Undergraduate / 'he was blind' + 'Nobel Prize winners' + 'The crisp Vancouver' - NYUs [3]

Hey everyone! I'm new here and I'm planning on submitting this as soon as possible! I would love to take a look at yours back if you take the time to help me out. Thanks!

Why NYU?
I had no idea he was blind until the moment he casually extracted his retractable walking stick from his pocket. The dapper gentleman who had made small talk with me in the coffee shop gracefully walked out the doors onto the crowded street. Before the feeling of astonishment could escape me, I scribbled illegibly in my diary a reminder to face the unpredictability of life with poise and optimism. Then I noticed the slender blond woman on the other side of the room, comfortably reclined on the aubergine couch. She radiated confidence as her hands drew an invisible map in the air like the conductor of a symphony, articulating her trip to Morocco to her friend across from her. The room fell silent when she spoke, and everyone was compelled to listen as she took the patrons on an imaginary journey to the land of sand and spice. What an incredible story-teller, I thought, as I wrote down another life lesson learned at the cafe: clear, articulate communication and genuine enthusiasm is integral for a captivating leader.

New York City is like a coffee shop: people come and go swiftly and leave me only an hour or so to capture their essence and learn from them. I savour every lesson learned from everyday strangers like rich Arabian coffee and allow it to enrich my character. The eclectic conglomeration of students and professors in New York University will inspire me to refine my character into a "bold" leader of tomorrow.

What intrigues you? Tell us about one work of art, scientific achievement, piece of literature, method of communication, or place in the world (a film, book, performance, website, event, location, etc.), and explain its significance to you.

The crisp Vancouver air smelled like fresh pine of the Rocky Mountains and sea salt from the Pacific ocean. As I walked along the cobblestone street, flanked by Victorian street lamps adorned with summer flowers, of the West Coast metropolis, I felt more in touch with my culture than anywhere else. British Columbia was where the first wave of Chinese settlers arrived in Canada by boat across the vast Pacific to participate in the Fraser Canyon Gold Rush. They built most of the Canadian Pacific Railway in British Columbia that stretched across the continent and unified the country. In the city, multiculturalism was everywhere: interracial lovebirds strolled by me, and Chinese-Canadian designer boutiques caught my eye. However, it was the 12 foot mosaic by the pier that compelled me to stop in my tracks. It was composed of square paintings, each depicting a different culture in Canada. Immediately, I noticed the square depicting me. It showed a Chinese family by the pier with their boat, their faces stern but hopeful as they gazed into their new homeland. Standing beneath the hulking mosaic by the ocean, I as if I was looking into a portal into my identity. I think back on the Chinese-Canadians who've endured prejudice and hardship, but stayed in Canada to leave invaluable contributions and pave the way for my generation. I walked away from the mosaic with my head held high and the wind on my back, hopeful that their indefatigable spirit is in me as well.

Undergraduate / 'a sweet tooth for the independent life' -Describe One Activity [10]

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).

The sweater was so itchy. I wanted to scold myself for wearing the cursed garment to my first job interview, but I smiled and tried to emulate Grace Kelly, Princess of Monaco, even though I was Grace Wei, pubescent 10th grader. It was precisely my teenage ambition for independence in the form of a part-time job at at a workplace that compelled me to send over 100 resumes in person and online. Despite my sweater plight, I was hired for a job at Cinnabon Bakery. I became the first out of my same-age peers that had a workplace to go to. At first, I was responsible for serving customers and washing dishes, but after witnessing my smooth interaction with customers, my manager placed me at the storefront permanently. Somewhere between rolling dough and selling cinnamon buns, an awkward teenager bloomed into a confident student who bantered with businessmen and models who stopped for coffee. Somewhere after my 23rd free chocolate cupcake, I developed a sweet tooth for the independent life.

Thanks everyone for the help :)

Undergraduate / Common App: "Sign Up - Student Council President" [7]

Please feel free to be as honest as you want!

