Undergraduate / Biology, "mock trial" - University of Michigan Essay [15]

College of Literature, Science, and the Arts (LSA) What led you to choose the area(s) of academic interest that you have listed in your application to the University of Michigan? If you are undecided, what areas are you most interested in, and why?

The message behind curiosity had been an enigma to me for so long. Where was it leading me? Why was it so undefined? How could I use its power? I was hapless by the depth of this thought.

Two and a half years ago, I did work looking at kidneys from the deceased but was too overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of what I was encountering; it was a situation I had created in my mind. I was too intimidated to progress any further.

This past summer, I did lab work attempting to inhibit growth of BK virus through various drugs. I was immersed in my subject; every drug provided a powerful opportunity, a voice that I refused to ignore. I would spend hours scrutinizing potential effects of every drug and even more time bombarding my lab assistant with ideas and questions. I had no other motive than to indulge my curiosity. I had every scenario played out in my mind before I even started and gave each considerable importance. My determination was bounded by a suppression to not just learn, but to want.

The result of this scrutinizing process: abject failure. Once again, I was simply dominated by the subject. I was paralyzed, I had no answers. The power of these drugs and the nature of the BK virus replication seemed implausible. It was this challenge to my sense of plausibility that left me powerless.

It was the dominant nature of this subject that allowed me to realize just how dynamic it was, but all this did was strengthen my compulsion to find answers. The challenge presented to my curiosity ignited an interest unlike any I have ever had. As it turns out, curiosity need not lead me anywhere, curiosity is the one thing compatible with science and will lead to mediums where I can find answers; however undefined they may first appear to be.

Undergraduate / "trip to the Gurdwara" - University of Michigan Diversity Essay [10]

Thanks alot in advance, any comments are welcome, constructive criticism especially appreciated. I know this is a rough draft, I'll still be working on it, my question is do you understand the message I'm trying to convey and does it seem too extreme? Most importantly, do I answer the question?

Share an experience through which you have gained respect for intellectual, social, or cultural differences. Comment
on how your personal experiences and achievements would contribute to the diversity of the University of Michigan.

I gaze with awe; it's crisp yet imperious nature before me. I take note of the state of the flag on this day: the state of tranquility achieved through the vigor of it blowing in the air is surreal.

My weekly Sunday trip to the Gurdwara, god's home where the flag lies, always emphasizes a guiding theme of unity. Everybody takes part in Sewa, which is as rudimentary as doing community work, but it's the indomitable power of faith that guides us in these telling moments. The culture created in this congregation is profound; I am immersed in populations of the same form of superficiality six days a week but it is this trip to the gurdwara that adds diversity to my life. When I am here, I aspire to go beyond rudimentary depths to strengthen its existence bounded by our faith.

Such an opportunity lies in the Sikh Youth Symposium in which I relay the virtues of our founding fathers to Sangat. It is my one opportunity to convey a certain rhythm to them, the one opportunity where we are at the same base.

When I speak, I am in a state of harmony where I feel the power of two relationships: between me and Sikh divinity and between me and the power of connecting with the Sangat. The combination of these two is my way of unifying me and Sangat. For those seven minutes, I ultimately realize how compatible faith in Sikhism is with everything I do and the immeasurable awe of the flag's vigor. The path to comprehending this awe derived from faith in a world so culturally different is something I feel I can share with the vibrant Michigan community. It is a community united under the same goal of prosperity in which everybody is united under the divine intervention of the great Michigan tradition. Hopefully, my faith is compatible with the tradition and culture of Michigan.

College of Literature, Science, and the Arts (LSA) What led you to
choose the area(s) of academic interest that you have listed in your
application to the University of Michigan? If you are undecided, what
areas are you most interested in, and why?

The message behind curiosity had been an enigma to me for so long. Where was it leading me? Why was it so undefined? How could I use its power? I was hapless by the depth of this thought.

Two and a half years ago, I did work looking at kidneys from the deceased but was too overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of what I was encountering; it was a situation I had created in my mind. I was too intimidated to progress any further.

This past summer, I did lab work attempting to inhibit growth of BK virus through various drugs. I was immersed in my subject; every drug provided a powerful opportunity, a voice that I refused to ignore. I would spend hours scrutinizing potential effects of every drug and even more time bombarding my lab assistant with ideas and questions. I had no other motive than to indulge my curiosity. I had every scenario played out in my mind before I even started and gave each considerable importance. My determination was bounded by a suppression to not just learn, but to want.

The result of this scrutinizing process: abject failure. Once again, I was simply dominated by the subject. I was paralyzed, I had no answers. The power of these drugs and the nature of the BK virus replication seemed implausible. It was this challenge to my sense of plausibility that left me powerless.

