Writing Feedback / Essay about a music power, which provides a way to unite people - IELTS task 2 [2]

Music creates shared experience between people

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Please help me know what I should improve and what the band I can get from this essay

It is often said that music has a power way to unite people, regardless of their cultural backgrounds and ages. I completely agree with this view and will give my reasons below.

Music has a high value which is entrenched in cultures in community around the world. Perhaps the best example would be Kpop trend. Everyone hadn't known much about Korea and its culture since Kpop became more popular. Kpop fans who live in some countries not only will find more information to understand their idols' life and culture but also network with foreign fans. They will be excited to share their feelings, their thoughts to every people, regardless of cultures and by that way, people who have the same idol will understand each other more and more. Beside the popularity of Kpop, US and UK music is other connection chance for people who live in the rest of the world.

Just as it transcend cultures, music has the ability to link people together from different generations. We can all enjoy a strong rhythm or a beautiful song and the best songs seem to have the same magical effect on us. This would explain why grandparents can dance and sing with their grandsons or granddaughters while listening to their both favourite melody. Furthermore, there are some messages in the song to encourage in strengthening a family relationship. For instance, in the Baby shark song, it has only few repeat sentences but still naturally comes in our heart and brings families together.

In conclusion, I believe that music is unique in its capacity to create shared experience between people, irrespective of culture and age.

Writing Feedback / Essay about setting homework to students with positive and negative views - IELTS task 2 [2]

Effects of study at home

Mr/Ms Holt, Thank you for your comment on my previous threat. After your comment, I found some ways to improve my opening and conclusion paragraph. In this threat, I hope to get your comment and show my improvement by this new essay.

My outline opening paragraph:
- Mention the prompt I am about to discuss
- Mention all views
- Mention my view with some reason

My outline concluding paragraph:
- Mention the contrast point
- Confirm my view

Please let me know if it is better and any error I should improve.

Some people believe that school children should not be given homework by their teachers, whereas other argue that homework plays an important role in the education of children. Discuss both of these views and give your opinion.

The perspective on setting homework to students is one of the most controversial schooling topics. Many people claimed that it is a positive development for children to be given homework. While other disagree with this idea, I believe it is a necessary aspect of education which supports students in improving their independent learning and problem solving skills

On the one hand, it is believed that homework is an unnecessary burden on children. Children spend most of their time at school to study, thus doing further study at home will be a high pressure on them. In addition, they only concentrate on the way to finish homework without participate in any physical activities such as playing basketball, swimming, so forth, which negatively impacts on balance between children physical and mental improvement. Moreover, students in top international education countries where homework is not necessity, taking children in Finland as an example for this, still outperform peers in nations where setting homework is the norm.

On the other hand, I argue in favour of the view that homework has an important role to play in the schooling children. There are two reasons supporting this idea. Firstly, it contributes to enhance self-learning skill. When doing homework, children will figure out an exercise that they cannot complete well by themselves. As this result, they will review lessons or search the way to complete it on the Internet. Secondly, students will find some solutions to fulfill a task such as discussing with teachers or their classmates then summarizing the problems in order to discover an answer. This process helps them improve issue tackling skill. Therefore, children would be more independent and dealing with challenges easily comparing with peers who do not practice these skills which bring great success into their adult life.

To conclude, there are some adverse effects on having a further study at home. However, I strongly contended that if we minimize these negative consequences, giving out homework will be a major benefit to students

Writing Feedback / Writing task 2 - Discuss the view and give the opinion of dangerous sports [2]

Mr/Ms. Holt, I write new essay. Please let me know any thing I need to improve,
which sentence contains incorrect grammar or shouldn't be written or it is not related to the prompt?
is the conclusion better?
Thank you

The risk at sports

Some people think governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think it is people's freedom to do whatever sports activities they choose. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Sports involving a high degree of risk are one of the attractive physical activities which have been appealing to many fans. Many people claimed that authorities should not allow people to take part in these games, while others disagree with this idea. However, I believe that these activities should not be banned

On the one hand, governments have to ban dangerous games since these ones have a potential risk which players cannot control well. These games require people to have professional skills such as diving, jumping, so forth and practice them in many times. If people cannot meet these requirements, dangerous actions negatively affects on them. Take freediving as an example, to play this game, a gamer should be a diving expert, not an amateur and he needs to know his health condition to be sure the water's pressure not to cause his heart to stop beating. Therefore, to prevent individuals from the death caused by these sports games, authorities require people not to participate in them.

On the other hand, I argue in favour of the view that harmful sports are only a professional players' choice. People who take part in these actions are experts, they will do things others are afraid of such as jumping from a helicopter or a high mountain. Before doing activities in the outside environment, experts have practiced in harmless places, thus they can manage their actions and conditions. Moreover, they can discover many new places and make various pictures of these views. As a result, we can know more parts of the world where we will never go to.

In my opinion, politicians just need to alert people to be careful when playing these games. Comparing with driving carelessly on the streets, they are not as a serious problem as causing people's injuries to be limited

To conclude, there is a beneficial effect on prohibiting harmful sports. However, I strongly contend that playing these games is an individual's choice which the government cannot restrict

Writing Feedback / Acceptance to use animals for the human benefits with positive and negative views - IELTS task 2 [3]

Hi Mr. Holt,
Thank you for your previous useful advice. I have written this essay based on your advice.
Is it better than previous essays? (2 public pov, 1 personal pov, the link sentences between these paragraphs)
Is there anything that I should improve?
And 1 more question, this essay is about 364 words, while I only have 40 minutes to write in IELTS test. So it must be too long, so how can I shorten it? Can you see there is any problem that makes my essay longer?