"Sign Up"

The student reclined on his rocking chair and typed diligently on his laptop with his index fingers. His wrinkled face was illuminated by the screen's glow as he scanned his story for errors. The student was my grandfather: at 82-years-old, he had learned how to use a computer.

My grandfather was a lifelong learner. He hated the "comfort zone". After graduating university, he volunteered to take a position in as an engineer in the underdeveloped northeastern China. My grandfather grew up on a farm in the temperate south, but instead of working in Nanking, where opportunities were abundant and the winters were warm, he packed his bags for Harbin, the city infamous for its bitterly cold winters. My grandfather, instead of being a fish out of the water, seemed to have found his home. The experience of learning a new dialect and adapting to a new way of life excited him. He signed up for lengthy business trips to France, Denmark, and Russia to bring new technologies back to China, and as a result, he became fluent in French and Russian. His curiosity never diminished with age - as soon as he retired, he enrolled in art college and began writing his first novel.

"Whatever scares you - sign up for it," he told me over the phone in his warm, southern-Chinese accent. I could hear his words reverberating through my mind when I decided to run for Student Council President. The thought of having my face on posters plastered around the school was intimidating, but I knew that if I were to grow as a person, I would have to overcome my fear. When I discovered I was the runner-up, I felt hardly any disappointment. I had unlocked an achievement that I could have forsaked. As a result of my experiences in campaigning and public speaking, I successfully ran for President of my Junior Achievement Company and began leading a student-run company of over 40 high-school students.

I thought about my grandfather's decision to live in the brutal cold to build character as I decided to begin skateboarding. With every scrape and bloodied knee, I became more hand-eye coordinated and alert.

I thought about my grandfather's decision to expand his horizons and live in France for a year by himself as I decided to take equestrian lessons. Horseback riding taught me to maintain composure and control - even when my horse suddenly bursts into an uncontrollable cantor.

My grandfather influenced me by showing me that the most important part of living is to sign up for every opportunity to experience life.

Undergraduate / NYU Application - "Yves Saint Laurent" [5]

This is the answer to the second essay prompt! Please help me check it :)

Regardless of whether or not you have an intended major or concentration, please elaborate on an academic area of interest and how you wish to explore it at NYU's campuses in New York or Abu Dhabi or at one of our global academic centers around the world. Please share any activities or experiences you have had that have cultivated your intellectual interests leading you to choose to study at the NYU campus of your choice.

The shoes would have to be Yves Saint Laurent. I could see myself striding down Wall Street in designer pumps with the wind triumphantly blowing my hair as I swiftly hail a taxi for a corporate business function at a swanky restaurant. However, this fantasy changed after witnessing my stepfather start his company. Just two years ago, my stepfather was asking me for company name suggestions; his language school business now collects over 250 students from over 8 countries around the world. His job is hardly glamorous - on certain days, he would sit in his chair, face unshaven, wearily reviewing reports. I, the unpaid secretary, was thrust with tasks that included designing a company logo, replying emails, writing letters, and fetching an occasional cup of coffee. With every minute spent on the business, I became more magnetically drawn to it. I was a part of the business body: when the company faced woes, I was troubled; when it grew, I felt the same sense of pride and fulfillment that compelled my stepfather to become completely committed to his work.

The Stern School of Business is a body composed of Nobel Prize winners, CEO alumni, and eclectic students bursting with potential. It gives student the opportunity to lead through programs such as the International Studies Program. Being a part of Stern will give me the confidence and experience I need in order to become a part of business bodies - and eventually lead them - with or without Yves Saint Laurent heels.

Undergraduate / "I Am Chanadian" - NYU App [5]

The crisp Vancouver air smelled like fresh pine of the Rocky Mountains and sea salt from the Pacific ocean. As I walked along the cobblestone street, I felt more in touch with my culture than anywhere else. "I don't want to learn Chinese!" the 9-year-old me protested against my grandfather. As a child, I was often desperate to break free from the world that restrained me from being "truly Canadian". Over the years, I've come to realize that culture has given me the depth of personal history, a strong cultural community, and the legacy of persistence and courage. My Chinese-Canadian ancestors had built most of the Canadian Pacific Railway in British Columbia that stretched across the continent and unified the country. British Columbia was where the first Chinese settlers arrived in Canada, and it is where they stayed to make an indelible mark on Canada's culture.

