Writing Feedback / IELTS: Amount of control on media information [10]

Some people believe that the media, such as the press, TV and internet should be more strictly controlled. Others feel that controls should be loosened to give people freer access to information. Which opinion do you agree with?

Nowadays, one of the most controversial issues related to mass media is the correct amount of control posed on newspapers, televisions and websites. It is argued that the government should exercise less restriction on sharing of media information to public. However, I strongly believe that it should increase the level of control to protect the public against inappropriate contents and unsuitable foreign cultures. 63

One of the strong arguments in favour of tighter media control is to limit the violent and sexual content. They have a serious impact on people in their puberty. For example, an internet cartoon comedy called happy tree is extremely brutal, where the characters usually have their heads or limbs tear off. Another supporting reason is that television companies import foreign programmes from time to time and audiences might accept their ideas which maybe otherwise not welcomed to local culture. A few years ago there was a Japanese game show which involved throwing cream cakes to the loser. This is actually very environmentally unfriendly. 104

The major opposing argument is to protect the safety of citizens. In other words, the government should disclose the information to the media in a timely manner, especially for disasters and outbreak of new diseases. Taking the SARS in 2003 as an example, the Chinese government limited the amount of information for public access which therefore causes numerous deaths. Even so, another perspective on this is to prevent the citizen from unnecessary fear and unrest. 75

Both sides of the arguments have its merits. My personal view is that despite the emphasis of citizen safety, the government should regulate the correct amount of violent and sexual content and censor the culturally unsuitable information. Setting up a council to monitor the media information to the public could be a practical idea. 54

P.S. I am new to this forum and I am an Asian with English as my second language. I appreciate much for any advice on the essay in advance. Thank you!!

Writing Feedback / IELTS; Problem with tutoring job/ issue with part-time job [4]

I would appreciate very much for any help to comment on or correct my letter. Thank you in the first place!!

You recently took a part-time job working for a local company. After a few weeks you realised there were some problems with the job.

Write a letter to the manager of the company. In your letter
- explain why you took the job
- describe the problems that you experienced
- suggest what could be done about them.

Dear Sir,
I am currently working as an afternoon primary school tutor at your company, started working five weeks ago. I am writing to you about the issue I encountered during the work.

I decided to take the position of a tutoring specialist as it could significantly assist my career development in child teaching and also improve my communication skill with kids. Unfortunately, my plan did not go smoothly as there were some obstacles in the way.

There was another tutor in my group to handle the homework of forty pupils together. He was regularly an hour late to work, claiming that there was always traffic congestion problems, and took frequent personal leaves without noticing in advance. These kinds of behavior seriously increased my burden to teach the children and manage the classroom discipline properly at the same time.

I hope you consider the situation as it is getting worse. It would be nice if a senior manager of your rank could rectify his attitude to avoid making negative impact on the others.

Yours sincerely,

Writing Feedback / IETLS GT writing task 1: bad meal experience in a restaurant [3]

Hi All,

This is my 2nd letter writing. I try to finish it in a given amount of time and hope the standard is not lowered. Please help comment on it. Thanks!

You are a member of an organization which meets regularly at a particular restaurant. The most recent meal you had there was not satisfactory.
Write a letter to the manager of the restaurant. In your letter
- Introduce yourself and explain why you are writing,
- Explain what was wrong with the food and the service,
- Suggest what he/she should do to ensure that you and your group return to the restaurant.

Dear Sir,

I am a group leader of a kids organization, who reserve a table for dinner every Saturday at your restaurant. I am writing to complain about the quality of foods and attitude of your staff during the dinner on last Saturday, and are both unacceptable.

I arrived at 7 o'clock with ten kids and I ordered the main course, roasted pig knuckle, for each of them. In the middle of the meal most of them felt extremely uncomfortable and some vomited on the ground. One of the staff member noticed that and quickly came but, unfortunately, he kept collecting the dishes away and did not both to apologise. When being asked whether a refund a possible, he firmly refused and further ignored my request to seek for the manager.