Some people think it is acceptable to use animals for the benefit of humans, other people think it is wrong to exploit animals for human purposes.

Discuss both views and your opinion.

Issues related to animal practical uses are frequently discussed these days, particularly in media. Many people claim that animals cannot be used by humans for any purpose, while others disagree with this idea. However, I believe that only using animals for science experiments is acceptable.

People agreed that the practical use of animals contributes a vital importance to humans' life. Animal experimentation for researching purposes is the greatest benefit of this society. When scientists research on medicine or chemical substance to observe its effects on people's activities, they will do operations on animals such as the experiment of goldfish's brain functions to get a result which is similar to the performance on humans, which can minimize risks in advance. However, this practical use is only taken by scientists, not other individuals

.
People are not allowed to use animals to prove a result due to their curiosity. Some people want to know the reactions of wild animals against their tricks then consider it as one kind of research. For example, someone throws a plastic watermelon which looks like that fruit but was made in plastic through a hippo's mouth to see whether it understands that it is not normal food. This action is cruelty to animals which has to be prohibited by governments

In my opinion, whether or not animals should be used to serve people's benefits, it depends on the purposes of people and groups of animals. The use for humane purposes which plays a huge part in social improvement can be acceptable since studies cannot find out a vaccine for humans or potential functions inside our body when lacking these experiments. Moreover, scientists cannot perform on rare and endangered species or normal species without any suitable reason. I think governments should set up the list of experimental animals and requirement for using animals such as the necessary procedures and the reasons before operating on animals in order to identify the legal use on them

To conclude, while I believe that animals should be respected under any circumstance. I have to admit that there is no better way than medical animal testation to secure patients against dangerous effects. However, everyone has to carefully consider our actions on animals due to our morality

Writing Feedback / Essay about international aid should not be given to the poor countries in the world - IELTS task 2 [2]

Mr. Holt, please let me know if this essay is better. Do I have any mistake?
I have tried to make it shorter as your advice. Do I have any mistakes in transition sentences?

Many people think that countries have a moral obligation to help each other while other argue that the aid money is misspent by the governments that receive it, so the international aid should not be given to the poor countries in the world.

Discuss the two views of international aid and give your opinion

Funding for poor nations is increasing rapidly in the world. Many people claim that these countries should not be given any aid from global groups since the authorities misuse it, while others disagree with this idea. However, I believe that countries in the world have to assist them.

Due to the global improvement, international organizations should provide financial support to poor countries, lack of which may cause the improving speed of the world slower. The benefit of reducing HIV disease of African nations exemplifies this point. After receiving aids, those nations have tackled problems effectively, which leads to decrease the burden on this world and makes humans' lives better. However, assistances cannot achieve the good results as international groups' expectations if politicians in those undeveloped nations use the resources inefficiently

Most poor nations normally misuse financial aids for the wrong purposes since they do not have the professional ability of resource management. For example, the starvation in Africa is continuing, which cannot help African countries become developing ones. The politicians spend the universal aids on investing in weapons instead of anti-poverty programs. As a result, international groups need to have suitable solutions to minimize this negative effect

In my opinion, I think whether or not global groups should provide undeveloped countries with financial support depends on the instruction of using that resource. I believe that once knowing these strategies, countries will not waste money on other purposes. Therefore, these groups need to set requirements such as the steps of implementation, the project's target and the expected results besides the assistance.

In summary, although misspending the fund from poor nations is a negative view of international aid, these countries still need support due to the global development. Therefore, it is necessary to take appropriate measures for this issue.

Writing Feedback / Essay about foreign visitors should pay more than local visitors for attraction - IELTS task 2 [3]

Hi Mr. Holt, this essay is agree and disagree essay, not give opinion. Please help me to check if my discussion way is correct?
Can I have your opinion about the essay question "what extent do you agree and disagree" and "do you agree and disagree"? Is it the same?

And when I don't have the popular example, can I create some particular one like my essay below? I am not sure if it is right but I write it as a strongly true example. Can it be acceptable.

Thank you.
In this essay, I am sure that my understanding of the prompt is correct. Hope it is OK

Foreign visitors should pay more than local visitors for cultural and historical attractions.
TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE WITH THIS OPINION

Every nation has their own strategies of setting price for both local and foreign customers to visit important sites and monuments. It is sometimes argued that tourists from overseas should be charged more than local residents I completely agree with this statement due to a couple of personal experiences

The differential price charging to foreign tourists is for the service purpose. These visitors require different service such as translation or Question-and-Answer service which need to be done by high-paid officers. The multilingual information of cultural and historical introduction in Vietnamese museum exemplified this perspective. People have to pay higher for someone who can work as an interpreter or translator to translate Vietnamese information into English and Chinese, so forth. This leads to high expenses that managers of these attractions have to charge back to foreigners, not local residents and have suitable strategies of this operation.

To maintain these attractive places' operation, these managers need to have good profit plans. However, they cannot charge high price to local customers due to the purpose of learning history and culture encouragement, thus foreigners will be charged higher to get profit. This is exemplified by all Vietnamese museum's operation which is divided into two operating strategies. The expenses of reconstruction plan for repairing statues or facilities which is sometimes implemented is taken from the local revenues while monthly employee's wages and profits will be from overseas revenues. Consequently, the price charging to foreigners is higher.

To conclude, the payment of foreign visitors has to be higher than the local ones due to the good maintenance plans and the international services. Furthermore, whether it is accepted is not a big issue for people to compare since the types of visitors are different.