Undergraduate / "devoted to my goals, and confident" -personal or creative essay that describes YOU. [14]

Hello people,

I have somewhat of an essay for Georgetown's essay requirement. It's not completed, but I need some direction/guidance with some structural/grammatical feedback. I know it's not very long right now, but I have a lot of ideas in my mind that I just cannot put into solid wording. I'm in now way asking anyone to complete this for me, but maybe some brainstorming ideas as to where I could take this essay. I'm applying to about 10 schools, and it gets extremely difficult after a while! Any help? Thanks!

Kurt

"On December 16, 2010, I lied anxiously on my soft, cool bed. Despite the exhaustion of finals week, I found it extremely difficult to fall asleep. Knowing that I was graduating from my local community college with high honors the next day, I could not help but think about the journey I was so fortunate to be a part of, and all the hard work and time I put in to accomplish my challenging and demanding goals. I wasn't worried, scared or intimidated by what the future held, however. I was excited. I was excited for new opportunities in a more diverse community, and the chance to grow and prosper at a four-year institution. I was excited for a new beginning.

I am an indomitable human being: devoted to my goals and confident in my ability to excel at a prestigious university such as Georgetown by utilizing my problem solving, critical reasoning, and mathematical skills. I am confident in my capability to strengthen the university's outstanding reputation, and contribute to the local and global communities by getting involved in need-based volunteer opportunities for the less fortunate."

Now with the second paragraph...If I were to use that as my starting paragraph, how could I incorporate the first paragraph later on in the essay? Should I just remove the first two sentences and just use some ideas for the later parts of the essay? Should I keep the format of the first paragraph and use it almost as a conclusion?

Thanks for your help, fella's.

Undergraduate / "to expand my education and obtain an accounting degree" - Reasons for transferring [10]

Prompt: "Please provide a statement (250 words minimum) that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve."

The following essay is for NYU and UVA through the common application. Any critique is welcome. Any additions/deletions to be made? Does it explain my wishes for transferring and my personal/educational objectives well? Thanks!

"As a graduate from my local two-year community college, I wish to transfer to a four-year university to expand my education and obtain a bachelor's degree in accounting. I seek new and intricate challenges that will help me thrive ...

after edits:

It was three in the morning on a hot, midsummer night. I was still at work, a place without air conditioning or heat-a place where I felt separated from success. I had worked in a factory as a member of the receiving team; a full-time job with 12 hour shifts, Monday through Friday, and mandatory Saturday's. Work consumed my life. It wasn't just any job; it was a dead-end job. With a never-ending work schedule, finding time for education felt impossible. I became fed up and frustrated because I had watched family and long-time friends succeed by graduating college, and finding employment relevant to their studies. I found myself in this predicament after two failed attempts in furthering my education.

I had failed because of a lack of maturity and attendance, as well as a hearing disability that made it difficult for me to learn and comprehend. I knew that I needed to do something with my life-I knew I needed another chance to excel at a two-year school in order to transfer and pursue my dream of obtaining a bachelor's degree. In thinking about my future in a conversation with my mom, I had an epiphany. I realized that if I could work in such grueling and demanding circumstances in a job that was going nowhere, then I could use that wasted potential in fulfilling my dream.

And so I did. A week later, I quit my job and applied to Elgin Community College. I found myself-an intelligent, motivated young man that is capable of achieving my dreams. Since my enrollment at Elgin Community College I have maintained an exceptional GPA, and have continuously attended since the spring of 2009. In my accomplishments, I have made the Dean's list numerous times, and became a member of Phi Theta Kappa. Not only have I maintained academic excellence, but I also have contributed to the college by volunteering. As a recent and proud graduate from ECC with an associate's in science, I have excelled above and beyond expectations. I fully understand what I'm capable of, and seek new challenges that will help me thrive and further prosper as an outstanding student, leader, friend, and classmate.

In transferring to a four-year college, I wish to obtain a bachelor's degree in accounting. In my studies, I will receive an incomparable education from some of the nation's top professors. Furthermore, the disciplined and rigorous college curriculum will enhance my social, personal and leadership skills by providing unprecedented opportunities and resources to succeed. By taking advantage of the university's resources, I plan on gaining on-the-job accounting experience via an internship. Although completing the undergraduate program is extremely important, I plan to continue my education to achieve the ultimate goal: earning a master's degree. After successful completion of the graduate program, I will utilize my unique and disciplined skillsets in finding lucrative opportunities in governmental accounting.