It was the dominant nature of this subject that allowed me to realize just how dynamic it was, but all this did was strengthen my compulsion to find answers. The challenge presented to my curiosity ignited an interest unlike any I have ever had. As it turns out, curiosity need not lead me anywhere, curiosity is the one thing compatible with science and will lead to mediums where I can find answers; however undefined they may first appear to be.

Book Reports / Michigan Dorian Gray Essay [NEW]

This is the last of the three essays I have to turn in for the Michigan prompt, and I will use one of them for the common app also. Anyway, thanks in advance all comments are greatly appreciated, I know there will be parts of this essay which won't make any sense, but I don't know entirely know which ones are and which ones aren't, so if you could not what doesn't make sense, that would be great. I know this essay is pretty bad, my other two essays got bad feedback and I felt they were far better so I don't have a good feeling about this one.

C] Tell us about a book you have read that you
found especially challenging, stimulating, or
provocative. Explain why it made an impact on
you.

It was staring right in front of me for all these years, yet I remained so oblivious to its presence. To me, aesthetic value was a subjective interpretation full of fallacies and paradoxes. It didn't have any true meaning, it was superficial, and it didn't define character. But the Moving Picture of Dorian Gray by Oliver Wilde revolutionized everything I thought was common sense.

Much of this classic is predicated on this "superficial" nature of beauty, as Dorian Gray pursues depths of freedom and prominence, a certain green light one might call it. In the process, he loses all sense of morals that had defined him for so long. He is the perpetrator of scurrilous offenses; he is a typical tyrant of the power he wields as an upper class member in society. Dorian Gray became embedded within this culture of deceit, superficiality, one guided by instinctive outlooks. Ultimately, the "purity of face" was what transpired him from afterthought to phenomenon, gaining him a spot amongst the aristocrat's elite despite his repugnance.

This purity of face really ignited my interest. Lady Narborough said it best with "You look so good; you are made to be good". Never before had I considered the "purity" of a face. When I thought aesthetics, I thought clothing, hair, even accessories of a face, but purity? Seemed imaginary, quite superficial in its own right. I had always before closed my mind to any thought that a face could carry so much weight; I always assumed aesthetics would lose out to true form of character. My rigid morality never even allowed me to explore the mindset of others. But this book provided me a novel's worth of different interpretations, it was this "purity" that remained so provocative.

Oliver Wilden opened up a whole new world to me, one not bounded by intellectual thought, but by the senses and stimulants controlling our mind. Seeing the story from the eyes of the protagonist, the possessor of the innocent "purity" gave me a far different perspective to analyze its nuances from. Mundane objects became animate; this unknown medium suddenly had meaning through the perspective of this protagonist. To Dorian Gray, the world was governed by laws of ideology, prosperity and harmony, quite the contrary from my views of governance through pragmatism and intellectual thought. The openmindness I was relayed is a virtue of true essence, not necessarily resisting ideas, but attempting to uncover the dynamics of a different world through a different lens is a ideal that allows for far greater fodder for though that I could have ever created.

Undergraduate / Duke Supplemental (the stimulants of mind) [4]

Any feedback or critcism of this supplemental essay for Duke is greatly appreciated. Thanks alot in advance.
Prompt: Why do you consider Duke University a good fit for you?

As I sat in the Duke Focus Program Class, the stimulants of mind usually ignored were ignited. This ultimately opened up dynamics of a world through a different lens that allowed for far greater fodder for thought.

As I sat in Dr. Jiyong Yong's organic chemistry class, I was introduced to unique perspectives of problems that extended my thought process to something far greater than I had ever been accustomed to.

As I took my tour around the campus, I saw a school with rare outlets of opportunities for many of my passions from enjoying sports and in particular basketball, to debate, to scientific research. These are areas which Duke is truly unmatched by the rest of the country. But more important is the message conveyed through these possibilities. Duke is a school that allows for me the individual to be created. It is an institution that prospers economic thought which is something I have a life long goal of pursuing to its greatest existence. But at the same time, I saw a culture united under the same divine intervention of a University. This was a culture with tremendous faith in this divinity and faith in a certain divinity is an important principle to me which I adhere to. Ultimately, the combination of everything I was exposed to is something that truly will allow me to reach depths far greater that I can only imagine and the path to comprehending these oppurtunities will be most fruitful through Duke University.

Undergraduate / COMMON APP ESSAY FOR DARTMOUTH, UPENN, NORTHWESTERN AND OTHER SCHOOLS [37]

hows everybody doing, i know this is kind of late to be asking for common app help, but two things concern me 1. does this essay make sense and is it something unique and lasting or another clique on the light theme 2. length, i know 1000 words is too long for a common app essay, im trying to cut from 1400 to 800, im a litle stuck right now. Thanks so much in advance, all comments of any kind greatly appreciated.