Walking along the pier, I was compelled to stop in my tracks by the 12 foot mosaic on the side of a building. It was composed of square paintings, each depicting a different culture in Canada. Immediately, I noticed the square depicting a Chinese family by the pier with their boat; their faces were stern but hopeful as they gazed into their new horizon. I thought about the Chinese-Canadians who've endured adversity and hardship to pave the way for my generation. I walked away from the mosaic with my head held high and the wind on my back, hopeful that their indefatigable spirit is in me as well.

Undergraduate / "The Most Important Night of Your Life" - Common App Essay [2]

Hey all, I wrote a completely new essay because I was so unhappy with my last. I like this one a lot better, but it's 594 words. Any advice on what to cut down?

Welcome to the game called "most important night of your life". You only get one chance. Begin.

I swung open the large renaissance doors and walked into the banquet hall. The majestic room was illuminated by the dozens of Victorian chandeliers dangling elegantly from the 30 foot ceiling. "Welcome to the 23rd Annual Board of Governors Dinner," greeted the receptionist as she gave me my name tag. I shuffled between a group of students as I made my way towards the seat that was labeled "Junior Achievement Student Representative - IBM Branch"

Stage one - Etiquette Seminar.

"Three pumps, not too firm, not too limp, is a good handshake", said the posh etiquette counsellor on the stage. I turned to practice with a grey-haired gentleman beside me. I enthusiastically squeezed his hand and shook it three times, but he told me it was too firm. It sounded familiar - I've always been described as stubborn with firm beliefs. I shook his hand again, this time confidently but gently. "That's better," he smiled. Level cleared.

Stage two - Cocktail Hour.

The hall was filled to capacity with formally dressed businessmen and women, already engaged in conversation. I remembered the stage objective my Junior Achievement mentors had told me: make as many connections as possible in the next hour. This was a game making the best impression a starstruck, brace-faced teenager could make. Fortunately, I had an accomplice in this game. I linked arms with my new friend, Rashik, and dove into the sea of business executives. Our first target was a hulking man with a short-boxed beard who introduced himself as a Director at Manulife. After introducing myself, I asked him what the most valuable trait of a leader is. I was preparing to run for my student company's president position. "Vision," he answered, "you must show your company you can see the bigger picture". I was elated by his answer - I have always adored learning life lessons from people. I always kept a copy of Benjamin Franklin's chart of 13 virtues in my bag at all times. After obtaining his business card, Rashik and I re-entered the battlefield. I noticed a blond gentleman walking away from his previous conversation. I grabbed Rashik and caught up to him. "Excuse me," I said. He turned around and looked at us and lifted his eyebrows. "To be honest, my mentor instructed me to learn as much as I can from important looking people, and you look like what she was talking about," I blurted out. He laughed genuinely before asking us to tell him more ourselves. After an invigorating conversation, he gave us his business card and told us to email him. Stage Cleared.

Stage Three - Dinner

I instinctively cut my steak as I glued my eyes on the larger-than-life speaker who had ascended the stage. I took a quick glance at his bibliography I printed in preparation for the event. He was a CEO, a professor, and a founding chairman of a national entrepreneurial program. This was the hardest stage of all; I had to digest every word of this once-in-a-lifetime speech. I stopped all motion, anticipating the grandiloquent words of wisdom. However, I was astounded by his simple yet profound advice: "be uncomfortable - you only learn when you're constantly challenged." It seemed as if the words were directed to me. After all of the moments when I felt out of place in a sea of business executives with expensive haircuts, I was right where I belonged.

Stage cleared.

Level Up.

Undergraduate / Notre-Dame Supp: "The Unexplored"/"Moral Radiance" [7]

Please help me edit these, I'll return the favor!