Aside from my quest to obtain a degree, I hope to fortify my leadership skills by taking charge in independent and group projects by collaborating equitably with peers. Additionally, I hope to further strengthen my personal and social skills by utilizing the university's many resources to volunteer in the local community; whether it is pertinent to my career, for environmental purposes, or just for fun, as being a strong, contributing student and citizen to the university is tremendously important to me. Serving as a current member of Phi Theta Kappa, and volunteer for the Boys and Girls Club, I plan on using the skill sets acquired in these positions to strengthen the school's reputation by contributing to clubs and organizations like the math club, honors society, and accounting club.

Developing a strong companionship with a diverse community is very important to me. During my time at ECC, I have come to realize that learning in a diverse community will help teach me about other cultural backgrounds, and how they relate to me as an individual. I plan to further understand diversity as a whole, and be able to incorporate a stronger cultural understanding of the members of the global society in my studies. Since I am diverse in my own way, I plan to contribute my uniqueness to the university by meeting new people, and sharing my personal values, customs and background to others in the global community. I have found an interest in helping international students cope with their transition to the United States, and hope to be given the opportunity to help these students succeed.

I am confident that my positive academic trend is a true depiction of my character and devotion to succeeding at a four-year college-as I know that based upon acceptance, this unique opportunity will not be taken for granted. I wish to carry these trends to my transferring school, and prove that I'm able to contribute to the university, and excel as a leader. I have finally accepted the consequences of my failed attempts at higher education, and have made amends to my dark academic past. Even in the face of adversity, nothing can stop me.

Undergraduate / "The rising national debt" Local, national, or global issues: What do I pick and why? [6]

Prompt: What issue of local, national, or international significance concerns you? Why?

This has to be limited to one page. I feel that my essay got extremely weak towards the end and need some feedback/suggestions in how to strengthen it with many of the points/issues that I've made. It was hard for me to write this because I know so much and have a lot to ay and could not fit it all on one page, and I don't like me ending paragraph at all. This essay put me at the threshold of the limit. Does this fit the prompt well? Please feel free to add ANY type of suggestion.

There are many issues, both national and global, that affect my future after graduation. The issue of greatest importance, personally, is the state of the U.S. economy. The national debt is increasing, unemployment remains high, and the housing market continues to falter. The preceding factors alone have spiraled the United States further into the recession that has plagued the nation since 2008, and has greatly affected my family. Furthermore, many economists have predicted that the United States will not see an effective recovery until 2018, at the earliest. The state of the U.S. economy is an issue that foists immense uncertainties on millions of citizens for generations to come.

The rising national debt is detrimental to my ability to stimulate the economy because of the inevitable rise in Federal income taxes, and higher taxes means less disposable income. The increased spending forces millions of Americans, including myself, to save their money instead of spend. Not only will these tax increases affect me, but they will also affect millions of future college graduates. Since college is already expensive, a rise in taxes will place a larger financial burden on those wishing to further their education in the future.

Because millions of jobs have been lost, finding lucrative job opportunities after graduation will be vastly difficult. Unfortunately, economists have claimed that a large quantity of jobs that have been lost have no chance in being reinstated, and it is discouraging to know that I will be graduating in a time of such high unemployment. This predicament presents a negative impact on the ability of millions of future college graduates, such as myself, in repaying their student loans after graduation. My sister fell victim to the economy because of her inability to find employment relevant to her career after graduation, and struggles to repay her student loans.

Due to the practices of financial institutions regarding mortgage loans and applications, first time homebuyers will have a difficult time meeting the stiffened requirements of obtaining a mortgage at a low interest rate when ready to apply. Additionally, the dwindling housing market will affect my ability to land a job in the geographical area of my liking. With that in mind, I hope the Federal government will implement another first time homebuyer's tax credit in aiding the purchase of my first home in a more attractive market.

Despite economic turmoil, I remain driven to follow through with my aspirations of receiving higher education. I hope to utilize the skills obtained in the rigorous college curriculum and apply my divergent and unique ideas in aiding individuals and corporations through tough economic times. Although the economy is weak, I am confident in my ability to excel as an outstanding leader while providing sound advice and service to those in need. The recession is a serious issue that affects not only me, but also the entire globe. However, I am diligent and confident in my ability to aid myself, and others, out of the recession, and gain economic stability and certainty.

Undergraduate / Georgetown: What are your influences for studying business? [5]

APPLICANTS TO THE MCDONOUGH SCHOOL OF BUSINESS: Briefly describe the factors that have influenced your interest in studying business.