I am utmost disappointed by this kind of attitude and food quality. Would there be a formal letter of apology from the staff, it is very welcomed. I would also request to receive a refund to compensate the medication of the children after the dinner.

Yours faithfully,

Writing Feedback / IETLS GT writing task 2: Should children follow strict rules of behaviour? [5]

Hi All,

This is my 3rd essay. I finish this piece of work within a given amount of time and hope it is still in a good standard. Please feel free to comment and correct. Thank you!!

In some countries children have very strict rules of behaviour, while in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they want.

To what extent should children have to follow rules?

In recent years teenagers are considered to have significantly much more freedom. This is very controversial as, in certain cities around the world, parents hold a definitely opposing view that there should be tighter control on these children. Personally, I do otherwise strongly prefer them to be less obedient to instructions and be as free as they want.

A major convincing argument for children to have their own freedom relates to their individual potential. Creativity is utmost important in this new era, and children should use their own thoughts to try different things without fear. Steve Jobs, the world-famous founder of Apple. Was very rebellious in his adolescence, and he surprisingly built up his own huge empire at the later age.

Another strong argument is that in psychological terms, when the father and mothers exert a lot of pressure on their offspring, hoping to shape them into an ideal person in their perspective, the result would certainly be in opposite. Teenagers usually react vigorously if this kind of pressure crosses their line due to a sense of revenge.

It is undeniable that strict rules to children return promising outcome in some countries like Singapore. Despite its success in certain extent, establishment of an all-round personal development is not guaranteed because they must follow a definite path instructed by the parents or even the society, while they might never be able to fulfill their interests.

Both side of the debate has its own merits and demerits. In my opinion, kids should follow their own will on doing things and the government should provide more funding to provide a freer and diversified environment to make their dreams come true.

Writing Feedback / IETLS GT 2: should there be free health services? [9]

Hi All,

Here is another essay I wrote on health services. I am lack of health terms and is not really satisfied with my output. There might also be too many words (319). Anyway, I would post it here and wait for any comments. Thank you!!

Every country should have a free health service, even if this means that the latest medical treatments may not be available through this service because they are too expensive.

To what extend do you agree with this statement?

Health service fee is consistently a huge concern for the citizens in various countries. One of the suggested solutions to this issue refers to the provisions of free-of-charge healthcare service, despite in the expense of most advanced technologies on medical catering close to the exceptional cost. Personally, I somewhat disagree with this approach based on the significant advantages brought by innovations in medications and maintain an acceptable level of service quality. 71

The principal argument against health services at no cost is to enjoy the benefits provided by the newest medical treatments. Apparently, numerous kind of illnesses and diseases claimed to be incurable in the past could be tackled by recent medicines and antidotes. Taking smallpox as an example, it is nearly a hundred percent assured that the patients would pass away in the ultimate stage. Fortunately, since the twentieth centuries the doctors produce some effective medications to change their fate. 79

Another major argument to keep the service fee is that it would led to an drastic increase of workload for health service providers, which in turn deteriorates the service quality in a significant sense. Expecting the doctors and nurse to appropriately handle the skyrocketing increased cases with limited resource might be realistic. 52

On the other hand, some may argued that for those who are either in poverty or financially disadvantaged, the government is responsible to take care of their needs in order to relieve their finance burdens. It could be a alive-or-dead situation for them when they suffer serious illness and in moral sense they should have the right to be treated without consideration on relatively unaffordable service. 66

Both sides have their merits and demerits. In my opinion, advancing medications and agreeable quality of health services outweigh ethical reasons on patient treatments. Perhaps the government could assist or aid these poor people by funds or issue some coupons on a regular basis to leverage the disadvantaged group of citizens. 51

Writing Feedback / IETLS GT 1: Bus problems [3]

Hi All,

This is another letter writing I wrote. Please give some comments and corrections...your help is very much appreciated! Thank you!

