Undergraduate / International trip alone? [2]

This past summer, I went to India all by myself (while still 16, yay for traveling minors).

I decided to respond to UC Prompt #2 with a narrative about my experiences on the trip:
"2.Tell us about a quality/accomplishment/experience that is important to you. What about this makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?"

I feel like I'm sounding too contrived and... forced in this essay. any feedback would be great!
Main idea: how I value independence and my tolerance/appreciation of diversity+foreign cultures.

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I stepped into the LAX international terminal for what had to be at least the tenth time in my life, yet for once I was very anxious. I was only two hours away from taking my first international trip - flying solo. Thus far in life, I had always had my parents nagging me to look after the suitcases and hold on to my passport. The prospect of complete independence this time around was scary and exhilarating; I would be free to decide by myself when to sleep, what to eat, who to meet and how to get around. Looking around the airport, I relished idea of soon becoming one of those frenzied people vibrantly rushing about. Soon enough, I began what became the most exciting and eye-opening trip of my sixteen years. Along the course of two practically sleepless days, I displayed my confidence, independence and international awareness to the fullest.

The moment I settled into my seat, I couldn't hold back my anticipation. Rather than spending my ten-hour flight snoozing like my elderly neighbor, I wanted to take full advantage of the cultural diversity offered right on my personal seat screen. I spent the first few hours watching Korean movies, listening to my favorite Japanese pop artist, and loudly reciting words in Italian from the flight's language-learning program. Upon arriving in Singapore for a daylong stopover, I set out to make the most of every hour I had. When grabbing a breakfast of Indonesian coffee, I chatted with the shop owner about our unusual experiences with airport food. I signed myself up for a city tour and felt an extreme sense of accomplishment when showing my passport to the lady at the check-in counter. The entire day, I felt a sense of responsibility and worldliness that gave me a massive boost of energy. From my new South African and Australian friends, I picked up some very useful slang terms. In Little India, the wrinkled old woman in the chutney shop struck up a conversation with me in Hindi, so I obliged heartily with broken words. In a mere ten hours or so, I had made strong friendships, learned new languages, and managed to hold on to all my bearings. Finally, I could say that I had seen diversity and cultural chaos up close - and it was beautiful.

In a lot of ways, the trip was my personal precursor to college. I had never before felt so uninhibited, yet matured at the same time. In the next four years, I will have to be just as self-reliant as I was on my way to India. If I can ask for directions in a foreign country, I'll be able to handle getting to my first classes of the year. Spending a whole day in Singapore with people from all around the globe that I had just met prepared me for the diversity that is so integral in today's educational society. I had always expressed the desire to be independent and experience a convergence of different - and I was finally able to do so. Next year, when I go to college, my life is going to change drastically. I will have freedom, but serious responsibility along with it. But I feel ready to accept and take on that change with optimism and confidence in my ability to be self-reliant and understand different ideas, cultures, and people.

Undergraduate / UC Prompt 1: K-pop [9]

Prompt: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

I'm not sure if my response to this prompt is what UC will accept =/ Some people have said things like "this is fine because that's your world right now and has been for a while" - and others say that "they want family or community background, things you grew up with". I figured the prompt was worded broadly enough for my topic to fit...

Any feedback would be eternally appreciated!

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When I was twelve years old, a friend from school introduced me to the overwhelming and thrilling world of "k-pop". Korean music did not quite appeal to me at first, but soon enough the fast-paced entertainment had sung its way into my life and heart. My world was transformed as I delved into a deliciously foreign experience, and my true ambitions were dramatically altered.

Coming from strict Indian families, my parents were initially quite unpleased with my foray into a very new realm. People around me did not understand my seemingly random fascination with Asian music, and I was constantly made fun of for appreciating something that to them was bizarre and awkward. Despite the lack of acceptance, I decided that I would not hide my k-pop affairs in shame, but rather use them to positively influence my life and those of others.

At school, I co-founded the Asian Cultural Exchange club, through which I reached out to the students that were willing to expand their horizons as well. My parents and peers warmed up and began to support my endeavors when they realized how much more focused my goals had become. I fell urgently and irreversibly in love with the idea of positively transforming others' perceptions of foreign cultures. Going to events like the Korean Music Festival fuelled my ambition to facilitate awareness and share my love of k-pop with the world. I would like to someday run a travel agency through which I can bridge cultural divides by allowing everyone to transcend their societal, cultural, and traditional boundaries - just as I had done when I turned to Asian music as an unconventional outlet for expression.