TOPIC OF YOUR CHOICE 1,027 words

When I looked up, I had always seen a light. A sense of hope, spontaneity, an understanding of what you're doing is real. But where was that light in science? More importantly, what was its nature? I had no answers. I was hapless.

The sheer awe immersed my mind when I first saw a BK virus infected kidney. The kind of "yellowish hapless" pale engulfing the kidneys was the type of color that seemed implausible in the real world. The gashing veins and the soft tissue complexes seemed to be telling a story far beyond that of an autopsy. But what? I was simply too intimidated to progress any further.

Fast forward two and a half years to when I did lab work attempting to inhibit growth of BK virus through various drugs. I was now a junior, so much more "mature", "experienced", "eyes much more open to what reality has to offer". Hyperbole? Perhaps, but I was convinced my differences would lead to change. This time, I had a much greater background to work with. I was able to grasp the workings of the ATP-ase domain and I understood the work of the drugs that attempt to destroy them. I was no longer oblivious to the subtleties of the DNA language. I aggressively sought answers to what had gnawed at me.

I now felt a new sense of power. Not only had I become immersed in my subject, I realized the voice each drug provided. I felt the ability to relate biology to reality. I never doubted my control. Not only did I just scrutinize every drug, I was putting things comprehensibly together. I didn't just follow a set of directions when I operated the centrifuge; I was now directing the centrifuge. I learned the intricacies behind those answers. Finally, at the age of 17, it seemed like I was capable of realizing the depth of infinite possibilities. This was science coming together in different elements. When professors talked about scientists such as Albert Einstein or Charles Darwin achieving science at its true "zenith", this is what they meant. Of course I was not tweaking with quantum mechanics or battling religious groups about the presence of evolution, but I was achieving something far greater than a set of results. The lens through which I saw things was clearer. I was curious. I was a scientist. This must have been the light shining.

But how mistaken I was. The abject disappointment soon set in. When I truly analyzed the results, looked for the subtleties in the sought relationships, I became consumed by this very same BK virus. Nothing made sense. The variables, not possibilities, were infinite. How much was too much dilution factor? How many cycles on the centrifuge were too many? Something was seriously lacking. How arrogant I could have been for thinking this "zenith" was so rudimentary when it had gnawed at phenomenal minds before me? I knew better, I was "raised" better than this throughout my experience with lab work, but the allure of science had duped me. I wasn't any kind of scientist. I wasn't just hapless, I was paralyzed.

The aftermath was stark. The next month lacked a fire. I lost the ability to be surprised by anything. My work lacked cohesiveness. It reminded me of when I was in my native land, surrounded by filth with a dreary, timeless fan doing nothing to ease the heat, yet showing some form of elusive promise on top of me. I felt the same desolation.

However, I stuck to form; I was too engrossed to just leave my subject even without the shock. I still stayed in the lab for many hours analyzing through every set of data, the linear regressions, the t-values, the residuals, none of it ever left me. I was still fazed and adapted, but I retained the thought that the light never ceased to exist. However, rather than me trying to find it, I gave it the chance to find me.

As I continued to work, a latent external force seemed to pick up and guide me: tranquility. I was oblivious to it for a while, and its effects were gradual, but this calm that came from my empirical work soon took over. It wasn't a satisfaction but it can't be fully translated. However, in this state, I wasn't seeking relationships between different forms of science; rather I allowed them to engulf me. I was at ease, I was accepting; I was accepted. I let the forms around me dictate what happened. I wasn't waiting. I allowed myself to be paralyzed by the unknown in the results. I still sought to eradicate its existence, but for the first time in my life, I felt the unknown. I didn't just acknowledge it; I felt its harmony, rhythm and ambiguity. This was science. This was the light; it wasn't a form of hope like it had been before, rather a wave of harmony that comes from grimacing right at it and seeing all the rays burst out in all directions and knowing there is a form of prosperity staring at you all the time.

Finally, things changed. Those variables suddenly ceased to exist. Things started co-existing. Finally, my results were tangible and could lead to something really significant. The idea of zenith was superficial, we create the apex in science, not the subject, but the calming presence told me all I needed. The truest bliss was with me this whole time; it just needed its natural environment to be revealed.

It would be a mistake to look at this as a significant moment that changed me. That is creating a limit, destroying the spontaneity. Rather, this spontaneity must begin to now lead me.

In many ways, a framed mindset, even a hypothesis, can be dangerous. It tries to create a message behind curiosity and thought. It tries to limit naivety; perhaps my greatest asset. The ability to concede with this paralysis, to keep the unknown alive in me has been my proudest accomplishment. I have let that light I know keep shining; its presence even when clouded is nature's greatest purity.