You travel by bus every weekday, and you always use the same bus route.

Recently the bus has not been reliable. You have also noticed that the bus is dirtier than it used to be.

Write a letter to the manager of the bus company. In your letter
- introduce yourself and explain why you are writing
- explain the situation
- suggest what should be done to improve the service.

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am a student of Sunny high school, and a regular bus passenger who takes the 59a route from Monday to Friday in a weekly basis. I am writing to complain about the unreliable schedule and tidiness issue of the bus route.

The bus used to arrive at the bus stop near my home at 8am. Recently it did not arrive on time and sometimes missed the schedule. Even worse, a lot of graffiti appeared on the interior of the bus within these few weeks. Normally the bus staff would clean the wall and clear the painting, however these drawings remained which affected the tidiness of the bus.

I would like to suggest the drives to be much more punctual to meet the schedules, since it would led to the lateness of a large group of passengers. Additionally, staffs should clean the bus more frequently, such as three or four times a week. I sincerely hope the situation to be vastly improved in the near future.

Yours faithfully,

Writing Feedback / IELTS GT 2: reason and solution of poverty [3]

Hi All,

Here is another essay with an relatively common topic. Any comments are welcomed. Thank you!

Every country has poor people and every country has different ways of dealing with the poor.

What are some of the reasons for poverty? What can we do to help the poor?

One of the common observations in various societies around the world is that citizens are classified by their financial position. Their governments usually have to issue policies and provide funding to assist those who earn significantly less. This essay will examine the root of problem and suggest solutions to improve the situation. 52

The major reason of poverty is the lack of proper education. When they spent insufficient time to be educated in their adolescences, probably they would discover the extreme difficulty to get the well-paid jobs, as the prerequisite typically includes a university level of education at the minimum. Consequently, keeping their job is the major concern because it is unrealistic to invest a large amount of money on getting a degree. 70

Another principal reason refers to the absence of sufficient natural resource. This led to the reliance on the import of oil crude and other similar resources from foreign countries, and in turn worsen their financial position due to the skyrocketing and unpredictable inflation of the price. As a result, escaping from poverty is supposedly impossible. 55

A practical solution on the education issue is to join fund-raising activities introduced by charitable organizations. Joining a voluntary trip to teach the financially disadvantaged people could be another excellent opinion. On the other hand, to tackle with the resource concern, developed countries like United States should import at a discounted price in order to fulfill the ethical responsibility. Alternative resources, like solar power energy, should also be widespread introduced to minimise the production cost. 75

Numerous reasons could be found and analysed for why these people are getting poorer. However, what we should do is to encourage personal funding on education and introduce cheaper and other means of natural resources to them, such that the situation could be vastly improved. 45

total 297 words

Writing Feedback / IELTS GT: request to look after the house and pet on holiday [3]

Hi All,

Here is my informal letter writing...please give some comments, thanks!

A friend has agreed to look after your house and pet while you are on holiday.

Write a letter to your friend. In your letter
- give contact details for when you are away
- give instructions about how to care for your pet
- describe other household duties
Dear John,

Thank you in advance for taking care of my home and lovely dogs when I'm on vacation. Remember to reserve a night for my dinner treat! Here are some details I'd like you to drop down when I am away.

I'll turn off my cell phone during the trip. For any urgent matters, please leave a message at my mobile number 91234567, or send an email. Besides, could you please take my adorable

chihuahua to bath once a day, clean her dog poops twice a day, and don't forget to bring her to the park for a walk every morning. The park is located next to the shopping centre under my flat.

I believe there are some more home duties to do as well. Feeling nervous? Keep calm please, my requests are only to sweep the floor and mop the floor on every Sunday. Be careful as the floor is laminated!

Guess what? I'll buy a gift to you - your favourite Godiva dark cholocate assortion. I can't wait to meet you very soon after the trip!

Best Wishes,