K-pop has made me realize that when I go out in the world, I will help people because I do not want them to conform. To be restricted by the expectations of society would tear me apart. Just as Korean and other foreign music have given me the opportunity to express myself shamelessly, I would like to provide the less privileged with journeys into such beautifully unconventional worlds. Everyone deserves to be free in their beliefs, curiosities, and knowledge - and I want to promote that as much as possible. If ever I give someone that sense of freedom, even for a fleeting yet cherished moment, I will feel worthwhile. These days, some still call me a "wannabe", but I know that I am just lucky enough to have found passion and direction in a very unlikely, yet exhilarating environment. As I sit here in my room listening to the latest k-pop release on my iPod, posters of famous Asian celebrities crookedly taped on the wall, I hungrily anticipate the cultural wonders that life has to offer - and that I will use to carve a place in my diverse and changing world.

Undergraduate / UC Prompt 2 - My best friend's grandma [19]

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

- This essay of mine is relatively fragmented and unfinished (I wasn't planning on using this one, but popular consensus has been that it's better than the other one I wrote for the same prompt). I realize that I still need to talk more about how the experience makes me proud/relates to me. Any feedback would be very appreciated!

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I couldn't understand the first thing that the old woman softly muttered. She shuffled around the kitchen, absentmindedly picking up pots and pans with her fragile hands. How am I going to get through the next few weeks? I thought anxiously to myself. For about a month in the summer, I would have to take care of and supervise sickly Li Hua during the weekdays. The task was seemingly easy enough - save for the fact that she is my friend's Chinese grandmother and knows no English save for "thank you" and "bye". Yet, little did I know that in just four weeks a petite, hunched old lady would change my life.

At first, I wasn't sure how to communicate effectively because of the daunting language barrier. Soon enough, I devised small hand gestures that allowed us to understand each other's basic actions. A hand to the mouth was "eat", and one to the ear indicated that I should turn on the radio. This system worked for a while, and I was rewarded with a sweet, wavering smile when I prepared Li's lunch well or turned the radio up. Subconsciously, I waited for these fleeting moments of her happiness because they, in turn, lit up my days.

After a second week, I decided to forgo my apprehension and learn some words in Mandarin. With my first few tries, Li laughed at my pronunciation with understanding and gratitude. I felt proud of my efforts, but even better was her reaction - knowing that I could make her feel comfortable with my presence was invaluable. Sometimes, I carefully observed her cautious, graceful movements. I noticed that she preferred to sit on the right side of the couch, liked grape jelly with her bread in the morning, and loved looking at pictures in children's books. Thus, a person who seemed so foreign to me at first became very relatable. The hours of each day began to fly by as we bridged our cultural gap through small, yet appreciative gestures. When Li entrusted me with the smallest of tasks, like opening the backyard door to let in some air, I felt a fierce sense of self-worth. I had finally been given true responsibility, and someone was relying on me to do my best.

Once we both overcame our doubts, I was invited to sit with Li Hua while we watched sappy Chinese dramas or looked at colorful drawings together. Often wordlessly, we shared interests and rewarding moments that were never obstructed by our outward and ethnic differences. I grew patience for Li Hua's deliberate movements and halting requests, and consequently, for everyone around me. Without realizing it, I had become more calm and tolerant in my attitude towards others - all because of one old lady who reached out to me with her heart and her trust.

In just four short summer weeks, I had learned more than I had ever expected to about my own character. I found that cultural divides are definitely not unyielding - and was proud when I was able to show that yes, I could truly understand a heart without understanding the words. With my newfound maturity, I will continue on in college and life as someone receptive to others' needs and unafraid to connect with all types of people. Although Li Hua passed away just recently, I will take every instance of joy, care, and wisdom we exchanged to better the lives of everyone that I encounter.

Undergraduate / Common App Short Answer + Essay: Indian dance + elderly caretaking job [4]

These are my tentative common app essays (the second is my UC2 essay, just tweaked and added to a bit) - all critique and advice will be wholly appreciated! [:

SHORT ANSWER:

Heavy bells around my ankles clang as I take my position behind the ominous curtains. My outfit's rich, golden-red hues are in vibrant parallel with the music that is introduced on the loudspeaker. The curtains are pulled up as if by an invisible puppeteer, and the dance begins. This is Bharat Natyam - the Indian classical dance form that takes me from the stage on which my bells strongly resound and throws me into an alternate world of concentration, beauty, and precision. Whether I am practicing at home or performing on stage, I lose track of left and right; all I feel are the rigorous steps invading my bones and brain, frantically urging me along until a stanza is over and I receive the luxury of a ten-minute break. Bharat Natyam is exhausting and sometimes mind numbing - yet my immersion in a beautiful, whirlwind universe of song and movement is invaluable.

