materials, but also bring a huge amount of pollutants to our surroundings. Take Beijing, a home of thousands of people, as an example. Their citizens are threaten dangerously by black fumes belched out from industrial zones and thousands of private cars, making the city densely-populated.

Secondly, it is the stressful life that should be mentioned here. In fact, more and more people flock to major metropolises in search of better jobs, and citizens actually are being shouldered a higher pressure, since they have to struggle in a more competitive job markets and afford exorbitant bills daily.

Last but not least, it is the high rate of crime that is also rooted from the non-stop growth of population. To explain, life is getting more difficult, with people having less chance exported to good education as well as finding a job, therefore they enter the criminal path on ground that they have family members to raise. Ho Chi Minh city, for instance, is breeding ground for crime as there are a lot of people, and the poor easily commit a crime to stole money from the better ones.

In conclusion, although there are other problems that do not come from population bomb such as child-sexual abuse, it seems to me that most of the world problems are resulted from the drastical increase of inhabitants.

Writing Feedback / "throw-away" society. Causes and effects? [3]

The the throw-away lifestyle

It is true that people today consume a large number of products in very short period and then throw them away. In this essay, I will shed light on two main factors causing this practice, and also two major issues that come from it.

Perhaps the first culprit of this is advertising. To explain, the constant presence of adverts in everywhere has always been prompting vulnerable watchers to make more purchases. Teenagers nowadays, for instance, are willing to buy new generations of Iphone instantly when seeing their eye-catching ads, with hope that they would become more fashionable and have higher status, although their old ones are still perfectly functional. Secondly, it is the manufacturers who are to blame. In fact, producing non-durable products could help maximize the production expense, given the cheap materials and simple processes. Thus, products nowadays often have short lifespan and would be soon replaced by new ones.

The consequences of this problem are many, affecting all individuals and societies as a whole. To begin with, the over-consumption habit has led many shopaholic citizens into financial crisis, especially teenagers with serious credit card debt, leading them to depression and anxiety. Furthermore, since the number of disposable items are drastically climbing, people are more likely to end up living in land and water full of poisonous waste, putting their health into risk of serious deseases. For instance, many Vietnamese people have suffered from health problems such as diarrhea, dysentery after using dangerously contaminated water, soil, some even dead.

To conclude, the throw-away lifestyle nowadays could be traced back to advertising agencies and short-lifespan items generated from greedy companies, bringing many problems to people's finance and surroundings. Had it not been for better use of decomposed or recycled products and wiser purchases, our life will be more seriously damaged in the years to come.

Writing Feedback / Noise effect. Should we have restrictions on noise? [2]

Strict Laws To Control Noise Pollution

Topic: Some people think that there should be some strict controls about noise. Others think that they could just make as much noise as they want. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

I am preparing for Ielts exam this September, so I hope you can help me with writing skill, and give me a band score if possible, because it is really hard studying alone.

Noise pollution is one of the big problems facing today's life, especially with those living in metropolises. It is said, therefore, that people should be given restrictions in making noise, while others disagree. There are some valid arguments for both sides which I will shed light on before jumping to my own conclusion.

On the one hand, supporters of noise-making emphasize on their rights of relaxation after leading hectic schedules. They say that the freedom of joining in entertainment activities such as playing loud music or having fancy parties help clear out their anxiety and stress, thus leading to their increased productivity. Secondly, there are circumstances in which noise is inevitable. People could not, for instance, avoid noise from crowded traffic or drilling sound when repairing their home. Therefore, introducing noise controls would affect their daily life to some extent.

On the other hand, opponents of noise point to the health problems when being exposed to noise in a long period. People living near an intersection or industrial sites, in particular, are more prone to having a splitting headache or heart attacks owing to the constant honk and hammering sounds. Furthermore, they think noise prompts them involve in distractions, thus cancelling out their ability to meet deadlines or preparing for approaching exams. This would have impact on their career and study performance.

To conclude, it seems to me the aforementioned drawbacks outweigh possible advantages. People, therefore, should be fined if making too much noise and affecting their neighbors. For those inescapable noise, I think companies and authorities together should have methods to ensure nearby citizens' life such as equipping soundproof walls or moving them to another quite place.

(My essay has 278 words)

Writing Feedback / What is better: academic or vocational education? [2]

Hi, I am preparing for my Ielts exam in October, so I really hope that you guys can help me with my writing skill, and if you could give me a guess band, I will feel thankful for that.

encouraging people for vocational training?

Too much emphasis is placed on going university for academic education. People should be encouraged to do vocational training, because there is a lack of qualified tradespeople such as electricians or plumbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The recent shortage of qualified manual workers prompts many thinking that we should invest more in vocational education. I do not agree with this field as I think academic-related jobs will reap more benefits to our life.

Firstly, the abundance of manual workers such as plumbers or electricians, equals the shortage of blue-collar jobs, could pull the society back since they just meet the basic demands of our life, compared to economists who could bring out development strategies or bankers who help smooth the flow of money.

Secondly, given the proliferation of today's technology, it would be unwise for a country if they place more importance on jobs working by hands, as the lack of people in these jobs could easily be solved by the replacement of robots. In Japan, for instance, the prevalence of robots doing manual jobs has helped the country focus resources on high-skilled workforce in academic areas such as technology and engineering, leading to the wealthier economy and new helpful inventions.

Thirdly, government should also take into consideration the preference of citizens when choosing their career. In the modern life which highly appreciate intellectual classes, parents want their children to follow non-manual jobs and climb higher in areas such as doctors, lawyers, on the grounds that these jobs are highly-paid and not as physically demanding as plumbers or electricians. More investments in vocational education, thus, may lead to a resentment amongst citizens.

To conclude, owing to these reasons, it seems to me that should more attention and funding be paid to academic education as it will bring more advantages to the society and workers as a whole.

Writing Feedback / New parents should attend parenting courses to ensure the growth of their children. [2]

I am going to take Ielts test, so if you give me a band score for this essay, i will appreciate it.

parenting classes aren't the solution

Parenthood is not an easy task, so in some countries, there are classes to help couples better prepare it. However, I do not side with this view for the following reasons.

On the one hand, I know parenting classes provide learners with in-depth knowledge about different stages of development, thus couples would know clearly how they would raise their kids according to each period. For example, when should parents start feed their children with food or drink, what the temperature should be applied when their infant sleeps, all of which would be brand-new for new parents. Secondly, these courses would prepare parents first-hand knowledge when their offspring has emergency such as high fever, choking. Knowing these knowledge in advance saves parents a lot of time searching and asking other people.

On the other hand, however, I think courses are unnecessary as couples could learn themselves to handle it through a lot of sources such as Internet, grandparents' advice. For example, in Viet Nam, parenting knowledge is usually passed down from older generations such as grandmother who have time-honored experience or in today's world, there are a lot of free groups of mothers sharing and asking about valuable advice on Facebook. Furthermore, so expensive is parenting preparation that it usually involves accommodation, medical fee, baby clothes and nutritional products for mother, so it puts more burdens to couples if they have to afford those courses. This may even lead them to debt, especially with medium-class families, affecting their budget later on. Another reason is that parenting tasks are various, teachers could not expect all of them as they only just teach common problems, so it would not ensure parents could deal with all specific situations when they have babies.

To conclude, it seems that although classes have several benefits, parents do not need to attend them as they could always learn from other cheaper sources for specific situations, and from the past, without such courses, parents still took good care of their children.