Undergraduate / 'In love with the sky' - Main essay. Influential experience in ur life [21]

im trying so hard to get into university of washington. i know that essay is very important and im trying so hard to make my best shot. i would appreciate it if you leave a comment.

by the way this is not the completed essay, im almost half way through this. still i would like to know you ideas.
thank you so much for caring.

what is an experience in your life that helped to shape your character?

so this is the last draft. i tried to shorten it (651 words now) and relate my movement to listening skills somehow. i hope it works. thanks for ur comments, they really helped, couldnt have done this without you.:)

Since I was a child, I have always been in love with the sky. The world behind the blue has always been a mystery; something both unknown and admirable. I had so much thirst for something new and untouched; I always wanted to go beyond the world that I knew, leave earth, experience new things, risk and discover. Well, unfortunately, it took me 16 years to understand that I don't need to pass the atmosphere to do so, not necessarily. Actually, it is all here on earth. It has always been.

When I was born my parents named me Newsha -meaning "a good listener" in Persian- and 13 years later, in middle school, I realized there was a gift given to me wrapped in my name: "It seemed like I really was a good listener." Soon I found myself listening to people who didn't have anyone but me to listen to them, and helping them as much as I could. I heard about other sides of people; the side that was always hidden to others because of either shyness or shame. I found a great joy in helping each of them, feeling more happiness than they would as I saw them succeed.

I started to discover people instead of the world by looking into the corners of their minds. I saw the world through their eyes, helped them find what they needed and in the process of doing so, I myself found a whole new world inside each person, a world much greater than the earth and the skies.

But this was only the first part of this understanding, the second part came when I got involved in a real geographical movement. In November of 2007, I moved to United States with my family in order to seek a better life and better educational opportunities. I never opposed to this decision of my parents, though I knew it meant leaving all I have ever had behind: my friends, my school, my relatives and my homeland. But that part of me that always longed for new worlds didn't let the sadness of this departure stop me from doing it.

Moving and leaving everything behind is hard, but accepting your new life is even harder. It is like having a black hole right in the middle of your life, a black hole that sucks all your memories and beloved people into it, and at last it leaves you hollow "you have to stuff yourself again." You have to create yourself anew, and I was no exception; black holes never leave anything behind.

There I met ME "a girl who didn't know much about herself." I was used to see myself in the mirror of my friends, but now that they weren't with me I felt lost. However I saw this as an opportunity instead of a problem -an opportunity to take a look at my own self, to find out about the sides that I never showed, and they were never reflected, I started to listen to my voice this time. After a year now, I still don't know much about myself, I think I'm just at the very first steps of this learning. Each person is a vast world; it takes a lifetime to discover the truth of a person.

Now, I still love the sky. After all this time, sky is still gorgeous and mysterious, but I don't think I would want to leave earth anymore, not as long as there are still people out there, millions of them; people that I can love, people that I can help, and people that I can be friends with. I think it will be a shame if I never dare to go out, find them and hold their hands.

I would like to stay on earth with people and their unique worlds.
Galaxies and stars? They will always have time for me.

Undergraduate / U of Washington. Limit for number of word? [13]

in writing section for university of washington "recomended" number of words is 500-650. mine is 700. does it matter? i though i might not becuz its "recomended" and not restricted.

help please if you know. thanx.

Essays / Allusion. Film as lit class [8]

we are making a movie in my class(not a real one, but we go through some writing processes) , my teacher asked us to write an allusion for our movie. allusion is reference to a well-known person, place, or thing in history that adds depth to a character or situation.

my movie is based on one of John Christopher (Samuel Youd) books. the basic idea of the book is freedom of mind. the book takes place in future.

do you think you can help me to come up with an allusion?
just suggest any person or place or thing that you have in mind.

thanks so much.

Undergraduate / how important the thesis is? [3]

on my essay i dont have a specific sentence as thesis but i almost repeat what i have said in instruction at the conclusion... how much does it matter?

thanks.

