Undergraduate /
Smith essay! (Is a women's college still relevant in 2009?& WHY SMITH.) [2]
"So there I met Smith College and surprised"
so there i met smith college alumni?representatives and was surprised.
"I knew that living on Smith campus is like
living in a palace; I knew that the prof"
I know that living on Smith campus will be like
living in a palace----dont write in present tense youve not lived there yet so dont write "knew" write know everywhere else aswell
"ew Smith is my choice: it's a warm family converging diversities and versatilities."
this sentence doesnt link up to the rest because you havent talked about the versitality or family and youre just bluntly stating stuff --rephrase last line
and
1.When Smith College was founded in 1871, there were few educational opportunities for women. Is a women's college still relevant in 2009? (Limit response to 150 words)
In 1871, women could hardly get equal opportunities of higher education as men did. Though women's position has been greatly enhanced, lots of women's rights to education still get ignored. When I came back to my father's birth place, a deprived village in the northern China, I found barely had girls in my age received education like I did. They became wives while urban women entered colleges.
In this era, women's college aims more than educational equality. It assists women realize their dream of becoming writers or leaders, etc. It helps us know how to make difference with our inner potential. In the place where we are the centre and carefully attended, diversities stand out above the similarities we share.
in this one esp in the las tpara add yourself into it stop stating facts without somehow relating yourself or saying i becuz a lot of girls might tthink that you need to show how uve been effected and hence why u think a girls college is necessary
im applying here aswell goodluck =D