Undergraduate / admissions essay--WHY DO YOU WANT TO ATTEND NYUAD? [10]

Since the time i started making plans or began setting goals for my future, the one thing that I had in my mind was to acquire high levels of education which would help me to achieve those great heights and those great dreams that I have always dreamed of! In high school, while I was still initiating my future plans, I had one firm or strong thought in my mind: to be in a university where my dreams would acquire a real form, where education would not just be confined to any cultural limits or boundaries, where only those bright minds and faces would be accepted who truly posses the ability of being able to understand, that education is not a tool that makes a straight-cut ditch of a free meandering brook, but, it is a kind of continuing dialog that assumes different points of views. I wish to be surrounded by a faculty who would not just educate me with the wisdom of the world, but, also guide me transforming myself right from head to toe into a responsible citizen, not just of my city, state, or country, but the globe as a whole. I aspire to make a mark for myself on this planet. What better place would there be for engaging my ambitions, than NYUAD? I believe that NYUAD would be the first and the most important step of my career and a place where I could pursue my goals and aspirations in the true sense!

Writing Feedback / History -- A waste of time? 'meaning of a Microprocessor' [2]

THE STUDY OF HISTORY IS A WASTE OF TIME SINCE IT DRIFTS US AWAY FROM ADDRESSING THE CHALLENGES OF PRESENT TIMES.
Write an essay supporting, disputing, or qualifying the statement. You may use examples from history, popular culture, current events, or personal experiences to support your position.

(The following are just the first two paragraphs...Kindly post your suggestions. I am quite concerned with the second para..it doesn't sound good)

History teaches us what we have evolved from and the evolution of all the things around us. Hence, I quite disagree with the statement that, "The study of history is a waste of time".

Studying history would not just get us acquainted with the beginnings, but, also make us realize the basics. After all, only the knowledge of basics would help us go further. For instance, I had this subject called Microprocessors which I would really find boring. The first few chapters were based on the history of Microprocessors and the knowledge of the first of their kinds that were discovered. I would always wonder whether, why on Earth would they want us to memorize the stuff based on chips that were discovered ages ago! Why not just the knowledge of the latest and the newest ones that are actually in use today? Its just towards the end of the book, that i realized how important were the first few chapters! If only the present-day chips were mentioned, it would have taken me ages to figure out the function of each part on the chip. Probably, I would have never been able to understand the actual meaning of a Microprocessor, either. All the related terms would have been aliens for me, then!

Writing Feedback / Television- A Boon or a Bane? [6]

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Teacher, Mother, Secret lover! What else can it be, than our very own Television?

Over the years, the popularity of television has grown to such an extent that today, at least one Television set can be found in almost every home in the world. Its the menace that everyone loves to hate but can't seem to live without.

Nowadays, there are hundreds of television channels. For those who are ill or housebound, television provides them with a company while they are alone, whereas others just enjoy the entertainment factor. Entertainment in the home can be very challenging for the most loving families; therefore television can be a good thing as it can provide parents with a "babysitter"! For those older folk who can no longer cope with going out for shopping, TV is the answer! Not to forget the teens who simply can't seem to have enough of Hannah Montana or the lovely middle-aged ladies who love watching their favorite series of either 'Desperate Housewives' or 'Sex and The City'! Though, actually going to a concert has a better atmosphere than just watching it on television, some people praise this as it is much cheaper than buying a ticket to go to the venue itself. TV has brought the education at viewers' door-steps. It has encouraged formal and open education in a big way.

Well, those were just the 'WOW' factors of Television. However, its not all good! For instance, while I was in middle-school, I had this unforgettable poem on a couple who was highly addicted to TV. They watched Television for days and nights together; never did they make a single movement! It seemed as if Television was the one and only sole reason for them to stay alive. Suddenly, after a few days, the electricity went off making the screen go blank. Its just at that point of time that they looked at each other for the first time ever and exchanged some warm 'Hello's and 'How do you do's. However, just minutes later, the screen was back in motion and so was the couple back again glued to their precious TV set. Hence, they were never ever able to figure out what they were for each other as their so-called precious TV set never let them exchange any 'Who are you's!

Maybe, this example sounds a bit too graphical, but, it is true indeed! Therefore, someone had rightly said, "When Television is good, nothing is better, but remember, when it is bad, nothing is worse!" It is, indeed, an anesthetic pain of the modern world. It has been successful in destroying the peace and harmony in many homes. Also, its influence on children has been very bad. It has made a child from an irresistible force to an immovable object. Not to forget, how it takes away the privacy out of the lives of some. The sex, violence, rapes, murders, cheap dances and obscene scenes shown in TV series and films simply pollute the minds of the youth. These are just a few evils because of which the TV has gained a new nick- 'The Idiot Box'!

Thus, Television is a mixed blessing. All Television is educational Television. The question is: what is it teaching? It was certainly not intended to make humans vacuous, but, it is an emanation of their vacuity. The advantages and disadvantages of TV viewing are there. It is need of the hour that only good, healthy, educative, and moral programs are telecast on TV. After all, Entertainment is a must, but, it should be with a purpose!

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Besides providing a feedback for the essay, I would love to receive some help on the following too:

Its probably the social networking sites because of which I have lost a bit of my ability to write continuous statements while writing an essay(without using those "..." which I usually have to use for expressing myself). Also, the language that I use these days, sounds so laid-back which is a sure no-no for essays and stuff...I mean, using formal statements and all has become a li'll difficult for me these days(though, I am trying hard, that it doesn't show in my essays, while I write). Thanks to the spell-check that helped me in avoiding the short-forms! I am a Science student and haven't written any essays since the past 2 years. I am doing it now, as I have to appear for my SAT and TOEFL tests...and also write a couple of admissions essays. Any suggestions or tips on how I could re-gain that ability back again or simply improve my language skills?

Essays / Tagline for a fitness startup - No more excuses... [2]

No more excuses to fitness...

Hello,

Need help with a tagline for a fitness startup. It solves the following issues:
1) Lack of motivation to workout
2) Lack of interest due to same form of workout everyday
3) Lack of time required to commute to the workout location
4) Lack of personalized and overall approach to fitness (diet + workout)

The tagline that I could think of is "No more excuses to fitness..."
Could this be tweaked in a better way or perhaps any suggestions for a tagline are most welcome.

Thank you in advance.

Regards,
Silkesha

Also, mission statement- "Helps you to get fit at work, home or school with your peers thus eliminating the obstacles between you and a fitter you."

Please suggest if this sounds concise and to the point or needs to be tweaked.

Thank you once again.