Writing Feedback / Essay on describing a scene in my life (that last time i saw my friends) [7]

this is the outline for a paper that im writing for my creative writing class, its describing a scene from my life. its the last time that i saw my friends. as i said its just the outline, i mean the order that i want to say things and my thoughts and ideas.

i would love to know what u think about it. let me know plz. thanks to u guys all. :)

~For the hundredth time on that night my hand slept down into my purse; moving panicky until it touched the cold glossy paper of my tickets. My heart calmed, although I well knew that it wouldn't take more than 5 minutes till my hands return into my purse.

~My friends were going to come and meet me at my grandmother's place. I was anxious. I had my letters that I had written for them a few days back in my hand, sitting among my relatives.

~The one who usually answers the door in my grandmother's was my uncle but When the door bell rang, I sprang up and ran to the door before anybody moves.

~It was amazing, even at the time I knew I was leaving them I couldn't be sad;Their presence -their existence- was nothing but joy and happiness.

~I sighed, the moment was so gorgeous that I wanted it to last for ever. I looked upon their faces, memorizing each and every expression, every glare, every smile, and every twinkle in their eyes.

~"We promised not to cry, remember?" Maryam reminded me, misunderstanding my expression. "we didn't need to" I thought, stretching my hand to place it on her shoulder. "I'll miss you guys more than anything else."

~they stayed only for a few minutes, long enough to hand me their letters, post cards (which were meant to be for my next b day) and say good bye. In those short minutes, we repeated our old jokes, giggled about guys we used to know,

~sky was clear; darkest black with hundreds of shining dots.

~I watched the car till it disappeared at the of the curve of the street.

~I stood there, right in the middle of street. A cool wind blew into my hair; warning of a cold winter, I shuddered in my grandmother cherry red jacket, rising my head up to the sky, staring at each and every shining dot. I stood there until my mom called me in, before I walk back inside I took a deep breath and smiled wide; one thing was for sure: at least stars weren't going anywhere, they were all coming with me.

that is it. thank u again. :)

Writing Feedback / The first time i crossed the road by myself [5]

this is supposed to be descriptive, i know there are so many mistakes. plz help.
thanks

It was a drowsy hot afternoon of the sixth summer of my life. I -like every other days of summer- was in my small tent in my room, cooling off. Bored with my toys, I went to kitchen to beg my mom for buying some ice-cream. "Ok." my mom said, "Go grab some money from my wallet. buy a package of milk too and come back soon." she continued. I ran to her purse excitedly. "But" she yelled from kitchen. I froze. "but what?' I thought. "Don't go too far." she warned me. "I won't." I replied, knowing that "too far" didn't mean anything but the other store on the other side of the road -I was not allowed to cross the road by myself. I walked as fast as I could to the closest store, "Hi. Can I have an ice-cream and a small package of milk please?" I asked in the sweetest and most polite voice I could manage. The sale's man looked at me from above his glasses "Milk - I can give u. But ice-cream, we're out of it. sorry." I sighed, and nodded my head. After paying for milk, I walked out of the store, my heart was set on ice cream, and for a six years old ice cream is not something to just let go of .Sun was burning on my neck and the warm breath of summer blew into my hair; they rushed into my face. In a second I had my mind made up; I tightened my feast around my money, I moved the hair back from my face, and started running as fast as I could, stopping every now and then to pick up my flip flop that had came off my foot, but in less than a minute I was there: right by the road side.

The yellow and blue sign of grocery market was right in front of me. The road was as safe as a side walk, no car was passing. I took a deep breath, tightened my toes in my flip flop and ran. Less than a second; I was on the other side. Colorful posters of ice creams were hanged on the door; to me it was like advertisements for heaven, although all those thoughts vanished when I saw the sale's man face. Now without my mom by my side, the salesman looked bigger than other days. While putting my ice cream in the bag he threw a look down at me, his eyes focusing on the bags in my hands. "Did you just by them from there?" he asked, looking at my face and pointing his finger to the other side of the street. I nodded, smiling shyly. "Well, you can always come here for shopping. We have better stuff than them. We have those dinosaur ice creams and fish snacks. You can't find those there." he emphasized on "there" which would be the market on the other side of the street. "Huh? Don't you think so?" he nettled. "Yes sir." I replied, dragging the ice cream's bag from the counter. "Good bye sir." I said. "Good bye kid." mumbled the man. I walked out and didn't wait to go to other side to eat my ice cream.

