Writing Feedback / Multicultural societies are becoming more and more popular due to... [18]

Hi guys! I'm Edna, 17 and I'm from Vietnam :)
Please check out my essay and tell me what should be improved. Any advice or feedback would be appreciated and thanks in advance :x

Multicultural societies are becoming more and more popular due to increasing globalization. What do you think are the advantages and disadvantages of living and working in a multicultural society. (Write an essay of 300 words and support your position with specific examples.)

Multiculturalism is where a variety of many different ethnic groups live together within the same society. In a multicultural society, there is not an official culture that every person must be a part of but all cultures are respected equally. In general, a multicultural society is formed when people from many different countries all migrate to one place. So what are the positive sides and what are the negative ones when living and working in a multicultural society?

Through multiculturalism, we have opened our minds and have had the opportunities to expose to many different things. Plus the country has benefits from it economically in many ways. What is more, living in such a society makes people more tolerant of each other, even if they are from very different backgrounds. Moreover, in a multicultural society, individuals are able to practice any religion they choose. They can wear what they want, eat what they like and can be able to practice their customs.

However, living in a country with different cultural values you are likely to experience conflicting beliefs. Futhermore, everything we see around us has been influenced in some ways by different cultures - our clothes, daily routine, music, food, art, sport are all as they have been mixed without distinctive cultural features.

In conclusion, there will always be those who claim that multiculturalism has taken away a particular national identity. To my mind, national identity is never fixed and everyone has their own integration of what belongs to their nations. And globalization means that it is clearly better for individuals to be familiar with different cultures.

Writing Feedback / I believe parents shape the way you see life! [3]

Parents are the best teachers.
Do you agree or disagree the statement? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

The mission of a child's education is to provide with not only basic skills or academic understandings but also helps it with appropriate behaviors in society. Put another way, family education and schooling are two sides of the same coin. Yet, I believe that, parents shape the way you see life.

First of all, parents are the leaders and also the instructors for our first steps into the outside world. Take my experience for instance, when I was a child, parents are the best teachers who taught me the first lessons. Those are how to crawl, how to stand, how to speak or how to walk which are the most important lessons in our life. Parents are also the ones who were always by my side, talked to me with all the greatest words and the ones who were so happy to burst into tear when I spoke the first word "papa" or "mama". Therefore, with their true love and caring, no one in the world can be the best teachers as our parents.

Furthermore, parents also teach us how to behave well. At schools or universities, we gain knowledge from many sources but all of those are only what we hear in theories. A child will easily learn how to respect the old when he sees his parents always express their admirations to his grandpa, grandma or even an old woman in the street. What is more, through lessons like communication skills, we may know the essence of getting on well with other people. This kind of education influences our personality and views averyone as a whole individual in the big family of society. To this extend, parents have provided us with fundamental concepts of living.

However, educating a child is not the sole responsibility of parents. Besides, teaching children to become a completely developed individual is also the principle aim of school. It brings us basic knowledge and skills to survive. From primary school on, students learn subjects like Maths, Literature, English, or in other words, academic subjects to gain the initial knowledege of the nature and world, which are very useful for our future career. One reason is that teachers are trained for teaching, with their knowledge and teaching methods, they can help to educate children more effectively since parents are not always be able to meet the demand of everything.

In conclusion, parents together with teachers will help the children develop holistically but the best teachers that we have are our parents who taught us from the very first lessons when we were little with all their endless love and caring.

Writing Feedback / Theoretical knowledge or practical skill. [3]

Many school graduates find themselves unable to do practical work or to solve practical problems at work. There have been areguments that the school curriculum should cut down on theoretical knowledge to focus more on students' practical (knowledge) skills.

To what extent do you agree with this (300-350 words)

People have argued that theoretical knowledge should not be imparted in schools instead practical training should become the principle aim. I totally agree with this viewpoint.

First of all, many school graduates find themselves unable to do practical work or to solve practical problems at work, as well as the number of young graduates that cannot find jobs is increasing since universities spend too much attention on students' theoretical education rather than practical work skills. Therefore, it is understandable that what young students have learnt at their higher levels tend to dissatisfy the demand of their jobs.