Some feedback would be awesome for this short essay. I was debating whether or not to include a small concluding paragraph tying in my influences, but was not sure if it needed it. Any feedback would be great!

The most important factor in my decision to study business is the national financial crisis. In 2008 banks were starting to collapse, and automobile manufacturer's needed bailout money in order to survive. Since these situations have taken place, I have become increasingly interested in learning how to prevent them from happening, and look to use the knowledge from the business curriculum to aid possible solutions.

The challenge in pulling the economy out of the recession and into economic growth is another factor that is greatly influencing me to study business. With the rigorous course curriculum at McDonough School of Business, I am confident in my ability to one day propose a more efficient budget system that would allow individuals and corporations to better stimulate the economy. I relish the possibility for me to contribute to an important national issue.

Another important influence on me is the practice of ethical behavior among businesses. Since the economy is struggling, some businesses tend to act fraudulently. My financial accounting teacher has mentioned on numerous occasions that when there is a recession, there is fraud. I would like to utilize my strong ethical morals and values in making sure that individuals and corporations are using fair business practice.

Undergraduate / "Due to economic turmoil.." - UTexas-Austin issue of importance [11]

issue of importance essay

Choose an issue of importance to you-the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope-and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.

Would appreciate if someone took a look at this and gave me some feedback. Some things may be worded weird, but this is just a rough draft. Thanks in advance.

In 2008, the National Bureau of Economic Research had publically announced that the United States was in a deep recession. This announcement had come as no surprise because many economists had predicted a recession due to the economic decline since late 2007. One of the largest contributing factors is the housing bubble, which has caused millions of Americans to lose their homes by foreclosure. Additionally, what was once a worthy investment to real estate gurus and homeowners, the value of homes has dropped significantly, causing many to lose thousands to hundreds of thousands of dollars, and ultimately, their homes. The faltering housing market had forced banks to borrow money from the Federal government in order to avoid a collapse in not only the banking system, but also the global financial system. As a result, the economic crisis not only affects my family and me, but also my friends, and millions of citizens across America.

Unfortunately, the recession imposes adversity on my future as a student, and my position as a jobseeker after graduation. As an aspiring business major, I plan on furthering my studies related to accounting and, with high unemployment throughout the country, it will be extremely difficult for me to gain financial security. The inability to find stable employment greatly affects my student loans, as repaying them will be substantially difficult. Because of the job market, many would-be students do not find worth in college if they are unable to find a job relating to their undergraduate studies. Not only does this pertain to me, but also millions of college students across the nation.

Due to economic turmoil, my family has faced many challenges. My father was let go of a job that he had occupied for 25 years, and was unable to find employment for nine months preceding his departure. This situation had caused him extreme financial hardship, and was on the brink of bankruptcy before finding the job he currently holds. Additionally, the declining housing market had caused his home to be "under water," which essentially means that he owes more on the house than it is worth. Furthermore, as a recent college graduate, my sister has struggled to find full-time employment pertinent to her undergraduate studies. As a result, she has worked small waitressing jobs in hopes to gain financial stability while repaying her college debt.

Harry S. Truman once said that "it's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours." With millions of people out of work, and no recovery in sight for the housing market, economists have claimed that the nation will not see a recovery until 2018, at the earliest. What does the future hold for you, and me? Will there be different economic and fiscal policies regarding the practices of large financial corporations? I hope to aid the process of pulling the economy out of the recession and back into economic growth. I also hope to propose a more efficient budget and financial system that would allow individuals and corporations to cut spending, and better stimulate the economy.

Undergraduate / Discovering an interest in accounting - UTexas Statement of Purpose [2]

Not sure why my last thread on this got deleted but here it is again...

There are some things I do not like with this essay, and want to see what others think. Please, have at it. I feel the opening is very weak, etc. What is highlighted in red, I didn't like. How is paragraph order? I feel like I need transition, or a conclusion. Ideas?

I discovered an interest in accounting during a financial accounting class. Having been unsure of my future undergraduate studies, I had chosen this class to explore different opportunities in the field of business. One day, in class, we were discussing the various financial statements, and my teacher had presented to us an annual report from Landry's Restaurants, Inc. In analyzing the report, I enjoyed interpreting and reading the elements of the financial statements, and how they relate to the monetary transactions of a business. Accounting came natural to me, and it was exciting to have finally found interest in a possible career choice. Understanding the accounting process has provided me with a feeling of connection to the world of business.