Writing Feedback / "I was running" essay. Grammar and punctuation help. [7]

I was running. The whole world was still and I was running. Nothing existed but me and a world of roads to run in... the beats of my hopeful heart, and short breaths of mine were all I could hear. my throat was dry, and my hands shaking -my feet; weaker than ever. With every crazily beat of my heart the black curtain in front of my eyes strengthened... I well knew I was not far from falling apart.

But why now? Now that I needed them more than any other time? Now that I had to continue, now that I had to stand, now that I had to fight? Why now?

The harsh air of winter tore my throat with every breath. Death was close, but I had never imagined dying in this way. I was supposed to die like millions of other people: in sleep, in hospital or in a car accident. But life has chosen me a more creative way.

I couldn't feel anything anymore...nothing but pain.
My weakness was growing, but road was widespread in front of me...

"Hope" was the only power left in me.

Writing Feedback / Castin Characters #1: Jim [8]

HI people, this is newsha. we have an assignment for creative writing class we should describe five characters in a scene. this is the first one; Jim. I was inspired by the character of Jim in "the office". so, yeah...you will know.

plz be as critic as you can.
thanks you guys.

Character #1: Jim

History class, last period of the Friday; unlike other days no one was falling asleep. I was nervous, waiting for the teacher to give me a chance to talk to Jim. As soon as the teacher turned her back to us, I spanned in my seat to face Jim.

"Dude! This is SO wrong!" I gasped, but he didn't notice me for he was too involved in his cell phone.
"Jim?" I called him angrily. "Huh?"He finally noticed me. "What is it?" he said when he saw my serious look. "I think you shouldn't do this. We shouldn't..." he stopped me by raising his hand, he continued my words: "We shouldn't do this, right? That's what you wanna say? We already talked about this with the whole class: No one has the freaking assignment ready. If she checks it we are all going to fail."

"I know...But is this worth it?" I asked. "We would never know until we don't do it, right?" he said, raising his eyebrows, putting a smile on; like any other time that he wanted you to admit his rightness. "What if you get caught?" I whispered nervously. "They won't. I'm sending it via Bluetooth." He replied. "What if they do?" I insisted. He didn't reply, just stared at me for a few seconds and then threw his shoulders up, meaning "I don't know" or in Jim's words "Who cares?"

I seated back anxiously, chewing on my nails. five minutes later the teacher's cell phone rang. I held my breath in, and I could swear that everybody else's breath was held in too. The teacher stopped and looked at her purse confusingly. "I'm so sorry people, I think I forgot to turn it off. Sorry." She rushed to her desk, reaching her purse as soon as she could. she pulled out the cell phone..."Yes! She is looking at it. I knew she would!" Jim murmured behind me. "shhhhh!" I said, kicking his foot under the desk. I looked back at my teacher; her face was now chalk white. "Oh my God!" she gasped, putting her hand on her chest. The phony whispers of "is everything ok?" and "what's wrong?" soon were all over the class - some filthy irony; we were the ones who knew what was wrong. When the teacher gained enough control over her voice she said: "I...I just got a text...my...my son has had an accident. It's from his friend." She didn't say anything else; she just grabbed her purse and ran out of the class room.

As soon as the door closed behind her, the class burst into whispers, this time I knew they were on Jim, blaming on him for what they have wanted him to do. "Is that what you wanted? Believe me; you would be lucky if these kids don't tell on you." I said furiously. Jim looked around, not the slightest worrying sign in his face; looking back at me again he threw his shoulders up again: "Who cares, huh?"