Many people form a list of once-in-a-lifetime activities to accomplish. For example, individuals on the admissions staff hope to visit all the national parks, publish a fiction novel or waddle with penguins in Antarctica. What are a few of the items on your list?

Nauru is the world's smallest island country - it takes 15 minute to drive around the country. Tokelau has the world's smallest economy but plans to be the first country to use only renewable energy. My list includes travelling to the most mysterious countries in the world. I believe the most obscure countries hold some of the world's most interesting experiences. Speaking of hidden places, the number one activity on my list is to establish an entrepreneurial program for Aboriginal youth on reserves in Canada. At a conference, I met many Native-Canadian youth who told me about the lack of opportunities and hope on the reserves. I am a firm believer in education and empowerment; I have faith that an entrepreneurial program will stimulate business interest in youth and dramatically increase their chances of bringing success to their communities.

Why Notre-Dame?

He sat cross-legged by the fire hydrant. I was driving to buy my last-minute Thanksgiving pie when I noticed him. Traffic was low on a holiday; he had nothing in his paper cup. My conscience rang loud and clear, and I picked up a pound cake and a cup of coffee for the unnamed man on my way out of the store. Although I strive to be a successful businesswoman, moral responsibility is an indelible part of my character. In my student-run company, I established a value of social awareness, and 5% of all proceeds is donated to charity. The Mendoza College of Business boasts an impressive array of world-class programs and successful alumni. While Notre-Dame's rankings are outstanding, I am drawn by the fact that Notre-Dame's mission of using education and success to serve humanity is in perfect alignment with my life's goals.

Undergraduate / Notre-Dame: "What would you do with a $5000 Grant?" (I'll Edit Back!) [5]

With a grant of $5000, I would initiate an entrepreneurial program for youth in Aboriginal communities to study its effects on the futures of the youth and the growth of the communities. When I attended a conference on youth justice, I met students from across Ontario, many of whom lived on Aboriginal reserves. I became friends with them and learned about the lack of opportunities in their communities, especially for youth. In fact, one of my new friends told me that there were only two students who graduated from their local high school in ten years, and the majority of youth drop out of school or are incarcerated at one point or another. As a firm advocate for education and self-empowerment, I believe that the lack of investment in Aboriginal youth is what leads them to lose hope in their futures. Youth entrepreneurial programs will help empower them at a crucial period of their development and decrease drop-out rates and incarceration rates dramatically. Furthermore, Native youth have strong ties to their communities; when they succeed as individuals, they will most likely return to their communities to improve the lives of their families and pave the way for the next generation.

Undergraduate / UChicago Favorite Things Essay - "Lolita/Frank Sinatra" [5]

Favorite Book: Lolita
Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Reading Vladimir Nabokov's Lolita was an experience that consumed my thoughts and stirred my heart. The perverted relationship between Humbert and Dolores is intensely corrupt, yet so poignantly and elegantly articulated by Humbert that it compels the reader to sympathize with a man who otherwise would be dismissed as a demented criminal. The controversial book unabashedly blurs the lines between innocence and corruption; it forces the readers to question what is absolutely unforgivable and what can be ultimately justified. Nabokov's dark humor, unexpected injections of satire, and vivid imagery creates a constantly fluctuating atmosphere that engages all of the readers' senses.

Favorite Music: Frank Sinatra, Ella Fitzgerald, Bob Marley, Louis Armstrong, John Legend

My taste in music changes like the seasons. Specific songs define periods in my life and cause me to relive them with every listen. During my vegetarian-yoga phase in grade 11, I was obsessed with Frank Sinatra and Ella Fitzgerald. Every time I listen to "Blue Skies" by Ella Fitzgerald or "Why Should I Cry Over You" by Frank Sinatra, I can almost smell the early morning breeze that I would smell during the walk to my 6am yoga class. When I visited New York City last Christmas, I constantly replayed songs by John Legend and Bob Marley. Now, when I listen to "Three Little Birds" and "One Love" by Bob Marley, I can almost taste the snowflakes on my tongue and see the dazzling lights of Times Square illuminate my world.