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ESSAY (can someone also suggest which CApp essay topic this would fit best under?):

I couldn't understand the first thing the old woman softly muttered. She shuffled around the kitchen, absentmindedly picking up utensils with her fragile hands. "How am I going to get through this?" I thought anxiously to myself. For a month in the summer, I would have to supervise sickly Li Hua during the weekdays. The task was seemingly easy enough - save for the fact that she was my friend's Chinese grandmother and knew no English other than "thank you" and "bye". Little did I know that in just four weeks a petite, hunched old lady would change my life.

Initially, I wasn't sure how to communicate effectively because of the daunting language barrier. Soon, I decided to devise small hand gestures that allowed us to understand each other's basic actions. A hand to the mouth was "eat", and one to the ear indicated that I should turn on the radio. This system worked well, and I was rewarded with a sweet, wavering smile whenever I prepared Li's lunch carefully or turned the radio volume up. Subconsciously, I waited for these fleeting moments of her happiness because they, in turn, lit up my days.

After a second week, I decided to forgo my apprehension and learn some words in Mandarin. With my first few tries, Li laughed at my pronunciation with understanding and gratitude. I felt proud of my efforts, but even better was her reaction - knowing that I could make her feel comfortable with my presence was invaluable. Sometimes, I carefully observed her cautious, graceful movements. I noticed that she preferred to sit on the right side of the couch, liked grape jelly with her bread in the morning, and loved looking at pictures in children's books. Thus, a person who seemed so foreign to me at first steadily became more relatable. Each day began to fly by as we bridged our cultural gap through small, appreciative gestures. When Li entrusted me with the smallest of tasks, like opening the backyard door to let in some air, I felt a fierce sense of self-worth. I had finally been given true responsibility, and someone was relying on me to do my best.

Once we both overcame our doubts, I was invited to sit with Li Hua while we watched sappy Chinese dramas or looked at colorful drawings together. Some days, we would take walks around the expansive house as Li silently pointed out pictures of her family, herself, and little trinkets brought from China. Often wordlessly, we shared interests and rewarding moments that were never obstructed by our outward and ethnic differences. I grew patience for Li Hua's deliberate actions and halting requests, and consequently, for everyone around me. Without realizing it, I had become more calm and tolerant in my attitude towards others - all because of one elderly woman who reached out to me with her heart and trust. I was told that after I left the house each day, Li would ask my friend where "the sweet helper" had gone.

In four short weeks, I had learned more than I had ever expected to about my own character. I found that cultural divides are definitely not unyielding and was proud to show that, indeed, I could truly understand a heart without understanding the words. Much of my time in college will be spent forging relationships with significant people, and I am now confident in my ability to confidently approach others and investigate what makes them unique. With my newfound maturity, I will continue on in school and life as someone who is receptive to others' needs and unafraid to connect with all types of people. Instead of shying away from a challenge, no matter in what shape or form or body it may be, now I feel ready to take it on with care and attention to detail. Although Li Hua passed away recently, I will use every instance of joy and care we exchanged to better the lives of everyone that I encounter.

Thanks everyone!

Undergraduate / U Chicago main essay: flashdrives and k-pop [8]

Any and all comments will be gratefully considered. :DD
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Prompt: How did you get Caught?
Tap tap tap. I heard my mother knocking loudly on my bedroom door, wanting to come in and grab some supplies. Quickly, I turned off my laptop's media player and switched my Internet tab to a random Wikipedia page. I breathed a sigh of cautious relief as my mother wafted in and back out without suspecting a thing. For a month now, I had been carefully hiding from my parents my newly discovered source of entertainment - Korean music, commonly known as "k-pop".

To me, k-pop was a relaxing and enjoyable way to expand my cultural horizons, but I felt I would become a social pariah if my passions were exposed to the world. I wasn't used to keeping secrets from my family, especially one involving something so seemingly innocuous. Yet I assumed that if my parents were to find out, they would label my new taste as an unhealthy obsession and ban me from it. I hadn't grown up with many Korean peers, and I feared that if my current friends and community members got wind of my actions, I would instantly be labeled as the awkward girl with bizarre taste. Thus, I chose to keep all things related to k-pop shut away in my room, only daring to deal with them when I was completely alone and there was a lesser risk of someone, anyone, waltzing in on my secret. Deep down, I yearned to share my newfound interest with others, but on the surface I was tangled in a self-spun web of restraint and embarrassment. For a while, I couldn't find my way out.