Secondly, another fact worth noticing is that the youth lack experiences in social communication, which is needed for their work space in the near future. And to achieve this skill is not any easy for reserved person and they cannot grasp all of this in a short period of time but to practice it afterschool or within the lessons when they are in college.

On the other hand, universities that focus on practical training create students who can only know about their jobs. These students cannot learn how to answer questions about the world or communicate with other graduates who have gained a wide range of world knowledge. What is more, theoretical knowledge benefits the students who plan to be experts in specific areas. Thus, without academic background, it is impossible for young graduates to research something deeply.

To sum up, the school curriculum should cut down on theoretical knowledge to focus more on students' practical skills. Only by doing this can universities students be well-qualified graduates and could be able to address any practical problems at work.

( Please help me with this. I've run out of ideas :(( )

Writing Feedback / Global Concern over Global warming & Climate change [5]

Climatic changes resulting from global warming has been a global concern. What in your opinion should be done to prevent this?
I find it very difficult to write this topic as well as expressing my ideas about this problem :( Please help to correct my mistakes. Thank you :)

Global warming and climate change seem to be hot issues in my Agendas and are likely to be International concerns. This essay will analyze the causes and some solutions to prevent global warming.

When the heat and the light of the sun enter the atmosphere but cannot get out as they are trapped in the earth's surrounding by the greenhouse gases and thus resulting in temperature rise. The greenhouse gases like carbon dioxide, methane, and nitrous oxide play vital roles in greenhouse effect and excessive emission of these gases through various means is a major cause of global warming. The warmer it gets, the greater the risk for more severe changes to the climate and earth's system. Although it's difficult to predict the exact impacts of climate change, what is clear is that the climate we are accustomed to is no longer a reliable guide for what to expect in the future.

Another important reason for global warming is large amount of carbon dioxide produced from burning fossil fuels for different purposes especially for power generation on various power plants. Fossil fuels are fuels made of organic matter such as coal or oil. Due to burning large amount of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere leading to the increase in the temperature of earth's environment.

To prevent global warming, one of the things that each individual can opt for is use of alternative forms of energy production other than fossil fuels which give large amounts of carbon dioxide. Use of solar energy can be a good alternative which can be employed. Another thing we can do is to plant trees in their backyard or street which are natural controllers of the carbon dioxide concentration in the atmosphere.

Global warming is also caused due to less knowledge about it. Therefore awareness should be provided mainly to children and those in the factories so that they can also think about ways to conserve energy and to prevent the global warming. The future generation must be encouraged and taught to save the earth, our habitat. The media has a major role to play in making people understand the importance of global warming and its concerns. Only a collected effort by the entire humanity can reduce the global warming, which is a deep rooted problem.

Global warming cannot be removed suddenly but many of the measures mentioned above if followed by each individual can contribute to reducing and preventing the global warming. Together we can make things happen and it is up to each of us to ensure that we take all steps to reduce global warming for us and for our future generation.

Writing Feedback / Cheating at examinations - Must find solutions for this problem! [3]

Cheating at examinations has become an increasingly serious problem in Vietnam. What are the consequences of this misbehavior on students' education? What action should be taken to deal with this problem?

Use specific examples to support your argument.

Cheating on exams has been a popular phenomenon all over the world regardless of the levels of development. This is also a serious problem in Vietnam. However, have those students ever thought of the effects of their misbehavior? I believe there must have some solutions to this problem.

When one student cheats it affects other students in the classroom. Teachers will take pride when their students grasp a concept, but the long-term affect of one child cheating is that the teachers are more likely to question whether the work of others is honest. The classroom atmosphere becomes tense as the teacher becomes focus more on preventing cheating rather than figuring out the enlightenment of honest students, resulting in suspicion and a negative learning environment.

Moreover, if you are attending a school whose rules are strongly concerned, then you can be expelled or dismissed from your school and this makes it more difficult to get into college and find work. College and job applications often ask if you were ever fired or expelled, and they may also require proof of your academic history. If you want to pursue a degree after being dismissed, then you'll have to start over. You may also have to take classes at a community college to reestablish your honesty before larger colleges will accept you.