In my time at Elgin Community College, I have prepped for my transfer to the University of Texas by taking courses pertinent to the undergraduate program, such as financial and managerial accounting, micro and macroeconomics, business calculus, and calculus I and II. These classes have helped my academic discipline by providing the necessary developmental skills for the curriculum. I know that the knowledge obtained in these courses will further enhance my skills by allowing me to incorporating what I've learned into the disciplined accounting program at UT. I am eager to apply my existing knowledge in accounting to the rigorous curriculum of McCombs School of Business.

While attending UT, participating in organizations such as the Business International Students Association is important because it allows me to better understand the values, customs, and backgrounds of a diverse community, and how they relate to me as an individual. I relish the thought of helping international students with the transition from overseas, and look forward to helping them achieve a positive and successful learning experience at McComb. I also plan to participate in the Business Transfer Student Association because as a transfer student, I know the difficulties that students will face in adjusting to a new and exciting life, and would like to help new students feel welcomed in their transition to UT. Additionally, I would like to volunteer my time as a campus tour guide for prospective students.

During my free time, I enjoy helping others. In the fall of 2010, I had satisfied a long time desire when I volunteered for the Boys and Girls Club of Dundee Township. I was responsible for tutoring underprivileged children in mathematics, reading and writing, and speech. Furthermore, I taught children the importance of working cooperatively in group activities, and kept them active by their participation in sports. I helped children make friends, and it's a great feeling to know that I was able to improve students' social skills by enabling them to feel comfortable around each other. I did this by engaging them in group activities such as

As a first generation college student, the opportunity to move on to the next phase in my life is tremendously exciting. University of Texas allows me to fulfill my desire for academic challenge in which I'm able to fully utilize my exceptional social and problem solving skills. The school provides endless opportunities for growth and prosperity in achieving my dream of earning a bachelor's degree. By taking advantage of the university's resources, I plan on gaining on-the-job experience via an internship at an accounting firm. Although completing the undergraduate program is extremely important, I plan to continue my education to achieve the ultimate goal: earning a master's degree. After successful completion of the graduate program, I will apply my unique and disciplined skillsets from University of Texas in finding lucrative opportunities in governmental accounting.

Undergraduate / Kenan-Flagler Business School essay help. How to begin? (Two choices) [3]

Past experiences have proven time and time again that most teams struggle without proper communication, a common goal and an enthusiastic attitude to succeed. I feel that without these important placeholders, finding the motivation to collaborate with one another is inevitably unobtainable, and severely restricts the team from achievement.

During a group activity in my Calculus II class, I gained the respect and trust of group members as a leader by organizing an efficient layout and solution to a project presented in class. The project began when our professor provided each group with a uniquely shaped vase, and without guidance, instructed us to create an intangible 3D model of our individual vase in Maple, a mathematics software program.

Initially, it was difficult to collaborate effectively because the group experienced moderate dissension; some members were reluctant to contribute their efforts and lacked motivation, while others were over-eager and uncooperative. Dealing with these issues proved to be challenging, but by taking charge and relegating tasks, I was able to recognize how individual group members were able to contribute based on his/her understanding of the material. Despite enduring quite a difference between my partners' impact in the process of coming to a final product, we felt that working together enhanced our individual efforts and ideas. Our ability to overcome the challenges we faced early on made us stronger as a team and motivated us to exceed and expand our potential.

Considering my determination to accomplish tasks in such a way that satisfies all members of the group, I feel that my ability to recognize the strengths and weaknesses of individuals, as well as my own, greatly contributes to the business program. I would be able to not only assist others in strengthening their skills, but also take help from others to continue the learning process. Furthermore, with my persistence in expanding my capacity to learn and desire to interact with people, I feel that I can help develop a stronger business community.

As a student of the business program, I hope to establish a strong personal relationship with fellow students and professors by actively participating in class discussions, forming study groups and communicating with professors during scheduled office hours. This will allow me to learn from and collaborate with some of the best minds in the program, enabling me to enhance my interpersonal skills while gaining the confidence and discipline vital to my success.

Professionally, I hope to gain awareness and a stronger understanding of how the world works politically, socially, technologically and economically. I feel that exposure to diverse cultures will help me gain insight on crucial aspects of the global world. This is important to me because a better global understanding will help me reinforce what it means to be a true and respectful leader in the local and global communities. In light of the global financial meltdown, I hope that the business program provides me the knowledge and experience necessary to accomplish my goal of becoming an ethical leader in the financial world.