It was a gloomy Monday morning on which I was finally caught, and simultaneously released from my own trap. I had a PowerPoint presentation due that day in my ninth grade English class. As I rushed out of the house, I grabbed my back-up flash drive instead of my usual one - forgetting that I had placed a few Korean music files in it to safeguard them from prying eyes. When my teacher pulled up the data in my drive on the class projector, my first file folder popped up and the words "Korean Music" seemed to leap out of the screen, assaulting my eyes. I was mortified as I looked around the class to observe everyone's reaction. I can't believe this is happening. Some of my friends were staring in my direction with raised eyebrows, others were laughing good-naturedly, and the Korean kids looked especially surprised. There was what seemed like an infinite pause before I heard, "Hey, you listen to Korean music? ... That's pretty cool!"

For a moment, I was rendered speechless. All this time I had worried about a negative reception, a series of caustic insults - and they thought it was cool? To me, this reception was entirely unexpected and somewhat intimidating, but one that my mind hungrily devoured in a matter of seconds. After class many people came up to me, inquiring about my favorite Korean boy bands, the most recent drama I watched, and how I began my k-pop affairs. I was overwhelmed by the amount of genuine curiosity and excitement with which my peers approached my interest and me; I knew I wouldn't have to hide in shame any longer.

Getting caught five years ago was an eye-opening experience that has influenced how I act, think, and carry myself to this day. At the time, I had been crippled by my sense of dread, forcing myself to keep hidden that which I had a true passion for. Soon, I realized that I should never have to cover up my interests for the sake of being another sheep in the pack. My parents, although apprehensive when I first told them about the incident and my musical preferences, have learned to embrace the diversity I brought into our home. I have since ventured into many other cultural realms, and whether I am downloading Irish band Westlife's many albums, listening to my favorite Japanese rock bands, or watching weekly episodes of Bizarre World, I am no longer afraid to stand out and show everyone what I love. See, sometimes, getting caught is only a technicality on the path towards something more powerful - breaking free. And that's just what I have done.

Undergraduate / University of Chicago Essay - A dream about lakes, bridges, and The Box [3]

Hey everyone! This is my attempt at this Chicago supplemental essay:

How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire for a particular kind of learning, community, and future? Please address with some specificity your own wishes and how they relate to Chicago.

Any feedback would be appreciated! Do you believe I explain my own wishes clearly(the whole dream sequence is supposed to indicate my desires as well)? I'm having a lot of trouble with these schools' WHY US essays </3, hehehe.

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An alarm clock buzzed on the bedside table and I got up, rubbing my eyes in preparation for a long day. Through the window, I saw off in a distance the glassy water of Lake Michigan and the venerable presence of the Mitchell Tower. I rushed through the DelGiorno House and to The Box for a quick breakfast, stopping to chat with a housemate about an upcoming Indiana Dunes trip. As I stepped onto the lush, green pathway leading to my Art of Asia class, I took in my surroundings with childish wonder. The powerful energy emanating from the majestic gothic architecture coursed through my veins, serving as just a preview of the intellectual vitality, groundbreaking research, and witty conversations I could find within. After two invigorating hours of examining original Japanese woodblock prints with ten students and an active professor, I headed to the Botany Pond Bridge (no kisses for me this time) and on to my favorite place - the Regenstein Library. Later, after a speech by Carol Moseley and dinner cooked by my roommate, I crawled into bed. I sighed with contentment and went to turn the lights out when...

I woke up. Suddenly I was back in my messy room in Simi Valley, having fallen asleep in front of my laptop while writing my University of Chicago essays. Although I was unwillingly sucked from my reverie of the perfect college day, my mind and heart craved for more. Where else can I listen to speeches by some of the world's greatest scholars, live in a Hogwarts-esque house with its own crazy yet beloved traditions, and examine ancient artwork with professors that discovered them? For me, the university is the one place where young minds like mine went to embrace uniqueness, and were truly embraced in return. As for my wishes? I want to be in a school where I'm surrounded by a group of students like me who really care about what they learn, and don't just take the path of least resistance. I know that at Chicago, I'll be taught how to think, how to question knowledge and actively participate in my education instead of just absorbing and regurgitating facts. Like in my dream, I want to thrive in an intelligent student body that is eager to discuss things from Asian art to inter-house cooking challenges, scavenger hunt items to Hyde Park bookstores - all in a city that's just as vibrant as the college in it. When I'm older, I want to look back on my college experience and say, "That's the school that taught me how to survive and thrive in the world, and the reason why I'm succeeding as a *insert awesome career here* today". And if I go to the University of Chicago, I know I'll be able to do so proudly. So, as I turned back to my laptop, a blank Word document beckoning me eagerly, I began to write. Next year, I thought. Let's make that dream a reality.