It's the job of parents and teachers to make sure students know about the consequences of cheating in exams. Students should be taught at a young age that if they do cheating, they will be severely punished, both at school and at home. What is more, some colleges make incoming freshmen sign an " honor contract " in which students promise not to cheat on any assignment or exam. This way, if the student is caught cheating, so he agrees that the university can punish him.

A teacher can prevent cheating during exams by simply move about the room with all desk and floor areas clean with students' resources. Make students leave all personal belongings including their electronics and phones in front of the room but announce them before the test so that they can decide what to bring with in the exam. Moreover, schools should refresh the terms of testing. For examples, do not re-use the same exam every year or orders of questions and answers. Besides, teacher should space students if possible in order to prevent them from acting like giraffes. Finally, teachers should interrupt anything that looks suspicious when it is occurring.

In conclusion, cheating at examinations is always a striking issue within Vietnam's education annually. To my mind, heavy punishments should be imposed on those students who do the cheating as well as applying those rules mentioned above so that the number of students who cheat in exams will decline instead of increasing.

Writing Feedback / DIVORCE AND ITS EFFECT IN THE SOCIETY. [4]

The negative and positive impact of divorce in the society.

Divorce seems to be more socially acceptable nowadays and is also the most common issue in the modern world. With the increase rate of divorce, the pace of emotional instability and crime rate is also quickening. Its effect on the family life, interference in the development of the children an crime is obvious.

It is divorce that has an impact on not only their families but also their own children. And children are likely to be the most painful victims in this battle. It effects on both their feelings and minds. Some kids tend to stay away from any kind of social interaction and soon become immersed in their sadness. This makes them very fearful and worried by nature.

Moreover, there are times when children feel so much anger because of divorce that they resort to committing crimes and taking drugs to overcome this anger. Hence, such children have higher chances of becoming delinquents. Many children are not able to concentrate on their studies during the time of divorce. The circumstances surrounding divorce may make it hard for the child to focus on academic goals. Children are bound to lose their self-confidence in such cases and may not want to study at all.

Most peple think that there is nothing positive about divorce as the negative effects are more obvious and talked about. Divorce can be a positive thing when the marriage is in high conflict and the children are exposed to be in an environment where they see a lack of respect and trust. Often when the child has been a victim of domestic violence then that child will grow up disliking societies' vices. That is surely a positive side.

In conclusion, it is high time now that the society must do something to preserve the sanctity of marriage. For of the pace divorce continues to increase at such an alarming rate, then the society itself would be adulterated. And people would lose faith in the stability of love, marriage and long lasting relaionships. And life would be far more stressful than it is now.

Writing Feedback / Travel helps to increase understanding between countries [2]

In this fast-changing world, people have more and more opportunities to travel. It is said that travelling helps to develop understading and communication among countries. I agree with this viewpoint.

First and foremost, when you pay a visit to some other countries whose culture is completely different from yours, at first sight, you may be uncomfortable and find it hard to adapt. However, when you manage to accept their customs and traditions, you will feel you have learnt somthing interesting and valuable. Also, you will be happy since you get to know more about the world.

Take my experience for instance, last year i stood a chance of travelling to New York. During my stay there, I realized that people greet each other by giving hugs and kisses, whereas in my country, people just simply shake hands or say "hello" at their first meeting. This may not be a good example but it shows how travelling has helped widen my knowledge.

Secondly, travelling helps you to get better in communication because once you are exposed to new cultures, you will be more confident in communicating with people from all over.

Last but not least, on a bigger scale, we will be able to introduce our customs or maybe some products to the world by travelling. It is considered to be the most effective way to tell other countries about our own business and therefore develop the country in another way.

However, everything has two sides of the same coin. Culture-shock might be one of the biggest problems for travellers. Hence, when you visit a country, it is better to find out more about their customs and traditions. This not only prevents you from culture-shock but helps improve your understanding about their countries also.

To sum up, I believe that travel helps to increase understanding between countries. In addition, when we understand and manage to accept others' culture, we will then realize how wonderful and peaceful the world is.

(This is my IELTS writing practice. I had only 40 mins to write and write at least 250 words. Hope you guys will check out my essay. Thanks)